Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures

Of all the curiosities in the world, perhaps one of the most curious is seeing a man with a golden headgear and winter clothing running down a dirt path with a pink pony, laughing as she enjoyed the whole experience. However, in the Equestrian universe, these curiosities were mere everyday occurrences, except for the man's existence itself.

Sauce asked "Where to, Pinkie?" smiling away as his newest crew member was clearly enjoying herself. "Over there, toward that apple orchard, that's where Applejack is!" she exclaimed. Steering himself toward the apple orchard, his general fast pace meant that Twilight and Spike were left trailing behind, which made Pinky giggle.

"Wow, I can see Twilight from up here!" she said with excitement, "She's really far away though, shouldn't we slow down?" she asked her voice a little worried. "Well, we're here, Miss Pie," Sauce replied, "So, I guess I can place you on the ground, whilst I can have a rest."

Sitting down, Sauce found a little rest-bit to take in the surroundings, it was clearly Summer, barely even midday, since his arrival, the days seemed to drag on for quite some time. "Miss Pie, have you ever stopped one second to take in the beauty of this world?" Sauce asked, sitting down calmly, looking at her as she simply shook her head in response.

"This world has a wonderful palette of colours, 'palette', must be a French word. Never thought of words much before now," he said idly, his mind trailing off. "Uh, Saucy, you're kinda babbling a bit there," Pinkie said, a slight look of concern on her otherwise happy face.

Before he could remind Pinkie of how much she talked, Twilight managed to finally trudge up to them. Slightly out of breath and otherwise unable to possess the physical inclination to gallop for long periods of time. "You know what Miss Sparkle, you don't have an inch of fat on you, yet you move like a morbidly obese Human. Have you ever taken time to exercise all your muscles, not just your brain, but your entire body?" Sauce asked.

"No Sauce, unfortunately I've been reading my books so often that I have had little time to move about. It would be beneficial to me on trips like this if I were more physically inclined like Applejack or Rainbow Dash," Twilight responded. He said "Well, if you ever need fitness training, I was trained for free by the Mann-cademy to run pretty much as far as I like, so long as I live."

"Thanks for the offer, but I think it's time we focus," she said, looking at Pinkie and Spike. "Spike has been really looking out for you since your arrival. He's been stopping anypony from interfering with you," she continued. "Well, I don't mean to be that guy, but it doesn't really make much difference. Every pony has seen me in that town and I bet they're either frightened of me or curious about me. So it makes no difference to me," Sauce replied.

"You're welcome," Spike said snidely to him, scowling as the words slithered from his mouth with venom. Sauce said "Okay, I get it, I haven't appreciated anything you've been doing! What can I say?! I'm sorry! I'll stop just being an ungrateful moron and actually, I hope you realise it's hard for me to be grateful seeing as people hardly appreciate what I do!"

"I'm sorry that my please and thank you aren't on the top of my agenda at this moment in time," he continued with a sigh. "To be honest, I've never actually considered anyone else. In fact, I'm probably the least considerate person of my universe. I tried to beg other people to give me their items so that I could get a ushanka like this one, but imbued with the power of sunbeams. It was going to be so cool," Sauce said casually.

This statement made the trip up to the barn house very awkward, Twilight was actually the first to the door. It didn't take long at all to get to where they needed to be, but even with his limited ability to read emotions, it was clear to Sauce that everything was rather tense.

Twilight knocked her hoof on the door thrice, a Texan voice responded, muffled in the distance, "I'll be right with ya, jus' hang on there!" Looking at her, Twilight looked back to Sauce with a look that clearly said "Behave." Seeing as he was already making a bad name for himself, he decided to minimize how much he would talk. Clearly if he was to ever tell his entire history, it would make him out to be some sadistic criminal with very little to lose.

Forcing himself not to talk, the awkward walk toward the barn house only made more awkward by the silence that ensued. Twilight was first to the door, knocking upon it thrice with a hoof. "I'mma comin', hold on there!" A voice with a rather distinguishable Texan accent emitted from one of the rooms in the house, muffled by the walls in the way.

"Oh good, hopefully Applejack isn't too busy and can spare some time," Twilight said. Looking toward Sauce, she also said "Behave yourself," which he now felt was obligatory due to his recent actions. With a rather aged creaking, the door was in desperate need of oiling. However, Sauce found it quite curious that a pony with a Texan hat answered the door, of all the ponies, she seemed to be the only one possessing headgear so far.

Looking at Sauce, she was stunned. She muttered to Twilight "Uh, Twi, I know that you got me to help with Luna that one time during nightmare night, but this'n is different." "Oh Applejack, I know, just give him a chance. I know he's different, but this is your chance to be one of the few lucky enough to actually talk with him," she responded.

"You do realise I can hear both of you," Sauce said in a monotone line, his eyes flicking between Applejack and Twilight. "I'm more than obliged not to be rude, but the least you could do is not talk about me in front of my face, just tell me how you feel to my face," he continued.

Applejack looked at him, "Uh, sorry, it's just I got myself stuck into a rather bad position last time I helped somepony who was different. Plus, you ain't even somepony, you're something... I ain't even sure what you are," she said. "I'm Human," he casually replied, looking at Twilight out of the corner of his eye, she was keeping a stern expression on her face.

"Miss Applejack, it was a pleasure meeting you and I'm sure I'd love to get acquainted with you, but this story is getting nowhere and the author has writers block," Sauce said.

"Auth- wha'?" asked Applejack, Twilight looked at Sauce concerned. "Author, the guy who's writing this," he said, breaking the fourth wall to save the author at that point.

I'm sorry, I truly am, but for some reason, this Applejack chapter is giving me writers block, so I'm going to end it off here. I'm serious.

"Well, uh, I guess we're going to meet Fluttershy then?" Twilight asked Sauce. "Yeah, hopefully there's going to be more imagination juices flowing," he said.

At that point, the colourful landscape became mere pencil drawings, then the animator finally quit her job after two years of abuse. Then, the frames containing Twilight, Sauce, Spike and Pinkie were lazily dragged off scene, Applejack stood there looking at them with bare minimum facial features, it all went black as "CUT OFF PREVENTION" was displayed on the screen.

Truly, this was the worst chapter I could have written, hopefully chapter 6 is better.

[End chapter 5]