Ethanol, Elements, and Estrogen

Twilight Sparkle opened the door to the library knowing one thing for sure: everything wasn't going to be fine tonight, unless she orgasmed so hard she fried her ether glands. Considering her ether glands were abnormally large and her mana reserve was legendary, the orgasm would most likely cause her ACL to tear, and give her a herniated disk. It was a very logical fear she had this night. A night of sex could be ruined by one pulled thigh tendon that made a pony wish they never had legs. At least, that's what Rainbow Dash had said. She would trust her physical fitness guru on what a pulled thigh tendon felt like. Rainbow said it was on par of trying to crap out steel, except across the entire leg. A pain to numb her current senses sounded like an awfully good idea at the moment. Sometimes, a mare needs to improvise. Now I wonder what a door knob feels-

She had trouble thinking about anything else then wanting to see how much she could leak into a cup without suffering dehydration. She was that pent up, thanks to Pinkie Pie. She even knocked me out! she growled inside of her mind. Didn't even ask or warn me! What a primordial, cantankerous, bitch. There Pinkie was, massaging Twilight's overly sensitive horn, and then she just left Twilight out cold, literally. The unicorn had a heavy urge to show Pinkie what an anti-gravity spell and some physical constructs could do to orifices.I'll show you what fish mouthed *really** means Pinkie-*

The thoughts going through her head weren't exactly... conductive ones to have about friends, more so her best ones. Harmony wasn't exactly on her mind. Heavy amounts of neighing was. She inhaled and exhaled in the manner that Cadance had taught her - and tried not to think about her sister-in-law's and her brother's wife's shapely, tight flank cheeks spread open for use. Clap my hooves and cackle more likely, Cadance. You know how attractive ponytails are? You know how cute you are? Oh I'll give you a ponytail and yank on it so-

She let out a shout of repressed agony as she paced around in a circle, her loins driving the twenty year old mare in a manner she had never thought possible. My sex drive is only on the below average side. Why are you doing this to me!?

A hollow image of her snide, self righteous inner consciousness huffed proudly in front of her. I told you, the projection said. Youdidn't listen to me. Today wasn't going to be normal; you've been pent up for way too long, and now it's spreading around to your friends. It's going to reach a singularity that is boundto end poorly. This is why-

"Listen, here," Twilight snarled, slamming her morally superior projection into a bookshelf, "I'm really pissed off, and horny right now, so I'm not exactly thinking like I normally should. The last thing I need is you calling the shots, got it?" She didn't even wait for her mental projection to reply, the stuttering, ear wilted image of herself shaken by the unicorn violently. "So you better get the hay out of my way; and stop giving me logical, and fair, and balanced arguments, before I buck you with some apple beads. Big Mac sized. Got it?"

The projection burned and danced away from the air in a wisp of plasma colored smoke. With a swish of her tail, Twilight shimmied herself down onto the floor with a deep, soul purging sigh. And now, to think. Do I let off some, heh, steam?

She pondered for a moment, staring at the floor. Pleasuring herself wasn't going to cut it on the intimacy scale. Self pleasure magic was something she really didn't use, due to the amount of raw power she could channel, and her - dare she admit it - inexperience in the field. While no longer having a sex drive would be conducive for research in other fields, she in fact, enjoyed having physical pleasure from time to time, like any mare her age did. Sometimes, a mare just needed to stop thinking about a problem and let the primitive part of their brain go wild.

Besides, Doctor Hooves was stupidly hot. Mmm... and his tower matches the hair. If he wanted to see me sparkle, he could just hike up my tail with a good yank, slap my flank cheeks and-

"Oreos." It was the logical conclusion, in addition to slamming her head into the nearest book case, or in her case, applying blunt force trauma to her head to numb herself. She was an expert in mastering this field, in case the ample amounts of stupidity around her reached a critical mass.

It was mid afternoon, and she needed to wait one more hour - ish, and that improvised time killed her - before the six gathered at the spa to begin the symphony of what was surely going to be a life ending orchestral weapon of mass destruction. It was otherwise known in layman's terms as the adventure that would eventually end with them getting drunk and laid. She had that taste on the end of her tongue that just nipped at her. Tonight, was going to be life changing.

She needed it at this point. She was going insane enough at the simple thought of her friends planning her dating and mating life. It made her forehooves scratch at the floor in agitation. Something would solve this agitation. Pain.

Exhaling sharply from the end of her muzzle, Twilight churned to life a purple hammer that buzzed in front of her. She rotated the construct of magic that hummed sweetly in her ears. She smiled. Maybe I should try to build weapons like this, she thought smugly.Well, this should be a basic, and yet excellent choice of sexual repression. It's like castration through torture!

With a firm cock back of the hammer, she slammed it directly into her forehead, with expected results.

Twilight hissed in a serpentine manner to prevent herself from swearing for the fourth time that day, but it didn't stop her. She simply mumbled a rapid fire of Rainbow-approved language at around thirty decibels, the hammer shattering at her loss of concentration. She stumbled on her hooves to pull herself away from the site of impact, leaning on the kitchen counter for support.

