Master Builder

The dead grasses around the river banks grew greener and thicker, and the trees became denser as we floated along. Eventually the trees practically grew right on top of each other, twisting and mangling into a contorted canopy as the branches vied for sunlight. The ground too was soon barely visible, being covered in shrubs and giant leaves that could hide an entire pony. The sheer mass of green was accented by bizarre flowers and fruits in vivid color combinations only a kindergartner could imagine. We were finally here. The Everfree Forest was upon us.

I felt so exposed in the middle of the river now. Everywhere I turned I thought I saw leaves moving as if we were being stalked by an unseen predator. And this place was crawling with predators, that much I was certain. The forest was abuzz with shrill cries of animals and insects that made my imagination run wild. Somewhere in the distance I pictured a hog getting ripped open by a giant praying mantis, intestines dripping from its two serrated scythes. Or perhaps a bear was digging into the carapace of a giant centipede, its mouth getting covered in slime with each sickening crunch.

It took every effort for me not to grab Ikazuchi's other machine gun, and start dumping every last round into the forest. I would've been driven completely insane were it not for Ikazuchi's cheery demeanor.

“Yes we are finally here Raskoponikov. Our troubles are at an end.”

Ikazuchi scanned the area with a nostalgic smile as if he were returning to his childhood home.

“Ah, our welcome party has arrived,” he said.

All of a sudden I was flung off the raft and flew clear across the river towards a tree. I crashed against it and felt myself hang there by my trench coat. Looking up I realized my coat was pinned to the tree by a spear. But before I could release myself, my neck was pressed against the tree by two more spear points.

Unable to move my head, I shifted my eyes back towards the raft. It was held in place against the current by arrows pierced into each side, the shaft flying a rope tightly behind it. Two pony figures stood over Ikazuchi with spears. Their black and white striped bodies were completely naked being adorned only with gold neck loops and ear rings. They also wore leather sashes carrying multiple clay gourdes.

So these are zebras. Kind of a strange way to say hello.

“There is no need for alarm,” Ikazuchi proclaimed. “Your hero, Crown Prince Ikazuchi, has graced your forest with his presence. There is however no need for a formal ceremony or any grand display of eternal gratitude. I only require medical care and some food. Ah, and perhaps a lovely mare to keep me company later this evening.”

I cringed. Ikazuchi has such a way with words.

The two zebras said nothing and looked at each other momentary. They then began laughing hysterically, putting their forelegs around each other and slapping their knees. Soon laughter filled the entire area. At least three dozen more zebras appeared out of the tree line on both sides of the river, lowering their weapons and joining in the merriment. Interspersed among the zebras were several impossibly bizarre creatures. They appeared to be oversized lions except they had bat like wings and scorpion tails.

“What is so funny?” Ikazuchi sounded legitimately surprised.

The zebras only laughed harder.

Finally a lanky zebra stallion put his hoof up. He wore a headband adorned with colorful feathers, and wielded a double sided spear. The other zebras instantly ceased laughing.

“Oh Ikazuchi, still delusional as always,” the lanky zebra said stroking a lion creature’s mane. He spoke in a velvety exotic accent that was at once poetic but also condescending. “Why have you come to grace our forest with your presence?”

Some of the other zebras couldn't help a snicker.

“Zahir, I am glad to see you well,” Ikazuchi smiled. “As I have stated, your champion is badly injured and in need of assistance.” He lifted his skeletal wings and turned his wounded abdomen towards the zebra. “You have delayed quite enough but I am more than generous to ignore such transgressions as any noble Samurai would.”

Fearing I might get my throat slit, I fought off the urge to facehoof.

Luckily Zahir did it for me. “You are hopeless Ikazuchi. I fear I may go senile if I speak with you any longer. Leave this forest at once, and I will spare your life for old time’s sake.”

Ikazuchi's face turned as red as his mane.

