“So, uuum, what are you doing here, exactly?” Derpy Hooves saw many, many weird things in her life, but not often she saw a disgruntled unicorn lodged headfirst in a cloud.

“The Humble and Apologetic Trixie tried to do the daily cloud clean up. Wasn’t that obvious?” If her head wasn’t so buried in the cloudy surface she would have probably seen that her claim was dubious at least.

“You know, the weather team already deals with that. I have this friend who can do it all by herself, even! Ten seconds flat, as she likes to say.”

“Yes. Trixie is aware of that, but Trixie really, really wanted to be helpful and, well, I seem to make poor decisions as of lately. Many poor decisions.” The rump stopped talking. “It seems I’m stuck here.”

“I can help, if you’d like.”

“The Great and Power—Erm, Humble and Apologetic Trixie can do this alone, thank you.” The blue unicorn wiggled her flanks wildly and flailed her hindlegs around, stopping at mere inches from Derpy’s googly eyes. She sidestepped very quickly, not wanting to risk having a hoofmark right on her face.

“You need something?”

“An energy drink!” Trixie’s rump shouted before falling limp and silent. “You know what? A little push won’t hurt…”

Derpy smiled and grabbed the magician’s hindlegs, instead pulling as hard as she could. Trixie popped out of the cloud, landing rump first in Derpy’s lap. She felt cold, moist even, in her hooves but still had that elegant nonchalance that permeated all of her actions, not even bothering to look in her eyes.

“You’re welcome, by the way.” Derpy snickered.

“Uh? Oh, yes. Thank you. You know, I never catched your name, by the way…”

“I’m Derpy...You prefer Great and Powerful or the other one?”

“I guess everypony still remembers me, right?” a deep sadness was etched in her eyes. The kind of sadness a pony could carry alone and only alone. The kind of sadness Derpy couldn’t stand. “And not in a good way. If you want to throw me at the ground for some past misdeeds I’ll accept it with grace.”

“No, actually I won’t.”

“Y-you won’t?” the unicorn tilted her head in total, unadulterated disbelief. “But...but I have enslaved ponies for my amusement, warped the land with eldritch magic, tilted every painting I came across to give headaches to the townsfolks!

“I don’t have any painting at my place so I guess you’re not that bad. Not in my eyes at least.”

Speaking of eyes, Trixie just couldn’t stop staring at Derpy’s uneven eyes. Unless the googly eyed pegasus had just developed some kind of hypnotic power, she had already an answer. “Yes, they are always like that. You get a free joke.”

“I’m not, um...Sorry. Your eyes are cute. One eye, that’s it. I swear wasn’t going to say the other one stopped looking at it.”

Derpy stifled a little laugh. “Never heard that one before. I mean it! You’re funny. “

Trixie chuckled, a small wave of relief engulfed her heart when she didn’t see a hoof landing on her face. There was another pony willing to give her a second chance. Willing to see Trixie behind villainous actions and boastful, bombastic titles.

“Just Trixie.”

“Huh?”

“You can call me just Trixie.”

“Alright… Just Trixie.” Derpy Hooves kindly, causing Trixie to join in, snuggling on the pegasus’ grey coat. Finally at peace, even for a few moments, in the company of somepony she had just met, but felt so close to her own heart already. It felt almost like a cheap romance novel where the tormented heroine finds herself somepony that cares for her in the darkest hour and at the end they—

Derpy coughed. “You don’t want to get down, won’t you?”

“It feels so nice in here…”

“Alright…” the pegasus rolled her uneven eyes. “Just a few minutes.”

***

“Do you think we lost them?” Derpy Hooves whispered, clutching deeply the unicorn magician, her cheek glued unto Trixie’s, squeezed together in a cardboard box. Why you always bring that thing with you? Derpy once asked. Now she knew and Trixie felt awesome.

“I hope so! Maybe they’ll leave us alone now. We left behind the magical dildo so Twilight and the girls should be content for now.” Trixie blinked. “That is one of the weirdest things I ever said.”

“Well, we said that before: just giving it back won’t work. They still have to catch the thief.” Derpy paused, her googly eyes wandering around, searching for an answer that Trixie couldn’t provide. Just minutes ago she said the only thing the magician wanted was to help her beloved, and now her mind was more useless than a horizontal wheel.

“I should give in.” Derpy sighed. “Yeah, I’ll tell her that it was all my idea and that’s it.”

“Are you crazy?! What if she tells it to the Royal Guards and the Princess Herself knows it? What would your daughter think about you?”

