The Sea Singer

The Sea SingerChapter Four: Gathering

     Have you ever had a feeling of Deja Vu?

     Well, that's what I felt in spades whilst staring down a full team of EBRoT officers, armed to the teeth and looking to be in a "shooty" mood. Almost like I had had the same feeling of being caught red-hooved the night before...Oh wait.

     I shielded my eyes from the bright light as we exited the prison. Celestia's sun was just beginning to peek its bright face out from the spiraling white towers of Uptown Canterlot, the orange light glistened off of the brass rooftops, giving each one of them a fiery aura like no other. Goddesses, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, did I? Few ponies were out and about this morning, the citizens of Midtown tended to sleep past twelve if they could help it, as most of them made their own hours being mostly shopkeepers and stay-at-homes. As a result, over a dozen fully armed and armored gaurds standing in the middle of the street went almost unnoticed by the general population.

     "Drop your weapons!" one of the officers barked, her voice muffled by the full-face helmet that all the combat officers of EBRoT wore. She was probably the coordinator, judging by the fancy insignia on her helmet.

     Crap. That could ruin my whole day.

     With glacial slowness, I did as the policemare said,  unhooking the holster that held the pistol that I stole. It clattered to the floor with a quiet-shattering roar, making everypony wince. Then came the sword, which made a similar noise as it hit the road. Then off came my duster, which lightly jingled with all trinkets and loose change that seemed to collect in the pockets as I slipped it off.

     "The hat, too. Take it off, take it all off!" the leader ordered.

     "Take it all off?!" I echoed "I'm a smuggler, not a stripper!"

Boom! A musket shot whizzed my and Crowe's head and embeded itself into the concrete wall of the jailhouse, lightly peppering us with shards of wall and causing me and Crowe to reflexively curse.

     "Son of a gun!"

     "Maldito hijo de puta!" I had no idea what Crowe said, but I knew it didn't involve the magic of friendship or anythig of the like.

     I looked to the gash in the building, then back to the crowd of armored gaurds, then back to the gash, then to the gaurds. The sour scent of burnt gunpowder wafted into my nostrils. "Okay, I see your point..." Off came the hat, which fluttered almost daintily to the street.

     "Happy now?" I asked irritably.

     "Bring 'em through." the leader said gruffly from deep inside her helmet, completely ignoring my query. Instantaneously, the mass of iron and muscle parted like a giant gate, revealing a real scrawny-lookin' mauve pegasus colt with a scroll clutched in his teeth. The colt wore a bright red sash with a crest that I recognized, he must have belonged to the Equestrian Courier Corps. Which,  incidentally, was owned and overseen by EBRoT.

     The courier gave the police officers that made up the "gate" nervous glances as he trotted through. Wow, this guy looked so thin that he could've been knocked over by a stiff breeze, most couriers are like that, something about them flying farther on the jet streams.

     The colt stopped just a few steps away from me "Uhhmmm..." he said in a high-pitched voice that suggested he was about fourteen. This kid must have been a cadet. I took the scroll from his maw so he could speak properly "Thanks, uh, are you Captain Cloudstrider of the airship Sea Singer?"

     "Judging by the gaggle of gaurds pointing muskets at me..." I said "Yeah, I'm him. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. "

     The courier allowed himself a glance at the officers "Ohhh-kay. Well, that letter you're holding is for you." He cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter "You are hereby cordially invited to partake in a royal tea party with Her Highness Princess Celestia at presicely twelve of the clock on the twenty eighth of July, Year fourteen of the sixth age at Canterlot Castle."

     Oh that's nic--

     "What?" Crowe and I shouted in unison.

     "I said: You are hereby cor--"

     "I-I-I know what you said!" I stopped the colt "But, why does...?" my voice trailed off. Was this some sick joke that the police orchestrated? If it was, I'd have given them props. This turn of events thoroughly confused the hell out of me.

     I gave Crowe a pleading look, as if he knew why that courier just invited me to a tea party. And not just any tea party, a royal tea party, with Princess Celestia herself. The griffin just gave me a shrug and said "Vete a la mierda si lo sé, capitán."

     "You know I can't understand you, right?"

     "Si."

     I gave Crowe an exasperated look and returned my attention to the colt, who had flown away already. Damn impatient couriers, always something to deliver, always somewhere to be. I instead moved on to unwrap the scroll and skim it over.

