Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub

It was the evening of the Summer Sun Celebration once again. Equestrian citizens always looked forward to this evening, and this time was no exception. The princesses had decided to hold the official celebration in Ponyville this year, and the citizens were hyped about it.

Sugarcube Corner was packed to the brim with ponies of all races and ages, hoping to greet the princesses. It was so loud you could barely hear yourself. A black pegasus with a silver mohawk-styled mane trudged through the crowd, feeling less than comfortable. He was surrounded on all sides by young necking couples, old bickering couples, loudmouthed colts hanging out and laughing at bad jokes, and sassy mares chatting about their latest shopping trips.

The pegasus gritted his teeth and pushed his way past several ponies, never making eye contact and hoping to get some peace and quiet somewhere. Hell, anywhere. "If I don't get out of here," he thought to himself, "I'm gonna go crazy."

Just as he was about to lose it, he saw the salvation from his migraine in the form of an arrow-shaped sign labeled Brass Pony Pub Downstairs. He silently thanked Celestia and then followed the sign into an open doorway and down a flight of stairs into a dimly-lit, almost empty room with off-white panels on the walls. He noticed a pony over in the corner tending a counter and headed over to get something to drink.

The bar pony was almost relieved to see someone walk in. He had been getting bored waiting for the customers in the sweet shop upstairs to notice that there even was a basement. “Hey! Welcome to the Brass Pony!” said the bar pony, with a thick Broncston accent. “What’ll ya have?”

“Rum and cola on the rocks. Easy on the rum, though.”

The bar pony checked his stock, but noticed he was out of regular cola. “Cherry cola okay wit' you?”

The pegasus thought for a moment. “Eh, sure.”

The bartender got out some ice and then set to work mixing the drink. “Loud up there, huh?”

“Yeah. The Cakes must have been crazy, thinking that a place this small would fit so many ponies. I'm just glad I found someplace quiet."

The bar pony seemed a bit irritated. "Hey hey hey! If you start saying that, ponies will be flooding in here faster than you can say-"

THWACK! "Work, damn it!"

The two turned their heads to see a young stallion over by the jukebox in the corner, who had somehow sneaked downstairs without them noticing. He was an earth pony with golden eyes, a blue coat, and a sapphire mane. He was trying to get the machine to play.

“...‘told you so.’ See?”

”Hey there, kid,” said the pegasus. “What’s your name?”

“Don’t call me kid.” He turned to the bar pony. “How in the name of Luna does this thing work?"

"Sorry, that thing's been broken for almost a week now."

The earth pony sighed and raised his hoof to his forehead. "Great. That's two bits I'll never get back."

"Tell you what: your first drink's on the house."

The young stallion seemed a bit happier now. "Can you get me a hard apple cider?”

“Sure thing, boy,” replied the bartender.

“Don’t call me boy,” he replied, trotting up to the table. “Just call me Note.”

“Okay then, Mr. Note.”

“So,” Note turned to the pegasus. “What’s your name, buddy?”

“I’m Thunderlane. Nice to meet you... Note, was it?”

“Noteworthy, but my friends call me Note. Nice to meet you, Thunderlane.”

Thunderlane regained his short-term memory. “Oh, yeah! You’re that pony I saw playing upstairs! How do you hold that guitar steady?”

“Years of practice, Thunder,” said Note. “Years of practice.”

Thunderlane smiled a bit. “Mind if I sit with you?”

“No problem.” Note pulled out a chair and Thunder sat down with his new friend, just as the bartender was finished making their drinks. “That was quick.”

“You got lucky. Usually this place is more crowded,” replied the bartender.

Just then, yet another stallion started descending the stairs. His gigantic hoofsteps had made it pretty clear who he was before anyone had even seen him.

“Mac!” shouted Note.

The bar pony sighed. “Me and my big mouth...”

“Howdy, Note.” replied Big Macintosh, red coat and orange mane standing out amongst the white background. He went to the table and sat down next to Note, then turned to the bar pony. “Appaloosa bourbon, please.”

“Boy, business is starting to pick up. One sec.” The bartender went to go tap the cask of bourbon he had in the back room.

“So,” Thunder said, “You two friends?”

“Eyup,” confirmed Mac.

“We met when I started dating his sister,” said Note. “It only makes sense I’d be-”

“Woah woah woah wait,” interrupted Thunder, curious. “You’re dating his sister?”

“Yeah,” said Note, sighing and picturing the mare in his head. “Finest country girl this side of Dodge. Blonde, green eyes, wonderful smile, and tough as all get out.“

“She sounds nice.”

“Believe me, she is. So, what about you? You got somepony?”

“Actually, I do. She works upstairs. Her name’s Pinkie.”

“You know Pinkie?” asked Note, raising an eyebrow. ‘She helped me get a job here!”

“No kidding?”

“Yeah. So what drew you to her?”

