The Art of Organised Cheating Part 1

It’s well into the night, and the moon is currently the sole source of light. Its glow drenches everything in the room in a pale blue. The sounds of dull trotting can faintly be heard outside, and they’re probably being caused by the Lunarfoals. They’re always up at this hour.

Your eyes are hard to keep open. Eventually, they flutter shut. You reopen them to find that the scene has changed completely.

The most notable thing is how bright the room has suddenly gotten. Your eyes blink rapidly in response to the blinding light. It takes a nice face-rub and a few minutes for your eyes to finally adjust. You let out an extensive yawn and stretch out your legs. Finally, as you smack you lips together, you notice that it is now daytime.

Your heart starts pumping at double its normal speed when you believe you’ve forgotten something important. You meant to finish it before the day came.

Well, it came! It doesn’t look like you’ve got anything done, either.

Suddenly, you begin to calm down. You realize that you’ve been taking a well deserved break from your studies. You were only up all night re-organizing books.

You’re always punctual about everything you do. Whether it is required, or something you don’t even have to do. In this case, it’s the latter. You’ve already organized the books 20 times over yesterday. You probably started to organize them again just to put yourself to sleep.

And it worked! You slept like a baby and gave yourself quite a scare.

Although, now there are some books taken off the shelves that need to be replaced. You also need to get the mail. After another long stretch, you decide to do so. Afterwards, you can replace the books, and hang out with your friends.

You walk outside and the sun’s warmth stings your spine. It’s definitely summertime. Birds are chirping to a tune that could only be heard at this time of year. Ponies have just started exiting their homes, probably to check the mail or shop for breakfast. Judging by your surroundings, you estimate the time to be 6:56 in the morning.

Yeah, you didn’t get much sleep.

You approach your mailbox and magically open the door, retrieving the contents in a similar fashion. You flip through various papers as you walk back inside. You’re just about to make yourself some coffee when something catches your eye.

The Canterlot Seal of Authentication was emblazoned upon a scroll. You become confused. Usually, a letter like this would be presented to you via your assistant, Spike. You decide to open the letter and read it carefully:

Dear Professionals, Academics, Scholars, and Students Alike,

As you may know, the Annual ‘Two Week Aptitude Tests’ are being held in Canterlot on June 26th. If you are receiving this letter, it means that you are being requested by Princess Celestia to partake in these exams to help her and her subordinates better understand the mental capacity of the scholastically apt residents of the Empire. Those receiving this letter have most likely taken this test before, however, these retests will be a way of renewing and reassessing your capabilities. The testing rules and guidelines have not changed in any particular way as a result of retesting graduated, overqualified, or soon to be graduated students such as yourself, and it is expected that you act in the same manner as the rest of the test takers.

The tests will begin in exactly 4 days from the time this letter reaches its destination, which should be June 22nd.

Sincerely, The Superintendent of Equestrian Education.

You read the scroll over again. Then you read it over again, and again, and again until you have read it a total of 9 times. Multiple thoughts flow through your head.

‘Oh, that cross-eyed mare must’ve mixed up my mail again,’ but you rule that out because she’s gotten better at delivering mail.

‘Oh, this must be a prank pulled by Pinkie,’ but you rule that out because even Pinkie couldn’t forge the Canterlot Seal of Authentication.

‘Oh, maybe I’m an exception to this letter, since I’m a student of the Princess.’

The last thought seems to be the one you accept, but then you see a paper clip on the lower left corner of the scroll with an attached note on it. It reads:

Dear Twilight,

I do hope you participate in this as well. It should be easy for you, since you are my star pupil. I’ve been more than lenient with you regarding your studies on friendship as of late, and I do believe you’ve been studying various topics as well. There really isn’t any reason you should exclude yourself from the Two Week Aptitude Tests.

I hope to see you in Canterlot.

Your Princess, Celestia.

With a heavy sigh, you toss your hoof-full of papers into the air, flailing your legs about in disapproval.

The ‘Two Week Aptitude Tests’. Back when you were a filly, these tests were referred to as the T.W.A.T.s, but such foul mouthing would result in swift punishment. Before you tried them, you thought you’d like the T.W.A.T.s, but found they were just too much to deal with. You were so glad they were over, you damn near broke out in tears. Then to find out you scored a 91, which is a high ‘Alpha Kappa’ or ‘άνω κατάλληλος’ meaning ‘Above Apt’, you really did start to cry.

Most students could only hope to score a Kappa for ‘Kατάλληλος’ which means Apt, and that would be a solid 65. More than half the students who take the test end up scoring lower than a 65, which is an ‘Alpha’ for ‘Aνεπαρκής’ meaning inadequate. Students who fail completely, that is, a solid 0, receive a ‘Double Alpha’ for ‘Aποτυχία’ meaning failure.

Then there’s Tau, for Tέλειος which means Perfect. No one has ever scored a T. It’s impossible. You couldn’t score a T if you tried. The best you could hope to score is an AK, like you did when you were young.

But then that reminds you of the last possible grade you could get. Receiving this grade means you either cheated, and you were caught, you left the testing grounds, or you got sick. That’s Alpha Sigma, for αισχρός, meaning disgraceful.

You could only remember a hoof-full of students who received an AΣ. 4 of which were accused of cheating, and they were expelled, and sentenced to a month of imprisonment. The other student had to attend a funeral, so he left and received an excused AΣ.

Memories of the tests fill your head. All you can remember is seeing a bunch of foreign students sitting in the street, sweating in the heat of the summer sun taking a test. You can remember the terrible taste of the juice you were provided with, should you get thirsty during the test. You remember the rough, sandpaper-like blankets you were also provided with for you to sit on, wherever you happened to be sitting.

These tests lasted about eight hours a day, every day (except one Saturday to rest) for two weeks. You remember one specific test on Pony Anatomy where you sat under the shade provided by a nearby building that lasted twelve hours because the testing committee ran out of quills and pencils to give out.

You seriously can’t remember a good thing about those tests. The city was flooded with ponies you’ve never seen before, everypony was sitting on the ground everywhere for about a mile, the tests were long and grueling, and everypony was anxious since scoring below a 65 would mark you as ‘inapt’ and you’d be sent to a terrible school.

Well, there was one plus side to the tests: the feeling your joints made when you got up from a position you’ve been sitting in for 8 hours. Oh, the glorious popping sounds they made.

Well, you honestly can’t be sitting around all day reminiscing about these tests. Are you going to take ‘em or what?

TAKE THE TESTS

I HAVE BOOK ORGANIZING TO DO

IGNORE THE LETTER AND DO SOMETHING ELSE