Aliens Like Cows (Sauciness Warning)

I watched as Judgement slowly rocketed into view, four blue streams of light trailing behind it much like how Rainbow Dash’s colors do. I gave an impressed whistle as the loud roar of my home filled the ears of everyone present. Speaking of everyone present, I noticed that Emerald Breeze and her family made up three of the five ponies. My eyebrow raised itself instantly as Judgement descended in front of us, finding a solid spot on the hill so that it wouldn’t roll down.

Not like it mattered, since it was practically hovering due to the thrusters underneath it. Curiously enough, the blue rings that filtered down from the thruster openings did not scorch the ground like I thought it would. That’s when I came to the conclusion that the thrusters were obviously tractor beams or something of the sort.

“Whhhhhooooooaaaaaahhhhhh.” Was everyone’s collective answer as Judgement ceased its descent and hovered off the ground. I smiled, knowing that they were going to get a kick out of the interior if they thought this was neat!

“Open the door, Siri.” I ordered out loud, watching as the door leading into my ship opened and the stairs shot out and dug themselves into the ground. Another stream of whoah’s came out of the crowd behind me as I stepped forward, beginning my climb up the steps. I looked back to see some of the ponies, including Emerald and her family, cowering underneath the tree as the engines hummed. I rolled my eyes and motioned for Wergal to round them up, even though he was just as scared as they were.

He hid it pretty well though.

“Come on!” Wergal shouted over the humming of the thrusters. He was pushing the mob of frightened ponies in their entirety by himself, which made the ponies dig their hooves in the ground and shake their heads rapidly. Wergal was panting now as he gave up, opting to stop pushing the mass of equines and sit down. I whistled towards the group from the top of the last stair.

All eyes were on me.

“You guys aren’t going to get any better by sitting on your asses! Sunset, Diamond,” I called out to the girls who looked at me with raised eyebrows. I’m guessing they don’t really care for my ‘commanding voice’, “Lead them up! Wergal and Ace, escort them from behind! I don’t want to hear anything about a pony falling off the steps because he or she is scared of a flying tin-can! MOVE IT!” I barked.

I’ve never seen anything snap into such a crisp line in my life. I smiled as Sunset and Diamond did as I said, leading the ponies up while Wergal and Ace escorted them from behind. Once they were close enough, I turned around only to come face to face with Donna, who had her hip cocked to the right with her right hand resting on it. She filled up the entire doorway, still dressed in that tight-fitting clothing from Stonehaven. I mentally slapped myself when I pictured my face motorboating the shit out of her breasts.

“Any reason why I shouldn’t throw your scaley ass off these steps?” Donna asked with an air of superiority and a raised head, glaring at me as I noticed the top of her left asscheek was bright red. Siri shocked her from below!? Oh shit!

“Yeah...” I started with a smile, getting ready to throw her for a whole loop. She took the bait and raised her eyebrow, “...This.” I finished as I rushed in and smacked our mouths together, watching as her eyes nearly sprung out from her eyelids. I shoved my tongue into her mouth, watching her with amused eyes as she shut hers tight and tried pushing me away. Every time her hands touched my pecs, she slid them down weakly before trying again.

She was grunting now as I willed my tongue to inspect every inch of her mouth. Her hands stopped trying to push me away and she seemed like she was getting ready to give i-

“Nope.” I said simply, retracting my face from hers and pushing her to the side of the door with my hand that had found purchase on her waist. She meeped and slid like I willed her to, allowing me entry into Judgement. Once I entered, I turned around and slapped her red asscheek with my hand, to which she cried out in pain.

“And that’s for threatening me. I hope we learned our lesson?” I asked with a smug grin on my face as I walked over to my captain’s chair and sat down, leaning back into the smooth...memory foam!? The hell is this!? Not that I have a problem with memory foam, it’s just that I’m sure my chair was made of leather last time I checked!