“You dare speak to your savior like that? I bled for you helpless savages, and this is how you repay me?” he spit. “Without my unrivaled combat prowess none of you zebras would even be alive right now. Now I demand an audience with your elders before I-”

But before Ikazuchi could dribble more horseshit Zahir somersaulted from the riverbank unto the raft. He landed right on the shrapnel in Ikazuchi’s stomach and twisted it inwards. Ikazuchi grit his teeth to keep from screaming until his lips bled.

I was starting to like this Zahir fellow.

“One more word out of you and I will impale your head for the crows,” he snarled. “We were more than capable of defending ourselves from the lost ones, of that make no mistake!” Zahir pushed harder against the shrapnel for emphasis. “And since when has the Empire ever looked after the weak? You know damn well why your blood thirsty race interfered!”

“Um Zahir was it?” I felt the need to speak up before my investment dies. “You’ll have to forgive my pal here, he’s an idiot.”

Zahir looked up and grinned, one hoof still on Ikazuchi's wound. “Ah yes the earth pony. What are you doing with a pegasus, much less one as dense as this one?”

“Guess being around him makes me feel smarter,” I offered. “Look Zahir, I don’t know what the Federation did to you guys during the Summer War but whatever it was I’m sorry.”

“Yes the Earth Federation. That was the banner under which you lost ones unite under these days. It is hard to keep track as your leadership changes so often,” Zahir mused. “But your apology rings hollow earth pony for we do not begrudge you for the invasion.”

“Invasion?”

Zahir gently chuckled as a father would to an innocent colt asking a foalish question.

“This is why we do not hate you despite what your race has done. Nay, we pity you; pity the thousands of ponies tossed into the maws of war, ignorant of why they fight or why they die.”

Zahir pointed to me. “That uniform you wear, you are one of these unfortunate souls yes? The Federation finds itself locked in yet another conflict.”

“Yeah, in fact Prince Charming and I ran away from one of the battles together.”

“How interesting,” Zahir said as he looked down at the pegasus. "What have you gotten yourself into Ikazuchi?"

Zahir continued staring at him, momentarily lost in thought.

“Very well,” he finally sighed. “I cannot abide my race aiding combatants in your pointless wars but I am not opposed to having some…thing help you.”

Wait don’t tell me those lion things shit medical poultices.

“It is a pariah, so far gone down a path of self destruction and blind ambition that it is beyond redemption. But because of this, it cannot be tainted any further than it already is by involving itself in your war.”

“Sounds..legit” I said shifting my eyes.

“Fear not. Though it is an abomination against nature, its ability for alchemy is equally unreal,” Zahir reassured. “Take this river further down until you see a fork. Stay to the right side and eventually you will see its abode.”

With Zahir's nod I felt the spears lowered from my throat. The zebras and the lion creatures back pedaled noisily into the forest and disappeared as if consumed by a fog. Zahir himself gracefully leaped off the raft and landed on the opposite bank from me.

“It is not often I get a chance to see a lost one outside of battle. Though you must depart this forest as soon as you are able, perhaps our paths will cross again, hopefully not at the point of a spear.”

Zahir turned to leave.

“Wait,” I called back. “What happened during the Summer War?”

“Your companion can answer that better than most,” he answered over his shoulder.

With that he disappeared, leaving only Ikazuchi and me on the river again.

“If you die on me I’m going to fucking kill you,” I said pushing my wadded up trench coat harder against his abdomen. Ikazuchi only gave a low moan.

His wound was enlarged and bleeding again after his little homecoming. We were an hours down the river after taking the fork Zahir mentioned. I was running out of sunlight to safely navigate on water, and I wasn't sure Ikazuchi could survive the night.

Finally as I was about to start pulling my mane out I saw a warm glow piercing through the tree line. As I got closer I realized the light was trickling underneath a craggy wooden door blocking off a mouth of a cave. The cave entrance was covered in thick vines, but the narrow dirt path leading up to it was surprisingly well beaten.

“Just hold on a little longer,” I said putting Ikazuchi's hoof on the trench coat.

I beached the log and started galloping towards the door. Reaching the entrance I slowly moved my hoof up to knock but with every inch I was bombarded with grotesque images of giant insects, zombie zebras, and mutated blobs of pony faces, all waiting to devour the hapless conscript who was about to stumble across the threshold into certain death.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Well, here it goes.