“Well, for one, she’s the funniest mare I’ve ever met. I like a girl who can make me smile,” he commented, a grin forming on his mouth. “Plus, she’s really talented. So, what about you, big guy? Is there a ‘Little Mac’ in your life?” Note laughed a bit at the joke.

“Eyup,” confirmed Mac, a slight grin on his face. “Her name’s Fluttershy. Real nice, real quiet, real gentle. And a sweet talker like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Fluttershy...” repeated Thunder, gathering his thoughts. “She runs the pet place, right?”

“Eyup. She’s also a veterinarian.”

“He got himself a nice catch, if I do say so myself,” pitched in Note. "So, Mac, what are you doing down here?"

"I saw you running down here like your mane was on fire. I came down to see if you were alright."

"Can I help it if the music upstairs sucks?" asked Note, sipping his cider. "Unrelated question, Mac: have you seen Caramel?"

"I invited him downstairs with me, but he said he'd be a minute."

Almost on cue, yet another stallion walked in. This time it was a stallion around Note’s age, who was looking as cheerful as he could be. “Hi guys, what’s happening?”

Big Mac turned around to see the lanky, tan-coated, brown-maned figure of his cousin at the bottom of the Stairs. “Howdy, cousin Caramel.”

“Hi, Mac!” the stallion took his place at the table. “Where’s the bartender?”

“I’m right here,” said the bar pony, returning with Mac’s bourbon. “What can I do for you?”

“Get me a White Stalliongrad, please. I’m in a good mood.” The bartender sighed and set to work getting the cream and vodka. Tonight was gonna be a long night if this kind of nonsense kept up.

“What’s the occasion, Caramel?” asked Note.

“I’ll tell you later,” replied the tan stallion. “But it involves me and Twilight.”

“Wait, you mean Princess Twilight?” asked Thunderlane.

“Yep. I’m incredibly close to being the first prince to come out of Manehattan!”

“Well, it’s an honor to meet a future prince,” said Thunder, extending his hoof. “My name’s Thunderlane.”

Caramel shook Thunder’s hoof. “Oh! I think I’ve heard of you! You’re a wonderbolt, right?”

“Yeah, I just finished training a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, congratulations, dude!" said Note, patting Thunder on the back. "You meet any of the big names?”

“Spitfire and Soarin were my commanders. And I’m good friends with Rainbow Dash.”

“You mean the ‘Record-Breaking Rookie?’ Sweet!”

Caramel started laughing. “You know, I heard a rumor about you two,” he pointed out.

“I’m not dating her, if that’s what you’re implying. I’m dating somepony else already.”

"Can we get a second opinion on that?" asked Note, laughing at his own joke.

“Actually, I can vouch for him,” said a Southern-sounding voice from the stairs, “I’m his commander, after all.” Everypony turned around and saw a familiar, smilng face descending the stairs. It was the lead star of the wonderbolts: Soarin.

“Woah-ho-ho! We got a celebrity down here!”, said Caramel, getting extremely excited.

“Yeah. A celebrity who could go for an appletini, if it ain't too much trouble.” The bartender sighed and set to work again. This was getting ridiculous.

Soarin approached the table, but realized that there were only four seats. They pushed another table in, and took the time to converse with the Star Wonderbolt. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Soarin!” said Caramel, grinning wildly.

“So, you recognize me?”

“I’m a big sports fan, what can I say?”

Soarin was a bit flattered. “You know, if I’m gonna be talking to you, it'd probably be good to catch your names first.”

“I’m Caramel. This is my friend Note, my cousin Big Mac, and you know Thunderlane already.”

“Nice to meet y'all. It’s nice to know who I'm with sometimes.” After the ponies set up the table to accommodate another pony or two, Soarin took a seat next to Thunderlane. “So how’s old ‘Silver Thunder’ doin' for himself?”

“Pretty well, sir,” replied the black pegasus, nervously.

“You don’t have to call me sir, Thunder. We’re not at the academy. Just call me Soarin.”

“Okay, sir- uh, Soarin. How are things?”

“Can’t complain, really. Dash is still as energetic as ever.”

“Wait,” butted in Note, “you’re dating Rainbow Dash?”

“What can I say? She’s feisty, she’s quick, an' she treats me well.”

“Well, I’m sure you two are very happy together.”

“We are, believe. So, who else here is taken?”

“Well,” said Note, “I’m with this girl Applejack, Big Mac’s with Fluttershy, Caramel here is with Twilight...”

“Princess Twilight?”

“That’s the one. And you probably know about Thunder and Pinkie Pie, right?”

“Yep. We caught 'em together at the base, actually.”

“Wait, what?” asked Caramel, bursting into laughter.

Thunderlane blushed a bit. “It’s a long story.”

“Can’t wait to hear it,” smirked Mac.

“Hear what?” said yet another voice from across the room.

“Oh, come the hay on!” yelled the bartender, who already had his hooves full.

The other ponies turned and saw something unusual: a small purple reptile, who had apparently gotten curious and headed downstairs. He recognized one of the ponies at the table. “Oh, hey Caramel!”