“That her mother isn’t a liar or a coward.”

"Yeah! And that she won’t be on this planet anymore. I hope the Moon is nice in this season…” Trixie, of course, didn’t have the time to tell her how proud she was of the mailmare and couldn’t tell her the extent of her admiration. “I suppose it’s out of the question If I take all the blame.”

“You’ve never been the Moon type, anyway.” she quietly giggled.

“Trixie had to try that.”

“Didn’t you have a cunning plan?”

“Yeah, before they saw us. But if we make a few adjustments to the plan…” The wheels and cranks of her showmare mind started to turn again, recreating and modifying the first crazy idea from the back of her mind. “I suppose you don’t have a 400 pound tub of jelly?”

Derpy glared at her.

“All right, then we have to settle for the B plan.” She whipped out of her hat a black, plastic trinket and put it around her neck. “Just trust me and play along, alright?” she winked, leaving Derpy quite confused. Before she could even think to ask, Trixie jumped out of their hiding place, her cape billowing in the wind. Derpy made a mental note to ask her if she really wears it all the time.

Would that cape still billow on the Moon?

“Twilight Sparkle! Here I am! Come and get me!” she shouted, prompting Derpy to slap her forehead silly and mouth What the hay are you doing, you inconceivable pony! but no sound came from her mouth.

“I have the Alicorn Amulet in my hooves! Yes, that’s right. Another one! Bigger and better! And I’m not afraid to use it, Sparkle. I also have a thrall now! Thralls are cool!” She turned towards Derpy’s corner of night. “Isn’t that right, thrall?”

Derpy was slow to learn, she barely complete the Sunday Saddloku on the newspaper, but damn it if she couldn’t understand that plan B! “Oh, yeah! I be doing your bidding, my dark mistress! I’m totally yours, body and soul! Ravaaaage me with thy will, make me yours and yours alone, make me dance like a puppet of—”

“That’s enough, thrall.” she deadpanned. Derpy stopped as the sad realization reared its ugly head.

“Stupid Trixie…” she muttered. “I told you I was going to handle it.” She saw her favourite unicorn turned towards her with a bittersweet smile on her face.

A faint purple light approached and in the darkness they heard the sound of approaching hoofsteps. Lightened by the the purple light, she saw the four familiar faces. Twilight Sparkle looked at her determined, her analytical mind carefully planning a way around Trixie’s (not really) dangerous artifact, while the other girl were simply ready to jump at the magician at her next move.

Even Pinkie Pie, the epitome of friendliness and cheerful attitude, looked strangely intimidating. Even with a pair of glasses and fake moustache. That is one question that is in no need to be answered now.

“It’s over, Trixie! Drop the Amulet, release Derpy and nopony will get hurt.”

“You’ll have to take it from my cold, dead hooves if you want it Sparkle..” She twirled it in her hooves with a smug grin, a huge drop of nervous sweat crossing her brow. Derpy still thought to scream What the hay are you doing and be done with it.

“Just tell me why!” the purple unicorn cried out.

“Why what?”

“Why me? Why Derpy? Why the mystical surrogate? Why being such a jerk again? Why...Everything?!”

“Is that what it’s called?” Pinkie giggled. “I mean, it’s like the title of a bad comic book!”

“Yeah, in my head I always called it the magic co—”

“Epistemology is not the problem right now, Rainbow!” Twilight blinked. “And I never thought I’d have to say that. Again in the same day!”

“I still think my name is better.” Rainbow grumbled. Pinkie patted her back to comfort her.

“Because...Isn’t that obvious?” Trixie then realized to not have fully prepared her plan. “Because It’s what I do.” she quickly turned towards Derpy for a suggestion, any suggestion. Derpy shrugged.

“Ya needed an Alicorn Amulet. An Alicorn Amulet, by the way, we still have no idea where it came from?” Sometimes, a mare’s job was to point out glaring flaws so obvious to still be hidden at a first glance on a problem. Applejack was that mare.

“And to steal magical dicks now?” Rainbow chuckled. “Boy, you’ve really sunk low.”

“Yeah, it’s not Trixie’s finest hour…” Which was the understatement of the bucking millennia. “I just...couldn’t stand idle while my greatest rival made groundbreaking discoveries in the field of magic!”

“And ya needed poor Derpy here?” Applejack stepped in, pointing a hoof toward the gray pegasus, still in mesmerized thrall mode, waving her forelegs back and forth like a drone.

