Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub

Thunder cleared his throat and gathered his memories, recalling the tale in his mind. “It all started about five months ago.”

“Great opening line there, Thunder,” replied Note.

Thunderlane disregarded the snarky comment and continued. “Back when I was starting out at the academy, I used to date this mare named Blossomforth. She had pink and green striped hair, she was nice and she spent a lot of time with me. However, we never really got a good connection going. I mean, I wanted to give it a shot and see where it went, but Blossomforth wasn’t really feeling up to it. So she said goodbye, and that was that.”

“That’s it?” asked Spike.

“You can't have just broken up for no reason,” said Discord, "that makes no sense!"

“Well... there was something unfortunate that happened that morning...”

I was just walking through town, coughing and wheezing up a storm. It was tough enough that I had to do about twenty drills every day, but having to fly to and from Cloudsdale and the farther side of Ponyville was wearing me out.

I was just about ready to drop when I came up to the front door of Blossomforth’s house. I was hoping to have a drink and a nice, quiet nap on the sofa. Unfortunately, when I opened the door, I found the couch was... already occupied.

“Blossomforth!”

“Thunderlane?”

The stallion underneath her looked up. “Wait, who's this guy?”

"I'm her coltfriend!"

Blossom was just staring daggers at me. "...not anymore, Thunder. Get out."

"But... Blossom..."

"I said get out!"

So... I did.

“Oh dear Celestia...” said Spike.

Thunderlane had been taken out of the moment and he once again found himself amongst his drinking buddies. This time, he didn’t mind.

“That’s awful,” said Caramel, cringing a bit.

“Yeah. Needless to say, my day was effectively ruined. So, I did what I always do when I’m feeling down. I went to Sugarcube Corner to have a slice of pie. That’s where I saw Pinkie Pie, sitting and working the register. I had my head hung towards the ground, but she could tell it was me instantly.”

“Oh. Hey, Thunderlane.”

“Hi Pinkie.” When I looked up, I noticed she was half-asleep. “Are you alright? You look like you have insomnia or something.”

“I had a long night foal-sitting for the Cakes. Apparently they were going to dinner.”

I sighed and hung my head again. “That’s nice.”

“What’s wrong? You don’t look very happy to see me.”

“I’ve been under the weather recently.”

“They’ve got you doing stormcloud duty again?”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“What happened, then?”

“Well... me and Blossomforth...” I choked on my words. No matter how much I tried I just couldn’t say it.

“Oh...” Pinkie knew what had happened. She can read faces like an open book. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just get me a slice of pie or something.”

“Apple, Peach, Cherry, Coconut Cream, Banana Cream, Key Lime or Pumpkin?”

“Banana.”

“Mr. Cake!” she called to the kitchen. “One slice of Banana Cream!” She turned back to me. I was slumped over the counter like a sack of flour. Somehow, we shared a mutual feeling right there. Pinkie didn’t like seeing ponies when they were miserable, and I didn’t like being miserable.

“I just don’t know what to do, Pinkie. And you’re the only one around here that I can count on to cheer me up.”

Pinkie got an idea. I could see the little lightbulb come on. “You know, I get off work in about two hours. Maybe we could, I don’t know, go for a walk in Whitetail Woods?”

I perked up a bit. “Are you... asking me out?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well, why not? We’re good friends. And a good friend always helps you out. So, what do you say? Wanna come with?”

I hesitated for a moment, but I agreed. “Okay. How does five o’clock sound?”

“Sounds good to me!” Pinkie started upstairs, but she got stopped by Mr. Cake.

“Pinkie, you forgot to give the customer his pie.”

“Whoops. Heh heh..." she was blushing a bit. "I guess I can’t fall short on the promise of pie. Here you go, Thunder!”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” I said, taking my first bite. “I’ll meet up with you at Whitetail Woods later. Don’t be late.”

“I'll be right on time.”

“And was she?” asked Spike, getting interested.

Thunderlane, shifting back into the present, nodded. “Yep. I showed up early, just to make sure that she kept her promise. Lucky for me, Pinkie is good at keeping promises.”

