Master Builder

I knelt down by a supply crate, furiously prying the lid off in a futile bid to silence the emaciated roar of my stomach. I tossed aside the packaging hay like some rabid animal until those giant red rubies glistened in my eye.

Apples! Real fucking apples!

In my peripheral vision I could see the the giant black letters stenciled onto the lid: “For Offices Only”

Fuck em.

I took a succulent bite with one hoof while stuffing my precious prizes into every available pocket with the other. Not enough damn pockets, not enough damn time. In the distance I heard the unnerving grinding of Ferdinand treads, and they were approaching ever closer. Before I knew it the plasma bolts were upon me, scorching and hissing the ground like so many cobras in the grass.

Time’s up.

I reluctantly tossed aside my half eaten apple as I took off running cradling every last piece of fruit I could. Conscripts fell all around me, screaming and raising their hooves in a desperate bid for aid. But the fucking apples! I kept galloping, ducking and weaving through a hail of plasma bolts. I cringed as apple after apple fell from my pockets and outstretched forelegs.

I kept sprinting despite my lungs threatening to explode. Soon solid ground gave way to water as I splashed still forward. Ankle high, knee high, waist high; I was swimming now in open water.

All the apples floated uncontrollably out of my pockets, meandering off into the current.

No!

I reached out a hoof for the nearest apple but it never got there. A hoof grabbed my leg and pulled it down. I shook my leg like it was on fire, momentarily breaking free yet in an instant another hoof breached the water and wrapped around my leg. More hooves shot out, tugging at my mane, my torso, my legs. I thrashed wildly but the more I struggled the heavier the hooves pulled. Before I could scream I was pulled into the suffocating depth.

As the surface light grew dimmer and dimmer something suddenly nudged my muzzle out of the darkness. It was a face, half melted to the skull. The earth pony fixed its one good eye on me and smiled. When I gasped the water crushed my lungs...

That was when I woke up.

“Pariah, did you hear me!”

I faded back into consciousness to muffled shouts of a zebra.

I felt wet, or more precisely I was in water. Rubbing my face I realized I was floating in the atrium pond. Warm sunshine bore down on me, its intrusive rays about as welcome as an alarm clock beginning a hungover morning. The world still seemed slightly fuzzy with a bluish tint but I think the worst of the poison joke was behind me now...hopefully.

“We need twelve healing poultices and acid on the double!” the zebra called again.

I realized the voice was coming from outside the cave entrance.

Ikazuchi was standing over me on shore, already dressed in his armor. Freshly polished and free of the grits of battle, it shimmered regally in a way that made me appreciate its intricate craftsmanship in a whole new light. The giant hole in the abdomen still remained unmended however along with his wings. The wings were cleaned of blood and residual feathers but his left wing was nothing more than a skeletal frame, and the right just a bony nub.

“Ah excellent you are done practicing drowning. Now hurry up and put some clothes on, as tempting as it may be for a dirt pony to return to his savage roots,” he snapped dropping my trench coat next to him.

“Well glad to see you up and running,” I said wading ashore. “How’s your wound?” I asked trying not to look at his maimed wings.

“Ha! It was never even a mortal wound to begin with. However, that creature’s medical skills certainly hastened my recovery,” he conceded.

“So you met Pariah,” I said putting my coat on.

Pariah must've washed it while I was out since it felt cleaner than it’s been in weeks. It was still stiff like paper mâché from Ikazuchi’s dried blood though.

Pariah was busy pouring over its cauldrons presumably filling the zebra’s order. The creature moved swiftly from pot to pot, adding diced up plants there and stirring here like a television chef trying to finish all his dishes before the clock wound down.

“Yes a most well mannered creature, but never mind that. Here, Pariah was kind enough to give you a gun.”

Ikazuchi shoved a metal object into my hooves along with a bloody bandolier. I shuttered to think how Pariah acquired this from its previous owner.

“This is a gun?” I asked inspecting the alleged weapon.

It looked like it took about 3 seconds to make, and probably did. It was literally just a piece of pipe with a magazine shoved into the left side. Bent metal formed a skeletal outline for a sad excuse of a shoulder stock. Crude didn’t begin to describe this monstrosity. Not that the bolt action rifle was any better but at least its wood frame showed some vestige of craftsmanship.

