Making a new life in Equestria

I can't believe we did that shit man! Oh my god that was jerkin!

Shut up! I don't wanna talk about it ok!?

We fucked... a horse!

EEEEEWW! it's twilight shut up shut up shut up!

You quickly get over your little freaky mind talk as you're interrupted by spike, "What were you and luna doing back there?" He speaks walking over to your seat with a confused expression.

"JEEZ MAN LEAVE ME ALONE WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I ASKED WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU AND TWILIGHT ARE DOING IN THE LIBRARY STACKING BOOKS ALL DAY, HUH!?" You blurt out to him shaken up and angry. You quickly regain your composure and sigh slowly."Sorry spike, I'm just a little shaken up right now."

shaken up... hmph, my imaginary ass.

"Bout' what?"

"N-nothing."

Spike looks at you concerned for a bit but drops it. After an awkward silence, you decide to speak again.

"Hey spike?"

"Yeap?"

"I need you to be totally honest about this, ok? Because if you don't be honest, I'll use my otherworldly strength on you, kaey?" You ask with a serious tone.

Spike flinches slightly but nods.

"Good, is it ok if I have sex with a pony here? Because, you know I'm gonna' live here for the rest of my life so... I mean."

"Ummm... yea, yea it probably is ok. You're right about the 'living here for the rest of your life' thing, so I, personally think it is ok. Why the query?" He says raising his head to look at you.

"Hm. I'm pretty sure you'll find out in a few seconds..."

You both sit there for a bit before spike speaks up again.

"Hey dude gimmie a fist claw bump." He says in a serious tone raising his fist. You fist claw bump and he continues.

"Who ya gonna do first?"

"Aaagh you got it!" You say bursting out laughing, spike joins you, and before the both of you know it, you're both in tears, still laughing. After a while you both finally stop laughing and spike goes on, "But no, seriously bro, who's it gonna' be cuz I don't know!

"I don't know yet, I'll have to think about it." You say still with a smile on your face as you both giggle at what your both dirty minds are thinking of.

*-----------------------*

You awake to the sound of screeching and slowly open your eyes but close them back to their positions as the sunlight hits your eyes.

"Holy crap! It took us that long to get from canterlot to ponyville?" You ask sheilding your eyes from that God forsaken sun.

"Were not in ponyville, apparently." You hear spike mumble to you. You turn your head to him. Moving your hand to the side a little so that your fingers cover your eyes instead of you palm, you slowly move your index and middle finger upwards while simultaneously moving your ring and pinkie finger downwards. You gawk at what you see, you slowly remove your hand from your face and stare.
"Great, another weird ass looking castle." You say with no expression on your face or your words. Spike giggles before you hear the sound of a door open and close behind you and look back, it's Twilight,"It's not a castle, dummy its the crystal kingdom." She says with a smile.

"A castle is a kingdom..." you say with no expression in your words or your face again.

"Oh yeah..." She says lightly blushing at her embarrassment."Heh it's alright twilight, I'm just messing with ya. Foget' abaut' it!" You say with a new Jersey accent. Twilight's blush fades and she giggles lightly. She trots over to you both and speaks,"I wanted to introduce you to my old foal sitter, "Princess Miamore Cadenza." She says smiling.

"Can I just call her cadence or something? Cuz I'm not gonna remember that BS..." You say, once again, no expression at all. Twilight and spike stare at you with dropped jaws and big eyes. "What?" You say with the hardest confused face you can put on.

"How did you know her name!" Spike says after picking his jaw off the seat he was still standing on.

"I didn't, cadenza means cadence in Italy or Spain... I can't remember."

"What's Italy?" Twilight.

"What's Spain?" Spike.

Never mind..." whoever the hell you are.

Spike and Twilight shrug it off and both walk towards the door of the the train car. Spike walks through the door but twilight stops and looks back at you. "You comin'?"

"Yeah, hold up."

