A Minion for the Night

"I... I don't know what to say," Luna whispered as she stood next to Celestia and Twilight.

"Neither do I," Celestia answered. "This certainly exceeds anything I would have expected."

They were standing on a huge field covered with flowers, blood-red blossoms going as far as their eyes could see. And above them, the sky was burning. And set in between the flames covering the sky, countless shards with different pictures hung above them like a dreadful mosaic.

"What could have happened to shatter his mind like this?" Luna asked as her sad gaze traveled over the sky.

"It feels so unreal," Twilight whispered with a feeling of dread. "How can he even find a straight thought when everything is in such disorder? No wonder his words make no sense at all!"

"I think we may find the answer to that question there," Celestia pointed to the side. "Look."

Both Luna and Twilight turned their heads, an expression of surprise entering their faces. "I don't believe it," Luna whispered. "Is that a..."

"A peanut butter castle," Twilight finished her sentence with disbelief.

There, set in the distance and rising out of the endless field of flowers like a hand pointed towards the sky, a huge castle made of giant peanuts and ridiculously large peanut butter jars stood, little banners with peanuts on them flapping in a breeze that none of them could feel.

"Let us go, it will take some time for us to reach it by walking." Celestia started to walk through the flowers.

"Can't we just teleport?" Twilight asked with a frown. "These flowers creep me out," she gulped as she observed one of them. "I think I can see teeth..."

"Teleportation would be too risky." Luna spoke up as she fell in line behind Celestia, "This place has its own rules of logic, I fear. There is no way for us to tell what results using our magic may have here."

Twilight nodded. "Okay, no magic then."

"Only in an emergency," Celestia commented, but suddenly stopped after several steps. "It seems we have encountered a problem."

"What is it?" Twilight asked, as far as she could see nothing had changed. The sky was still burning, and the flowers were still grinning at her with their little teeth.

"We're not moving," Luna commented with a worried expression. "Aren't we?"

"You're right," Celestia replied with a frown.

"But we barely walked a few feet!" Twilight asked. "How can you tell?"

"Experience," Celestia replied as her frown deepened. "Look behind you, do you see any tread-on flowers?"

Twilight turned around. "I don't..." she whispered. "But then, how do we get to the castle?"

As if on queue, the ground next to them started to shift open and a small locomotive with three little carts started to rise from the opening, brightly colored in all shades of brown... and with a Krieg in full conductor clothing seated on top of the miniature locomotive. He even had a little hat on top of his head.

"Is that..." Luna started, but held her nose in disgust instead.

"ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN! PLEASE REMAIN SEATED AT ALL TIMES! NEXT DESTINATION, PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE!"

Twilight made a disgusted face. "Should we really get onto that thing?" she paused. "Is that the same minion as the one we know?"

Celestia shook her head. "No... it is likely to be a shadow... and installment of his desires." She sighed and took as step towards the carts. "We should take this chance."

"But it's made of poop!" Twilight wailed.

"Remember that this is all in his mind only." Luna spoke next to her. "Remind yourself of that fact and try to ignore the smell..." her expression turned sour as she stepped up to one of the tiny carts. "No matter how ridiculous or demeaning this is."

A good ten minutes later, the little train was going at a steady pace through the fields of red flowers, the castle in the distance steadily drawing nearer.

"These cars are too small!" Twilight complained. "I'm getting cramps in my legs!" how Celestia and Luna were able to bear with the tiny carts was a mystery to her... and it looked ridiculous to no extent. The carts were more fit to be toys than actual carts.

"Remember that this isn't your physical body," Celestia commented from her perch on the little cart. "You can only get a cramp here if you believe it to be real." She couldn't help but shift a bit, even if it wasn't real it was still an uncomfortable ride.

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PEANUTS!?" Krieg hollered from the front. "WE HAVE A SELECTED VARIETY OF FLAVORS!"

Twilight gulped. "I'm afraid to ask what flavors they serve on a poop train..."

"Then don't," Luna replied with a stoic expression. "It is best to interact as little as possible until we have reached the source for all of this..." she paused as a sound reached her ears. "Oh, please no. Just when I thought this couldn't get more ridiculous."

Around them, the flowers were starting to sing... and Krieg led the chorus. "ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN! LIFE IS PLAIN! SHARE THE PAIN! ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN!" he pulled on a small chord. "POOP! POOP!"

Celestia's face sagged. "Let us hope this ride won't take much longer..."

A full hour later Krieg was still singing.

Twilight was holding her ears by now. "Why won't he stop!? Aren't we there yet!?"

"Just bear with it a bit longer," Celestia replied as a drop of sweat ran down her face. "We're almost there."

"If I ever have hear another song about poop again I'm going back to the moon by choice." Luna mumbled as her face continued to scrunch up in agony.

There was a loud screech and the train came to a sudden halt. "WELCOME TO PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR USING THE POOP EXPRESS! OUR STAINS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!" Krieg cackled from his seat.

Twilight looked up at the castle. "How did we... I could have sworn the castle was still a good distance away only a moment ago!"

"Don't try to understand it," Luna sighed. "This place has its own rules. Just be thankful we can get off this train."

"Be careful," Celestia commented as she stepped off the small cart. "There is no telling what will await us here."

Next to them, the train shot off into the distance with a loud boom, quickly drawing smaller in the distance as Krieg's laughs accompanied its mad speed.

"Are you telling me we could have gone that fast from the beginning?" Luna's gaze followed the train as it traveled towards the horizon. "What a cruel sense of humor..."

Twilight let her head hang with a sob. "I've got that song stuck in my head!"

"Calm yourselves, both of you." Celestia spoke up with a stern voice. "We need to be prepared for whatever we are about to face."

Luna and Twilight both gave a short nod, but Luna quickly spotted a small problem. "Speaking about what we are about to face," she nodded towards the entrance of the huge castle. "How do we get inside?"

Celestia turned around and followed Luna's gaze; the entrance to the castle was blocked by a set of huge... Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Are those... are those waffles?"

Next to her, Luna whispered a small prayer. "Please don't let there be maple syrup too..."

Above them, a small hole was opened and a cauldron was emptied upon them... Luna's prayer had been denied.