“The simplest thralls are best thralls. No offense.”

“None taken, huh, mistress.”

“But it doesn’t matter, now! I have the second Alicorn Amulet so I’m invincible now!”

“Do something, then.” Twilight smirked.

“What?” Trixie’s heart skipped a beat and she could feel a huge anvil hovering on her head.

“Throw me out of Ponyville for example, rearrange my body parts or turn me into a puppet or bubbles. I’m sure you can do that with your newly established Artifact of doom.” she raised an eyebrow. “Can you?”

The worst part of any trick are some wise guys always around that know it’s a fake and won’t hesitate to babble about it. In that case, every showmare knew what to do: Bluff.

Bluff like no tomorrow. The wilder the bluff, the better.

“Are you willing to risk it?”

“You would have already zapped me or something before we even came out of the alley so where’s the risk. Unless you can’t do it for some reason and you’re just buying some time for—”

“Will somepony do something for Pete’s sake?!” Pinkie Pie cried out of nowhere and like a pink flash of lightning snatched the amulet out of Trixie’s neck, to the mare’s befuddlement, stomping it in tiny pieces on the ground with all fours, jumping up and down to grind the plastic in dust.

Six Ponies. All speechless. Trixie tried to babble something, but the gears in her mind just stopped and cracked.

Aaaand Checkmate...Trixie thought and the anvil fell.

Pinkie Pie stood there looking at her work, panting and nearly grinding her teeth into dust. Trixie even thought that the same fate of the trinket would fall on herself! Rainbow Dash took a step toward her. A very slow, careful step.

“Pinkie? Are you okay?”

The moment she saw the pegasus, she calmed down instantly and threw herself at her in a gripping hug. “It was so...so inconsequential! I had to do something! It was like one of those movies with cowponies where they stare at each other before shooting and the music grows and grows and you wonder who’s going to shoot first...except nopony was going to do anything! It was so boring!” she sobbed, burying her face in the pegasus’ blue chest.

“There, there...But never do that again without warning! I mean, you’re with foal! What if you shake it up a little too much?”

“You are?” Trixie gasped.

“I am?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, yeah, right! Well, you too!”

“Was it a statement or a not really working joke?”

“Both.” Pinkie grinned.

“Trixie…” Twilight cleared her voice,showing no doubt some palpable embarrassment in her tone of voice. “I think it’s over.”

“It was worth a try.”

Derpy Hooves quickly walked to the showmare’s side and lightly slapped her face.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“That was for taking the blame without telling me.” Then, without warning, pulled her into a hot, desperate, savage kiss, causing the showmare’s cheek to erupt in a ferocious blush. “And that’s just because.”

“So...wow, you two are…?” Twilight alternately pointed between the ditzy pegasus and her (not really) rival.

“No. I am. I’m not a thrall or anything. I-I’m the one you search.” Derpy said solemnly, her uneven eyes trying to escape Twilight’s gaze. “I’m the thief. Trix is completely innocent.”

“But why? I mean, how did you know that I was working on the magic co—Mystical surrogate?”

“Well, Trixie told me because she just overheard you one day. I was showing her how pegasi work with the clouds and everything—”

“Overheard, huh?” Twilight glared at Trixie and her three friends followed shortly, causing Trixie to give a sheepish grin and a nervous, tortured laugh.

“I was just curious, that is all…”

“It was me following you at Sweet Apple Acres and when I heard Pinkie and Rainbow’s foals, well, I couldn’t think straight anymore. I know that we aren’t as close as friends like you are with Dash and the others and I-I was scared. I acted on an impulse and everything turned to crap...I’m sorry!” she sobbed, clinging on Twilight Sparkle while the librarian hugged her back and caressed her mane.

“I guess you needed that with Trixie, right?”

“I just wanted to have a family again. I mean, I have Dinky, but I wanted somepony else at my side. Have a foal with that special somepony like anypony else deserves. Is that so wrong?”

“No, it’s not wrong...But why you didn’t ask me?”

“I was so embarrassed. I mean, I knew that was a private experiment of yours, things that only a special somepony should know…”

Applejack blushed and pulled her hat on her eyes. She could still hear Rainbow’s snicker.

“Oh, Derpy…” both unicorns sighed and hugged the grey pegasus in the same moment. One didn’t notice the other until Derpy gave a very polite cough of warning, squeezed between the two.

“If you want to take me to the guards I won’t object. If you want to strike me in the head in return I won’t object either.”

“No, I won’t.”

