Haters Gonna Hate

Chapter Two: And Now I Feel Bad

When I stress my hatred for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I often forget to mention the origin of my hate.

It's not predisposition of gender, where I hate it because it's for little girls and I'm a grown goddamn (Bat) man. It's not due to any dislike of the franchise, or the staff behind the show, or the network the show airs on.

In fact, I have no reason the hate Friendship Is Magic.

My hatred is empty and baseless, but it expands over the entire series like a dark blanket, making every little detail regarding the show trigger a wave of nausea in me like nothing has or ever will.

And THAT'S what I HATE.

I hate having an opinion with nothing to back it up, no reason behind it. It's IDIOTIC, and it's not the kind of guy I am. For example, if I met someone from a culture where the principal form of disposing of the dead bodies of your family was eating them, I wouldn't react to this with, "EW! GROSS!" I'd step back and wonder what the point of it is. In this case, you'd be taking in the loved one you lost, taking some fantastical part of them into you in the process so it stays with you forever.

But when it comes to ponies…

...I just don't fucking know, and it disgraces and shames me. That makes me frustrated, and that turns to fury. And, as Yoda said, Anger Leads to Hate.

He also said Hate leads to Suffering.

He was right.

~@~

I woke shivering and sneezing in the sunlight, squeezing my eyes shut as my brain went on a bouncing spree in my cranium.

My head was pounding as I opened my eyes, and I shut them tight in the sudden light of day. I groaned, and suddenly let a sneeze loose from my muzzle.

My eyes opened weakly as I checked to see if that was right.

Yep. I was still a fucking pony.

"Fuck," I growled out, shivering as I stood. I must have looked like Hell-Hair was clumped and damp in some spots, my whole body was trembling from being in the cold rain for however long I'd been sleeping, and I probably had bags under my eyes.

Shaking my head once, I looked around, taking in my surroundings. During the night, the storm had passed, and I could make out where I was easily, namely due to the expanse of ordered trees that went on for miles, bright red fruit hanging from the sturdy boughs.

Sweet Apple Acres.

God, I really WAS in a cartoon.

My stomach gave a rumble like a cantankerous lion and I looked down towards it. Of course, my new neck didn't exactly get me a good look at it, but I knew that I had to eat sometime soon.

Letting out another sneeze, I looked around with bleary eyes, squinting in the morning sun. It was just cresting the hills now, yellow rays spreading out over the orchard as I turned in place, getting my bearings.

Or, at least, trying to.

God dammit, why can't ponies have an internal compass like geese do! Those birds can find their way back to the same nesting site after YEARS of being away-Why can't I remember which way I came from in the middle of the storm last night!

Oh, that's why.

The weight of guilt and shame fell on me as I reflected on recent events.

I'd almost killed TS. Twice.

I'd wrecked her home.

I'd hurt her friend.

All because I'd been thrown into a panicked frenzy after being morphed into a Pony.

I mean, my reaction had been understandable, not to mention life shattering. Still, why did I run? Why did I attack her? Fear seemed to be the right answer. I'd attacked out of fear, like any animal does when torn from it's normal life and shoved into a new one. I'd lost everything in the blink of an eye, and been deposited by TS' hand-Er, hoof, sorry-into the one place I hoped never to be.

I felt like an utter ass.

TS probably would have helped me if I'd stayed. But I hadn't. I'd been so afraid, so bewildered, that I hadn't stopped to think about how to fix this situation. Instead, I'd gone on the offensive, shooting something bright all over the place as I'd screamed out my rage at fate for it's dirty, dirty play, and then fled like a felon into the dark of the night.

Blinking weakly, I determined which way the town was, and started off, still shivering a little as I kept my head bowed out of fatigue.

I had some SERIOUS groveling to do.

"Who's that?"

"Not sure. He looks a little ill, though-Maybe we better keep our distance."

"Check out the wings. What's a Pegasus doing just walking around?"

"Ugh, he looks like such a grouch."

"I think he heard you."

Damn fucking right I did. You were being so dam subtle, too.

