Mess With The Bull....

You would think meeting an alien for the first time would yield emotions like fear or apprehension. This calf had no such thing! In fact, he swaggered up to me like he’s been meeting aliens his entire life!

“You’ve got some hangers on you, dont cha?”  An amused smile broke out on my face without me feeling it, making the kid stop just as he was about to stand right in front of me. His eyes widened like a deer in headlights as he took a fearful step back.

Oh, I just smiled, didn’t I? The last thing a kid wants to see is sharp teeth, especially on an alien that’s two times their size.

“Er....I come in peace?” I offered lamely, instantly closing off the smile I had so that my face was neutral again. The boy seemed to relax, but only slightly. I could make out some of his fur standing on end, which was really awesome by the way. I must have like, eagle vision or something to see hairs standing up an-

Damn my rambling to Hell....

“You ain’t pulling my yoke are ya’?” The kid asked in a southern drawl I had just noticed. Come to think of it, his father did say he owned a farm. Is there an off chance that I can score some information about where I’m at? I have to play my cards right.

I held out my hand and crouched down, offering the boy a smile that showed no teeth, “Nah. The name’s Silas Epista, and I must say that you’re quite handsome for your age!” It took the boy a couple of seconds, but he finally smiled and took my hand in his. YES!!! FIRST CONTACT!!!

“Aw shucks Mister Silas, you don’t have to go and say all of that! Wait until Ms.Shimmer meets ya’! I reckon she’ll be happier than a pig at feeding time!” We completed the handshake and promptly broke it off, with me standing up to my full height while looking down at the boy.

“I think this could be the start of a beautiful-”

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM IT, JACK!!!” And just like that the peaceful atmosphere was ruined. I snapped my head up and saw a big, muscular bull stomping his way up to my position. It must have been the dad, because he looked absolutely pissed!!!

“Didn’t I tell you NOT to go messin’ around with the spaceship!? How the hell am I supposed to keep an eye on ya’ and keep ya’ safe, if ya’ go out and disobey me like this!” Papa Bull; which is what I’ll be calling him until I know his name, snatched his son up as he reached him and laid him over his right shoulder. He threw a death glare my way and held his ground.

And here comes the typical anger out of fear response...

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch my son! I don’t give a rat’s ass WHAT you are! I’ll put ya’ down for good!” He poked me in the chest as he tried so hard to assert himself as the one with the pants.

“Wow. You know, I actually prefer talking with your son. At least he has a brain and manners.” I replied while tossing my nose into the air, crossing my arms to emphasize my point. I heard Papa Bull give powerful snort out of what I assumed to be anger, making me crack an eye open in order to watch what he did next.

Now that I was watching him, I noticed just how close these two must be related. Papa Bull’s fur and hair were the same color as his son, but his hair was long and went down to just below his shoulder blades by the look of it. Two canine-shaped bangs hung off the sides of his head, doing nothing to cover his large ears and white horns. He had a pair of baby-blue overalls on with a white undershirt.

Also, he was fucking ripped. His arms were probably the size of tree trunks!

“Dad, stop it,” Jack yelled as he thrashed about over his father’s shoulder. I could hear dull thuds coming from behind the parent, a strong indication that his son was probably pounding his fists on his back in an attempt to get free, “He’s nice and kind! Why do ya’ always chase away mah friends!?”

“Shut yer mouth,” Papa Bull yelled over his shoulder while keeping constant contact with my eyes, “This thing ain’t ya’ friend! And if he don’t want no trouble,” He began venomously as he turned his head so that his whole face was in my direction again, “He’ll get the fuck off mah property.”

I saw him ball his freehand up, causing me to snort in bemusement. Hell, I even thought it was kind of funny how this guy, who’s about 6’, actually thinks he has a chance against a...

....You know, I still don’t know what I am! How can I sound badass, if I don’t even know what this body is capable of!?