Donna let out a whine of protest as she cupped her sore ass off to the side of the door, which was quickly filling up with awestruck ponies and glaring females. Namely, Sunset and Diamond, who promptly rushed over to Donna and began yelling things like “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT!?” and “DO YOU EVEN DIG!?” at her.

Oh yeah, the troll is back ladies and gentlemen! I think some ponies, a griffin, two diamond dogs and a minotaur are in need of a good ol’ fashioned trolling session! From here on, the reign of Silas the Troll King will begin!

*Insert Slowly Building Evil Laughter Here.*

It took some time to get everyone situated, and by situated, I mean seated. The sick ponies, including Emerald and her family, were given the remaining seats on the bridge. Seeing that one more seat was open, Sunset quickly teleported onto the seat and put up a barrier just as the rest of my gang reached it, which resulted in a bunch of suspended bodies and faces against a red bubble.

This in turn, left me in stitches as they picked themselves off the ground. Silas the Troll King strikes again! Yes, it was I who assigned the ponies to the seats. Only after that did the gang try to kill each other over the remaining seat.

My troll attempt, however, backfired when I got stuck with Donna and Diamond sitting on my legs. I felt like crying.

“Oh, Mr. Silassss~~!” Diamond whispered into my right ear, making my eyes go wide in terror. “This is my second time being so close to your body, so close...to perfection! It’s tearing me apart, not having you between my-”

“WELP!!!” I yelled suddenly with a flushed face, throwing the female snuggle fest off of me as I walked off towards the exit. “I’m gonna go take a shower!” I chanced a glance back and noticed Diamond with crossed arms and Sunset rolling her eyes which Donna mimicked.

If you payed attention to when Silas disappeared into the hallway outside of the bridge and into the bathroom, you could hear a very angry and startled griffin scream his ass off at the sudden intruder.

You could then hear said griffin be thrown into the hallway and against the wall with extreme force, making the bird squawk as he slid to the ground slowly. The noise of what can be likened to a hand sliding down a window slowly accompanying the griffin’s descent.

I lowered myself into the tub, feeling the steamy and hot water relax me instantly. I’ve been in my fair share of jacuzzis before, but this bath definitely takes the cake and the whole tray!

A sigh of happiness and content left my lips as I lowered my mouth below the water, almost drifting off to sleep. I could see why Donna was mad that I interrupted her bath, this feels fucking amazing! Everything felt great, from my head to my feet; even my wings!

I heard the door open in that futuristic woosh sound, making me crack an eye open. I lifted my head just enough so that my mouth came back over the water.

“Your goose is cooked if you try anything, Ace!” I warned dangerously, still hearing the water near my feet part to make room for someone else. A big something else. I sighed underwater, which came out as a gurgle of bubbles that popped on the surface. If it wasn’t so damn steamy in here, I would’ve seen who climbed into my bath sooner.

“This is getting creepy.” I stated warily as I brought my mouth back above the surface.

“S-Shut up!” The feminine voice reprimanded me angrily, making me raise a hand form the blue depths of the bathtub and smack it loudly on my face.

“Dammit Donna!” My inner Hank came out as I made sure to pull every part of my face down with the the hand that was slowly descending its length.

“Why the hell are you in my bath, Donna?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as I felt something large and smooshy plant itself on the sides of my feet.

Dat ass.

“You ruined my bath earlier, so now I’m ruining yours while continuing my own!” Donna rebutted, turning her head sharply so that some of the smoke billowed away from her head. I noticed at once that she had a towel wrapped around her head, making me snicker a little bit. Never heard of a Secret Agent with diva tendencies before!

Equis is just full of characters, isn’t it? I think it’s time Silas the Troll King strikes again~~!

“You know, Donna,” Setting Troll Level to Over 9000! “Has anyone ever told you that you have an ass that puts memory foam to shame?” I prodded said posterior with my right foot, feeling Donna whine a little bit before shifting herself away from my offending appendage.

