The Science Chronicles

An aluminium can hit Twilight in the face.

“Heeey! Wahtch whehre yah’re goin’, yah, spoiled braht!” said a cream-coloured passer-by with a bright red mane driving a Cadillac.

“Jeez, what is with this town? Last time I was here, there weren’t so many high-priced cars and aluminium cans.”

“Oh, that was the global economic explosion last year. All the banks gave everypony, like, a million bits, so they all went out and bought Cadillacs,” explained Pinkie, “but all of the banks went out of business, so now everypony just does whatever they want, usually.”

“Hmm… now that you mention it, they are all Cadillacs!” A fair distance down the road, Twilight could see two large portals open, one a few seconds after the other, and about five metres apart, after which a giant purple scaly thing flew out of the first and straight into the second. “Has Spike really been stuck in alternate universes for that long?”

“What? Spike? Who’s that?” asked Pinkie, with a high pitched voice.

“Ah, never mind. Anyway, how far away is the boutique from here?”

“Well, quite a while away, actually. About 15 years ago, there was a huge explosion underground which shattered all of the continents. A lot of houses were separated from each other a long way. You might have noticed the massive, gaping emptiness below us.”

Twilight walked over to the edge of the walkway to look down, and sure enough, she was on a small island, below which was a huge expanse, almost endless. In fact, she could see stars at the other end. Massive steel girder-like structures were in place, seeming to hold the planet together, or at least each individual island. Some islands were raised and some were depressed. Or, most likely, all of the islands were raised, just some more than others.

“Whoa… cool. Did I cause that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. How are we gonna get to Rarity’s?”

“Let’s go to Applejack’s headquarters and borrow some horses.”

“Headquarters?”

* * *

“Howdy there, Miss Twilight! Nice to meetcha! You here ta buy a horse?” asked Applejack, obliviously, and with an extremely male vocal tone.

“Hey Applejack. I am, indeed, here to acquire a horse, but I simply do not have the currency with which to do so, I assume,” Twilight expressed, turning to Pinkie. “Pinkie, what’s the inflation rate? I had 75 bits.”

“+23.7% per year for 28 years. That adds up to… 28,934 bits.”

“Weeell, these horses’a buy for about 15,000 bits if ya wanna buy ‘em.”

“How about 12,000 bits?”

“Weeell, they only go to buy for about 15,000 bits if ya wanna buy dem horses, but not a lot less like 12,000 bitssseerr…”

“That is highly disconcerting. Give me a 100% discount on all future purchases!”

“Uuummm… okay. Aw, dagnabbit! Ah let another ponies get me for ‘em a discount! That’s about… 15,000 bits down ter drain again!”

“Applejack, do you even remember me? Twilight Sparkle?”

“Weeell, I know a Twerlert with one pairs’a wings so… that’s isn’t you so no…”

“I am the same pony as that Twilight.”

“What?! Well why didn’cha say so! Long time, no see, Twi! You can have as many horses as you want!” exclaimed Applejack, opposite-of-obliviously, with her normal voice, which was almost indistinguishable from her previous vocal tone.

“I would like 15 horses, thank you very much.”

“Okay, Twi. We’ve only got 14, but I’ll make that work somehow.”

“I’ll make it work! Do you wanna turn into a horse?! ‘Cause I can do it! Seriously!”

“ALLLLL-RIGHT, TWILIGHT! TRANSFORM ME RIGHT NOW, YOU NINCOMPOOP!!”

“ALTHOUGH I CAN’T REALLY APPRECIATE THAT COMMENT, I MUST SAY I CAN STILL WILLINGLY DO THIS EASILY, AND WITH ALL OF MY HANDS TIED BEHIND MY BACK!!!!!”

The conversation reached infinite volume, prompting Twilight to use that energy to transform Applejack into a horse.

“GEEEEET REEEEAAAADDDYYY, AAAAPPPLLEEEJAAAAACCCKKK!!!!!!!!!!” Twilight started charging her horn with that noisy energy, before firing it at Applejack. The energy was a bright white, possibly blindingly bright, but Twilight wasn’t looking, so it didn’t affect her. Meanwhile, Applejack was making some really silly, horse-like noises.

“Whhoooo-b-b-b-bbrrruuupphhpnfphnfpnhpfnhpfhn!!!”

“What was that, AJ?” Twilight asked, as if waiting to receive an answer.

“BBBRRRUUUPPPHHPNFPHNPFHNPFNHPFNNHPFNHPFNHPHNF!!!”

“I suppose that’s true. Time to go, AJ!” Twilight leapt onto the orange horse’s back along with Pinkie in order to receive transport support before whipping her with a magical, invisible hitting-rope of some sort. “Yee-haw! To Rarity’s boutique!”

Applejack shot off with the force of a thousand suns, leaving a long trail of rainbow behind her.