Well, now isn’t the best time to find out. I may not like it, but this farmer and his nicer son are the first people I’ve met since I landed...

....I don’t even think this is Equestria. It doesn’t have that...magic. You know, the bright atmosphere and the singing and the GIANT TAN FIST HOLY SHIT!!!

I ducked quickly, barely dodging the blow that was aimed for my mouth! The bastard must’ve put his son down in order to sneak me while my mind was wandering off. Damn ADD almost got me clobbered!

I then noticed how Jack was gone, but not before I noticed some black overalls running into the shrubs from where they first emerged. I silently prayed that he went off to get some help.

“STAND STILL!!!” I heard a whoosh of air and instinctively fell on my back, watching a muscular leg soar over where my head used to be in my squatting position. The bastard kicks when he fights!? I guess anything goes on this planet!

I quickly scooted away, narrowly avoiding that same outstretched leg as it stomped down. Once I got a safe distance away, I stood up and got into a fighting stance. Papa Bull spat on the ground and began walking around me in a circle.

My mind was racing. This was my chance to show that I wasn’t dangerous, so fighting back is a no-no. That being said, I’m not just gonna sit here and take the blows! I’m gonna be dodging the shit out of them without punching him. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but I’ll figure something out. I normally do.

I dropped my guard and simply waited for when Papa Bull would make his next move. There was a sudden wind gust, billowing my unzipped jacket and mane to the right. I felt them billow but settle as the wind passed. By this time, Papa Bull had made a full circle and was back where he began. I guess he’s more scared than what I originally thought.

You know what? No. I’m not just gonna sit here and wait for him to attack. He wants to be a dick!? He wanted to throw the first blow!? He wanted to cause harm to a man that’s here on an act of peace!? That’s it. Now I’m pissed.

I finally decided that he would be the one I’d try my newfound body out on.

“Can you at least tell me why you’re attacking me?” I asked darkly as his body seemed to tense up. Let me find out the sonuva bitch attacked me because I was an alien and not a threat! Let me find out!

“You’re an alien. I don’t trust yer kind; especially around m’son! Now yer gonna get back in that ship and fly on back to wherever it is ya’ came from! Or I’m gonna make ya’.” And with that, he just made himself an enemy.

“I haven’t been on this planet for more than twenty minutes, and I’m already being assaulted and threatened!? How many aliens have you seen in your lifetime that could make you act like this!? My guess is; not that many! I will not, be excluded from interaction because of some racist hick who’d rather shove his thumbs up his ass and spin than actually embrace the fucking unknown!” I was seething now. Sure there was racism on Earth, but I’ve never been attacked for it. It feels fucking awful and I just wanted to...to...kill this fucker!

That’s it.

No more Mister Nice Alien.

Since the fucker tried to kick me earlier, I guess bringing out my sword isn’t against the “rules”! So that’s what I did.

That satisfying sound of a katana being drawn filled the windy clearing, and as soon as I had it cleared of its sheath on my back, I gave it a mighty swing. It sung through the wind, a choir of sliced air making the pommel stop at my hip. The katana’s tip dug into the ground minutely.

Papa Bull looked about ready to shit himself as I slowly raised the sword and pointed it at him.

“You still want to go? I’m sure Jack’s mother; which is me assuming an ugly sonuva bitch like yourself could pull a girl, will raise him to be a just and outstanding man. As far as I’m concerned, you’re nothing but a blemish that’s in my and his way. Stand aside or get chopped down, the choice is yours.” I finished as I narrowed my eyes at him.

Even from ten feet away I heard him swallow a lump in his throat as his eyes widened in fear. He then held his hands up in a passive gesture, stumbling over his sentences as he tried to talk me out of carving him like a Christmas ham.

I know I’m terrible; bluffing like this, but I can’t blow my chances on first contact. I’m doing this to scare him into submission, to make him think fighting me is impossible. That way, I can effectively end all confrontation now and in the future. Ingenious, If I do say so myself.