*------------------------*

You get off the train and look to the left to see your other friends have gotten off as well, you tap spike on the shoulder and point towards them, signaling that's where you both should go. You and spike walk over to twilight and see she's in deep conversation with her other friends, you decide to leave them be as spike climbs up onto her back, she still didn't notice. You didn't want to be rude so you just walked over to a light pole and leaned against it. After a few minutes they all stop talking and rainbow speaks up,"...Yeah, I know, Blitz you coming, were waiting on you." She says getting out of the conversation.

"Ha, waiting on me? I was tryin' not to be rude so I was waiting on Y'ALL."

"Yeah, whatever, c'mon dude let's go." She says flying behind you and pushing you off the station... but you didn't line up on the stairs so you fell off... where the stairs weren't. You landed on your back and the impact hurt so much that it knocked the air out of you making you gasp loudly. Rainbow falls on her back and busts out laughing. "Oh ha ha Rainbow, real fu-*gasp*-funny." You say slowly rising to your feet to see all of them looking at you now. You dont respond, only turn around and walk. "Let's just find this princess and go, my back hurts." You speak out still walking in what you hope is the right direction to where she's at. Everypony gets up and quickly makes their way over to your side. After a while of walking, stumbling over you pain and a few glares you finally reached the... diamond... crystal castle thing. And walked over to the set of stairs that lead to the room of this pony. Right when you all reached the arch that lead into a throne room,"Cadence!" Twilight yells, galloping over to her. "Twilight!" Cadence yells back to her, and doing possibly THE most cutest greeting you have ever seen.

"Twilight, what are you doing here? It's so nice to see you again?" Cadence says hugging twilight with a smile.

"I wanted to introduce you to my new friend, Blitz. He's a human." Twilight says proudly. Cadence puts on a confused face and then laughs,"Twilight, did you hit your head on the way here? Humans aren't re-" Cadence cuts herself off at seeing you. Cadence slowly lowers herself down sitting on her haunches, staring at you wide eyed.

You stay still letting her scan you up and down. After a bit of scanning you see Cadence move her head over to Twilight, looking at her like she's crazy. "Is it real?" She asks slowly. "Yep, as real as you and me." She says pointing to her and then herself.

"Can I touch it?"

"Ummm... I don't know." Twilight says looking back at you. You don't say a thing as Twilight speaks up again,"I guess you can." She says still looking at you. Cadence quickly gets up and trots over to you and slowly raises her hoof to touch your arm. As her hoof grazes your bicep she quickly recoils back,"Where'd you get it?!"

"I'm not an it..." you butt in.

"It can talk!?"

"HE!" You reply annoyed

"He can talk!?"

"Yes I can talk, I'm not an animal." You reply, this is starting to piss you off.

"Well, you kinda look like one..." She said under her breath, hoping you didn't hear, but you did. You didn't say a word as you turned around and walked out, you just honestly didn't give a shit about her anymore.

*----------------------------------*

Returning back to the train turned out to be a long walk, last time it felt like you just floated over there. Still walking to the train, you can see everypony looking at you with confused, scared or both, but you just kept walking until you reached the train.

*----------------------------------------*

You had reached the train mabye fifteen minutes ago and they're still not back, which, fortunately and unfortunately gives you some time to yourself.

What's up jackass!

What?

Chicken buttz!

That's not funny.

Well that's too ba-

Shut up.

...

...

Sor-

Before your brain can apologize for its UNAPROPRIATE behavior, Twilight walks in with the rest of the crew behind her. Since you had to go through the touture of being bored and waiting for thier slow asses, you decided to get some payback.
You were already laying back so all you had to do was close your eyes and snore.

"Look at him! He's sleeping!" You could recognize the voice... cadence! You tried your best not to jump out the window, but then you thought...

WE CAN SCARE HER TOO!

After a few seconds of staring, Twilight speaks up; "I should wake him up, hold on." She says trotting over to you, right when her hoof touches your arm, you jump up.

"ROAAAAAAAAAGH!"

...
...
...
...

Twilight is frozen like a goat when it gets scared, just sitting there, before falling over, stiff as a board... and you just crack up.

"Man I'm gonna love the shit outa this! HA HA!" You say before sitting down. You really are.