“So, when do we get to the good part?” asked Note.

“I’m getting to that, just shut up for a minute and listen. Anyway, we started walking together into the woods, and that’s where...” Thunder paused, a little light going off in his head. “Huh.”

“What?” asked Caramel.

“That’s where we ran into... Big Mac.” The red stallion gulped a little. He remembered this part and he was a little embarrassed to hear it.

“Oh! Uh... Hey Pinkie,” said Mac, looking incredibly nervous.

“Hey, Big Mac! Where are you headed?”

“If Applejack asks, I was just here taking a walk. And nothing else.”

“Um... okay!”

“Out of curiosity...” began Soarin.

Thunderlane snapped back to reality, his concentration broken by yet another interruption.

Soarin continued. “...what were you doing in Whitetail Woods, Mac?”

“I’ll talk about it later, after Thunder’s finished,” said Mac, biting his lower lip.

“I’m holding you to that, Mac,” said Note, grinning deviously. “And it better be good.”

Thunderlane ignored the surrounding weirdness and went back to his story, regathering his thoughts. “Okay, then. Where was I?”

“What the hay was all that about?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about Mac. I want to talk about you,” said Pinkie.

“What about me?”

“I’m just curious, what does a Wonderbolt-in-training like you do all day?”

“Well, there’s not much to it. I wake up early for the morning drills, we practice flying, eat lunch, practice some more and then we get some time off in the afternoon to do whatever we want before heading back again for some more drills. Then we go to bed and the process starts all over again.”

“So, what do you do to pass the time when you’re not at training camp?”

“Well, that kind of depends on what there is to do. Sometimes I just go to the theater and watch some stand-up.”

“Really? You know, I’ve always thought about doing stand-up.”

“No kidding? Then why don’t you go and try it?”

“Because I don’t think I could stand the pressure. I mean, what if they don’t like me?”

“How could anypony not like you?”

“I don’t know, but it still happens.”

“Well, I like you.”

“And I’m glad you do. I love having good friends like you.”

I was starting to feel a little confident. “Is there anything else you love?”

“Well, I really like baking, pulling pranks, and I’m pretty good with kids. At least, the Cakes seem to think so. I mean, they let me foal-sit for them, so they must think I know what I'm doing. Because I do know how to deal with them. Sorry, I got a little off-track there. What were you saying?”

“I’m just curious... why did you ask me out?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have a lot of friends, all over town. But tonight you went out of your way to spend time with me, and ask me about myself. Why'd you do that?”

“Well, you looked so sad earlier. I figured that some time with me would cheer you up.”

At this point, I was beginning to lose confidence. “So is this out of pity?”

“No, this is out of me wanting to show you something special. Because I really care about you and I want you to be happy.” She suddenly looked concerned. “You are happy, aren’t you? Please tell me you’re happy!”

“I am! I’m more than happy. I’m actually... kind of flattered.”

“Well, don’t get too flat. You might blow away.”

I smiled at her. In that moment, I felt an uncontrollable urge to just... hug her. So, I took a deep breath, put my arms round her, and kissed her, full on the lips. She was shocked, but then realized that she didn’t mind. She put her arms around me, and we locked lips for almost three minutes. It was the greatest feeling I'd had in a long time.

“So that was your first date, huh? Everything went according to plan?” asked Discord, slightly losing interest.

Thunderlane was a little tired of being interrupted at this point. “I'm not even finished with the first date yet. I had a couple of hours left to spend with Pinkie, so we decided to walk over to her house. On the way back, though, we ran into another friend of Pinkie’s. I think it was Mac’s sister, actually."

“Hey, have either of y’all seen Mac?”

“Yeah, he said he was taking a walk and nothing else. And then he ran off.”

“Was he coming through here or going the other way?”

“I think he was going the other way. Why do you ask?”

“I was just curious. If you’ll pardon me for a moment, I’m going to go have a little chat with my brother. And whoever happens to be with him.” She zipped off, leaving us both confused.

“Applejack had to get involved?” asked Note. “Mac, this story better have a good payoff, or everyone here is going to be really disappointed.”