~Dear Captain Cloudstrider of the airship Sea Singer,

You are hereby cordially invited to partake in a royal blah blah blah just heard that from the guy...Celestia...All of the current senior officers serving on the airship Sea Singer are required to attend as well as blah blah blah political jargon... presence is absolutely mandatory and failure to attend will be punishable to the fullest extent of the blah blah...

Sincerely,

~Princess Celestia

Well I'll be damned, I just got Celestia's autograph! Ooooooh I am so keeping this invitation. Oh yeah, and there's the mandatory tea party thing, too, but my sovereign's signature seems sooo less ominous than a tea party hosted by said immortal alicorn ruler that I'm legally obliged to go to. I mean, holy crap. It's not every day that the pony whos name you swear by invites you for tea. Sure, almost everypony in Equestria has seen Celestia with their own two eyeballs, especially with her major involvement with the public in the last twelve or so years, but actually meeting her personally is considered one of the greatest honors that a civilian can receive. I haven't spoken with either of the princesses since...Well, since the whole Nightmare Moon thing.

     I rolled the scroll back up and tucked it into my-- Oh right, no coat. Ugh, I hate being naked. I tossed it on the pile made up of my coat, hat, and guns without another thought.

     I caught a flicker of motion from the corner of my eye, the squad leader lady separated herself from the rest as she walked a few paces closer. The sleek plate armor she wore matched the rest of the EBRoT policeponies, it appeared surprisingly flimsy considering how thin it actually was. But make no mistake, gaurd armor is almost impenetrable and hard as hell to forge. I actually have more than a few chunks of those armor plates woven into my own coat. Thanks, Rarity.

     The armor was painted the same color as everything else owned by EBRoT; blue and black. The mare rapped her hoof a single time against the full-face helmet, creating a hollow clang and popping up the tinted face-visor. She had a mug that seemed just as expressive with our without the visor. It could habe made an unmarked piece of white paper jealous.

     "Strider," she said, her voice gravelly and aged "under orders of Princess Celestia herself, we're here to escort you and your crewmember to Canterlot Castle. And don't you even think about bolting, by the way. Our orders are to get you there by any means necessary, even if we have to drag you there kicking, screaming, and bleeding."

     "Captian Cloudstrider." I countered.

     The mare eyed me dangerously "I'm sorry, son." she said slowly "What was that you said? My ears aren't what they used to be."

       "Here we go..." Crowe muttered under his breath, thinking I wouldn't hear, but I did.

     "Oh it's quite alright." I assured "But I prefer to be known by my full name and title; Captain Cloudstrider. Most ponies make that mistake. I think it makes me sound more distinguished,  don't you agree?"

     The officer narrowed her eyes.

X-X-X-X-X

     The lady wasn't kidding about her orders.

     They sure did drag me, not kicking, screaming, or bleeding, mind you, but they paraded me all the way to the castle by a pair of steel handcuffs fastened around my two back hooves. It would have been funny as all hell to see, in a sort of throwing rotten fruit at pony locked in the stockades sort of way. That is, only if I wasn't on the receiving end of those metaphorical fruits.

     "Are we there yet?" I deadpanned to the poor policecolt unlucky enough to be the one who has haul to me through the steets like a rutting apple cart without wheels.

     "No." the officer said in the most unbelievably military tone I've ever heard.

     I let a moment pass.

     "I have to pee."

     "Too bad." Argh, that tone of his voice! It makes me want to put an angry bee in that helmet of his and laugh as he dances in the street like a maniac and causes all the uptight Uptown ponies to get their tails all in a knot.

     A moment passed. I stuck my tounge out at one of the curious rich ponies who stopped to gawk at the sight of a convicted criminal being dragged through the dirt and grime.

     "Are we there yet?"

     "No."

     I sighed dramatically.

     "Are we there yet?"

     "No!"

     "Are we t--"

     "Do you even have any idea how relaxed police brutality laws are in Canterlot?!" another officer practically shouted.

     I shut up.

     ...

     "Are we there yet?"

     "Oh son of a--Yes!" was his actual answer. The gaurd precced his answer by unceremoniously dropping my back hooves on the street and our little convoy came to a halt. Over a dozens sets of eyes including my own stopped to look up at our destination. Standing before us was the ten foot tall wall that formed a circle around Canterlot Castle. The white-washed gold-trimmed stone wall towered over our puny forms as it wraped around the heart of Equestria's capial. Several white and grey gaurds stalked the wall's battlements, creepily leering at us as we strolled up to the gates.