Tearing my glare from the ponies that were chattering all around me, I kept on through the town, looking for whatever house was TS'. It was way harder than it sounds-Not only did all the buildings LOOK THE FUCKING SAME, but my eyes were squinting in the light, and I was having a hard time making out details. Add that to the fact that I still looked a mess, and I was pretty much lost and looking the part.

The worst part, though, were the whispers.

They were hardly whispers, but I could see pony after pony trade a look of caution and uncertainty as I stumbled by. I was a stranger in their midst, and they were probably more than a little wary of someone who did seemingly nothing but scowl and glare at each and every house that he passed.

I can hardly blame them. I'd probably react the same way if a girl went running down Main Street and burst into expletives every time she found a Mom and Pop shop.

What? There are A LOT of those where I'm from.

I didn't know how long I'd been walking before I heard someone gasp. I looked up, and had to squint as my eyes landed on a bright pink pony.

She screamed her lungs out, turned, and ran back the way she came.

Wait, wasn't that-

"Dash, darling! There you are!"

Oh fuck no.

My pupils probably shrunk to the size of a grain of sand as I heard the smooth, cultured voice drift through the air and loving dance into my ear. It was a voice I was really hoping I wouldn't have to hear.

Nononono. Please, please, God, if you're there, anyone but-

Rarity smiled dazzlingly at me as she opened the doors to her botique, her magic pulling the rug (Where the FUCK did that come from and why was it in the street) I was standing on towards her. I gave a yelp of shock as I was pulled into the doors of the store and thrown off, landing in a four-legged spread eagle on the floor.

My head reminded me it was aching as I gritted my teeth, hissing out a low "Goddammit" as I tried to massage my aching head.

Of all the Ponies, Rarity comes in at a close second behind The One That Shall Not Be Named in my extensive list of "Ponies I Hate". Objectively, she was lovely, talented, and enthralled with her work.

Subjectively, in my mind, she was a vain skank.

Seriously. No one should care that much about how they look.

"Oh!" I heard her say, followed by the click of the door shutting, "I'm so sorry! You look like a dear friend of mine, you see, and-"

"And," I growled loudly through gritted teeth, eyes flashing open and narrowing on the purple-maned pony, "I'm. Not. Her."

Rarity opened her nouth, but blinked, taken aback by my sudden hostility. Deal with it, bitch, you just dragged me in off the street and gave me a migraine. "No, but the resemblance is jus uncanny!" She sounded happy as she trotted over, examining me with a precise eye. I wasn't sure if she was checking me out or just inspecting to see if I was injured, but, either way, I really wanted her to fucking stop. Now would be good. "Would you happen to be her brother?"

"No."

"Cousin?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No!" Each word had escalated in volume and hostility until I finally snapped, standing in one smooth move and unconsciously spreading my wings out wide as I glared down at Vanity. The poor pony was a few inches shorter than me, and I was vaguely aware of a rumble from somewhere that wasn't my stomach. It sounded like thunder. "I'm not Rainbow Dash, I'm not related to her, and I'm not her boyfriend! So, if you'd just let me-"

I tried to leave right then and there, I swear to you. I knew what would follow would be incredibly unpleasant, and I didn't want a repeat of last night's events at TS' house. No, this grumpy sumbitch was going to play it smart, and walk right out the door.

At least, I tried.

"Au contraire!" A rack of clothes magically rolled into place between me and my egress as a few of it's friends suddenly appeared at my left and right side. I turned, baring my teeth and glaring at Rarity, who was too lost in talking to notice. "Look at yourself, you're a mess! I would never forgive myself if I let you walk from MY store looking so…so…" Oh, look, she noticed how mad I was. "Are you aware that you're crackling?"

I felt it before I noticed, but, yes, I was actually crackling with static. Or rage. At this point, I didn't know, and didn't care. "Get this crap out of my way," I snarled through gritted teeth, "PLEASE." I stressed the final world, making my statement sound a lot more imploring than intimidating.

Vanity blinked in confusion before she scowled back. "How-How rude! I'm offering to help you, and you assert that my lovely work is nothing more than-than-" Good god, they can't even bring themselves to curse?

"I'm asking POLITELY, pony," I growled, spitting the last word like it was poison, and I saw Vanity physically jump as I took a step forward. The crackling became more intense, small arcs of static electricity jumping from me to the metal of the racks of clothing.