I stood there in shock, jaws wide open and unable to move. I didn't know if I should run in horror or stick my revolver in my mouth and squeeze for surely this place had driven me completely mad. What stood before me on the door’s precipice could not exist even by the incomprehensible standards of the Everfree Forest. This thing was not scientifically possible.

It was…a zebra…a life sized zebra doll. A foal’s plaything stared back at me, its soft plushy proportions covered in crude stitches that meandered up and down its body. I saw my dumbfounded self reflected in its beady black eyes. My reflection was petrified, vocal cords lost in the abyss of the creature’s hauntingly vacant face. It was cold and unfathomably hollow as if I was staring into nothingness.

The creature tilted its head to the side. My blood froze.

It suddenly reared up on its hind legs and with the sound of rending cloth, dozens of blades of every manner shot out of its two front hooves. Saws, spear points, bayonets, shears, axe heads, and katanas covered its hooves making them look like haphazard medieval maces.

I fell back in terror, kicking at the dirt as I tried to scramble back. It was in vein though as I was well within the creature’s range. It raised its hooves high over its head, ready to bring down a hundred ways to die.

“Wait wait wait!” I screamed as I cowered behind my hooves. “Zahir said you could help us!”

The creature’s hooves stopped inches from my eye balls. It tilted its head again quizzically as it retracted its blades back. As if by magic, black threads snaked about automatically stitching up the tears where the weapons came out. Some chunks of what appeared to be cotton were left on the ground except they squirmed about like caterpillars. They globed together forming bigger clumps but eventually flailed around as if they were chocking and ceased moving.

“Please we need your help,” I forced myself to speak. “We're in desperate need of food, and I have a companion that needs urgent medical care.”

The creature turned and walked back towards the door. Stopping at the threshold, it beckoned with its head to follow it inside…or it could've meant go bugger off and die. I don’t know, I don’t hang out with animated dolls too often.

Lacking no other alternatives though I decided to go with the former.

The creature’s dwelling smelled like a greeting card store if a disgruntled employee massacred everyone inside of it.

The cave opened up into a large atrium. Moonlight poured through a large hole in the ceiling, reflecting beautifully off a pond located beneath. A myriad of strange plants grew around the pond apparently providing a constant supply of alchemical ingredients for a laboratory located on one side. Ground up plants and flower petals covered its tables, and gourds of all shapes and sizes dangled from the ceiling. Several cauldrons were boiling, sending up aromas of pungent spice.

The opposite side of the atrium was covered in blood and a cacophony of flies. Piles of flesh and bones were strewn everywhere, with unrecognizably mutilated animals that I sincerely hoped weren’t ponies filleted on workbenches. The butcher shop from hell was completed by insidious looking medical tools and torture devices hanging from the walls. I surely would've thrown up if I had anything left in my stomach. Thankfully the creature was waiting in the laboratory side, clearing a table of mortars and ground up herbs.

Ikazuchi had one foreleg around my shoulder and leaned against me like a ton of bricks. He groaned weakly with every step, leaving behind a trail of crimson as we struggled towards the awaiting creature. Owing to his pain induced delirium or because his head was drooped, none of our surrounding seemed to bother Ikazuchi in the slightest.

By the time I managed to drag his limb body onto the table, he was out cold.

“Is he gonna make it?” I asked the creature.

Without responding it started unfastening the buckles and straps of his armor with practiced swiftness and with dexterity unimaginable by its plushy legs. On occasion it brought a piece of armor to its face, turning it over and examining it carefully.

Once Ikazuchi's wound was fully exposed, the creature tilted its head again inspecting the task in front of it. After a moment it picked out a wooden gourde from a nearby shelf and dumped the entire greenish content onto Ikazuchi's wound. It hissed and bubbled on contact like acid, quickly melting the wound and skin around it into a mush of flesh. The creature then produced a rolling pin from its hoof and began smoothing it out until it was even with the rest of his body. Before I knew it, what was once a gaping hole had completely disappeared, leaving only a large furless scar that resembled plastered drywall.