“Yes, a Pepper Box submachine gun,” Ikazuchi explained. “It was designed by your engineers during the last equestrian war but was quickly abandoned since pistol rounds are nigh useless against pegasus or unicorn armor. They are however quite handy against unarmored opponents like zebras especially in the confines of a forest.”

I looked down the sights and to my dismay realized they were ludicrously misaligned. Not that it really mattered though since the “sights” were just metal rings hastily welded on, apparently by a drunken pony on a roller coaster.

“Your Shoguns belatedly realized this and revived the concept, rushing as many Pepper Boxes to the front as possible. By the time sufficient numbers were available however the Summer War was all but disastrously concluded,” Ikazuchi said with a snicker.

“What’s with all this firepower?” I asked.

Along with extra magazines the bandolier also had some stick grenades tucked in.

“We going back to war or something?”

“You could say that, yes, but time is of the essence. Come, I shall explain on the way,” he said leading me towards the cave entrance.

Pariah was walked just ahead of us, cradling several gourds of freshly prepared medicine. It stopped at the cave entrance and began turning the doorknob.

“What are you doing!” the zebra shouted from the other side. There was a palatable sense of fear in his voice. “You know better than to reveal yourself!”

After a momentary pause, Pariah reluctantly placed the gourds on a shelf attached midway up the door and knocked twice. A small slit opened from the other side in response, and a zebra leg snatched up the gourds as if the door would bite them off if he took too long. The zebra then slammed the slit shut and trotted off with much urgency.

“These savages are incapable of comprehending social graces,” Ikazuchi remarked. “No offense to my noble host of course,” he said gesturing at Pariah.

Pariah shook its head as if to dismiss the notion.

“Well we shall be on our way Pariah,” Ikazuchi said with a deep bow. “We will return shortly.”

Good luck. Don’t kill Zahir if possible , it wrote.

“So let me get this straight, we’re gonna go kill the pony who spared your life…in order for Pariah to introduce you to an inventor who can fix your wings…and this inventor lives all the way in the griffon city of Reed….that about cover it?”

“I never said anything about killing Zahir,” Ikazuchi corrected as he continued slashing a path through the dense Everfree foliage.

With little effort Ikazuchi shredded the leaves and branches in front of us like it was going through a blender, leaving a haze of crushed plants and pollen in my face.

“You just said you couldn’t wait to sink your blade into his neck. Ponies kinda need that to survive.”

“Ha! Shows how pathetically little you know of true swordsmanship,” he proclaimed. “Fear not Raskoponikov, I do not intend to kill these savages so long as Zahir gives us Pariah’s tome without a fuss. If however they should refuse…well I would not be entirely disappointed.”

Though his back was to me I swore I saw a grin on his face.

“Yeah what’s this tome exactly? You have any idea what it even looks like?”

“I do not know the specifics but it is something Pariah values quite dearly, and Zahir has it with him at all times. It is the only thing keeping Pariah from leaving this forsaken place.”

“The way that zebras treated Pariah, I don’t blame it for wanting to leave.” I said wiping the sweat from my brow.

The Everfree Forest once again seemed to live by its own logic as even when winter wrapped the rest of Equestria the air here was thick and humid.

“Yes so you see we are merely freeing a poor creature from its bondage.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t sugar coat this as anything more than strong arming ponies to get what you want.”

“Ha! A Federation pony wishes to lecture me on aggression?”

“Yeah I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. What exactly happened during the Summer War?”

“Surely you jest,” Ikazuchi exclaimed with genuine surprise. “You are either a bigger fool than you look or the Federation suppresses information far more effectively than I had thought.”

“I like to think it’s the latter… helps me sleep at night.”

Ikazuchi gave a vexed sigh. “It is the same story as it has been for millenniums. The Everfree Forest is rich in natural resources of all manner, and whoever controls its bounty would gain a decisive advantage over the other equine races. Of course no side has ever succeeded in conquering it due to the zebras and the inhospitable nature of the forest itself. The Summer War was yet another futile episode in trying to tame it.”

“Then why did the Empire intervene?”

