Ponecific Rim

A siren blared, echoing through the metal halls and punctuated by red, flashing lights, as all manner of personnel, from engineers to pilots, rushed to their work stations. This was not a drill, and the tension that seemingly hung in the air was testament to that. Nicolas Cage pushed through the crowded hallways, the emotionless visage upon his face hiding his own nervousness as he made his way through a bulkhead and into a special chamber. There stood Keanu Reeves, his co-pilot and the chosen one, already half fit into his suit.

Keanu turned and briefly made eye contact with Nicolas, his sunglasses still resting on the bridge of his nose despite being indoors and wearing his helmet. "Hurry up," he said in a bored voice, "this one sounds really important."

Nicolas nodded, not needing to give any more of an answer as he stepped further into the room. Almost instantly he was beset by a group of workers who began fastening pieces of his own suit onto him. The smooth metal and plastic segments fit together perfectly, both covering his entire body in a thin layer of armor and concealing all manner of wires and electronics. The last thing to go on was his helmet, a metal piece with a domed glass visor.

Within a little over a minute he was fully suited up, and he joined Keanu as they exited the room, jogging through more metal hallways towards their next destination.

“Any idea what we’re up against here?” asked Nicolas, hoping to glean some information.

“No more than you, I’m afraid,” responded Keanu. “It looks like another one has come through the portal, though I don’t know much other than that. I’m sure the general will enlighten us on the situation soon enough.”

That was the end of the conversation, as the hallway lead them out into a massive, concrete hangar, easily large enough to fit a small town inside. The whole room was packed with hundreds of people, be them engineers carrying welding torches and all manner of other tools, maintenance workers, armed security personnel, or pilots like themselves. The majority of the crowd parted for Nicolas and Keanu as they made their way across the shatterdome floor. They were celebrities, after all.

It wasn't long at all until they were at their destination, and, looking up, they were able to take a glimpse of their Jaegar in all its glory. The two-hundred-fifty-foot humanoid machine aptly named 'Nazi Promqueen' stood upright against the far wall. Thick, metal plates ran all along its body making it look like a giant knight standing vigilant, and it was painted with a fresh coat of crisp, cobalt paint. Workers ran along rafters next to the huge machine, making last minute checks on all its systems and ensuring that everything was in order. Nicolas and Keanu ignored them as they stepped onto a lift, taking them up to a bridge where they entered into the Jaegar's head. There they were able to strap themselves into the machine using metal harnesses that hung from the ceiling of the pilot chamber before flipping a few switches on a control panel. A low rumbling shook the chamber, accented by a humming sound as the reactor began warming up and all the machinery came online.

With all that done and out of the way, Nicolas turned and met eyes with Keanu. "You ready for this?" he asked, prepping himself for what comes next.

Keanu's mouth folded up slightly into the closest rendition of a smile he could manage as he answered, "My life is a spiraling void of depression. Perhaps I should be asking you if you're ready."

Nicolas couldn't help but smile sadly at his friend's depressing attitude. Keanu had truly lived a sad life, one that Nicolas had seen first hand, thanks to the drift. The first time the two of them had successfully drifted, Nicolas had cried for hours as Keanu's memories played through his head over and over again. By now he'd more or less gotten over it, but the memories still left a bitter taste in his mouth every time he thought about them. There was no time for dwelling on that now, though, and he certainly couldn't back down, as a robotic voice came through the speakers.

"Pilot-to-pilot connection, ready." It said in a voice that sounded strangely similar to a certain AI in a certain puzzle game about portals.

Seeing no reason to delay the inevitable, Nicolas reached out and pressed in a red button on the nearby console. Almost instantly he lost control of his arms and they flopped to his side as the machine began synching his and Keanu's minds within its computers. They spasmd momentarily as a flood of familiar memories and experiences entered their heads, before finally falling still as the process completed successfully. Now their minds were one with that of the Jaegar, allowing them to effectively control the massive machine without putting too much stress on either one of their tiny, human brains. Nicolas controlled the left, and Keanu controlled the right, since that makes perfect sense.

They hardly had time to wonder what to do next before Admiral Morgan Freeman, former General of the United Nations and the head of the Jaegar division, opened a Skype video call with them. Through the webcam Nicolas could see not only Admiral Freeman himself, but also two of the other Jaegar pilots milling around behind him, Christopher Walken and Elijah Wood, co-pilots of the mech 'Willy Wanker'.