“Can we forget about me for one second and focus on Thunder?” asked Mac, desperate to change the subject.

“Okay then,” continued Thunder. “Like I said earlier, we walked home. Once we were there, we decided to have a drink of cider together and we swapped stories about work and family and friends. Did you know Pinkie’s family was Puritan?”

“I think she mentioned it once...” said Spike, trying to remember.

“Anyways, we spent about half an hour there, and I’ll admit, I got a little tipsy.”

“Let me tell you something,” I said. “Spitfire... is one of the craziest ponies you’ll ever meet. She’ll be nice one minute and then, the minute you least expect it, bam! She’s up in your face like a... I don’t know, something funny.”

“Like an... avocado mask?”

I laughed louder than I should have. “You are the funniest pony I know!”

“And you’re the handsomest pony I know.”

I noticed the clock out of the corner of my eye. “You know, maybe I should head back to the academy. It’s getting late.”

“Maybe I could come with you. There’s no rule against that, is there?”

“I don’t know, Pinkie. It seems a little...um...”

"Uncouth?"

"That's the word I was looking for!"

“Can I please come? I promise I won’t get in the way.”

“Well... I guess it could be okay. I’ll have to run it by Spitfire, though.”

“Don’t worry, Thundy. I’ll be good.”

"Long story short, we made our way up to Cloudsdale, which is where things start getting interesting. And wouldn’t you know it, the first pony I run into is Rainbow Dash. Who, as it turns out, is another friend of Pinkie’s."

“All those friends... Have you considered rethinking your relationship?” asked Note, sarcastically. Everyone at the table laughed except for Thunderlane, who continued the story.

“Anyway...”

“Pinkie? What are you doing up here?”

“Hi Dashie! I’m spending the day with Thunderlane.”

Dash turned to me. “Is she allowed to do that?”

“I’m going to go clear it by the commander. Hopefully she’ll understand.”

“Hopefully I’ll understand what?” I slowly turned around. Sure enough, standing right behind me was Spitfire, my commanding officer.

“Sounds like trouble.” interrupted Caramel. "How will he get out of this one?" Everypony at the table laughed, except for Thunderlane.

He glared at the pony who had interrupted him with a nasty look. “Who’s telling the story here, Caramel?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“Now if I can continue without being interrupted again...”

“Oh... hi Spitfire...”

“That’s Commander Spitfire to you.”

“Sorry, ma’am.”

“Now what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I...uh... brought my girlfriend to camp, ma'am. Is that okay?”

“You brought Blossomforth to camp?” interrupted Dash. “Where is she?”

“Blossomforth... isn’t my girlfriend anymore.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“So, where is your girlfriend?” asked Spitfire, not wanting to waste any time.

“This is her right here, ma'am. Her name is Pinkie Pie.”

“Wait...” Spitfire gathered her thoughts. “Aren’t you the one who sent Private Dash that care package the other week?”

“Maybe.”

“Exactly how many of my cadets do you know?”

“Well, I’m not exactly sure where to start...”

“Excuse me, commander,” I said, trying to get her attention.

“I assume that you want me to give you the clear to bring in Miss Pie?”

“Well, I was hoping you would...”

Spitfire considered the situation. She had to keep up appearances, but she knew that this sort of behavior wasn’t exactly below her. “Okay. But if anything happens between you two, I don’t want to hear about it. And tomorrow,” she motioned to Pinkie, “you had better get out of here.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Alright. You can share your quarters with her, Thunderlane, but first, you’ve got to get through the evening drills just like everypony else.”

“Yes ma’am,” I groaned, and walked off with Dash and Spitfire. “See you later, Pinkie. I’ll meet you in Room 34.”

“Sounds fun! See ya, Thundy!”

Thunder pre-emptively broke his own concentration to check on the listeners. “Just in case you’re getting bored, don’t worry. This is the good part.”

“Well, don’t let us stop you,” said Note.

“I went off to do my drills and meanwhile, Pinkie had found her way into my room. She had set up this whole elaborate romantic scene. Dimmed lighting, rose petals on the sheets, the whole shebang. She was even wearing a pair of lacy black socks just for me. Needless to say, I was a bit confused.”