“Stop being such a pervert!” She yelled angrily as her body leaned to the left, the disturbance in the water from her movement causing small waves to whack me in the face. I grinned and quickly pulled my legs back, taking a deep and quiet breath before submerging myself under the water. I felt my nictitating membranes slide over my eyes, shielding them from the hot water as I snaked my way like a sea serpent towards Donna’s black and white body.

“...Silas?” I heard her voice call out from above the water. She’s probably worried that I’m up to something because I haven’t been talking to her. I smiled.

She’s right.

Focusing on the objective ahead of me. My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when I noticed two things. One; her breasts were like fucking life boats that have been submerged. Two; she doesn’t have a towel wrapped around her body and her legs are a little spread out so....

First anime-styled nosebleed achieved! I was put-off a little when the blood came out just as sky blue as my mane, but I quickly shoved it into the back of my mind, dismissing it as another perk to being an alien.

“Silas you’re scaring me.” I heard Donna’s fishbowl voice call out again as I slowly raised myself up from just in front of her. My eyes never left hers as I slowly rose to just about her height, our faces practically touching one another.

“You rang?” I asked in a flirtatious tone, making her blush as I thrusted an arm forward, jutting it against the solid white wall of metal in front of the end of the tub. I swung my head to and fro slowly, getting all the water out while spritzing Donna at the same time. Once that was done, I quickly put on a smug smile and touched our noses together.

Donna was beet red now and I tried so hard not to fall over laughing as her eyes widened. I gave a masculine chuckle and moved forward, dipping my head down so that I actually missed her mouth and kissed her chin. She gasped and gripped the back of the tun with both of her hands tight enough for me to hear the frame give a creak of protest.

I kissed her chin again, then moved lower to her neck. I started at the top, planting kisses here and there. I even suckled some of her skin in my teeth, earning me a few hushed moans from the cow. I felt her wiggle against my body as I blazed a trail of kisses on her neck. stopping on every third one to suck on the flesh a little. From her neck I went down to her chest, kissing and suckling her cleavage.

Donna threw her head back and bit a finger as my mouth found purchase on the top of her left breast.

I stopped my advances and raised a hand up, watching as Donna came back down from her pleasure high and watched it come towards her. I felt her body shift closer to mine as I curled my middle finger’s nail on the face of my thumb, plucking her between the eyes.

“Baka.” I mimicked Excalibur from Soul Eater a little too well, backing up to my previous position on my side of the tub.

“Fuck you!” Donna shouted as I felt a heavy force slam into my crotch, making me yell in pain as I reeled back and over my end of the tub, falling flat on my face as I held my throbbing crotch in my hands. I even hiked my ass up in the air, a feeling of nausea coming over me.

“God...Dammit...Nappa.” I wheezed out as my world spun around. I couldn’t keep up with the nausea and the vertigo, so I quickly passed out without any warning.

Waking up fully naked was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Never again will I try to troll an obviously horny female, especially ones with hooves. Jesus, it still hurts like all hell! Even so, the fact that the sick ponies got to see their fearless leader in his birthday suit probably scarred them for life. Maybe their afterlife as well.

Needless to say, I quickly made my way over to the bathroom again, finding out the hard way that Donna wasn’t in there. The hard way consisted of a scorched crotch by none other than a wet Sunset Shimmer, who upon seeing me, decided to use my crotch as a bullseye.

I think that’s the second time I passed out while traveling with these mongrels.

Now I don’t know about you guys, but this whole Troll King business has been nothing but bad news for Mr. Crotch. I’m pretty sure getting stomped on is a fetish, but having a hoof shot at your dick at a hundred miles an hour sure as hell doesn’t make good fetish material.

I found Donna in the kitchen, making herself what appeared to be a grass sandwich. Although I’m curious on when she acquired the shrubbery, I still had some revenge to get. Walking down the steps slowly, I noticed how she shut the fridge and sat down at a table and chair she had Siri bring up from the floor.

