I want to wake up. I want my alarm clock to start screeching so I can roll over and slam down on the ‘snooze’ button. I won’t care if I have a terrible hangover. I won’t care if I have to go to work with a headache. I want normality. I want my own little reality back.

Since as long as I can remember, I’ve been chasing thrill after thrill. I’ve always tried to live a life that would constantly keep my heart racing. The world has so much to offer and I don’t want to miss any of it. That’s what I always thought. Now I’m starting to realize that it was all a cover up. All of that philosophy I spewed was just an excuse. The only reason I sought out adventure, the only reason I pushed myself into others problems, the only reason I couldn’t stand to be alone is simply because I don’t know how to deal with myself. I can’t handle my own problems.

“Are thou well?” asks the Princess, but I don’t respond.

My gaze is steadied on my legs which hang over the side of the hospital bed. Covering the length of my legs is a pair of pajama pants. They are a pale shade of turquoise with lighter blue stripes sewed vertically to add accents. It must be made out of some sort of silky material as it doesn’t irritate my sensitive skin underneath. On the right hip, where the seam connects the front and back halves of the pants, a small patch is sewn fast. From where I’m looking it isn’t that easy to see, but if one were to examine the patch closely they’d find it had symbol stitched into it; the design consisted of three cyan diamonds that formed an acute angle.

“We know this must be very distressing information to receive…” the Princess starts to say, but trails off when she notices I’m still gazing intently at my pajama bottoms.

During the past week, some of Rainbow’s pony friends had stopped by for a visit. One of them, a Unicorn named Rarity, had been in the room when I was explaining to Rainbow my clothing issue. The fact that I didn’t have anything to cover up my genitals hadn’t seemed to faze the Pegasus, but I on the other hand, felt incredibly ridiculous even attempting to hold a conversation without so much as a pair of boxers on. Rarity, however, seemed to empathize with my plight and offered to make me some outfits. Obviously, I was overjoyed with the idea and even more grateful when she said she’d do it for free. I couldn’t believe anyone could be so generous.

“Hey! Aren’t you gonna say anything?” demands Rainbow. I continue to refuse conversation, but I can feel Dash’s eyes drilling into me.

It’s starting to get to me; the mum of the ward save the beeping of the heart monitor, the chill starting to creep up my arm from the tips of my fingers, and the sensation of being scrutinized by two sets of eyes. The pattern of my pajamas is becoming less and less interesting. I squeeze my kneecaps with my clammy hands, trying to stop the chill from overtaking anymore of my limbs. It hurts. It hurts a lot, but I savor the pain. Shutting my eyes tightly, I focus on the scream building up in the back of my throat.

“Anthony,” Rainbow says.

You’re doing it again. You’re running away.

“Anthony, what…”

“I’m fine!” I say a little too loudly. Slowly, I open my eyes and face Rainbow. She looks slightly taken aback by my outburst. Forcing a grin, I say, “Sorry. It’s just a lot to process, y’know? I’m alright, really.”

“But…” Rainbow begins to say, but I cut her off.

“I was sort of expecting this anyway. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this so it’s not that bad,” I explain, keeping the empty smile on my face. My hands are freezing.

You’re running away.

“But there’s no way you can be taking it that easily!” Rainbow replies. She sounds exasperated. “Miss Princess here herself, just told you she can’t send you back. You’re stuck here!” she shouts, expecting me to lash out at the world right here and now.

And why am I not freaking out? It’s totally justifiable in this type of situation. I’m sure that Rainbow and even the Princess would understand if I vented some of my pent up emotions, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s as if I reached some nirvana-like state of self-denial. However, it’s an unstable state, and if any part falters, then I’ll come crashing down. What’s more, I’m not certain I’d be able to get back up.

You’re just running away.

“And you!” Rainbow sneers. “Aren’t you some great and powerful Alicorn now? How can you just stand there and tell him you can’t do anything!?”

