Master Builder

By the time we finally landed Ikazuchi was starting to sober up again, which was a pretty good sign Pariah is actually as bizarre as I suspected...and then some. And we didn’t land so much as we kind of arbitrarily decided to stop flying, and let gravity handle the ensuing paperwork.

Pariah skidded all over the sky like a mosquito as we started our descent. When it decided we were low enough, it abruptly let us go sending us tumbling to the dirt. Pariah continued zig zagging a while longer until it pitched up in a final attempt at deceleration. The Wombat jutting out of its spine retracted back into Pariah’s body as I’ve seen earlier when it retracted its melee weapons. Its forward momentum and the sheer bulk of the heavy machine however sent Pariah muzzle first into a violent barrel roll that would’ve snapped a normal pony’s neck at least thrice over.

By the time I was on my feet again, Pariah was already galloping back towards us. Like before, black threads magically sewed up the giant tear in its back where the fighter plane came out. Pariah looked me over before giving me an approving nod, then went for Ikazuchi.

Although I got away with just bumps and scratches, Ikazuchi with his heavy armor, pile drove into the ground burying himself up to his torso. Pariah yanked him out like a turnip by a hind leg and immediately went to work on his wounded collar. From a leather saddlebag it pulled out a smaller set of gourds and herbs I’ve seen earlier in its home.

“You’re a crazy bastard Ikazuchi, purposely getting stabbed like that,” I said as Pariah started applying the acid like medicine.

“What!” Ikazuchi winced. “No self respecting warrior would ever intentionally let himself be hit.”

“Wait, I thought you knew about the poison joke? Didn’t you let Zahir strike you so you can shock him back?”

“A Samurai has not the idle time for recreational drugs that poisons the mind,” Ikazuchi exclaimed. “I was simply out of practice and let a mere savage outpace me.”

I stared back at him dumbfounded. This guy literally had the power of the heavens at his hoof yet he wielded it like a complete idiot, shedding body parts with every encounter.

“Ikazuchi you just might be the most ingenious retard to ever walk Equestria,” I said shaking my head.

As I walked off to take a leak I realized Pariah did in fact give some thought to where we landed (if not how we landed). The Everfree Forest was long behind us now, being replaced by a vast high desert that seemed to stretch on forever. Tufts of dead grass dotted the landscape like the patchy fur of a mangy dog. They rustled in the strong wind defiantly, as if desperately trying to forestall their inevitable destiny of becoming the many tumbleweeds that rolled along on their endless journey to nowhere, impeded only by the occasional boulder.

Pariah landed near one of these rocks, giving us somewhere to hide should we come across a pegasus or unicorn patrol, although I don’t think this place has seen a pony in years if ever. Pariah seemed to have other ideas. Once Ikazuchi was treated it moved him to the boulder to rest. Pariah held up the chalkboard to me, and motioned for me to come to the boulder as well.

Too risky to fly during the day from here. Will continue after nightfall. Get some rest, it read.

“I can take first watch,”I said. “You should get some sleep since you’re the one doing the flying.”

Don’t need it, it replied.

Far be it from me to argue with a creature that could easily dismember me on a whim. I nodded and did as I was told.

Sleep did not find me however as I found myself simply staring up at the overcast sky for what felt like hours. White creases of light shined through the gaps in the grey clouds, making me feel like i was underwater in a celestia sea. Perhaps a past me would’ve found it beautiful or relaxing but all I could imagine now was pegasus streaking in guns blazing…

I raised myself up with a dejected sigh. I need a cigarette.

Pariah looked up from its tome, blowing a blueish smoke ring my way. It cocked its head, analyzing me before finally offering the pipe of poison joke.

Some ponies will call it insanity or stupidity; I call it being a conscript. We’ll charge in right behind a pony that’s just been killed, follow the exact same hoofsteps, and get gunned down at the exact same spot. Whatever you wanna call it, I took a hit from the pipe despite every fiber in my body screaming no.

I immediately regretted it as the familiar nausea overtook me and made the world spin. Yet this time it was different. Like a lucid dream, when I willed my head to stop spinning it slowed down. My surroundings weren’t melting like it did the first time, instead only taking on a more vibrant vivid hue. Staring at a nearby shrub I could make out every individual blade of grass, and pick out the minutia of the subtle nuances of their dance as they swayed in the wind. Beneath my hooves I felt every individual grain of dirt, and I was conscious of every hair on my body as they conversed with the breeze and adopted their rhythm...

I could get used to this. My surprise was only just beginning however.

“Pa...Pariah?” I stammered.

In place of the living plush doll was a zebra: a real zebra. She looked up from the tome and blew another smoke ring.