Seeing as how the perfect opportunity to mess with her was given, I quickly made myself known by leaning against the wall with my bare back and crossing my naked legs. She looked at me and her eyes instantly became as wide as the dinner plate she’s currently eating her sandwich over.

When the hell did we get bread!?

“You know, it’s pretty...drafty in here.” I snapped with a harsh stare, watching as she choked on her food. I’m guessing that was supposed to be a laugh of some sort but it was cut short due to some of the food going down the wrong pipe. The black and white cow, who was now dressed in her tight-fitting outfit was on her back-hooves in seconds.

From the frantic look in her eye, I could tell that she was looking for some sort of escape route. No, Donna, I don’t think you’ll be able to run after I’m through with you! I broke off from the metal wall and began a brisk walk towards the panicking cow. She looked to her left and whined when the fridge stared back at her, then she looked to her right and whined again when the metal wall stared back at her.

By the time she tried to make a break for the gap between the outer-kitchen and the countertop, I had already filled the space. She tossed a look behind herself and noticed a square door. Donna wasted no time in going through the door, ending up in another hallway from the small look I got of the other side before the silver door slid shut in my face. I snorted and walked through the door just like she had, coming face to face with nothing but a straight shot of white corridor and silver doors on either side.

I sighed inwardly, knowing that Donna had now turned this little chase into a game of hide and seek. Fuck running, Donna’s gonna need a wheelchair when I’m done with her!

“Donna, you know this is pointless.” I stated in a matter-of-fact tone. Thinking of the maps from when I first used my Sirios unit, the blue holoscreen came forth from my left eye. On the holoscreen, a map of my current position was rendered and detailed in white lettering. Apparently, I was now in the Crew Quarters, which meant that this is where everyone was supposed to sleep. The captain’s quarters were all the way down the hallway, which, according to the holo-map, is fifty feet away. No way in hell did Donna make it all the way down there.

The rest of the rooms were labeled as such. Rooms whose numbers went from one to six. I willed my Sirios unit to look for living beings in the room via their heat. A sky-blue triangular blip-which I deducted to be me-blinked on and off in the hallway section. A black blip started blinking in room three, making give a small smile of victory.

Once again...Gotcha Bitch!

I walked down the hallway, making sure to take slow and loud steps. They echoed just like a killer’s would in a thriller movie, making me chuckle as I kept up the creepy walk. Then, just as I began it, I stopped it in front of Room Two. I lifted a hand slowly and knocked on the door, surprised that it didn’t just open from my presence.

I heard some shuffling and what sounded like some sheets being lifted. Is she hiding on the bed?

Perfect.

“Oh, Ms. Lehigh~~!” I sang merrily as I knocked on the door again. I had her cornered and there was nowhere she could go other than through this door.

“DON’T COME IN HERE!!!” Donna yelled in desperation from the other side of the door. I chuckled loud enough for her to hear it, which caused more shuffling from the other side of the door. Frankly, I’m surprised that didn’t just come through the door and uppercut me. Guess I shook her up good in the bathroom.

“Now you know I can’t do that~~! After all, you’re the only one who knows where my clothes are!” I touched my eye and activated the communications function in my Sirios unit. When no reply came from Donna, I wasted no time in getting down to business.

“Siri, I’m issuing Captain’s Override for the door to Room Two. Unlock the door and allow me entry.” I commanded quietly enough so that Donna couldn’t hear what was going on.

“Voice recognition confirmed. Unlocking Room Two Door.”

*Click.*

“OH NO YOU DON’T!!! SIRI, LOCK THAT DOOR IMMEDIATELY!!!” I heard Donna shriek, making me guffaw loudly.

“Captain’s Override is the strongest order on Judgement. Once applied, the Captain has supreme command over all facilities and functions that are included in the vessel. This order, therefore, is null and void.”

I swear I could hear Donna’s brain snap from inside the room. The room that I just casually strolled into after the door slid open for me. Donna shrieked as the noise from the opening  door filled her ears, making me smile as I noticed her frame covered in the sheets tightly. For the second time since the little flight began...