And that's when the salamander attacked.

I don't know where the little fucker had been hiding this whole time. In one of the racks? The ceiling? Wherever he came from, Spike the small purple dragon, roaring something semi-threatening, was on my face and clawing at me like a pissed off alley tabby. Inch-long dragon claws dug at my face, and I felt skin break under the merciless carving as Vanity gasped, screaming for Spike to cease and desist. I gave a roar of frustration in response.

The blast that followed was like nothing I'd ever imagined I'd be capable of producing.

Lightning exploded from me with a roar of thunder that could have deafened a train. Spike went flying into Rarity, and everything else tilted over like a well-organized line of dominoes, racks of dresses and suits collapsing on each other in a cacophony of crashes that added to the fading roar of the storm.

I panted, eyes hot and furious as I glared at the recovering pair. Spike was on his feet first, standing between me and Vanity, while the latter was looking like she had just been on the receiving end of a hangover, rubbing her head with a hoofless leg.

Seriously, I HATE those legs. How do they even work?

Panting hard, I felt my wings flare, another Thundershock building up as Spike crouched, his claws ready. I didn't know if dragons bruised or not, but I was sure as hell about to find out.

"Now, that's quite enough!"

Wow.

Rarity could get LOUD.

Both Spike and I jumped as Rarity drew herself up, scowling at both of us as if we were nothing more than rambunctious kids. Spike, for his credit, seemed to relax, but I wasn't taking chances.

That, and I had no idea how to control fucking LIGHTNING. I mean, WOW, that had been the coolest fucking thing EVER, but I didn't exactly have "Magic And How To Not Waste Fuckers With It" in front of me.

"I've had quite enough of this enigmatic behavior from the both of you!" Vanity snapped, her head turning down to glare at Spike, who blinked in surprise. I didn't grin, I promise.

Okay, I lied.

"You should know better than to simply ambush someone, Spike!" Vanity began, but Spike held his hands (Er, claws?) up in surrender as she continued. "As noble as that is, I highly doubt he would have actually assaulted me in any manner!"

I snorted. "Are you kidding me? You had me cornered against a rack of suits and WOULDN'T LET ME LEAVE." I stomped my hoof, and there was an accompanying rumble of thunder. Ignoring it, I turned my eyes on the baby dragon. "You. Attacking me. Explain it. Now. Or this place goes up like a roman candle."

Rarity blinked. "A what?"

Spike, for the record, is a kid, with kid-like emotions and reactions. Despite that, the following moment forever reminded me that the kid still had some balls. Some.

Turning to me with a fixed glare, he leveled a claw at me and snarled, some strings of smoke curling from his nose. "Don't EVER threaten Miss Rarity or her work, Hatesteed! I'm warning you!"

Hatesteed? I blinked, feeling my face shift from fury to annoyed confusion. "What are you talking about!"

Spike blinked, his posture slumping as he kept a claw pointed at me. "You're the Hatesteed, right? A ponyfication of all the hate in the world? Twilight said you-"

"The HATESTEED?" Rarity said, backpedaling swiftly, a look of stunned fear in her eyes. I rolled mine, groaning as I brought a hoof to my face in annoyance.

…ohgodI'mactinglikethemnow SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

"Look, whatever she said," I growled out, stepping forward casually (Causing Vanity to yelp a little, which I took SOME joy in) and keeping my eyes on Spike, "I'm not the Hatesteed or whatever. I just…" I sighed, hanging my head a little as my wings folded to my sides.

That was still going to take some getting used to. Having an extra pair of limbs is REALLY unnerving, trust me.

"I just reacted really, really badly to waking up a pony," I said, looking back at a surprised Spike. "See, I don't REALLY look like this most of the time, I-"

"Whoa, whoa," Spike said, holding his puny claws up as realization seemed to dawn on his face, "So…You only reacted that way because Twilight turned you INTO a pony?"

I gave him a deadpan look, cocking an eyebrow as I replied dryly, "I think that was what I just said. Anyway, I-" Before I could even get a consanant out, the dragon had given a yell of horror and made a break for the door, leaving it to swing shut behind him with me and a semi-stunned Vanity amdist the wreckage of her shop.