“Hi, little fella,” replied the tan pony, unaffected by the presence of the drake.

“Um.. who... what are you?” asked Note, confused.

“I’m Spike. I’m a dragon. Nice to meet you.”

“Well, Spike, I’m Noteworthy, this is Thunderlane, Soarin, Big Macintosh, and I’m guessing you already know Caramel.”

“Yeah,” said Caramel. “He lives with Twilight.”

“Yep. She’s a real piece of work, believe you me.” Spike and Caramel shared a laugh, and the others joined in for a second or two.

“So, how old are you?” asked Soarin.

“In pony years, about 15. In dragon years, about 21.”

“Wait, aren't dragons supposed to live longer than ponies?” pointed out Note.

“We do, but it’s kinda complicated. So, what were you guys talking about?”

“It’s... romantic stuff, you probably wouldn’t understand,” said Thunder.

“Au contraire,” retorted Spike. “I’ve actually got a special somepony.”

"Oh, we got a little Casanova here," chuckled Note.

“Really? Who?” asked Mac, genuinely curious.

“She’s only the most beautiful mare in all of Ponyville. Her name is Rarity.” Spike sighed. The name alone made him feel lovestruck.

“Rarity Belle? The dressmaker?”

“I didn’t know she was into... well... reptiles,” said Note, confused. The rest of the table chuckled a bit.

“She doesn’t like to discuss it. She says it’s taboo or something.”

“You want to talk taboo?” asked Mac, starting to chuckle a bit. “Some time I oughta tell you about my cousin Braeburn. Or Fluttershy’s newest friend.”

“My ears are burning, Mr. Macintosh,” said a voice from nowhere. Everyone in the room jumped in their seats a bit, searching for the source.

“Ugh...” said the bartender, who had just finished making the last of the previous three drinks. “I dunno who you are, but you had better be the last one.”

“Don’t worry, most everypony else has gone home,” said the voice.

“Most?”

“There are seven left upstairs, and they’re all busy talking.”

“Okay,” said the bar pony, calming down. “What can I get for you..." the bar pony paused and looked around, but saw no one else. "...Whoever you are?”

“Whoops. Forgot to make my entrance.” With a snapping of fingers, the final guest arrived in front of the bar , revealing himself to be the draconequine embodiment of chaos himself, Discord. There was a collective 'woah' from the six other patrons. “Now, my good pony, would you kindly mix me up a chocolate malt liquor?”

The bar pony was shocked by the sudden appearance of this odd creature, but decided not to question it. “Fine. Whatever you say. Anything for the little guy?”

“Just coffee, thanks,” said Spike.

“Alright, I can do coffee. Just wait a sec.” The Bar pony went back to work and the newcomer stood up in front of the group.

“Um, hi there,” said Note. “I’m-”

“Noteworthy. And the rest of you are Big Macintosh, Caramel, Soarin, Thunderlane and Spike. I know your names, thank you very much.”

The group, with the exception of Spike and Big Macintosh, was shocked by this. “How did you-”

“I've been reading the story,” replied the draconequus. “Really, such odd characters, the lot of you. Anyways, gentlecolts, allow me to introduce myself.” He stood up and hit the jukebox, which started up with a little jolt of electricity.

"Oh, now the jukebox works!" said Note, a bit irritated.

"Ahem." Note stopped talking and payed attention to the majestic creature before him. Orchestral music started to play in the background, as if he were about to present a documentary of a famous general. “I have live for many centuries, and have gone by many titles. I am the god of chaos. I am the prince of the impossible and the illogical. The ever watching, all seeing-”

“His name is Discord,” said Mac, his face as stoic as usual.

The music came to an abrupt halt and Discord sunk a bit. “...what he said,” he added, lowering his bushy eyebrows. The rest of the table laughed as Discord conjured up a chair and took his seat.

“I’ve heard about you,” chuckled Soarin, still a little in awe of the draconequus. “You seem oddly pleasant for a guy who was trying to turn reality upside down a year or two ago. What happened?”

“Long story short, I made a friend. And then some other things happened which I don’t care to discuss right now. So, where were we when I waltzed in?”

“I think Thunderlane here was about to tell us about how he got caught in the act,” said Caramel, grinning from ear to ear. Everyone else started snickering.

“Oh, I’d very much like to hear this,” said Discord, levitating his drink over from the counter. "Thank you for the drinks, by the way, sir."

"No problem!" replied the bar pony.

"Now, getting back to you..." said Discord, a bit maliciously.

Thunderlane blushed. “I don’t know if I-”

“Oh come on, Thunder, we promise not to make fun of you,” said Note.

“Well...”

“Stop being so self-conscious and just tell the story. And don’t skimp on the details.”

Apparently there was no way around telling the story. So, Thunder swallowed his pride with a sip of his rum and cherry cola and decided to tell them all about his night with Pinkie. ”Alright,” he said, getting serious. “Let’s start from the beginning...”