“Well, don’t you look nice?”

“Thanks. Care to come inside?”

“Way ahead of you.” I closed the door and locked it. I like a bit of privacy when mares are involved. “So, why are you wearing those socks? It’s not that cold in here...”

“You’re right. If anything I’d say it just got... hotter,” she whispered, slowly and seductively taking her socks off. “Maybe it’s just you.”

“Or maybe it’s the candles you lit...”

“Oh, don’t play dumb, Thunder. I know you’re smarter than that.” She got up on four legs and then bent over, showing me her generously-sized plot. I couldn't think straight with her butt aimed at my face..

“Pinkie, what’s gotten into you?”

“Oh, nothing...” She spread her legs, giving me a full view of her... how should I put this: everything. “...yet.”

“Oh my...” I started turning red in the face. I hadn't even gotten to this point with Blossomforth, but Pinkie wasn't fooling around with me. “Are you sure about this, Pinkie?”

Pinkie turned around and looked straight at me. “Trust me, Thundy, this is going to be the best night EVER.”

“But don’t you think-”

“Ready or not, here I come!”

And then, Pinkie just jumped on top of me, and kissed me harder than ever before. She was ready for a long, hard session of love-making.

I decided not to hesitate, grabbed hold of Pinkie and rolled on top of her, caressing every single inch of her body with my hooves, from her teats to the backs of her wiggling ears.

“Cut it out! That...that...” she managed to get out between her laughing fits, “ that tickles!”

“I haven’t even done anything yet.”

After a good deal of kissing and touching, we got up and relocated to the bed. Pinkie noticed that my heart-rate had increased a great deal, as was evidenced by my... (ahem) erection.

“Wow, that’s the biggest I've ever seen.”

“Thanks- wait, you've seen others?”

“Well, not on purpose...”

“Forget I asked.”

“Do you... mind if I try it out?”

“Hold on. I've got something I want to try first.” I got out a bottle of skin lotion from under the bed and squirted out a pump or two.

“What’s that for?”

“You’ll see.”

I rubbed the lotion onto my crotch and began to smile. “Spread those legs again.” Pinkie complied and once again showed off her smooth, silky vagina.

After taking a moment to admire her natural beauty, I let my animalistic tendencies kick in and I quickly inserted myself into her pussy.

“Yikes!”

“Hold on, I’m not all the way in yet.” Once I was in completely, Pinkie was pumped up and ready for what was about to come next. She moaned, but she smiled happily.

I set to work and thrust further into Pinkie’s vagina, before backing off and going in again, and again, and again as long as I could. Pinkie was having the time of her life. “It’s like... being on... a trampoline!” Pinkie panted.

“Yeah. Except... the trampoline... is jumping... on you.”

I was sweating bullets and going in and out as hardly and quickly as I could. I was getting tired, but I never stopped or slowed down. I knew that the job wasn't going to finish itself.

Suddenly, I felt like something inside had softened up. We kept going faster until finally, I felt a squirt of something warm and sticky inside Pinkie. I had climaxed, and I’m pretty sure she had as well.

I removed my aching dick from Pinkie and laid down on the bed.

“That...” she said in between breaths, “was great.”

“Yeah. Shame it didn’t last longer.”

Pinkie thought for a moment. “Maybe we could try something else.” Pinkie crawled on top of me, the opposite way, and began round two by putting her mouth on my penis. She sucked on it like a lollipop. I had never experienced that before. It felt wonderful.

“Woah...keep going. I like that.”

“It tastes kinda... weird. Like...salty, melted ice cream. I guess it’s not so bad.”

“I’ve got an idea.”

I decided to give Pinkie a similar treatment, and proceeded to stick my tongue into her nether regions, licking the insides like icing off of a cake.

“You wele ligh,” I tried to say, “id doe tase weir.”

Pinkie started using her own tongue to help me get off again, wrapping it around my member and jerking it as much as she could. Meanwhile, I had worked my way to her teats, which I started to suck on until she gave milk.