“What?!” Trixie jumped between Twilight and Derpy. “The guards or the head?”

“Yes!”

“Oooohh….Mathematician Answer. You clever little Sparkle, you.” Trixie didn’t notice, but on her lips appeared a smile so wide her face could’ve split in two.

“W-what? You aren’t angry?”

“A little for the whole sneaking in the barn and hitting me on the head, but what the hay! Nopony’s perfect. You were just confused, Derpy. I know you didn’t mean no harm and even if you really could’ve found a better way to deal with it, I forgive you. No harm done.” she offered her hoof as tears of joy were riling up Derpy’s cheek. “Friends?”

Derpy bumped her hoof with Twilight’s and everything was fine.

“I’m sorry, Twilight…” Derpy sobbed and Trixie handed her a handkerchief with a magic whisp. “I hope you got the mystical thing back.”

“What? I thought you still had it!” She turned towards the other girls who all shook their heads.

The farmpony sighed and knocked out Trixie’s hat to the ground, causing a black cylinder to pop out from it. “Really?” she said, rolling her eyes until the were on the back of her head. “Ah mean, really?”

“Trixie!” Derpy yelled, astonished.

“Well, It was just laying there and nopony noticed and—and I’m an idiot. You know, if something went wrong I could still take the blame...”

Twilight chuckled. “Like I said, nopony’s perfect. Now, I guess you have to be back to your daughter, right Derpy?”

“Oh, right! What if she wakes up in the middle of the night for a glass of water or a bad dream and she doesn’t find me? We should hurry up! And by we I mean you and me!” she circled Trixie's shoulders with a foreleg, causing the showmare’s heart to skip a beat.

“W-what? Me?”

“Well, I guess I should tell my daughter that I’m seeing the Great and Powerful Trixie, right?”

Trixie felt a warm, fuzzy sensation in her chest. She could feel the mailmare’s embrace and everything felt...right. Just right. She was already seeing herself or Derpy on the cold surface of the Moon, but instead found out and hoped and prayed to have many years on the Earth...with her by her side. “I would love that.”

“Well!” Pinkie Pie patted her hooves together. “I’m glad this subplot went so smoothly!”

“Subplot? The Great and Powerful Trixie it’s not a subplot! Trixie deserves at least twelve, no, fifteen volumes to tell the story of her life! For the abridged version!”

“Don’t ask me.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “I’m her fillyfriend and I don’t get half of her stuff.” She blinked and glanced towards her belly. “Hope it’s not genetic…” she muttered.

“Well, from what she said of her family, ah think she’s the one kooky apple in the orchard, but that’s what you fancy, isn’t it?” Applejack winked and gave a little nudge with her elbow to her friend.

“We should throw a party, right?” Rainbow pulled close to her her fillyfriend. “No scratch that, we’ve got to have a party. The partiest of parties!”

“You know...You should rest, Pinkie Pie. You shouldn't get so worked up. What if I’m the one to throw a party for once?” Twilight beamed at her.

“You would? Ohmygosh, it’s a great idea! The smartest pony ever is throwing a party for us, Dashie!” she jumped up and down on the spot, prompting Rainbow to protectively drag to the ground without a word.

“And we are telling Rarity and Fluttershy and the Cakes and anypony else you want.” Rainbow landed a small kiss on Pinkie’s cheek.

“Of course! And you two are invited.” she pointed Derpy and Trixie, who looked at each other in disbelief.

“Yep, I just said that. If Twilight thinks you are her friends then you are my friends, too. After all, you just wanted a foal so bad and maybe if Twily here drinks enough cider, eats a lot of chocolate and you ask reaaaal nicely maybe she will—”

“I want to earn that.” Derpy interrupted the bouncing pink mare. “Twilight, even if you are so kind to let me one day use the dildo and Trix is okay with that—”

“Woof!” the showmare wiggled her eyebrows and gave a little nudge of her own to Derpy.

“I want to be worthy of it. I’m just not ready yet. Not in my eyes. I want to see myself as your friend again and not just a thief in the night.”

Twilight just nodded and gave a smile of profound admiration to the pegasus.

Trixie saw her beloved pegasus shudder a little and placed her cape on her shoulders. Her smile was worth more than a thousand words and Trixie felt at home. She finally belonged somewhere and no trick in the world ever achieved that.

Pinkie Pie kept rambling about parties and names, still undecided about the foal’s own, but each and every one and them sounded like a variation of ‘Rainbow Pie’. She nuzzled Rainbow’s neck along the way, who unfurled one of her wings to cover her back, releasing a dreamy giggle from the party pony.