Dat ass.

Snarling a little just to scare her some more, I hastily closed the distance between the door and the covered form of Donna, hulking over the side of the bed. I grinned as I placed both my hands on either side of her head, leaning forward from the left of her.

“I found you.” I whispered to what looked like her shivering face, watching that same face stop shivering as her breath was caught in her throat. I chuckled again, taking my pointer finger and using its claw to slice through the top of the sheets, revealing Donna’s wide eyes to me. Her hands were still holding up the edges of the sheets, so it was just her face and mine.

“We really have to stop meeting like this.” I quipped with a smile, watching her mouth open in what was supposed to be another shriek but I silenced her with my own mouth. Donna still shrieked, but I don’t think it was due to terror. I think it was surprise...sure tasted like it.

Her hands came down from their ‘Y’-shaped positioning as she placed them against my chest, adding force behind the appendages to try and push me off. I responded with a raised eyebrow through my opened eyes and by swinging a leg off the ground and to the right of her, placing it firmly on the bed so that more of my weight was applied to her resisting hands.

I watched as her hands sank back from the newly applied weight, her biceps bulging against her skin as I settled down lower; our respective chests practically touching each other as her arms wobbled. I added the straw that broke the cow’s back by swinging my other leg up, crumpling her defense completely. Now I could feel her breasts against my chest as our kiss deepened.

Her whines of resistance slowly spaced out and lessened. I felt Donna move her smushed hands so that they were around my neck as she moaned into my mouth. Initiating revenge in three...two...one!

I wrapped my arms around Donna’s waist and hoisted her up from the blankets so that I was standing up and her legs were wrapped around my waist. From there, I broke mouth contact, a wet ‘pop’ coming from our lips as saliva trailed off.

Donna had a cloudy look in her orange eyes, letting me know that she was really getting into it now.

“If you don’t tell me where my clothes are, I’m gonna make sure you can’t leave this room for nine days at the very least.” I challenged her with a frown on my face. Donna looked at me for a while, panting heavily before chuckling five times exactly.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Mr. Alien.” She said and smiled sultrily, making me roll my eyes.

“You know, I’m being nice by not letting you leave this room in nine days. I could actually...break your back.” I leaned my head in and whispered that last part in her ear smoothly, feeling her shiver in my hands. I really have her riled up!

“They’re with Diamond on the bridge! In the name of the Orthod-Ox church, please take me now! You’ve been teasing me all day and I’m tired of it!” Donna exclaimed as she leaned back and slipped off her top clothing, tossing her glasses on the brown bedside table next to us on the right side. I chuckled as she pushed me off her, already taking off her shorts before I could get a word in.

In mere milliseconds I was embraced by a naked Donna as she buried her face in mine again, making me raise an eyebrow as she entered my mouth this time. I chuckled and unfurled my tongue, letting the serpentine appendage force hers back into her mouth. She whined at being dominated again, but that was to be expected in all seriousness.

Experience will always beat raw power, no questions asked.

I turned us around and picked her up again, her legs coiling around my waist like an anaconda as we continued sucking face. From there, I playfully got on my knees while I playfully slammed Donna on her back. She broke off our kiss to smirk at me before diving back in. I was reminded of a sunny pasture as I french kissed her, pulling on her bottom lip with my own lips as I drew back after a minute-or-two of the makeout session. She moaned at that little bit of foreplay as I began trailing my path of kisses and suckles again.

She kicked her hooves mildly, making me chuckle as I suckle on some of her neck skin. I mentally laughed at the childish kicking that only continued as I teased her body with my mouth, finally reaching her cleavage. I kissed the spot between her large breasts before sucking on the spot, making her moan again.

“M-more...Ah!...T-teasing!?” She complained cutely as I smiled, stopping my foreplay session. She was panting with her tongue out now, her breath somewhat visible against the air in front of our faces. The warm breaths she was letting out were intoxicating, but I was doing a good job at keeping my libido in check.