“Incredible,” I found myself saying.

I flinched as the creature turned to look at me.

“Th, thank you for your help,” I managed to gasp.

The creature nodded.

Somewhat comforted I mustered the courage to continue our first exchange.

“My name is Raskoponikov but most ponies call me Rasko for short. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said extending a hoof.

The creature ignored it and walked towards the pond at the center of the cave. It probed the surrounding plants with its muzzle and returned with several carrots, depositing it in front of me.

“Oh, uh thank you,” I said nervously.

I bent down slowly to take a bite, still keeping sight of the creature with my peripheral vision.

My guard however melted away with the first nibble. It was by no means delectable or spectacular. It was simply a carrot and tasted as any other carrot should. But it was a real carrot; not dried and packaged in ration bags but a real carrot fresh from the ground as nature intended. It was a carrot whose taste I had long forgotten and expected never to taste again. So many ponies never got to, yet here I was.

I felt a pang of something within my heart swelling up. Happiness? Sadness? Whatever emotion brewed within me I was feeling again. I felt…alive.

“It’s delicious,” I said. It was the greatest understatement of the century.

The creature gave an approving nod.

“Might I know our savior’s name?” I asked finishing the last of the carrots.

The creature again walked away, this time to its laboratory, and came back with a chalkboard strung around its neck.

Pariah, it read.

“Well Pariah, thank you again for your hospitality.”

I tried thinking of a deft way of asking its gender (if it even had one) but decided potentially pissing it off and getting killed wasn't worth my curiosity.

The creature turned the chalkboard over and started scribbling another message.

Don’t fear me. I mean you no harm.

Of course, how silly of me. Why should I fear a living doll that shoots out sharp objects and who knows what else.

What are you doing with Prince Ikazuchi?

I explained to Pariah how we met and how we got here.

“Hey how did you know his name by the way?” I asked suddenly realizing.

Armor.

“So you saw him during the Summer War?”

The creature shook its head.

Ikazuchi clan is legendary. Heard stories. Decisive during war.

I raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

Pegasus storms take many ponies to create. Some ponies of the Ikazuchi clan can do it alone.

I remember hearing news reports of entire cities getting leveled by pegasus storms shortly before I was drafted. Even while growing up, their swift devastation figured prominently in the apple schnapp infused ramblings of old veterans from past Equestrian wars. Can a single pony really wield that kind of power? Though undoubtedly impressive (at least by earth pony standards), I couldn't imagine Ikazuchi, past out on a table with his tongue drooping out of his mouth, could even come close.

“So what did you do during the Summer War? Your abilities would've been very useful.”

The creature tilted its head.

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to pry.”

The creature shook its head as if to say it was ok.

Long story.

“Well I got all night Pariah. I’d love to hear your story,” I said reaching for my cigarettes.

The pack was empty. But before any irritability could surface Pariah had me covered, extending a wooden pipe to me.

“Thanks,” I said sticking the pipe in my mouth. “You’re real life saver.”

I lit the tobacco with a match and greedily took a puff. I immediately started coughing uncontrollably like I had virgin lungs. It felt like someone dumped a whole pepper shaker down my throat…with some lavender?

I held the pipe up to my face in confusion, still coughing and trying to catch my breath.

“What kinda tobacco is this?”

Pariah looked up from its chalkboard, head canted. It rubbed off what it was writing and started scribbling something else.

Not tobacco. Poison Joke.

“Poison what?”

Don’t tell me I just inhaled poisonous gas. I started to feel my heart race, and the first perspiration of panic breaking.

Sorry I thought you knew.

“What the hell is this?”

I was in no condition to argue however as I suddenly felt very heavy. The room started spinning, and the nausea refused to leave even when I closed my eyes. I stumbled around briefly before collapsing. I felt glued to the floor like I was being sucked in. I looked up helplessly at the cave walls as the colors started running.

The last thing I remember seeing clearly was Pariah’s chalkboard.

You're in for a good time.