"What are those weirdos doing here?" wondered Nicolas in a hushed voice. Unfortunately for him, it still went through the speakers as Skype chat picks up fucking everything.

"I'm just going to ignore that statement," stated Morgan in a voice as smooth as nutella. "We have bigger things to deal with right now. And by 'bigger things', I of course mean ponies." Ponies are the most important things in the world, after all. He cleared his succulent throat before continuing in his heavenly voice. "Approximately twenty minutes ago the rift in the pacific ocean opened up. No less than five minutes later, we detected movement, and a category three pony exited the portal. We code-named this pony 'Retarded Tree Kicker' because of the muscular structure of its toned thighs and flanks and the thickness of its skull in relation to other ponies of its size."

"By its current coarse, we can assume it's heading towards Seattle, and will be there within approximately three hours. It's your job to intercept this monster and slaughter it in God's holy name, protecting the city at all costs. What's more, you'll be alone on this one. Handsome Manifesto and Muscular Overture are stationed at the shatterdome in Tokyo, and Willy Wanker is undergoing repairs. Just don't try anything fancy."

"Yes sir," responded Nicolas enthusiastically, pushing the order to not try anything fancy to the back of his mind. He's Nicolas Cage. He does what he wants. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this thing moving!"

An hour and a half trip via a team of helicopters later and their Jaegar was sitting pretty, waist deep in the ocean off the coast of Washington. The sky was still dark, being no later than five in the morning, and, as is the norm in Seattle, it was raining. A set of huge flood lights shone from atop the Jaegar's head and shoulders and it swiveled its head around, attempting to see anything in the dark, torrential waters.

The cockpit had remained silent for a long time as both pilots seamed content to simply wait in silence, mulling over their thoughts. Eventually, though, Nicolas decided to start up a conversation. "You know, the ponies have been coming through that portal more and more frequently. Do you think we can really keep this up?"

This was common knowledge around the shatterdome, especially for important personnel such as themselves, so of course Keanu was aware of this. Keanu was also aware that this wasn't all that was on his friend's mind. He didn't need a mind link to know that his co-pilot had a worried look on his face.  Unlike Keanu, Nicolas emoted more than any human has any right to, making him very easy to read.

"Relax," ordered Keanu in an emotionless voice. "We'll deal with things as they come. It's worked for us so far. Let's just focus on dealing with this pony for now. My therapist keeps telling me to look on the bright side, so at least its not a category 4."

Say what you will about Keanu, at least the guy's smart. And he knows kung-fu. Category 4 ponies are the largest and most vicious of their ilk seen to this date. Compared to them, category 3 ponies are choir boys. You hear me? CHOIR BOYS! Nicolas couldn't help but smile at his friend's words. "That therapist you have must be working miracles for you to be talking like that."

"He'd better. That guy probably makes more a year than I do," he grumbled.

Their short conversation was abruptly ended as the admiral's orgasmic voice came through their speakers. "Look alive. According to the heat signatures we're tracking, it's just a few miles west of your current location, and closing fast. Keep a close eye out."

"Got it, sir," acknowledged Nicolas as he began flipping switches, preparing their machine for battle. He turned to Keanu, looking him right in the sunglasses. "You ready for this?"

"Of course I am. They don't call me 'the Chosen One' for nothing."

And so they got into a combat-ready position, trying to be as prepared as one could possibly be waiting for a gargantuan monstrosity to appear at any moment. The Jaegar's head swiveled back and forth on its axis, watching the sea for their enemy.

They didn't have to wait more than a minute before, less than a mile away, the ocean split open, spitting water and foam into the sky as a gargantuan creature emerged from the murky depths. The colossal pony stood on its back two legs, whinnying with the voice of a thousand blood-thirsty horses in an angry display. Its orange coat and blonde mane contrasted with the dark blue of the ocean and early-morning sky as they dripped with gallons and gallons of sea water. Atop its head sat a huge, brown cowboy hat, and its green eyes were twisted into an angry scowl that searched across the horizon before falling upon their enemy. It fell back to all fours with a splash, still partially submerged as it began lumbering forward, its gaze set on the robot standing between it and total destruction.

Even from their distance, it was easy to see the pony, while not as large as its category 4 cousins, still had quite a size advantage on the Jaegar, and it was immediately obvious by the size of its muscles that this pony could do some serious damage if they weren't careful. Nicolas Cage couldn't help but shudder as, not for the first time, he regretted leaving acting behind to become a pilot.