“Because the Emperor is a timid fool,” Ikazuchi said with a rising tone of anger. “He believed this time the earth ponies could genuinely succeed, even going so far as fearing open war with the Federation. Clearly he was mistaken!”

“Ayup,” I remarked looking at the hundreds of pony skeletons around me. We just cut our way into what appeared to be an old battlefield.

Skeletons draped in frayed trench coats littered the area in piles sometimes stacked ten ponies high. Packed into tight formations by the claustrophobic forest, and with their unwieldy bolt action rifles, the earth ponies stood no chance. Several machine gun teams among the dead suggested an ambush. They lay there still clutching unlimbered tripods and unopened ammunition boxes.

Of course no earth pony meat grinder would be complete without Firesprites. They were all burned out (naturally), their stubby guns melted into metal globs and their treads strewn off the wheels like limp arms. Charred bones hung out of the turret hatches of several of the tanks. Petrified by flame, their contorted expressions forever spoke of their desperation and agony. Whoever thought it was a good idea to bring tanks into a forest should be shot, and probably was.

Despite the carnage, a thin layer of moss covered the fallen conscripts like a shroud as if the forest extended a final show of respect to their would-be conquerors. New saplings even worked their way through the rusting Firesprites already. In a few more months this entire area would be reclaimed by the forest as if nothing had ever happened, as if this was all water under a bridge. More likely however, it would only serve to dull the memory of those who sent these stallions in to begin with. The ponies will be back. Again and Again.

Ikazuchi’s words rung true in my mind.

“Ready yourself,” Ikazuchi warned snapping me out of my musing.

I instinctively cocked my Pepper Box and listened for any brushing leaves or snapping twigs. It was a futile exercise however as the forest was abuzz with life. Ikazuchi suddenly swung his head and I immediately followed suit. Behind us stood three zebras.

Damn, I didn’t even hear them approach. We were firmly in their home ground now, and they could kill me whenever they wanted without so much as a warning. My dead compatriots around me echoed my thoughts: I’m dead!

Ikazuchi seemed to share none of my fears.

“So you finally decided to show yourselves. I was growing weary of being followed,” he boasted.

“What are you still doing here Ikazuchi,” one of the zebras demanded pointing with his spear. “Don’t tell me you’re on your way out. You know this place well enough to be walking deeper into the forest.”

“Ah my young savage, I merely wanted to chastise Zahir for his hospitality in person. It is what cultured ponies do after all. You are more than welcomed to follow zebra. You may learn a thing or two.”

The zebra snarled and crouched down into a combative stance as did the others.

“We don’t want any trouble guys,” I interjected. “Ikzauchi…well he’s just Ikazuchi. Please, let us just speak with your chief.”

“Ha! Zahir is no chief,” Ikazuchi scoffed.

I glared at him. I waved my hoof in front of my neck in a slitting motion, begging him to shut up.

“He is merely their champion. Their finest warrior if you will, for what that is worth.”

Dammit Ikazuchi.

“That’s it, I’ve heard enough!”

One of the zebras charged Ikazuchi with his spear. He looked considerably younger than the others and was probably no more than a few years out of foalhood.

The other zebras shouted for him to stop but it was too late. All I heard was a katana being drawn yet in an instant Ikazuchi had the young zebra pinned to the ground, sword pressed against his throat. He stood over him, one free leg extended towards the sky. Seconds later a piece of the attacker’s spear landed neatly in his awaiting hoof, sliced cleanly in half. Ikazuchi channeled electricity through the broken spear, sending blue sparks running down the shaft. It momentarily lit on fire before quickly turning to ash in his hoof.

Show off.

“Even you savages must know you stand no chance against a true warrior elite,” Ikazuchi said with a smirk. “You will bring Zahir to me or I will punish every last one of you for your indiscretion.”

The other zebras still remained hunched in their combative stances. They wore pained expressions of bitter humiliation. They were being condescended to in their own homes and there was nothing they could do about it.

“What are you waiting for zebra? Run along now,” Ikazuchi said.

The zebras only snarled back.

“You think those two manticores behind me will save you,” Ikazuchi taunted.

Wait what?

