The Art of Organised Cheating Part 1

“Well, looks like there was no mail today.” You say as you brew yourself some coffee. You spend the rest of your morning trying to forget that you even checked the mail. Within 3 hours, you manage to forget.

You accompany Rainbow Dash to a book signing, and that turns out to be pretty fun. You got to meet the author of the Daring Do series. You’ll never forget the look on Rainbow’s Face when she got a signed copy of the latest book.

Later, you attend a famous Pinkie Pie Party. The occasion? Apparently, Roseluck’s flower that she named Bernie turned 6 years old. Pinkie decided to throw a party for the occasion, and it was fantastic.

You finally decide to go home and crash for the night. You don’t remember ever getting the mail this morning. You decide you’ll get it tomorrow, and you fall asleep.

The next morning, you feel well rested and exuberant. You make your way outside to get the mail, but then you notice that you never got around to organizing those books.

Rather than fetching the mail, you decide to organize. By the time you’re finished, it’s a quarter to noon. You decide it’s time for a hearty meal. After you feed Spike and assign him a small list of chores, you head out to a Restaurant. On your way, you see Fluttershy and Applejack, and they have the same plans in mind.

You all sit down and enjoy a fine lunch. Tomato sandwiches with a side of hay fries and a massive baked potato laced with cheese. You couldn’t eat another bite afterwards.

The three of you decide to catch a movie before heading home. ‘The Headless Horse returns.’

Fluttershy objected to seeing the movie about a thousand times before you and Applejack convinced her it wasn’t going to be that bad. Besides, it was the only movie showing that day suitable for your age group.

After the movie, Fluttershy was laughing. “You were right!” she giggles. “That movie wasn’t scary at all! I felt bad for the Headless Horse, though. I thought it was cute how he cuddled them all in the end until they fell asleep.”

“Ah don’t think they were sleepin’…” Applejack said with a shudder.

That movie was pretty scary, but you didn’t want to show fear in front of Fluttershy after telling her it wouldn’t be so bad.

You end up walking home by yourself, and every little thing startles you. Once you get into bed, you find it difficult to sleep. You’re up for another hour or two before you finally slip into a deep slumber.

The next morning, you are rudely awakened by the sunlight. You’re still tired and you have no motivation to get up. You look at Spike, who is sleeping soundly in his basket. You decide to make like him, and sleep in.

You wake up at around noontime. Spike is nowhere to be found. You crawl out of bed at a snail’s pace and collapse onto the floor like a rock. It takes you 2 times longer than it normally does to brush your mane.

You find that Spike has completed all his chores in record time. You decide that you will let him oversleep more often if that motivates him to do his chores so quickly.

You decide to spend your day listening to music on a record player you found a month ago. You’ve never used it before, but you now wish you had. It is in pristine condition, and it came with 12 records of fantastic music from various music genres.

A musician named Octavia trots by your library and she hears the music. She smiles, and enters the library with her cello on her back. She decides to play to the music, and this pleases you greatly.

More visitors enter the library at fast rate. They stick around to enjoy the music and, to your surprise, they pick out books. By the end of the day, the library ends up being 55 books lighter. Although it was hard to let some of them go, you remember that they will be returned soon.

The next day, you wake up and brush your mane, and all that jazz, but you also remember to do something you haven’t done in a while. You walk outside and you check the mail. Amidst the large pile of junk mail, you find a letter with the Canterlot Seal of Authentication. You suddenly remember everything the letter entails.

“No regrets.” You tell yourself. You incinerate the scroll with magic and canter back inside.

With that, you spend the entire day doodling in a sketch book. By nighttime, you’ve fully illustrated a shipping comic, pairing Rarity and a large Diamond named Jeff. They live a happy life together, until a huge rock, named Tom, finds out that Rarity has been cheating on him.

You decide to show Spike the comic, but he’s fallen asleep, so you go to bed instead.

The next morning, Rarity decides to drop by for a visit. Spike, of course, glows like a Hearts Warming tree when he sees her. You totally forget about your little comic starring your fabulous friend, and she ends up reading it while you heat up some tea.

“Twilight…” Rarity begins uneasily as she finishes reading your book, “this is…HILARIOUS!”

Not the reaction you were expecting, but you take it over the reaction you were.

“I love a good roast, dear.” She says with a nod.

You and Rarity end up going shopping the whole rest of the day, not purchasing anything to your liking, but enjoying the time you spent with her.

You return home and go to bed rather early.

“Twilight, Twilight!” You hear a voice calling, but you cannot pin point its origin.

“WAKE UP!”

You obey.

Your eyes open one at a time to see Spike with his lip quivering and his eyes glistening. Something serious has happened.

You jolt upright, flinging Spike onto the floor. “What is it, Spike?!” You ask, worriedly.

“A letter from the princess…” He whimpers from the floor.

You levitate the scroll from his claw, but he retains his grip.

“Twilight,” he pleads, “please don’t cry, please don’t cry.”

With that, he lets go of the letter. You give Spike one last look before reading:

Twilight,

I am highly disappointed in you. To think that you, of all ponies, would disrespect me in such a languid manner. When I heard that you didn’t attend the tests, I felt hurt. Betrayed, even. I’ve let you slack off for such a long time, and now I ask that you do a favor for me, and you stab me in the back. Brush me off like dust on a horseshoe. Well I have news for you, Twilight Sparkle. There’s a highly capable student named Trixie who is ready AND WILLING to take your place. She’s been waiting for a reply for quite a while. She came down to take the tests, and she’s doing a fine job.

I regret to inform you, and this will be much harder on me than it will be on you, but you are no longer going to be studying under my wing. I am so sorry, but I just could not have such slacking from my star pupil. You will still be my faithful subject, and a good friend.

Your Princess, Celestia

Your world holds for a minute before its edifice, your sanity, collapses under the weight of the letter in a matter of minutes. Your face sports a wide grin, and your eyes face separate directions. You begin to vibrate uncontrollably.

“Um, Twilight?” Spike calls to you softly.

Those are the last words you hear before you go deaf. A constant ringing replaces your hearing.

“Spike.” You say without any proof that you’re actually saying it other than the vibration in your throat. “Take a letter.”

This is where the world seems much wider. It gets wider and wider until you see the baby dragon return with quill and parchment. This is where you go blind.

“Dear friends,” you start off the letter you can never read, “I’d like to say one thing before I wake up from this terrible dream. I…”

You don’t finish. You can feel Spike beginning to tug on your arm, trying to get you to finish the letter. The gentle tug then becomes an urgent push. He’s panicking.

You don’t even care. Your head feels heavier and heavier. You can feel the back of your eyes starting to hurt more and more. You estimate your body temperature to have risen several degrees past fatal.

Before you lose your voice, you say one more word.

“Pop!”

Next you get a cluster headache. The ringing in your ears gets louder. Your eyes burn like fire. Your teeth feel like they’re about to shoot out of their gums.

Then your head explodes.

At least you didn’t cry.

DEATH BY LETTER

Lemme make a better decision!