“I... thin... I’m almos...” Pinkie’s tongue had done it’s job. She had finished jerking me, and my dick proceeded to foam up like a shaken bottle of soda and sprayed into her mouth. I, meanwhile, had finished sampling her breastmilk and cum.

Our sheets were an absolutely wrinkled, semen-soaked mess, but neither of us particularly cared. We had had a wonderful time together and that was all we wanted.

“It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. My heart felt like it was about to burst.”

The rest of the table was deathly silent. They were impressed by Thunder’s almost poetic description of the act, and at the same time a bit shocked that he was talking about it at all. “Well?” asked Mac.

“Well what?”

“What happened next?” asked Note, his interest rekindled.

Thunderlane sighed. “Well, the joy didn’t last long. Because as soon as we thought we were safe, we heard something that almost scared us both to death.”

A knock came on the door. Both of us panicked. Pinkie got off of me and I tried to hide the evidence of... well, you know.

“Who is it?” Pinkie asked innocently.

“It’s Rainbow Dash. What in the name of Luna are you two doing in there?”

“Umm... nothing. Just playing a game.”

“Does this game have a name that I would recognize?”

“Look, Dashie, isn’t it time for bed?

“That’s why I came over here. You woke me up!”

“Well, we’re done playing right now, so we’ll just pack everything up.”

“Can’t I at least see you? I’m getting tired of talking through the door.”

Pinkie realized she couldn’t hide forever and unlocked the door, slipping her head in through the cracks. “Do you promise not to tell anypony about this?”

“About what?”

“Just get in and close the door.”

Rainbow didn't see why she had to keep secrets, but she went along with it. She saw me, still in the middle of cleaning up. “Thunder, what are you doing?” She sniffed the air and then covered her snout. “And why does it smell like dead fish in here?”

“Like I said,” Pinkie explained, “we were playing a game...”

Something clicked in Rainbow Dash’s mind. She then got incredibly concerned. “You kept it on the bed, right?”

“Well...”

Rainbow floated off the floor, not wanting to hear the answer. “Thunder, what the hay were you thinking? You know that this kind of thing is against the rules!”

“It was my idea,” said Pinkie. “He just went along with it.”

“To be fair,” I pointed out, “I was responsible for half of what we-”

Rainbow covered her ears. “Look, I don’t want to hear about it. If word of this gets out to Spitfire, both of you are in serious trouble, so you both better keep quiet. Got it?”

“Got it,” Pinkie whispered.

“Good. Now go to sleep. And no more of... whatever you just did.”

Dash took her leave, and me and Pinkie were alone again.

“So... now what?” she asked

“I spend the night with you. Why would I want to do anything else?”

We smiled and shared one last kiss, and went back to bed.

“Wow, quite the story. But where does Soarin come in?” asked Caramel.

“I’m still not done yet. Anyway, we woke up peacefully the next morning, just as the sun was coming up. Insert the opening to ‘Morning Mood’ here. You know how it goes, right?”

“I think so,” said Note. “It’s that waking up piece, right?” Note hummed the tune for everyone at the table. They shared a collective ‘oooh’.

“Now, imagine that piece being suddenly interrupted by ‘Reveille.’ Don’t lie, you’ve heard that piece before.”

“Right, the bugle piece,” said Discord, pulling one out of nowhere and playing the tune in order to set the mood.

“Alright, everypony,” yelled Spitfire, “you know how this works! Get up and get in line!”

All of the doors opened, and the wonderbolts-in-training all filed out into the hall in their uniforms. All except for one.

“Where the hay is Thunderlane?” asked Soarin.

I opened the door and finished putting on my uniform, then got in line. “Sorry, Commanders. I had a little trouble...” I briefly paused to think of a reasonable excuse. “Finding my goggles.”

“I’ve told you ten times, Thunderlane, you don’t need goggles for the morning drill.” Soarin looked at the goggles hanging from my neck. “Especially if they’re not cleaned properly.”

I looked at my goggles and saw that there was something opaque and vaguely white smudged on the lens. I blushed a bit as I looked back up. “Sorry, sir.”