I turned around and flinched as sure enough two of the lion creatures from yesterday had snuck up less than five meters behind me with their scorpion tails poised to strike at any moment. Once again I didn’t hear a thing.

I was thoroughly out of my element here. I wonder why Ikazuchi even bothered to bring me along. Act as a meat shield maybe? We conscripts are pretty good at that if nothing else.

“Fools!” Ikazuchi suddenly shouted pushing me to the ground.

Ikazuchi opened his jaws wide and gave a furious roar. Blue lightning bolts crackled out of his gaping mouth like a flamethrower and engulfed the two manticores. The creatures convulsed violently as electricity coursed down their bodies making their skeletons visible through their flesh.

Yet his intended target wasn’t the hapless manticores nor the barrage of arrows I now realized was flying in from behind the two creatures. The lightning bolts disintegrating the arrows midair and continued on its meandering trajectory, hitting the tree line beyond. Blue light lapped at the branches like waves, turning the trees into gangly electric fences. Several zebra archers hidden within fell to the ground. They flailed around uncontrollably as blue sparks engulfed their bodies.

I lost sight of Ikazuchi as he then swiftly leaped into the air with considerable force leaving behind a gust of wind strong enough to push me off balance. Looking around for him, my eyes went wide as I saw the two remaining zebras charging me with spears outstretched. They were so close to me that I could clearly see their nostrils flaring and their lean muscles kicking against the forest floor.

I didn’t have time to raise my gun. I was going to die admiring some dudes’ legs…

Just then I caught a glimpse of Ikazuchi again, descending on the two charging ponies from above. On his final approach he appeared to blur into two Samurai figures, knocking out both ponies with the hilt of his sword near simultaneously.

If zebras were hard to track because they were stealthy, Ikazuchi was hard to track because of his sheer speed. And this was with his heavy armor on and his giant machine guns equipped, which he never even uses. Maybe Ikazuchi’s blabbering wasn’t just hot air after all.

“You savages dare attack a pony unannounced!” he yelled brandishing his katana. “This is your final warning. Any further provocation will be fatal!”

As it turns out Ikazuchi didn’t waste every striped pony in the area. The electrocuted archers began stumbling to their feet with synchronized moans. Their bodies still remained partially numb as they hobbled and limped back into the forest. The young zebra also picked himself up and nearly doubled over again as he caught sight of Ikazuchi. His previous brashness was all but gone as he skittered off in fear, running head first into more than a few trees along the way. Helping out the two unconscious zebras he arrived with was probably the furthest thing on his mind.

The two manticores were very much dead however. Their furs were almost completely charred off, leaving nothing but a leathery mass of bunched up skin. What looked like liquefied brain oozed out of every pore of their faces.

“This is but a taste of my true powers,” Ikazuchi said admiring his handy work. “My services were worth waiting for was it not?”

“Yeah that was pretty amaz… no screw you Ikazuchi!” I caught myself. “The deal was you escorted me to safety, not drag me along to your cultural appreciation day with the zebras!”

“Are you that daft Raskoponikov?”

“Daft? You wanna talk about daft?” I said pointing my hoof at him. “You’re the one dribbling bullshit about Samurai honor, and here you are terrorizing butt naked ponies with your cold steel. All you want are your damn wings fixed, and screw everypony that gets in your way right? What a big stallion you are.”

“Do not purport to know anything of Bushido,” Ikazuchi snapped back. “And rest assured, these zebras are not some romanticized shepherds of nature you make them out to be. Besides, what would you do if we were not going to griffon lands?”

Admittedly I’ve been so focused on not dying that I haven’t really given my future much thought. Still, electrocuting ponies wasn’t really on my to-do list.

“The earth ponies are finished,” Ikazuchi pressed sensing my uncertainty. “They will be all but wiped out from the face of Equestria, and within a few generations your entire race will be nothing but a distant memory.”

