Author's Note

In this one, they finally have sex! Never live it down, true believers! Excelsior!

Midnight In the Garden of Spike and Gummy

The raspy voice of an old man. The bitter taste of sugar-less coffee. The ashes of a cigarette. Spike looked around, analyzing the small cafe he was sitting in. About 3/4th of the ponies there were smoking, the leftover 1/4th performing folk songs on the stage. It was perfect for Spike's new mission; Becoming a pretentious douche-bag. He had read in Neon Lights' 20 Different Lifestyles For Getting Laid how both mares and colts love a smoking, drinking, unsuccessful folks musician. Of all the styles in the book, "folk" was the easiest one; sure, the cigarettes were disgusting and the scarf was a little tight around his neck, but at least it didn't involve getting a tattoo.

But it was all worth the trouble for Gummy, the sexiest alligator to have ever stepped into Spike's life. Spike had dated beautiful girls before (such as that dirty old pillow or Twilight, but that's a story for another day), but there was something so enticing about Gummy that blew all of them out of the water. From his soul-less eyes to that body, he was absolutely flawless. Like Lolita, except even more creepy in a way. What Spike especially loved about Gummy was how different he was from his other friends. Gummy would never abandon you, like Rarity did. Gummy wouldn't get pregnant, like Twilight did. Gummy is love, Gummy is life. But thinking about him isn't going to get me anywhere, Spike thought. He knew that his craving needed to be fulfilled. He had to go see Gummy again, so he could tell him how he feels.

"Spike!" The sound of Twilight's voice broke Spike out of his daydreaming. Spike looked around and noticed he was standing in the middle of Town Square at midnight. Odd. He turned around and saw Twilight, with her homeless stoner boyfriend Benny Starr standing next to her, holding her hospital bag. "Spike, I'm gonna go have this baby. Are you coming or what?" She said, as Benny lit up a cigarette and blew the smoke right in her face. Great guy. "Uhh... No, you guys go without me. Write me when it's born." Twilight nodded, just as their carriage arrived. Twilight and Benny got in, and as they drove off hospital-bound, Spike realized something: Twilight couldn't worry about him anymore. She's too busy having that baby who's father remains a mystery. (TO BE EXPLORED IN A PREQUEL!!!! THANKS HOLLYWOOD!!!!) So Spike could do something like, say, sneak into Gummy's room and make out with him. But he wouldn't do that.

TIMESKIP!

Spike swung his rear end through the window, into Gummy's room. This was the perfect time for Spike to break in; both Pinkie and the Cakes were too busy downstairs, as midnight was their busiest time of the day, as they're sharing the building with the night-only Sugar Coated Gentleman's Club. Gummy's room was fairly small and empty, aside from a couple of toys and Gummy's basket. Spike tip-toed over to the basket, and lifted up the blanket to see what's hiding under it. And indeed, it was exactly what Spike was looking for... Gummy.

"Oh, uhh, hi Gummy." Spike sputtered as Gummy stared into his soul. The mere thought of Gummy was enough to drive Spike insane, but there he was, right in front of him, flesh and blood, pure reality. A single drop of sweat crawled down Spike's forehead. He put his hand on Gummy's shoulder. What follows all seemed to happen in a second. His lips on his lips, his tongue swimming around his tongue, and then they were both on the floor. Spike stopped for a moment and looked at Gummy.

"I love folk music."

And then they had wild lizard sex. But I'm not gonna describe that. And I'm gonna assume you don't want me to, anyways. So let's just do what we always do...

TIMESKIP!

After what seemed like 2 hours of great lizard sex, Spike took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke into the air. It was much more satisfying now then it was at the 28th Annual Folk Music Festival. Spike turned to his new love Gummy, who looked even more beautiful now than he did before. It was at this moment Spike knew Gummy was the one for him. Great personality, great looks, great sex. Spike loved Gummy and, even though he didn't say anything, he knew Gummy loved him back. Spike heard the creaking of a wooden staircase and realized Pinkie was coming to check on Gummy. If she found out Spike had sex with Gummy, she would surely tell Twilight, and Spike would be in big trouble. As quick as he could, he put out the cigarette and jumped out of the window. Spike quickly realized that he was on the second floor and that it was a long fall down, but unfortunately he realized this when he had already hit the ground. And as he was lying there, listening to the thumping techno music coming from the Sugar Coated Gentlemen's Club, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Or maybe he was unconscious, I dunno. He's not dead, though. Could you imagine if I actually ended the story after the first time they had sex? That would be crazy. Nah, don't you worry true believers, Reptilian Love will be back with a halfway plot switch! SAME BAT-TIME, SAME BAT-CHANNEL!