All in all, you're just another brick in the wall my memory echoed that little line from the last song that I heard over the radio the other night.

     "That's a big wall." Crowe, who had not been dragged like me, observed.

        I gave a mild whistle of appreciation. It wasn't  every day that you get to see the wall this close, not since the castle was closed to the public. But then again, I should focus on how Princess Freaking Celestia invited a lowly sea captain like me for tea and casual conversation. Okay, maybe not the casual conversation thing, but the tea was guaranteed!

     My stomach did a small backflip at the thought of actually speaking with the Princess again. Those who have seen her up close and personal know what I mean; the feeling of being utterly insignificant in the presence of divine royalty. It had been at least fourteen years since I had felt that feeling, but it's one that I never ever forgot. Ever.

     The leading officer cooly stode up to the towering wrought iron door that seperated the castle from the common ground. She hit a big red button that was attached to a two-way radio and said "Captain Deadwood reporting for drop off. Over." (Deadwood?)

     With a somewhat delayed response, the radio crackled to life and a friendly yet muffled voice came through "Zzzt Alright, Captain, we see you and you're cleared for entrance. Welcome home, old gal. Over bzzzt.

     The armor-clad ponies on the battlements sprang to life as they found themselves with a new task: open the door. Several disappeared into the bowels of the wall and some others advanced to our position and trained their guns on me. I counted six, to be exact. These weren't EBRoT controlled gaurds at all, no, they were not the dime-a-dozen cops-for-rent that you see patrolling the streets of all the major cities. These gentlecolts were  bona fide Royal Canterlot Gaurds, who were a few steps above. I had heard that royal gaurds all got a permanent "Don't screw with me, or else" signs tattooed on their back, and each one of them did something awesome to deserve it. Yeah, they were that tough. I should ask one of them about that when I get the chance.

     A resounding bang shattered the air and nearly gave Crowe and I a heart attack. Soon after the bang, the iron gates jostled and vibrated like some giant force was shaking it up. The doors finnaly cracked ajar with a scream and began crawling their way open. The metallic screech grated on my ears like steel wool on a chalkboard, all the while it took nearly thirty seconds for them to open wide enough for us to scoot through.

     As we hobbled into the courtyard, the doors replayed their same horrible song of screams, only in reverse this time. These ponies take security here waaaay too seriously. Then again, there's no kill like overkill, right?

     Just as we crossed the grassy courtyard, Canterlot Castle itself came into view. And...woah, was it a sight.

     The grand old building stood proudly just below the very peak of the mountainside that I was nestled into. Its white washed brick walls and tall shining spires flew higher into the sky than any other structure out there, seeming to eternally reach for the sun and moon with its golden claws. A majestic waterfall flowed down from the very peak of the mountain, spilling out into a small lake that served as the castle's moat, which in turn emptied into more, smaller lakes on the underside.

     I stopped to admire the beautiful structure that laid before me. This place had been built well over a thousand years ago, it had seen the rise, fall, and return of Nightmare Moon herself, it had seen a full scale invasion of Queen Chrysalis and her changelings, it had seen the resurrection of the Crystal Empire, and it had even seen Equestria That Once Was claimed by the Everfree Forest, and yet this castle still stood strong. Through all those years, this place stood and watched, just as its Princesses did. There was some epic metaphor in there somewhere, but I didn't bother to make one.

     I would have stared longer if not for the gaurd prodding me in the flank with a particularly pointy bayonet "Keep it moving, bub!"

     I grumbled and did as the gaurd demanded, eyes still locked on the castle. We plodded along til the moat cut across the path and blocked our entrance. The leading officer once again broke off from the group and trotted up to a black box coming out of the ground. She punched another big red button and repeated her line. The scratchy radio voice from before came back and let us pass.

     The gaurds ushered Crowe and I across the bridge, we walked at a brisk pace through the castle insides, taking seemingly random turns through the lavishly decorated halls. I had been inside this place one before in my life almost twenty years ago when I was a cocky little teenager. It looked remarkably unchanged since then, the walls were still tinted a light purple trimmed with shiny gold leaf. The halls were still lined with stark white Romane-style support pillars and Saddle Arabian red rugs. Tapestries that depicted a wide array of historical and mythological characters still hung from every other wall. Midmorning light still filtered in through the many stained-glass windows and reflected off of the gold leaf, creating a haze of different colors and shades throughout the whole building. This castle was a museum of fine arts just as much as it  was a home to our rulers.