“Let’s take it easy pal,” Papa Bull smiled nervously as he took a step backwards, “No need ta’ go swinging around that sword o’ yer’s!”

I snarled. He backed up again.

“Apologize,” I demanded. A look of confusion went across his face, “FUCKING APOLOGIZE!!!” I swung the sword in a huge arch with my right hand, hearing it sing as it sliced through the air.

“OKAY!!! OKAY,” He yelled out in panic, closing his eyes and clenching his fists so hard that I thought he might’ve drew blood, “I apologize fer attacking ya’! I swear it won’t happen again!”

I waited a little bit, watching for any signs of treachery that would’ve gone unnoticed otherwise. When nothing presented itself, I slowly slid the katana back into the sheath on my back. If he would’ve charged me, the worst pain he would’ve felt was the sting of diamond on skin. No cuts, because apparently, diamond is fucking useless as a sword!

....Fuck Minecraft for misleading me....

“Now that we’re done trying to kill one another, how about you show me some of that farmer hospitality? First off, names. I’m Ju-Silas Epista,” I corrected quickly while doing everything in my power to play it off, “As you can see...I’m a bit of an alien.”

Papa Bull sighed deeply before rubbing the back of his head, obviously hurting himself from using his brain in so long.

“Silas:1; Papa Bull:0 !”

“Name’s Lumber. I own the Lumber Tree Farms ah little ways west from here. Biggest producer of wood in all of Equis!” He finished proudly as he placed his thumbs behind the overall straps on his chest and pushed them out. They then gave an authoritative slap as they made contact with with his barrel-pecs after he released them, smiling all the while.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Lumber,” I calmly walked towards him, still wary about our little spat we had from earlier, “I also recall you saying Equis. Is that the name of this planet?” I asked as I closed the distance.

“Please; call me Lum! Everyone does,” Lum said as he turned around just as I reached him, “And ta’ answer ya’ other question, yes. Equis is the name of this here world.” He then took the lead. As to where he was leading me to I have no clue.

“I’d love to know more about it. And if you don’t mind me asking, where are we going?” I stopped as I threw a longing glance back at my shuttle. I didn’t just want to leave Siri in the wilderness. I don’t even know if the rover had weapons to protect it.

“Ah,” Lum said in recognition as he stopped and looked back at me, “You don’t wanna leave yer’ U.F.O-thingamajigger. Understandable. I suppose ya’ wouldn’t mind waiting here fer a day until I can get ya’ some sort a’ welcomin’ present? I’m sure my son wouldn’t mind delivering it to you.” He said that last part really smug, as if mentioning his son would get me to stay.

“I don’t see the harm in staying here for a day. Could you possibly include a map of Equis in your present? I am kinda new here after all.” I stated as Lum’s smile seemed to burst from his maw.

Jesus man, control yourself.

“No prob’! Just don’t go running or flying off before Jack gets here on tha’ morrow, Mr.Silas!” And with that, Lumber strolled off into the woods.

I’m not leaving. Not if I’m getting a map I’m not. You can bet your momma’s sweet ass I’m staying here. Well, not right here. More like inside of my home.

So without further ado, I proceeded to walk back towards my ship. Once I arrived, I cupped a hand around my mouth to amplify my voice, “Siri! Open the door!” I called, getting no answer from the rover. I grit my teeth in frustration as I added my other hand to my amplification methods, “SIRI! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” I yelled even louder than before.

Still no answer...

...Sonuva bitch.

“YOU FUCKING OVERGROWN PAPERCLIP!!!” I cursed as I kicked the shit out of the large tires in front of me. The hubcap to be preci-

.....................................OWWWWW!!!

I yelled in pain as the results of my actions caught up with me. My foot was lifted up with a claw as I began hopping around in pain, wincing every time the hand holding my foot up touched the sore spot. Which was located right above the toes.