“Is that what it calls itself these days,” she said in the familiar zebra accent. “Fitting I suppose.”

“Are...are you real?”

The zebra frowned then burst out laughing like she saw a pony fail miserably at a backflip on a beer induced dare.

“You’re new to this aren’t you?” she said still chuckling. “Be careful walking the precipice of reality and hallucination my little lost one.”

“Why, why do you call us that?” I asked with my best attempt at sobriety.

“Our ancestors believed zebras were once earth ponies a long long time ago,” she said thoughtfully blowing smoke. “When your kind embraced technology and first stepped out of the forest, a small group of us stayed behind. The stripes on our bodies are gifts bestowed by Mother Gaia herself. They are bindings, symbolizing our interwoven destiny with nature. Or so the story goes anyway,” she shrugged.

“Shepherds of nature! Good on ya!” I slurred.

“I don’t know about that,” she scoffed. “Only when it’s convenient I think.”

“I mean you kicked the crap out of us during the Summer War with just sticks and stones. That’s gotta be something,” I said.

She turned suddenly pensive. “It took more than sticks and stones.”

“Your powers!” I blurted out. “You can shoot weapons and stuff out of your body!”

Huh...could’ve sworn I left my tact around here somewhere.

She initially raised an eyebrow but quickly smiled as you would to a curious colt playing doctor for the first time.

“Yes, the fibers contained in my body can morph itself into any metallic object so long as I’ve consumed an example of it,” she said as if obliging me.

“You’re amazing! Wish I could do that!”

“I can assure you you don’t,” she replied gently.

“I don’t know, if I can pop out a margarita maker out of my back my life would be complete.”

The zebra only shook her head smiling.

“Shouldn’t you be headed to bed now?” she said.

Before I could retort my head felt very heavy all of a sudden. When I laid down to relieve the pressure I quickly fell into a deep slumber.

“Sweet dreams lost one,” I thought I heard her say.

I woke with a shiver as the desert night greeted me with a chilling gust of wind. Pariah was already gathering up her things and donning her saddle bag...her, Pariah was a she right?

“Hey Pariah....uh…,” I stammered

Absolutely genius. Well, might as well just say it I guess.

“Um sorry if this sounds awkward but...you’re female right?”

The plushie zebra only tilted her head quizzically.

“Must you dirt ponies insist on sexualizing everything!” exclaimed Ikazuchi. “My sincerest apologies my noble Pariah.”

Well so much for that.

Pariah seemed to ignore the exchange, climbing onto the top of the boulder. After checking her footing she dashed to the other end of the rock, hurling herself off the ledge. With a terrible rending sound the fighter plane shot out of her back like some parasite bursting out of its host. It belched black smoke as the propeller came to life, sweeping her airborne moments before Pariah would’ve splattered on the ground.

After circling the sky several times to get her bearing, she streaked in to pick us up. Her giant plushy legs easily gripped around our torsos as she climbed into the night sky as if burdened only by two sacks of flour under each arm. Though I was kinda short, Pariah was still a huge pony by any standard. Her proportions were exaggeratedly big like some cosmic god lacked the dexterity to sew her normal sized so just opted to make everything larger.

Pariah however seemed to lack the bravado her girth allowed. Despite a moonless overcast night, she flew low to the ground as if fearing being spotted. I didn’t get it. We were in the middle of a wasteland.

I got the answer the next morning.

Much like the previous day we took shelter near a boulder to rest. As I was about to turn in I caught sight of Ikazuchi staring intently at the sky. I followed his gaze upwards but saw nothing but grey clouds.

And then I saw it.

At first it was only a fleeting metallic glint through a gap in the clouds. But as I looked closer I realized the clouds around it cast a darker shadow, like the surface of the ocean hiding a sea creature swimming just below the surface. I followed the shadow to a patch of open sky where the beast finally revealed itself.

It was an earth pony airship!

The rigid oval hull lumbered across the sky, covered in guns of all calibers like a porcupine. The rear of the airship was a jumble of fins and rudders, complete with two enormous propellers that methodically clawed the air. Atop the hull was a castle like tower, flanked by a pair of turrets to the front and back. From each turret protruded two elongated barrels that scanned the horizon with deadly sheen.

Before the large vessel slipped into the clouds again I caught sight of dozens of smaller airships darting past it. There was a whole fleet up there.

“Three heavy cruisers, five light cruisers, one carrier, and...seventeen destroyers,” Ikazuchi mused rubbing his thin mustache. “How interesting. I did not think the Federation still had that many ships to spare. Futile nonetheless.”

Before I could ask Ikazuchi what he meant the clouds took on a menacing pink glow. I could recognize that revolting hue even if I was trying to drown out that image with whisky: they were unicorn energy bolts. Somewhere in a distant part of the sky was a unicorn battlefleet opening fire.