     "Day-uhm." Crowe said "Celestia sure likes to show off the fancy stuff, eh Cloud?" He turned and nudged me with an elbow.

     I chortled, despite myself "Yeah. Every good thief in Equestria has wet dreams about what the inside of the vault in this place would look like." I think I just passed a statue of Starswirl the Bearded that was worth enough to buy a second Sea Singer with, and I'd probably still have enough platinum left over to hire another crew.

     "Quiet!" the gaurd lightly prodded me and my security officer with his bayonet again.

     My mind began to wander off into daydreams about planning an ingenious hiest for this place. Captain Cloidstrider, Master Thief and Billionare they would call me. I'd fly around the Green Sea with a boatload of priceless paintings, stealing from EBRoT and giving money and supplies away to the outer-rim colonies. They would all love and praise me as a hero and I'd get chased all across the country by bounty hunters but I'd never get caught because,  let's face it, I'm the dashing rouglike hero in this little storybook and I'm smart and strong and--and very narcissistic at times.

     The officers led Crowe and I into a large foyer slash waiting room-type place. It was as nicely decorated as the rest of the building, with several small tables and couches strewn about for having pleasant conversation with your snobbish aristocratic friends, along with a couple of mahogany bookcases filled with literature that would probably give me a headache if I tried to read any of it. The biggest and most obvious feature of this room was a pair of huge intricately carved double-doors that looked like they needed a rutting mountain troll to get them open and closed. They must have been twenty five feet tall at the very least.

     "Alright," the lead gaurd said "Sit your flanks down somewhere until the rest of the ah, guests get here." She forcefully grabbed me by my cuffs and unlocked them.

     I rubbed one hoof with another, boy did these things chafe "By guests you meeeean...?"

     "The other criminals."

     Ahh, that must have been my crew. Probably the senior officers from that letter no doubt. I obliged the officer and sprawled myself out on a particularly comfy-looking velvety red couch that wraped around a table. Crowe grabbed a seat next to me.

     All of the EBRoT gaurds immediately left as soon as I was comfortable, and without a word of goodbye. How rude. Almost immediately after the last Berau officer filed out, four pure white Royal Canterlot Gaurds stomped in with almost robotic motions. They gave one another a silent nod and took their posts in each corner of the room. After that, they stood completely still, save for their steely eyes that scanned the room back and forth.

     "Hi there. So do you have any tattoos? Why are all government workers white or grey?" I asked the gaurd stallion in the corner nearest to me in the most obnoxious tone that I could muster.

     The royal gaurd's eyes flicked to me briefly, but he continued to stay as stock still and silent as the dead.

     "Ohh, I get it. You're on duty, so you can't talk or show emotion or anything. Gotcha." This was going to be fun! I had never had a better excuse to blatantly insult somepony in all my life. I swear to Luna, I'll be sorely disappointed in myself if I don't get this poor sap to crack a smile or scowl at me or something similar.

     "You know, that armor makes you look fat." I said, pointing a hoof his way.

     He was silent. Eh, I admit that that was kind of a weak one. I can do better.

     "Your parents never loved you."

     Nothing.

     "Your breath smells like low tide."

     Nada.

     "Your mother was a harlot. Dreadfully so. In fact, she was so sexually active that every single band from here to Manehatten has written no less than seven songs about your dear old mom's many acts of kinky fornication with stallions whose names she had never learned. I would know, for I have experienced three of those songs firsthoof myself. And she had only charged me ten bits. What a price!"

     Still nothing. Gee, this was going to be tough.

     "You have a tiny pe--"

X-X-X-X-X

     I was quietly lying back in the couch with my forehooves behind my head and my rear hooves propped up on the table when our first guest came in. During that small amout of time alone with the silent gaurds, somepony had graciously allowed me to have my beloved hat and duster back. Sans the guns and all.

     The entrance door swung open and in trotted seven tired-looking EBRoT gaurds followed by one deep black diamond dog, bound by his paws with thick metal shackles that jingled eerily when he walked. I also noticed an iron muzzle that kept his maw shut.

     "Oak!" Crowe and I exclaimed in stero.