“Alright, everypony,” he called out. “Today is Sunday, and that means it’s visiting day. You are all allowed to invite as many ponies as you like to the base, but keep in mind, the same rules apply for all of you. Number one: No drugs or alcohol of any kind are allowed in this camp.”

I could hear several coughs being suppressed.

“Number two: No public displays of affection or intercourse on camp grounds.”

I gulped. Me and Pinkie were getting in over our heads.

“And number three: All visitors must leave camp before the end of the day. Have I made myself clear, cadets?”

“Yes, sir!” everypony replied.

“Good. Now everypony outside!”

The trainees went to take their leave. However, Spitfire blocked the way of Rainbow Dash and I.

“Except you two,” she said.

I turned red in the face. I was in too deep.

“Me?” asked Dash. “What did I do?”

“No questions,” said Soarin. “Thunder, find your mare-friend and bring her to my office.”

“How did you-?”

“Spitfire told me. Now do what I told you.”

I gulped again. “Yes, sir!”

I headed back into my room to find that Pinkie was still lying down in bed. Even though the bed was a mess, Pinkie still looked wonderful. Among the white stains, she was a rose-colored sight to behold. I almost felt guilty having to wake her up.

“Pinkie...” I whispered quietly. Pinkie’s eyes opened slowly and as she began to regain her vision, she smiled at me.

“Good morning, Thundy.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. Just a little tired out.” Pinkie chuckled for a second before starting to cough.

“Are you alright?”

“I was good enough, apparently.”

I chuckled a bit before getting serious again. “Look, I don’t mean to bother you, but Spitfire wants to talk, if that’s okay.”

“No problem. Lead the way, Thundy!” I led her to the office and we sat down next to Rainbow Dash. The commanders aren’t incredibly mean, but nonetheless, being in their office made me and the girls nervous, because we all knew we had something to hide.

“So,Thunderlane, care to tell me what’s going on here?”

“It’s not a pleasant story, sir.”

“I’ve definitely heard worse. What happened?”

I was sweating again nervously. The way I saw it, it was either lie and have it come back to bite me later of tell the truth and face the consequences now. So, I swallowed my pride and decided to tell the truth. “Last night, Ms. Pie and I engaged in consensual intercourse in my quarters. I take responsibility for my actions and I apologize.”

“Is that true, Ms. Pie?”

Pinkie was just as worried as I was. She had no idea she was breaking the rules, and felt awful about getting me and Dash in trouble. She was unusually quiet, but she managed to say “yes, ma’am.”

“Is that all?”

“No, sir,” said Rainbow Dash. “I entered the room later and found out the truth. I chose not to report it because I didn't want to betray my fellow cadet.”

“That’s really touching,” said Spitfire, sincerely. “But there’s still the issue of what to do with you now.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I know I’m probably in a lot of trouble...”

“Don’t worry, Thunderlane. It’s not like this hasn't happened before. Although I must admit this is a bit more sudden than last time.”

“This happened before?” asked Pinkie.

“It’s a long story,” replied Soarin.

“Another story we’ll have to hear later,” said Caramel, once again grinning like an imp.

Soarin kept a straight face. “I’d be happy to tell you. But we’ve still got one to get through.”

“Thank you, sir. As I was saying...”

“I’m not in trouble?” I asked.

“That is correct,” clarified Spitfire.

“But... I broke the rules...”

“We don’t really follow the old academy regulations too closely anymore. Besides, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about doing this.”

“You... But... why...?”

“Look, Thunderlane,” “said Soarin, “you are one of the finest cadets this company has had in years. Throwing you out because of some archaic rules would be unjust behavior on my part. In fact, I’m actually rather proud that you told the truth. Most ponies would try to cover it up until there was no denying it. I might have to see about moving you and Dash up a rank.”

“Me?” asked Dash. “What did I do?”

“You stood up for your fellow officer at risk of getting into trouble yourself. That kind of loyalty is what we expect of our Wonderbolts. Is that clear?”