“I…” the Princess murmurs. Even in that one syllable I notice how unsure she sounds. Perhaps it’s because she didn’t finish her thought when she’s normally never at a loss for words that catches my attention. The tentative quality becomes more apparent when she tries to speak again. “I’m… sorry…”

Looking over at the Princess, I have to force myself not to do a double-take. The normally regal Alicorn, now looks as vulnerable as a child being scolded by her mother. Over the past week, Princess Twilight would visit every morning to make sure I was feeling comfortable and my leg was healing properly. I could tell that she was genuinely concerned for my well being and not just doing it to improve her public relations, but usually she’d stay formal and dignified. Only on very rare occasions would she allow what I presume were her true emotions to leak through, but she’d always revert back within seconds. Seeing the face she has on now, however, I would never be able to guess that she was of royalty.

“I’m so sorry…” whispers the Princess. She seems to be on the verge of tears. Her eyes, which usually stare into places I cannot fathom, are now shimmering in the present.

“You’re sorry?!” scoffs Rainbow. She’s now standing up in her bed with her one wing flared out. The other remains trapped to her side in bandages. “Sorry isn’t going to make this all okay!”

“Rainbow!” I say sternly. The Pegasus fixes me with her glare, but I don’t flinch. A couple seconds pass before Rainbow breaks the staring match and plops down on her mattress. Her eyes are watery just like the Princess’s. I soften my tone as I say, “You’re right. Sorry isn’t going to make it okay. But neither is putting blame on someone who isn’t guilty. This is no one’s fault. This is just… just the way things are. And I’m sure things will work out… it just takes some time…”

I’m not entirely sure who I’m trying to fool here. All I know for certain is that I don’t want to see these two mares weep before me. I don’t want to feel their pity. My heart is sinking enough all ready. This whole past week I managed to create an illusion of normality. Thank God that Rainbow was here. Otherwise I would have been left alone to ponder every horrible possibility for hours on end; hours of just vegetating in this hospital ward. She was a saint to befriend an alien like me.

Reality, though, has a way of creeping back up when you least expect it.

I want to go home. I want to wake up. Hell, I’d settle for just reliving the past week. At least, I didn’t have to feel the way I do now. I can’t face this. Not alone...

Something catches my ears’ attention. It’s a sniffle. I follow the noise to see that the Princess is no longer able to hold back her tears. They flood over her eyelids and leave behind dark lavender streaks as they travel down her face. With every sob there is a shudder and with every shudder the Alicorn’s wings descend further toward to floor. In time, her hind legs buckle underneath her and she falls to the ground.

Both Rainbow and I stare at the spectacle in disbelief. This pony, who I’ve barely known for a week, is now in tears because of something bad happening to me?

“I-I’m s-so sor-ry…” she stammers out between sobs. Her hooves are struggling to wipe the tears from her eyes, but they just keep coming. “I’m a p-princess now, b-but I can’t even h-help a s-single creature.”

In this moment, I feel some sort of clarity. Without consciously deciding to do so, I start tensing up my legs muscles in order to stand up. It’s much easier now, since I’ve all ready done it once so I know I can do it again. Slowly, I rise from the mattress and take a few tentative steps towards the weeping mare. I know that the wooden floor is cool, but my feet don’t seem to notice the temperature. In fact, my hands are no longer freezing either.

Finally, my shadow eclipses the Princess on the floor. She looks up from her hooves to stare at me. Her expression is almost pleading for help. For the first time I notice the dark circles under her eyes. She must’ve been up all night worrying over whether or not to tell me about my fate. Perhaps she was searching for an answer until the very last second? All I know is that there is someone before me who needs help.

I gently kneel down in front of her. Tears are still flowing down her cheeks. She opens her mouth to say something, but before she can get the words out I throw my arms around her. I hear a gasp from behind me. It must be Rainbow, but I don’t care. I may be breaking every code of conduct in the plebian and royal handbook, but I don’t care. She may be a princess. She may be a pony even, but I don’t care. I don’t care so long as there’s someone who needs me.

The two of us sat there for awhile with Rainbow watching over us from her bed. Whenever Twilight would shudder even slightly, I’d tighten my embrace. Eventually, she calmed down enough to stand back up. She thanked me and left without saying another word. Neither Rainbow nor I broke the silence that had taken hold of the room after Twilight’s departure.

The truth is you need her more than she needs you. You need someone to play the hero for. This is no solution. You’re still just running…

Author's Note

A bit more of a serious chapter this time around. I wanted to develope Anthony a bit more. The song "Can't Face Up" by Sloan kind of influenced the tone of this chapter. Anyway, I think next chapter will be a little lighter. Thanks for reading!