     "Shutup." barked a policemare. She turned to one of the royal gaurds and said "Man, this one was a ruttin' pain, I'll tell you what. Beat the tar out of five of our guys before we could even bring 'em to the ground." HA! Ah ha ha! That's the Oakfang I know and love.

     In reply, the white gaurd cocked an eyebrow.

     "You're not very chatty, are you?" the mare asked.

     "Don't even bother." I said "These guys are about as talkative as a brick wall." And built like one, too. I mentally added.

     The officer offered me a glance and a scowl, then she and her posse trotted back out, leaving us alone. Well, alone-ish. It's not like these gaurds will say or do anything to us.

     Oakfang took a seat across from me and greeted us with a curt nod, as he was unable to speak through the muzzle. Not like he would talk to us without it anyway. Those gaurds weren't the only silent ones in here.

     "Only five, Oak?" Crowe said "You must be slipping."

     The dog looked at him and gave a noncommittal shrug.

     "Here," I offered "Let me get those for you." I grabbed a bobby pin that I had slipped into my mane earlier as a precaution and used it to fiddle with the locks on his chains.

     I glanced at the observing gaurds, they made no move to interfere with my lockpicking. Cool.

     Tick tack tock. Picked was the lock.

     As the bindings clattered to the floor, Oak gave me another nod as his was of saying "thanks."

     "Oakfang, please, don't talk my ear off all day. I have things to do." I gave my crewmember a light punch on the shoulder before going back to my previous position on the couch.

X-X-X-X-X

     We were sitting around the table making small talk and blatantly skirting the obvious issue at hoof when our second guest walked in.

     "Get your bloody hooves off me!" came an oh so familiar Trottingham accent from beyond the room.

     The door swung open again and in trotted an irritable Doctor Cotton Swab, followed by the bayonet on the end of a musket, followed by another nameless gaurd floating said musket at his side. "You can't force me in here like this, I have rights!"

     "Fancy meeting you here, Cotton." I said, casually waving a hoof at her.

     The gaurd slipped out and door slammed shut, locking me and my boys in here with an incredibly pissy doctor. Swab caught sight of us, she briskly galloped over to the table and dramatically slammed her hooves on the poor peice of furniture "Captain! Where the hell have you been?!"

     I winced "Jail. Nice to see you too."

     Crowe extended a claw and slipped it onto her shoulder "Cool your jets, Señora, and have a seat."

     Cotton shook off my security officer's claw and sat down in a huff "That's rich, coming from the griffin who couldn't cool his jets."

     Crowe and I shared a look "What's she talkin' about?" I asked.

     The griffin awkwardly rubbed the back of his head "Well, uh, hah hah. It's kind of like... Not everypony agreed with me rescuing you and all..."

     I rolled my eyes. Crowe and his irrational split-second decisions, same ol' same ol'. "Well it's not like I don't appreciate the effort. But next time, try and hold off on the rescue mission n'til you know that I can't do it myself. Kay?"

     "Alright, Jefe. Have it your way."

     Cotton Swab sighed and began to rub her temples in a circular motion "So what in Equestria happened to you anyway? I was puttering around in the med bay when all of a sudden I hear that you got captured by a bunch of Bureau ponies."

     Crowe nodded in agreement "Yeah, I've been wondering that to."

      "It was Berry." I said solemnly "She snitched on us, the whole deal was a setup to get me thrown in prison."

     All three of my shipmates gaped at me "Berry?!" two of them said in unusion, while the other remained silent.

     "But I thought you two were tight!" said my security officer.

     I snorted mirthlessly "So did I."

     "Well, damn."

     "You can't trust a single pony out there these days..." the doctor groused.

     I was about to say something when the words died in my mouth as they were cut off by the shrill voice of a certain navigator that served on my ship "I want to see my lawyer!"

     "Y'all ain't even got a lawyer." came a southern twang with atrocious grammar.

     "I can get one!" Sweetie protested.

     "Where?"

     "Uhhmmm..."

     "Ha! Ah thought as much." Applebloom said with a small smirk as she trotted into the room with Sweetie Bell and two more gaurds.

     "Welcome to the party." I greeted them "Our extra-special party favors include hoofcuffs, muskets, and...incredibly ripped royal gaurds. Don't get any dirty ideas, though,  they're not strippers. I don't throw those kind of parties."

     "Captain!" Sweetie exclaimed, choosing to ignore my stripper comment "I was getting a little worried about you. What the hay happened?"