Applejack still felt a little confused by the events, but when Twilight mirrored Pinkie’s gesture and brushed her purple cheek against Applejack’s own, she knew there was nothing to worry about anymore. She always knew that her friend and lover, had a bigger heart than anypony could ever know and even that day she didn’t fail to demonstrate it. There were many fancy words that could have explained what she felt, but none of them was worthy of Twilight.

The six happily chatted along the way, feeling content for a night that went so peacefully, against every expectation.

***

Clyde Pie was sitting on the porch of his farm, as he watched the workers carrying back and forth the finest igneous rocks the land had to offer, while his wife Sue sat beside him, lazily turning the pages of a book. His daughters were just upstairs, quietly playing with each other and just goof off in that lazy afternoon.

It was quiet day. Perhaps too quiet. Maybe it was one the signs of the old age, but he found himself dwelling on the past. A past where no afternoons, or morning, or evenings for that matter were quiet. Not when his youngest daughter used to live with them and fill their days with pink colored chaos.

He turned towards the mare and sighed. “I miss Pinkie!” They both said and gave a quiet giggle for it.

“Oh my, were you thinking about her as well?” Sue chuckled again, adjusting her glasses.

“I’m turning so predictable?”

“Well, it’s a thing that Fathers do. I would be surprised of the contrary.”

“Yes. It’s just that...I miss the random parties, streamers popping out of purposefully emptied rocks scattered all around and laughter. Oh, how I miss the laughter!” he smiled but he quickly composed himself, nervously coughing.

“Well, why don’t we go and visit her?”

“All the way to Ponyville? Shouldn’t we, dunno, write her a letter to tell her we’re coming?”

“It will be a surprise. You know how she loves surprises.”

“Yes and she will probably say…” he cleared his voice. “Oh my gosh, Mommy and Daddy and Inkiei and Blinkie! All my family is here, this is the best surprise ever!” His Pinkie impression was decent, but that surely took its toll on Clyde’s vocal chords. He promised to himself to never do that again between coughs.

“I’ll go tell the girls then.” Sue hopped from the chair and went back inside. Clyde heard his daughters cheering at the news and it brought a smile to his lips.

***

Rainbow Blitz landed back on the front of his home at Cloudsdale and shook his wings, loudly yawning. He was just coming from his usual after lunch flights and he only wanted to see his bed, fearing it would feel a little neglected for using it only at night. Wife always insisted, though. Always telling him to worry about his health and get in shape, lest he would become a lazy, fat slob.

She was kinda of right. After telling the same thing everyday to their daughter he wouldn’t look so good, wouldn’t he?

A small, pink pegasus with a bright blue mane came out of the door and kissed his neck as she let one of his wings cover her back. She was aiming to nibble his ear but she always was one head shorter than him. “Welcome back, dear. Enjoyed the flight?”

“As always.” He kissed her cheek. “But the best part is coming home to find you.”

“Aaaww, you flatterer, you! But before you go in Dream Land I’ve got to tell you something.”

“I knew that: there is another stallion!” He put a dramatic hoof on his forehead and started sobbing. “Oh, spare me the cruel truth! I’ll just quietly disappear in the night—”

Firefly sighed and shook her head. In time, she became downright immune to her husband’s bullshit. “I thought we should drop by at Dash’s.”

“Why is that?” Blitz quickly returned being the reasonably respectable stallion and quit the charade in the bat of an eye.

“Why not? That girl is probably forgetting she has parents. Sometimes I think she must be embarrassed of us. Well, mostly of you.”

“You wound me, you cruel, beautiful mare.”

“You’re a big guy, you can take it. But seriously, what do you think about it?”

“Dunno...When do you think we should go?”

“Tomorrow.” She stated nonchalantly.

“Tomorrow?! Without warning or anything?”

“Why not? What’s the worst she could do?”

“Well, she could yell, stomp her hooves and say something along the line of ‘Ugh, that is uncoool! How am I supposed to become a Wonderbolt with you around? You break my awesome concentration.’ Am I right?”

Firefly blinked. Never before she heard such a good Dash impression. “I think you are right? What’s the worst that can happen?”

Author's Note

Until they release a canon name, Rainbow Dad will always be Rainbow Blitz for me. He looks a lot like Rule 63 Dash after all. Strong Family Resemblance? Possibly. Also, don't worry: Dixie will come back. The subplot isn't over yet!