Ikazuchi spoke dispassionately as if he were discussing today’s weather, let alone the extinction of my entire race. A pang of rage burned somewhere within but was quickly drowned out by an overwhelming despondency. I knew firsthand he was right, but when the truth was put into words the reality came crashing down. I never bought into Federation propaganda, never felt proud to be an earth pony (hurray I can’t fly or use magic), nor did I really care for unicorns or pegasus one way or the other. Hell, I’ve killed my own kind just as thoughtlessly as I killed...or at least attempted to kill the “enemy”. And yet, I didn’t want to imagine our inescapable fate: 200 million earth ponies killed to the last mare and foal. Not that I was going to do anything about it. The war was over for me and damned if I ever go back after all I’ve been through.

Guess I just didn’t know what I wanted…except for a damn cigarette. I can’t be doing this without a smoke.

“You can begin anew in a city like Reed,” Ikazuchi reassured. “Whether they are earth pony, unicorn, or even pegasus, the city is teaming with outcasts and low lives like yourself. The griffons are nothing but mercantile whores you see. They have no allegiances to any race, not even to themselves. All that matters to them is bits.”

“Wow you ever think about being a travel agent?”

“It is true I want my wings mended but you stand to benefit from this arrangement as well,” Ikazuchi continued without acknowledging my career suggestion. “And what better way to begin anew than to be put in contact with one of the most prominent denizens of the city.”

“This inventor?”

“Not just any inventor. The great Gershwin.”

“...I’m supposed to know who that is aren’t I?” I said shrugging my shoulders.

Ikazuchi gave an exasperated sigh.

“He is the foremost weapons designer in all of Equestria,” he proclaimed. “Many of his designs have been purchased, copied, or stolen by all of the equine races at one point or another. The machine guns on my back are one such example.”

I felt myself somewhat placated, remembering just how lethal those things were. Still, there was one other important question on my mind.

“And how does a living plush doll know somepony like that?” I asked.

“Mr. Gershwin has a certain...predilection for poison joke I’m told,” Ikazuchi responded. “Pariah occasionally makes deliveries of it in exchange for parts and supplies unobtainable in the Everfree Forest.”

Drug deals. Of course.

How anybody actually enjoyed poison joke, let alone get addicted to it was beyond me however. Just thinking about it made me feel nauseous again.

And all we need to do is kill-

“Zahir,” Ikazuchi said as if reading my thoughts. “You finally make an appearance.”

The lanky zebra seemingly materialized out of thin air mere meters behind us. He wore the same headdress but his sash carried more clay gourdes than before, and his double sided spear looked freshly sharpened. The giant leaf shaped obsidian points cast a menacing sheen, as did its owner's face.

“What do you want Ikazuchi,” Zahir all but spit.

Ikazuchi gave a sardonic smile and scanned his surrounding. Following his gaze I knew he detected many more zebras hidden all around us that I could hardly even hear let alone see. We were surrounded. I gulped down hard and felt my hooves grip the Pepper Box tightly like a frightened kid grabbing on to its mother.

Ikazuchi finally rested his gaze on Zahir.

“Yesterday’s insolence and appalling hospitality demands satisfaction. It is customary for any civilized race to demand blood to amend such savagery,” Ikazuchi intoned. “However, as a noble Samurai I am willing to overlook it in exchange for a certain tome.”

“That is out of the question!” Zahir snapped. “Curse that abomination for putting you up to this!”

“I will have you know that that abomination showed more civility than your entire mongrel tribe could muster after someday finally inventing the wheel,” Ikazuchi smiled back.

I would’ve snickered if I didn’t know there’re at least two dozen arrows pointed at my head.

“Now, you will give me this tome Zahir or I am perfectly within my right to kill one of you to satisfy your blood debt. But surely as a noble warrior yourself, and their Champion, you will spring to their aid,” Ikazuchi said loudly ensuring all the other zebras could hear.

“Naturally you will challenge me to a duel to defend your tribe’s honor and prevent needless bloodshed,” Ikazuchi pressed. “You will stand up for your fellow zebras won’t you?”

Zahir grimaced, knowing he was being played by the pegasus. His eyes darted around feverishly as if the expectations of the surrounding zebras were boring into him.

“Fine you feathered bastard,” Zahir growled.

Zahir grabbed two clay gourdes on his sash and tossed them into the air. He twirled his double sided spear around, breaking each gourde with opposite spear heads. The gourdes shattered into a bluish puff of smoke, coating his spear in a similar hued liquid.