Flashes of white light erupted from the clouds like lightning as the earth pony fleet responded in kind. They were missing wildly though as I heard the shells harmlessly impact the ground miles away. Black smoke started rising in the horizon from where the shells landed...and the misses were piling up.

The unicorn ships were deadly accurate however. With a thunderclap the earth pony ship I saw earlier breached the cloud deck like a whale jumping out of the sea...if it were on fire. The entire ship was engulfed in flames from bow to stern and plunged towards the ground like a meteor. Burning scraps of metal flew off, sending a rain of fire in its wake.

What is up with our weaponry and fire? It’s like our engineers douse everything in gasoline and stuffed tissue paper into every nook and cranny.

As if to prove my point the stricken ship suddenly exploded violently, splitting it two. More debris flew out of the hull like a hunted beast spraying its innards everywhere. I knew many of those falling silhouettes were ponies. Drafted sons of bitches like me, maimed and burnt horribly on a reunion with the ground at 120 miles per hour…

I turned away and shut my eyes, hoping sleep would find me soon.

It didn’t it.

After several more days we finally arrived at the outskirts of Reed. Pariah landed us several miles from the city, and we continued on foot the rest of the way through the night. Guess seeing a flying plush doll was a no no even to the griffins.

Pariah draped a cloak over her body and offered one to Ikazuchi as well.

“What, you don’t want the griffons to notice you and offer their eternal gratitude?” I joked.

Through the darkness I thought I saw Ikazuchi momentarily tense up. He continued walking without saying a word. I shrugged and followed in silence, watching the bright lights of the city grow bigger and bigger.

By dawn we arrived, and the full magnitude of Reed bore down on me. The entire city was situated in an enormous canyon which rose several hundred feet above the desert. The rock walls were covered in metal buildings that hung precariously off the ledges, and a myriad rusty bridges of all sizes criss crossed the chasm at every altitude. Even in daytime the entire canyon floor was masked in permanent shadow as hundreds of airships were docked towards the top of the canyon walls.

As entirely alien as Reed looked to me, the most mind boggling thing however was the sheer diversity of the population. There were griffons of course but also earth ponies, unicorn, and even pegasus...and none of them were killing each other! The first time I walked past a unicorn I instinctively griped the revolver in my trench coat pocket. He only brushed past me angrily like he was late for work.

And everypony seemed preoccupied with work. Shops practically grew right on top of each other, filled with gregarious ponies trying to sell you wares from every corner of Equestria. You could buy a unicorn plasma rifle, pegasus calligraphy, and a mare of the night all in a single alley way. If ponies weren’t busy trying to sell you crap, they were hurriedly pushing trolleys full of crap presumably to sell to you somewhere down the line. It was as Ikazuchi said; Reed was one gargantuan marketplace.

Despite the sensory overload I did my best to keep up with Pariah. The large plushie zebra pushed past the bustling crowd like a boat through water, creating a small pocket behind her that I struggled to stay in. We traveled for what seemed like hours this way going from one congested alleyway to another, up one windy bridge and down another as we snaked our way deeper into the canyon.

As we pushed our way into another back alley I saw an earth pony and griffin standing over a vagrant sleeping in the fetal position. The two wore thick jackets with leather paddings sewn in, and were heavily armed.

“Get up!” said the griffon kicking the hobo. “Where's your employment papers.”

The hobo jolted up, running his hooves through his tattered coat.

“I...I seemed to have misplaced it,” he offered.

“Yeah?” said the earth pony tapping her Pepper Box. “That’s what you said a month ago. I think you’re lying to us bud. What do you think?”

“Oh he’s definitely lying,” the griffin smiled deviously.

“Wait wait I can explain. Please-”

The griffin cut him off with a vicious butt stroke from his shotgun. Blood soaked the vagrant’s dirty beard as the two dragged him off into the shadows.

“What are they gonna do to him?” I whispered to Ikazuchi.

“Kill him of course,” he responded flatly. “Reed doesn’t tolerate economic inefficiency. If you have no business here you leave the city dead or alive.”

Welcome to Reed: Buy shit or die...awesome.

When I saw the sun again I found myself led onto a narrow catwalk high above the canyon floor. The blustery winds made me instinctively cling to the railings for dear life as I forced myself not to look down at the abyss hundreds of feet below.

Instead I locked my gaze on a circular pagoda like structure suspended a good few dozen meters from the canyon walls. The building was secured obliquely by a single rusty pillar at the base, and by several steel cables from the pointed roof. Dozens of peculiar telescopes and piping jutted out of the patina structure, making it look like a copper pinecone.