“Oh, this is the fun part.” I said darkly, leaning down to continue the trail of kisses pass her chest and down to her while and black-furred stomach. She squirmed some more, making me chuckle mentally as I hopped over her...snatch, and to her inner thigh. I lapped at the fur slowly, dragging the flat of my tongue up her leg slowly. She mewed again, trying to shove her... area, in my face.

I smacked her exposed left ass cheek as she leaned over, making her scream out. Damn this cow knows how to moo!

I brought my head back up as I used the same hand to massage her red cheek, looking her right in the eyes.

“Settle down, Bessy. You’ll be singing Home On The Range all night long.” I smiled challengingly as I pressed two fingers against my left eye, activating communications again.

“Do me a favor, Siri, and soundproof the room and lock it. Lock the entrance to the Hallway as well while you’re at it. Something tells me my friend here likes to be loud and proud.”

“Done.”

“Now where were we...” I trailed off as I lowered my head to the spot she was practically throwing at me.

Three Hours Later...

I was laying in bed next to Donna, our romp finished. She was sound asleep next to me, her soft snores and goofy smile confirming that I had did my job right. I chuckled at actually entertaining a job like that.

Fun fact: Did you know that...whatever I am, has two!? If you don’t get what I’m talking about, then you must be a brick wall who had a computer thrown at it just to open the browser to this particular story. You poor, poor, inanimate object you.

Or you live under a rock...I’m betting on the rock.

Regardless, Donna had me completely wrapped up in her arms, my back laying flat against the mattress made out of memory foam. My right wing was outstretched towards Donna as she cuddled up to me, snuggling into my side and providing me with unneeded warmth, seeing as how we’re both underneath some pretty good sheets.

She’s sleeping peacefully now, but I bet when she tries to get up in the morning that she’s gonna have a pretty hard time. I mean, I may of been pining after this one girl forever, but that doesn’t mean I've never had other bed mates.

Silas has been around the block a couple of times. He knows what he’s doing.

“Silas...Silas!” My left eye had suddenly picked up Sunset Shimmer’s voice. “I know you can hear me! Would you mind telling me why Diamond has your clothes!?”

Two fingers against my eye and a frown on my face later, “Well what do you think?” I asked with a playful edge, hearing her do a spit-take over the frequency we were using. I then heard a collective “What the fuck, man!?” in the background. My guess is that those two voices were Ace and Wergal.

Forgive me for saying this, but I’m glad I ran into smart diamond dogs. I don’t think I could’ve put up with Dumb Talk for long.

“T-that’s not important! She’s going around hinting that you two are now a couple and she’s the Alpha Female! It’s getting annoying!” Sunset whined as I rolled my right eye.

“And you believe her because she has my clothes?” I asked with an air of amused disbelief.

“Well that’s pretty obvious, dontcha think?” Sunset snapped angrily.

“It’s pretty obvious to me that you’re on your period, yet you don’t hear me complaining.” I snapped back, hearing her scoff on the other end of the line.

“Sometimes I wonder if you have a brain.”

“Are we really going to do this now? Don’t you remember what happened last time?” I asked in exasperation. Donna cuddled a little closer and tightened her grip around my arm, exhaling through her nose happily. She still had the dorky smile on her face, a little bit of drool coming out from the side of her mouth as she chuckled in her sleep.

Well damn.

"Of course I know what happened last time. The difference is that back then it was a joke, now it's serious. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with yo-"

“And sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever been laid. Seriously, chill out.” I interrupted angrily, my voice increasing a little bit. Sunset was quiet on the other end for a while, making me raise an eyebrow.

“...Goodbye.” I felt my heart drop into my stomach, a sudden coldness in how sad and angry she sounded making me shiver. I became worried as the memories of Sunset in Granite Podium came back to me. I facepalmed myself, knowing that I had just fucked up big time with what I just said.

“Why am I such a fuck-up?” I whispered to myself as I fell back asleep, not really looking forward to an apology that had to be given.