Venom? Maybe this zebra has a fighting chance.

With a primal shout Zahir charged the pegasus, leaping high into the air on his final approach. Somersaulting rapidly with his spear outstretched, he essentially turned himself into a giant spinning glaive.

Ikazuchi still wore a condescending smirk, remaining rooted in place. At the last second he drew his blade, or at least that’s what I think he did. His draw was so fast the katana may as well have materialized out of thin air. Regardless, a sharp metallic clang left Zahir sprawling back. Zahir at least managed to land on his feet. He straightened himself out and resolutely gave his spear a spin as if trying to convince himself he wasn’t completely outclassed.

Hey, I know the feeling buddy.

“You’re even slower than I remember,” Ikazuchi quipped.

Zahir only snarled back as he charged in again.

The clash of metal on metal rang through the forest as Zahir poured down a flurry of thrusts only for Ikazuchi to parry them away with effortless deftness. When it appeared Ikazuchi might grow bored and deliver the deathblow, Zahir disengaged and leaped backwards away from the melee while throwing down a clay gourd to cover his retreat. It shattered with a hiss and splashed yellowish acid in a wide pool forcing Ikazuchi back. A tree stump caught in the splash bubbled into nothingness like a sugar cube doused with coffee.

Zahir wasn’t finished however as he immediately hurled four more gourdes high into the air above the pegasus. Grasping the shaft by the base of the spear head, he then threw his weapon like a boomerang. It shattering the gourdes in sequence over Ikazuchi, enveloping the area in a blackish cloud of dust. By the time the spear began its flight back towards Zahir, my eyes went wide as I realized what he was planning. Scraping a piece of flint over his hoof he sent a streak of sparks toward the dust cloud.

“Burn!” Zahir yelled.

I barely had time to duck behind a log when the air ignited into a fireball as if a Firesprite had been hit. An intense wave of heat roared overhead, singing my mane. When I mustered enough courage to take a peek, a fifteen meter circle of verdant forest had been charred into a black ruin as if a meteor struck it. A funnel of dark smoke rose, whipping up burnt leaves high into the sky.

I scanned desperately for any sign of Ikazuchi.

“Not bad zebra.”

I never thought I’d be that happy to hear his stupid accent.

Ikazuchi jumped down from a nearby tree a few meters from the periphery of the incineration. His fiery red mane looked disheveled but he seemed otherwise untouched.

“Is that it?” he said dusting off his shoulder mockingly.

Zahir remained stone faced.

“I suppose it ends here,” Ikazuchi said plainly.

In a red blur the Samurai dashed forward, raising his katana over his head. Before striking, his movement increased still further, momentarily creating an afterimage. Two blurry figures closed in on Zahir, one striking overhead and another slicing horizontally.

And yet he missed…

Ikazuchi’s raised eyebrow betrayed his utter disbelief.

A smile slowly crept on Zahir’s heretofore contorted mouth until he finally burst out laughing.

“You’re slower than I remember,” Zahir taunted back.

Ikazuchi defiantly wiped his sword into a combative stance and rushed forward. Again he rapidly blurred as he struck, splitting into two afterimages...and again he hit nothing but air. Zahir elegantly dodged the blows, as though his body was water simply making way for Ikazuchi’s blade.

“Impossible…” Ikazuchi stammered. “I’m the fastest warrior in all of Equestria!”

“Perhaps it’s time you took this a little more seriously, and took your armor off” Zahir cackled.

“I do not need to shed my armor against a mere savage!” Ikazuchi roared as he charged back in.

Again Zahir swiftly weaved past strike after strike. As he sidestepped another blow, this time he countered with a blazingly fast kick to the stomach that send Ikazuchi tumbling back. Zahir rushed after him before Ikazuchi could recover. Incredibly, as he thrust with his spear, he rapidly blurred into two zebra figures. Ikazuchi managed to block one image with his sword but the other slipped through his guard. A sharp metallic clang sounded as Ikazuchi just barely managed to roll his shoulder plate in the path of the spear head which glanced off dangerously close to his exposed skin. His pride was grievously maimed however.

“How...how have you gotten so fast?” Ikazuchi all but gasped. “You are just a lowly zebra.”