Pariah led us to the building's door and started punching in a combination on a adjacent keypad. After several attempts a mechanical voice answered back.

“Who are those two,” it asked.

Friends, Pariah wrote back on her chalkboard.

“Behave yourselves,” the voice warned moments later. The door creaked open.

On the precipice stood a tall light grey unicorn about my age. His shock white mane was slicked back, and deep purple eyes stared back from above chiseled cheeks. He wore a tight form fitting leather jacket in a dark navy with numerous straps running down his legs. The first word that popped into my mind was handsome...urrr no homo. He had the kind of face teenage mares would go crazy for and festoon their bedrooms with.

“You got the poison joke,” he asked in a silky deep voice.

Pariah nodded, producing a large plastic wrapped bundle from her saddle bag. Through the clear wrapping I could see the bluish violet flowers. Pariah drew the package back as the unicorn reached for it.

Don’t want bits. Got proposal for Professor Gershwin, she wrote.

Creases formed on the unicorn's brow.

“Anything you have for the Professor can go through me,” he said authoritatively.

“Is that Pariah!” a hoarse voice called from inside.

“Yes Professor,” the unicorn answered back as he rolled his eyes.

“Well dammit Starswirl, invite it in for tea at least!” the voice commanded.

The unicorn sighed and reluctantly motioned for us to follow him inside. He led us up a twisting spiral staircase until we reached an open atrium. A jumbled mess of vacuum tube screens and incomprehensible gauges covered the walls that rose above a mess of work benches. The work benches hosted a veritable forest of beakers and bunsen burners interspersed with crumpled notes long browned by coffee stains.

Out of the mess pushed forward an old decrepit looking griffon, yet he walked with the guile of a pony a quarter his age. I looked down and realized why. His legs were entirely mechanical, with intricate pistons and gears spitting steam as he walked forward. Atop his torso sprouted elegant bronze colored metal wings, segmented and folded beautifully with divine precision.

“Mmmm come to me my precious,” he cackled as he reached for Pariah’s bundle of poison joke.

Pariah let the griffon take a clawful. The griffon shoved the blue petals into a metal pipe. He lit it and sucked greedily.

“Ahhhhh much better,” he gasped as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. “Starswirl will pay you the usual,” he said blowing out large plumes of blue smoke.

As the griffon turned back towards his research Pariah tapped him by the shoulder and shoved a chalkboard in his face.

Instead of bits I ask you repair my friend’s wings.

The griffon stared at the chalkboard then fixed his gaze on Ikazuchi. He tapped a button on the side of his head, sliding a monocle over his eye. He kept tapping as more lenses fell in place until there was essentially a telescope in front of him. Professor Gershwin continued to study the pegasus until his shoulders started convulsing. Soon hearty laughter erupted uncontrollably from his beak.

“My dear Pariah, I may enjoy your botanical wonders but not enough to aid a mass murderer,” he laughed.

“I no longer serve the Empire of the Rolling Thunder!” Ikazuchi all but growled. “I did not come all this way to be denied,” he exclaimed putting a hoof on the hilt of his katana.

White light burst forth from the unicorn’s horn.

“Don’t try it,” hissed Starswirl from behind Ikazuchi’s ear.

My eyes went wide as I realized there was another Starswirl in front of me as well. In fact the entire atrium was inundated with dozens of magical copies of the unicorn. They all glowered down at us threateningly, horns glowing with magical energy.

"Look, let me speak with Professor Gershwin. I think I can reason with him,” whispered a copy of Starswirl as he shoved us towards the door.

“Don’t get cocky unicorn,” Ikazuchi spit. “You’re on the third story mezzanine, third pony from the southernmost window,” he warned as he obliged Starswirl.

"Yeah you're definitely what I'm looking for," Starswirl grinned.

Ikazuchi paced impatiently on the catwalk.

“Such insolence!” he shouted as he brandished his katana,

The door swung open just before I feared Ikazuchi might slice the catwalk in a fit of rage and doom us to oblivion.

“Alright, the Professor agreed to help you Samurai,” Starswirl said.

“And why should I believe you,” Ikazuchi countered.

The unicorn took a deep breath.

“Look, Professor Gershwin might seem a little...eccentric but he’s a stallion of his word. And if he should change his mind, I’ve worked with him long enough to build you new wings myself should he later have a change of heart” replied Starswirl.

“And I suppose a couple ounces of poison joke isn’t gonna cover it,” I asked.

“Of course not,” the unicorn smiled. “You’re going to have to do a little work for me.”

“Doing what exactly,” I said raising an eyebrow.

Starswirl turned suddenly earnest.

“How do you gentlecolts feel about becoming pirates?”