After hopping around like a madman, a stream of curses flowing from my lips at random times, I tentatively placed my foot back on the ground. I winced as the appendage curved because of the shape of my legs, making me apply all my weight on it. It’s gonna bruise.

I then opted to just lean against the rover until Siri answered me. I put my uninjured foot against the tire that had injured my other one, crossed my arms and bent my head down. My eyes quickly followed the motion of my head, closing instantly.

One thing was for certain. Things were, for the first time in my life, both here and on Earth, starting to look up. On Earth, I was a nobody. Constantly friendzoned by one of the girls I knew since middle school. Douchebag friends that automatically assumed I was gay since I watched My Little Pony. Lazy-Ass teachers who hand out packets and give us bookwork when they should be teaching.

My home life wasn’t any better. My brother got to do whatever he wanted and faced no consequences. Well he did, it’s just that they were mediocre ones like; “No T.V, No Video Games or Computer,” and blah blah blah. A mom who would rather ride my ass about a single D in a class than my brother’s five F’s and a C+. How I had to practically clean the house everyday while my brother sat on his skinny ass and ate sweets while watching T.V(Regardless if he was on punishment or not.).

He’s 18, but acts like a 9 year old brat. Hell, he was even kept back twice. He’s in the same grade as me, when he should be a fucking senior. Can you even begin to grasp how fucking annoying and embarrassing that is!? Random people walking up to me and saying, “Oh hey! You’re Chris’s brother! Ha! He doesn’t do shit in [insert teacher’s name]’s class!” And yet, he gets showered with Ipods and whatnot.

I even tried running away once. I just...packed all my shit up and left when mother brought another man home. He was a scumball and everyone knew it. She was just taking care of her own needs, so it’s understandable. We had a heart to heart in the car right before I went to school and endured everything I quoted above.

I’ve just grown so...desynthesized. Back on Earth, it felt like I had nothing left.That’s why I tried my hardest in school and in trying to find a job. I wanted out. I wanted to be set free from my shackles and soar. I wanted to-

“Mr.Silas?”

“WHAT!!!???” I yelled harshly, looking down at.....Jack. Oh no.

I was so wrapped up in my feelings and thoughts that I hadn’t noticed my souring mood! This could set me back! Everything so far could be for not! And what’s worse, I just scared the hell out of a boy who couldn’t be more than six!

Jack wailed and backed up as I reached out an apologetic hand, to which he looked at as if it was going to slice him in two. My heart sank into my stomach and shattered as he turned on his heels and ran behind a set of....gold-colored hooves?

My head slowly drifted up only to stare into eyes so completely full of scorn. From the eyelashes around her blue-colored eyes I could tell she was female. She had the most luxurious red and yellow mane and tail, which seemed to permanently stay puffed and poofy.

This girl must go through at least twelve gallons of hairspray every week.

My jaw dropped in realization, that a horse has eyelashes. AND a horn. That would make her a.....

....Unicorn.

Oh shit.

This may be Equis, but there has to be an Equestria here. There’s no other explanation.

“When Jack-Jack came to me in order to come get his father from thrashing a ‘Mr. Good Alien,’ I was under the assumption that he was patient and kind. I can see now, that that was all just a clever ruse in order to lure poor little Jack-Jack into your evil clutches!” The mare deducted as she assumed a defensive stance. Well....

...As far as pony standards are concerned.

I let the arm I had hanging out drop lazily back to my side as I pushed myself off of the rover. I gave a defeated sigh, knowing that all my work had been for naught. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make her see reason.

Justin might’ve been treated unfairly, but I’ll be damned if Silas will be too!

“Will everyone stop trying to beat me up already!? First it’s Lum and now it’s you! I don’t even know your fucking name, and you want to hurt me!? You’re just like Lum! You know what,” I was getting a little tired of being picked on by the universe. You want a bad guy, I’ll give you a bad guy, “I’ve HAD IT!!!”

I pulled my sword out and pointed it at her head. Being chivalrous, however, is a must on the battlefield.