“Yes. Thank you sir.” Me and Dash saluted. Pinkie was relieved to see that she hadn’t gotten me in trouble. We hugged and I took her home, feeling happy as I could be. We shared a moment on the porch and I promised her I'd come by to see her again. She also promised me she'd come by to see me. We hugged, I said goodbye and flew back, feeling pretty great about myself.

“So, that’s the story?” asked Spike.

“Well, that was pretty good,” said Caramel. “I was expecting more of a twist, honestly, but-.”

“That’s still not the end of the story,” said Thunderlane.

“You mean there’s still more? What else could there be to tell?” asked Discord.

Thunderlane sighed and took another sip of his rum and cola. “Well, about a month later, Pinkie came to see me at the base again...

“Oh hey, Pinkie- oh dear Celestia!” She was pale, her eyes were dilated, and she was breathing heavily. She looked like she was going to be sick. Or maybe she was, I couldn’t tell.

“Thunder...” she gasped out. “I’m... late.”

“To see me? You didn’t set up a date with me today.”

“No, I mean late.” It took me a second to figure out what she meant. Luckily, we were able to get to the hospital wing before she threw up.

“About half an hour later, Pinkie was lying down on a hospital bed. Me, Spitfire, Soarin, and Dash were sitting close by. Naturally, I was a bit nervous-”

“The boy was shaking like the temperature had dropped to zero, but sweating like it was raised to a hundred,” clarified his superior officer. Everypony laughed, this time including Thunderlane.

“Okay, incredibly scared. But the point is, Pinkie was having problems. And I was hoping that I would find out the answers before something else crazy happened.”

The nurse walked back into the room with the results.

“Sorry to drag you off-duty like this, Commanders.”

“It’s no problem,” Spitfire responded in a more casual tone.

I was about as tense as I could get. I practically lunged at her. “What’s happening, Nurse? Is she alright? Is it my fault?”

“Mr. Thunderlane-”

“Please tell me she’s okay. Please-”

“Mister Lane!” I calmed down and let the nurse talk. “Pinkie is in stable condition. She was just experiencing morning sickness.”

“Morning sickness?” asked Spitfire. “You mean...”

“Ms. Pie, there’s really no easy way to tell you this...” The nurse paused. “...you’re pregnant. And Thunderlane is the father.”

Spike spit out his coffee. Caramel was in shock. Mac’s eyes looked ready to fall out.

“So that’s why Pinkie has been looking so chubby recently...” said Note.

“What happened next?” asked Discord.

“Well, that’s all I remember before I passed out,” said Thunderlane.

“Yikes,” said Spike.

“That’s not even the worst part of it,” said Soarin. “After he passed out, he hurled.” Everyone at the table shared a look of disgust.

“I did?” asked Thunder, unaware of what had happened while he was out cold.

“Yep. Took a while to clean up. You were out for about an hour and a half, if I remember correctly. Lucky you, they got you medical attention A-S-A-P. I told them to put you in the bed next to Pinkie. And also not to mention that you threw up.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Now go on, finish the story.”

“Okay. Like he said, I regained consciousness about an hour and a half later. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Pinkie. And she was looking depressed as all get out. I don’t like seeing Pinkie when she’s feeling down.”

“Oh, my head, where am I?”

“Hospital,” she said. “Same as me.”

“Did I pass out?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“So I wasn’t dreaming?”

“No.”

I felt the truth hit me once again like an airlifted piano. “So you’re...”

“Yeah.” She dropped her head. “I really really did love you too. What was I thinking?”

I tried to process this. I didn’t know quite how to feel, but it was clear that Pinkie was feeling bad enough as is. “Well, it’s not too bad.”

Pinkie started crying. “It is bad! I did something stupid and now I’m gonna be like this for another eight months and I’m scared-”

“Pinkie, don’t beat yourself up. Ponies in love do stupid things.”

“Can you ever forgive me?”

“I don’t need to.”

The waterworks stopped. “You don’t?”

"I’m your friend. And friends don’t let others feel lonely.”

There was a pause. Pinkie, still getting over herself, didn’t feel like talking. But I was convinced to change that.

“You ever notice that life is funny sometimes?”

“How?”