Zahir only smirked as he continued his offensive. With a roar Ikazuchi loosed a stream of lightning from his mouth. Even that however proved futile as Zahir seemingly materialized just beneath Ikazuchi’s chin. The lightning strike clamped shut as Zahir delivered a powerful uppercut following it up with a swipe from his spear that sent his opponent stumbling back. A red gash appeared on Ikazuchi neck, stopping menacingly close to his jugular.

This wasn’t happening.

Not to sound like a jingoistic pegasus but there’s no way a freakin butt naked hunter gatherer is beating up Ikazuchi. For fuck’s sake I’ve seen Ikazuchi go supersonic! I didn’t survive the unicorns, starvation, and killing my own kind just so I can die here in the Everfree Forest. If I knew this was gonna happen I would’ve just offed myself and save the trouble. Dammit Ikazuchi! Shoot more lighting! Take off that damn armor! Or at least suck it up and use that big ass machine gun! Just do something!

I felt the familiar beads of sweat and racing heart of panic set in. My nostrils were overwhelmed by the familiar smell of blood, of salt, of desperation, of...lavender? I instinctively sniffed the air again for that out of place scent, but there it was ever so slightly in the background. No, not precisely lavender but...poison joke!

The realization floored me like I just took a hit of that stuff.

Poison joke!

That familiar bluish hue Zahir coated onto his spear wasn’t venom; it was some kind of liquefied poison joke. He must’ve known he couldn’t hit Ikazuchi under normal circumstances but that was never the point. All that spear spinning and thrusting wasn’t just a showy martial arts trick. Zahir was aerosolizing it across the battlefield this entire time and we’ve been unwittingly breathing it in. Zahir isn’t faster than Ikazuchi. We’re simply hallucinating him being faster than Ikazuchi.

Dammit I hope Ikazuchi is smart enough to realize it too.

A scream from Ikazuchi answered that question with a resounding fuck no. Zahir stood over him, his spear buried deep in Ikazuchi’s collar in a gap between the breast plate and the shoulder guard. Ikazuchi gnashed his teeth at a desperate grasp for composure as Zahir wiggled the spear further into his flesh. Blood soaked Ikazuchi’s armor and dripped down in generous streams, yet he finally managed a smile.

“There you are,” Ikazuchi all but whispered.

Zahir’s raised eyebrow quickly turned to horror as he realized what Ikazuchi meant. It was too late however. Before Zahir could let go of the spear Ikazuchi sent electricity coursing through his body. It instantly traveled up the spear shaft and zapped its hapless wielder. Zahir and Ikazuchi’s furs stood on edge as sparks crisscrossed their bodies like a storm cloud. Zahir fell backwards completely paralyzed, and that was all the opening Ikazuchi needed. In one fell swoop he rose to his feet, slicing Zahir’s two right legs cleanly off at the knees before the zebra even hit the ground.

As he lay helpless on the ground, Zahir looked at his two bloody stumps perplexed until his body began to recover from the numbness of the electric shock. He thrashed around violently, hurling obscenities in between spasms of abject pain.

This was all music to Ikazuchi’s ears as he slowly made his way towards the zebra with smug satisfaction.

“Now about the tome,” he said yanking the spear out of his collar with agrunt.

It was now Ikazuchi’s turn to stand over his opponent. He pinned the flailing zebra with a foreleg and drew his katana. For a second it looked like he was going to sink the blade into Zahir’s soft stomach, but he proceeded only to rifle through his sash with the tip. Ikazuchi stopped when he hit something tough, bending down to pick up a leather pouch.

“Open it,” Ikazuchi said tossing the pouch to me.

Inside was a hardbound leather book the size of an encyclopedia. The dark brown cover was well worn and dogeared, giving off a musty odor. Though the book remained tightly bound by a leather cord, myriad notes overflowed out of the pages, none of it remotely legible.

“This is the tome I presume?” Ikazuchi asked nudging Zahir’s cheek with his blade.

Zahir only spat in Ikazuchi’s face.

That was a yes.

Our elation was short lived however as Ikazuchi suddenly shouted for me to get down. No sooner had I hit the forest floor did I hear the whizzing of arrows overhead. In an instant Ikazuchi was over me picking me up from the ground.