“Before I break my sword off in your furry-ass, how about you tell me your name.” I demanded as I narrowed my eyes. This shit ends now.

“It’s Sunset Shimmer. The pleasure of defeating you,” She trailed off as her horn gathered a blood-red glow to it, “Is all mine!” A ray of red magic collided with my sword’s blade, which made the surrounding area dance in red spots as the magic reflected off the diamond. I barely moved an inch or felt the blow.

A wicked smile graced my face for the first time in a long time.

“Jack-Jack, go hide in the forest and stay down!” She yelled while keeping me at bay with her magical ray. The baby minotaur offered me a sorrowful glance with tears in his eyes as he grudgingly followed his new orders.

“So you’re the one Jack’s been telling me about,”  I yelled over the whir of her magic on my sword, “He talked as if you were the bee’s knees! He also mentioned that you believed in extraterrestrials like myself! Is this true?” I began walking towards her slowly, the ray still plastered to my sword. She seemed none the wiser about my sudden movement.

“What of it!? Why did I walk in on you trying to hurt him!? Aren’t you supposed to be a good alien!?” She yelled back as the ray seemed to intensify in power. I felt this shock wave scoot me back a little and made my arms strain. It was all momentary, however, and I was already starting to close the distance once more. Albeit more slowly than before.

“How can you decide what is good!? Did I physically harm that child!!?” I yelled as that sudden claim pissed me off. My jacket and mane were whipping about madly as I got closer and closer. No one has the right to say what is good and what is bad. It’s because of this that wars are fought and lives are lost.

I’ve always hated evil, but who could decide what evil really was? Religion couldn’t. It’s a changing phenomenon where people place all their hopes and dreams on a higher power. A higher power who has to be the embodiment of perfection in order for people to confide in.

Leaders couldn’t. They’re nothing but humans their damn selves, just with more power. They’d lie to you just to get to your pockets and fill their own.

The answer?

You. Only you can decide what’s right and wrong, good or evil.  And that’s because good and evil are opinions. While one thing might be virtuous and just to you, it could be the highest form of blasphemy or wrongdoing to another.

Good and evil are just more limitations the human race places on themselves in order to hinder ingenuity and freethinking. They are mental disintegrator guns, and I will not suffer from the effects of such a weapon! I refuse!!!

“You yelled” I could see the strain on her face as she gave a grunt of weariness, “At poor Jack-Jack! He’s done nothing,” Another grunt, “Short of being nice to you! And that’s how,” Again with a grunt, “You repay him!?”

Enough.

There was snowball’s chance in hell that this would’ve worked, but I did it anyway.

Keeping my sword focused on absorbing her magic, I grabbed her horn with my right hand quickly. The ray stopped as Sunset Shimmer let out a dismayed eep. I yanked her up by the horn until we were eye level. She had that same look Lumber had when I pulled my sword on him.

I gave her the nastiest glare I could scrounge up as I brought her face close to mine. All I could see were her blue eyes, and I bet that’s all she could see on my face as well.

“I was trying to apologize. That is, until you butted in. I was about ready to kill you, but I thought better of it. I don’t want to ruin my chances of being a nice alien to everyone, but you assholes are making it harder than it needs to be!!!” I was seeing red now. All I could hear in my mind was, “Kill Her! Kill Her! Kill Her!”

I was so mad I could just-

“But I-”

*ROOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!*

I felt the ground tremble as my roar began to wind down. I was panting by the end of it, and I couldn’t find the oxygen to breathe properly. I casted a tired eye to my prisoner, who was fear-locked in place. Her hair was comically blown back, like it had been put on ice.

I also noticed the damp fur on her back legs.

Pee-I MEAN seeing how my work was done, I proceeded to place her on the ground and walk back to my ship without another word. From the bushes, I head one thing before I leaned up against my ship.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!!!”

Yeah...It was kinda badass, wasn’t it?

Couldn’t help but smile at that.