     "Yeah," said Applebloom "Y'all dun got yerself arrested. Crew was sayin' that EBRoT took the goods and threw ya in the pokey."

     "C'mere and have a seat." I waved them over "I was just about to explain that..."

X-X-X-X-X

     "Bed springs?" Applebloom giggled madly "That's all it took, just a buncha bed springs? Gosh dern."

     "Right hoof to Celestia!" I said, rasing my right hoof and placing the other over my heart "I got out of jail within about four hours just with the stuff under a matress." I'm just surprised that nopony figued out that it's how I've escaped so many police stations in my time.

     "Well ain't that sumthin'." the engineer said, eliciting a murmur of agreement from the group "Bed springs."

     "I think I want to hear about how Crowe laid up that whole station full of Bureau officers to get to you again." Cotton said, inclining her blue-maned head toward the griffin.

     "Well, you see, it's kind of like this, see..." And before the big security officer could tell his story again, our next guest came in.

     Erm, well... "came in" wasn't exactly the way to put it. It was more in the neighborhood of "knocked in in the door using the head of a shell-shocked EBRoT gaurd."

     The blue-clad officer slid across the floor like a train off its rails, tracking wood splinters and other door parts everywhere. His metal plate armor created a sound that vaguely reminded of me of the gigantic iron gate from earlier.

     "This chick's crazy!" screamed somepony.

     "Oh-ho-ho, you want some? Hah! Come and some, brony! I could kick your ass eight ways to Sunday!" A particularly filly-ish howl of terror sounded from beyond the threshold, followed by a second cop stallion flying in here and colliding in to his fellow officer with all the grace and beauty of a half-dead walrus. He desperately scrambled to regain his footing on the slick marble floors, but before the poor cop could prepare for it, a familiar buzzing orange blur lunged at him through the doorway. It, or should I say "she," grabbed him by the helmet and gave it a swift reunion with the floor.

     Scootaloo used both her hooves and the power of her tiny buzzing wings to lift his head back up and slam it repeatedly into the marble floor, making a metallic sound not unlike that of banging two rods of metal together. Ping! Ping! Ping!

     "Oh hey, Scoot's here." Crowe said dryly.

     "No kiddin'." Applebloom agreed.

     A third gaurd burst into the waiting room, musket brought to bear directly at the exposed back of the pegasus pilot.

     "Scoots, watch ou--!" Boom! The words died in my mouth as sparks met powder and the flintlock roared.

     The rifle clattered to the floor, followed by the gaurd herself clutching at the chestplate she wore as she crumpled to the ground. A quick look told me that the mare was still very much alive, but with a lungfull of air knocked from her.

     There was the pilot of my beloved Sea Singer, squatting over the form of an unconscious Bureau officer with a gun in her hoof, a puff of powder smoke wafting away from it. Crippled pegasai- 3, Equestrian Bureau for the Regulation of Trade- 0. Yet another reminder as to why I never wanted to fire that mare.

     Apparently, very few things in the Green Sea could get the four royal gaurds in the room to actually do something other than stand there and look mean. Beating the everloving shit out of three ponies was one of them. They were on my pilot  before she could draw another breath. Two gaurds held Scootaloo down by the forelegs while the other two adorned her with silvery hoofcuffs. When they walked back to their, Scoots was tied up like a steer at a rodeo, only with steel cuffs instead of rope.

     The pilot squirmed and wriggled in her bonds fruitlessly "Hey! Oh for the love of--Let me go!"

     "Uhhmmm..." I droned. What was I to say in a situation like this? "Better luck next time?"  I don't think so.

     Cotton, who was closest to the Scootaloo, stood up from her seat and knelt down next to the orange mare "Are you alright?" she asked.

     Scoots stopped struggling against the cuffs to look the medical officer in her eye "Yeah," she said with a huff "Those mooks got a few hits in, but nothing serious."

     "Hmm." Cotton hummed as she dug through her saddlebags and retrieved a small pink fist-aid kit. She unzipped the nylon bag and drew out a small stethoscope "No bruises? Lacerations? Concussions? Are you feeling dizzy or nauseated? Maybe a little light-headed? Is there a pain in your chest? Are you having trouble breathing?" Cotton was listening intently to the other mare's heartbeat as she rattled off those questions.

     If Scootaloo had use of her limbs, she would have pushed the good doctor away "I'm fine! Just, please, get out of my face."