I blinked. That little dude could sure move. "That lil' dude can move," I said.

"Y-yes," Vanity said as I hear her take a few tentative steps towards me, "He's…He's a baby, so he…The Hatesteed?" I turned to see Vanity's face pulled into a mix of horror and indignation. "Twlight, dear, what on Earth were you thinking?"

"Hey, imagine how I feel!" I said, turning and walked towards one of the fallen racks, nudging it with my head until it stood properly with a loud clatter, "I get stuck with all of YOU ponies by some fluke of misdirected magic!"

Vanity gave a huff from behind me as I heard her use her magic to right some of the other racks of clothing, the various suits and dresses shuffling as they fell together. "You continually insist you're NOT The Hatesteed, but you certainly have enough of a dislikable personality!"

I turned, a curse on my lips and my wings flaring, before I shut my mouth with a sigh. "Look, it's nothing personal. I just…I just don't get you or your friends, that's all."

Vanity, who had her back to me, turned and tilted her head.

I felt sort of shameful about hating her. She had been a lot more helpful to me than some of the others around here (I was vaguely away that there was at least one cut leaking blood down my face), and I'd been nothing but a goddamn grouch. Just like I had been at TS' the previous night.

I looked away, my mind bogged down with the name "Hatesteed" as I returned to flipping the racks right side-up, Vanity resuming her work shortly after myself. We worked for a few moments in silence before I stopped, reaching a suit that stood, unharmed. It was made for a massive pony, and the colors and stitches actually had a sort of glow to them in shadow. In the sun, every fiber and sequin seemed smooth as silk. "This is good work." I found myself saying, to my own shock.

Was I actually complimenting a FUCKING PONY?

"Oh!" Vanity said, looking over from across the store, "Oh, yes, I…I take pride in that particular vestment."

Before I had even realized that I'd said it, it was out. "Why?"

"I'm sorry?"

I turned to look at her, my face confused and brow furrowed. I probably still looked like a grouch, but one that was at least willing to ask questions and confront his own bias. "Why do all of this? It's CLOTHING. It's temporary, physical, feeding the vain parts of the soul." I looked back at the suit, scowling at it as if my situation was a result of some action it had taken in a previous life. "Why do all of that if, like people say, true beauty comes from inside?"

Not gonna lie: Corniest shit I've ever said.

Vanity walked up next to me as my confused eyes turned to her. Her face was pensive-Hard to imagine someone who was so focused on the physical to be philosophizing, but, hey, I was suddenly a fucking pony that stole Pikachu's powers. Who was I to talk?

After a moment or two, she answered, purple eyes looking up at mine. "It's true-Perhaps these suits and dresses won't withstand the passage of time. Some will be bought or rented for just one night, as well, but," She smiled a little, and I felt my eyebrow tip upwards, "For that night, or time, or moment, the beauty within is presented outside. Earlier you asked why I do this, and, frankly dear," she said, shrugging, "There's your answer."

…Wow, did I feel like an ass. I wasn't even sure what to say for a bit before the worlds made their way out of my mouth. "That's pretty noble of you."

Van-No, Rarity gave me a small smile. "Of course, dear. Now, let's get you cleaned up. Perhaps that will help with that cold of yours."

"Yeah," I said, my tone distracted as I watched the pony walk away. All this time, I'd seen her as shallow, but I'd been the shallow one. I'd just judged her on what I saw, but I never thought for a moment why she-

Wait.

Cleaned up?

Like…A BATH?

I jumped and recoiled, backing towards the door. "Oh-ho, I don't think so! I'm NOT about to let ANYONE give me a bath!" I accentuated this statement with a stomp of my hoof, a rumble accompanying it for emphasis.

The rumble was not thunder. It was my goddamn STOMACH.

I winced at how powerful that one had been. Looking down, I sighed. "Besides, I need to grab me some food."

Rarity raised an eyebrow as I kicked open the door with a sneeze. "You don't want to see a doctor first?"

"I need to talk to Applejack, too," I said with a growl, turning and walking out the door, "Why pay the pony twice in one day?"