“You live out each day, expecting it to go a certain way, but sometimes it just decides to turn you around completely. And sometimes you can’t help but laugh. It’s true what they say. Life is a big joke...” I paused, as if to cue Pinkie.

“...so you might as well make it funny.” She began to sit up a little straighter.

“Exactly. I love you, you love me, and now we’ve got somepony we can share. We’d better make the most of it.”

Pinkie smiled and began to tear up. “I’d get up to kiss you, but I wouldn’t want to throw up in your mouth.”

“How about I just hug you, then?”

I picked myself up and embraced Pinkie. We were crying tears of happiness and we just wanted the moment to last forever.

The other boys were all smiling. Even Discord was shedding a tear of joy.

“So, me and Pinkie made up and I decided to make Dash the godmother for sticking with me. Which, by connection made Soarin here the godfather.”

“And he just accepted it?” asked Note.

“What can I say? It was an offer he couldn’t refuse.” Everypony couldn’t help but laugh. It was a stupid joke, but the setup was just so perfect. “So, Pinkie and I are sticking together through this. Of course, her parents, as soon as they found out, insisted that we get married. Not that either of us have a problem with that.”

“Make sure we’re on the guest list, buddy,” said Note, beginning to like his new friend.

“Pinkie’s organizing the guest list, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Anyway, Pinkie was getting pretty used to the fact that she was now carrying a child. She had no problem adjusting to her inflated diet, and she was starting to get sick less and less. There was just one noticeable detail that was making her a little uncomfortable. Or rather, two noticeable details.”

“Oof! When did they get so big and heavy?”

“Wow.” I couldn't talk, I was too awestruck by the increased size of Pinkie’s teats.

“Maybe this is why pregnant mares don’t walk around too much.”

“...”

“Thunderlane?”

“Sorry, I got... distracted...”

“She knew what was distracting me. But she never said anything.”

“You sly, lucky son of a bronc,” said Note. “You caught the big one.”

“Yeah, but catching the big one is a mother of a fight. Two months later, the fight really picked up when the mood swings started happening.”

“Pinkie-”

“I said leave me alone!” she responded through a stream of tears. “I don’t wanna talk!”

“Pinkie, don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you be sad.”

“It’s all my fault. What am I going to do?”

“Just keep calm. I need you to be strong. Plus, your tears are kind of up to my knees.”

Pinkie looked around and saw that her constant stream of tears had, in fact, flooded the room. “Oh. S-sorry.”

“It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.” I went to get a mop. I felt sorry for Pinkie, having to go through all of this emotional turmoil, but looking after her was starting to feel like a second job. And my first job wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, either.

However, Pinkie, despite her mood swings, still managed to get some time in to see her friends and go on trips. She even accompanied her friends (and Discord) to Canterlot for a meeting with Princess Celestia.

“Oh dear Luna...” said Discord, rubbing his head, “that meeting.”

“Yet another story we’ll have to hear,” pointed out Caramel.

“Can we save me for last?” asked the god of chaos.

“Sure. Just one last thing to mention...”

I paced back and forth at the door of Pinkie Pie’s house. She had been gone three days and I was beginning to worry about her. What if something had happened? I knew I should have gone with her. The stress was starting to eat away at me.

Luckily, just as I was about to lose it, Pinkie came back. I was overjoyed to see her. We ran to each other and then we shared a warm, loving embrace, which lasted all of ten seconds before Pinkie had to vomit again.

“Heheh...whoops,” said Pinkie, embarrassed.

“Don’t sweat it. I was planning on showering anyway.”

“After that, Soarin and Spitfire gave me some time off of practice to see her, so since then we’ve been as close as can be. And in four months, I’m gonna be a married colt with a kid. And that’s pretty much all I have to tell about it.”

“Wow. Great story, Thunder,” said Note.

“Thanks. So, who wants to go next?” Everyone at the table looked over at Big Mac. He had barely said anything all night, and it was about time that he got to be the talker for once.

Mac turned redder in the face than usual and downed the remainder of his Appaloosa bourbon. “Bartender!” he shouted. “Another bourbon!” He turned to his audience. “This is gonna be a long one.”