     Cotton Swab pulled the medical instrument out of her ears and gave Scootaloo a stern look "A filly with hypoplasia as bad as yours shouldn't be picking fights with ponies three times your weight,  or at all for that matter."

     "I don't feel any different than I did twenty minutes ago." Scoots said irritably "So just let it be, doc."

     "Fine." Cotton grumbled "You're not having any irregular organ activity as far as I can tell. But if you have a heart attack, I swear to The Sisters..." She let her voice trail off, leaving the rest to imagination.

     While Cotton Swab prattled at Scoots about her condition, I tried yet again to grab the attention of a royal gaurd. "Hey, buddy." I said "I think you made your point, here. She's all immobilized and stuff. Can't you unlock her if she promises to be a good little filly?"

     I really got a response that time. It wasn't actual words, mind you, the gaurd just slowly shook his head "no" for scarcely a moment before turning back to stone. One foal step at a time, I guess.

     "But she's a cripple!"

     The gaurd's eyes momentarily flicked the pile of KO'd gaurd on the floor, then to the pilot. He cocked a brow at me questioningly.

     I rolled my eyes "Long story."

X-X-X-X-X

     The final two guests to this little pre-tea party party arrived.

     The two didn't in anyway make a grand dramatic entrance as the others did. No hoof fights or snarling cops this time, one just lazily fluttered in with the other on her back, barely making a peep.

     "Did we miss anything?"my fist mate asked innocently.

     "Uncle Cloud!" Easybreeze shouted as she lept off the grey pegasus's back. Before I could react at all, the bubblegum pink filly tackled me with the most violent and powerful hug in history. She squeezed me like I was a role of tooth paste with only just a little bit of stuff left in it. Breezy could have squeezed a clump of coal into a diamond. It would have been painful and harrowing experience if not for the fact that she was so damn cute.

     "What? No hug for me, little chica?" Crowe said, prompting Easybreeze to stick her tongue out at the big blue griffin.

      After she let me breathe again, I tustled her poofy white mane in the way that I always do "Heya kid. Miss me?"

     Breezy instantly straightened her hair back to its proper place "I would if I wasn't so used to seeing you busting out of jail." she said, poking me in the chest. The filly took a moment to look around the fancy shmancy waiting room "But this whole "tea party with a princess" thing is new."

     "Amen to that, sister."

     "Uhmm..." Derpy said "Why is Scootaloo uh...tied up like that?"

     "Because I was a bad, baaaad pony." the aforementioned pilot deadpaned.

     "I'd try to unlock you." I said, flashing that little bobby pin of mine "But I'll just leave you there as payment for that antiquing you gave me last week."

     "Oh, come on!" Scoots griped "That prank wasn't hardly worth something like this."

      "Maybe, but it was totally worth it."

     "Ugh."

X-X-X-X-X

    I checked my watch. Eleven fifty six.

Precisely the courier said ...at precisely twelve of the clock...

In four minutes I would meet her again. One of the two most power ponies on this planet, and she wants to have a cup of tea...with me. Me. Why me? There are a million other smugglers, thieves, and liars out there. Most of them would probably make more intelligent conversation than I could. So...why me? Why now, after what would likely be the biggest contraband bust in forever?

     It was time to find out.

Ding dong. The faded grandfather clock leaning against the wall chimed exactly twelve times, confirming what its small counterpart on my wrist told me. All nine pairs of eyes turned toward the grand set of double-doors at the end of the room. We watched the big chunks of wood expectantly, the anticipation and foalish wonder was so thick in the air that you could've drowned in it and floated to the top.

     Then the doors opened. It was not a quick motion, no. They first began to glow with a brilliant golden light,  completely encompassed with a magical aura the same shade as the morning sun. With nary a creak or moan, the wooden giants glided across the floor like phantoms and came to a silent stop

     There she stood behind the doors, the Master of the Sun and Grand Ruler of all of Equestria: Princess Celestia. The alabaster white alicorn stood a head higher than even Oakfang the biped. Her mane and tail of three colors gently flowed around as if on a wind that was unfelt by mere mortals. She wore a sparkling gold set of regal regalia and a warm, almost motherly smile.

     "Welcome, Captain Cloudstrider and crew." the princess said sincerely, her sweet voice like chimes in the wind "I do belive we have much to discuss this day."

     Heh, you're telling me.