“You cowards!” he screamed at the trees.

He opening his jaws wide unleashing a torrent of lighting, whipping his neck around to spread the destruction in a wide arc. These were no incapacitating electricity however as the blue tendrils crackled violently into the branches, setting them ablaze. Ikazuchi continued to blast lethal lightning into our surrounding as we started galloping away.

“You have a weapon, use it!” he yelled over his shoulder.

Oh...right.

The Pepper Box came to life as I gave the trigger a long squeeze. The bolt slammed forward violently with every shot, making it bounce around my hooves like a fish out of water. It’s crudeness hardly seemed to matter though as I was simply dumping rounds every which way from the hip as I ran. However (in)effective though, the sound of that Pepper Box at least gave me the illusion I was contributing to my survival, and the gave me renewed vigor to keep my legs moving forward. That vigor eventually carried me neck and neck with Ikazuchi as we ran further still. Then I started pulling away…

“Ikazuchi!” I called back.

He was stumbling around with one hoof pressed tightly against his wounded collar, ready to double over.

“Come on, keep moving!” I yelled sliding a helping leg under his shoulder.

“Ah yes our green tea is here.”

What?

One look at Ikazuchi was all I needed. His eyes were bloodshot, and a dumb glazed over smile hung from his face. He took all that poison joke straight into his bloodstream when he was stabbed after all. Ikazuchi was tripping balls.

“Yes indeed the cherry blossoms are quite beautiful this time of year, but I know something pink even more exquisite if you get my meaning,” slurred Ikazuchi leaning in to me. “How about you show me?”

Dammit!

Our pace slowed to a literal crawl as I tripped on a thick tree root, sending us falling forward. I tried picking up Ikazuchi but he was completely unresponsive now. I managed to drag him another couple feet before I fell down again panting and gasping for air. The gangly roots and vine made dragging such a leaden body all but impossible.

With no other option I started pumping clip after clip into the brush from where I stood in a haphazard circle. I didn’t see them but I knew the zebras were all around me now, closing us down.

The Pepper Box stopped firing with a dull thud. I was empty. In desperation I hurled the gun into the forest along with my stick grenades. By the time I realized none of the grenades exploded because I forgot to pull the pin, I was screaming hysterically chucking whatever rocks or branches I could find at the unseen enemy.

Suddenly a series of loud explosions ringed the area as if the grenades generously decided to blow up now in unison. No tell-tale sound of shrapnel accompanied it however as only large plumes of white smoke rose from the explosions. It quickly bellowed into thick clouds, coalescing into a wall of smoke that made me feel like I was trapped in the eye of a hurricane.

As I looked up at the ever shrinking sky, I caught a glimpse of a Federation fighter aircraft...or at least the front half. I recognized the chubby squared off nose and the stubby wings as an earth pony Wombat fighter. As I squinted up at the strange aircraft, I gasped in disbelief as I saw what was dangling beneath.

It was Pariah

Like some metallic tumor, the front half of a Wombat from the wings forward had erupted from Pariah’s back. It shot out obliquely to its spine, ensuring the propeller blades cleared Pariah’s face, but the oversized machine loomed over Pariah like a giant manta ray snatching its prey. Rather than flying, it was more appropriate to say the machine was dragging Pariah’s limp body across the sky.

...poison joke is a hell of a drug.

Pariah's front hooves, which had earlier shot out a cornucopia of melee weapons, now had stubby metal barrels growing out of them. The barrels spit fire as Pariah circled above, raining down more smoke grenades.

After several more passes Pariah nosed over and screamed towards the earth. Before I could protest or even dive out of the way Pariah scooped both Ikazuchi and I as it buzzed the forest like a gale, spraying leaves and branches everywhere. The humid cacophony of the forest was soon replaced by the deafening sound of wind as we climbed into the sky, arrows nipped at our heels.

As the trees below grew smaller and smaller until I could hardly distinguish it as nothing but solid green, I finally felt my breathing calm down to something resembling normality.

I didn’t know if I was high still or what but I could care less. I had enough of the Everfree Forest for a lifetime.