Whatever Equish scholars out there said about vulgarities and intellect were damn wrong. Sometimes, four and five letter words said more than an entire paragraph could. She made a good dozen of them fly out between her teeth without apologizing once. Perhaps she could consider that to be a worthy experiment to try. Rainbow did it all the time, and she was relatively mellow. It did seem to have a moderately good effect on stopping her pain, and making the day just seem a little bit more bearable.

Something's missing, she thought drunkenly, panting as if she had laid an egg. Her forehooves rested firmly on the counter top, pressing as much of her weight as she could to focus on the pleasant high of tickling pain nerves. Something should be here, but it isn't. Oh! The Oreos! Silly me, how could I forget?

Her logical side offered a logical argument. Be-

You know,I’ve alwayswanted to try soul channeling magic. Although I’ve heard it could-

I’ll be quiet.

Good.

Her magic thrummed to life as she plopped herself down on a pillow, awaiting the chocolate gold that swirled in front of her in that blue package of sky-clad happiness. Sure, she was half as high as an airship thanks to damaging her forehead, but she didn’t care. It made life that much more wonderful currently. She didn't even attempt to be civil toward the box, but simply ripped open the top of it, taking a deep, earthly inhale. That alone, sent a shiver of delight to the more primitive parts of her brain.

There was something naughty about not consuming Pinkie Pie's baked goods and going with the chemical sludge pit of mass produced cookies. There was something equally naughty about not following her normal consumption routine with the cookies and winging it. With no regards to morality, she dragged her thick equine tongue over the tops of every cookie in the box, feeling the stamped letters crackle underneath her digestive saliva. Now the food was marked as only hers.

"Perfect," she purred, smacking her tail with excitement on the floor. "All mine. My... precious, chocolate, little foals. This day, is going to be perfect, the kind of day-"

"Scootaloo, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle! Don't look for those books. They will kill you!"

Twilight's body had found that being airborne was a fun past time at the sudden voice, her legs flailing about to find traction as she landed on her back, her snout smashing into the box of cookies. She had suddenly ended the mortal lives of a good chunk of them, crushing them into hardened bits of dough. She would forever have to live with her genocidal tendencies.

Silence was all that followed the slamming of the library door. Spike stared at his sister. She was on her back, forehooves curled up toward her chest and her hair covered in chunks of frosting and chocolate dough. Her mane was like a grape cookie sundae. Her eyes quivered with a hundred emotions rolling through her mind, looking at the dragon who was equally frantic, concerned, and desperate for answers. They both looked at each other for moments on end, and finally, it was Twilight who broke the silence. With tears.

It all came flooding loose. “Spike,” Twilight sniffled, “my friends are trying to control how I get laid, and they all want me to date each other, and Rarity wants me to date Rainbow, and Pinkie wants me to date Rarity, and Rainbow wants me to date Applejack, a-a-and Pinkie kissed me, and I liked it, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders saw us, and blackmailed us for Pinkie’s sweets, and told us that Applejack and Rainbow had sex but don't want a relationship, and I just want to let loose but I can’t yet! And my cookies...”

Spike stepped forward to wrap his claws around Twilight's muzzle, stroking through her mane affectionately. “And I caught Rarity and Fluttershy kissing and had to tell them to stop, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders do plan on getting drunk and having sex, and I thought getting laid was just cuddling, but I learned what sex was the hard way, and here I am, back here trying to stop them.”

“First off: AJ and I have totally not had sex and aren’t dating,” Rainbow said, perched on the library window. “We’re the best of pals and doing that would ruin what we got. Second: major props to you, Spike, for realizing Flutters’ loves Rarity so much as a friend, and ‘Shy told me that a few minutes ago. I’m really glad Rarity realizes that, and I need to thank her for it. Third: Pinkie and you would not work out in any world in the long run of things, and props to her for realizing that too. And fifth: told you Rares’ wants to hook us up, and you two would make a killer couple. Although... you and AJ would too, and I guess you found out about that. Crap."

“You skipped forth,” Twilight said.

The cyan mare smiled, shuffling herself on the window as she fluttered her wings. “I was doing it to check if ya weren’t a changeling.”

Both of the Elements stared at Spike in sudden fear, their eyes turning on the dragon in realization. "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are having sex!?"

"Well not yet!" Spike said, "although since they are horrible at flirting, I have a hunch they'll just get drunk and do each other."

“And you’re just going to let them do that?!” Twilight cried, grabbing hold of her younger brother.

“You’re the one who puts the history of pornography books out in public, because you tell me to!” Spike huffed. "Nice going, Twilight."

“And you look at them?” Twilight's purple eyes crackled with energy. "I thought you were more mature than that!"

Rainbow Dash snorted at the last statement, landing beside her friend and immune to the glare of torture that Twilight shot her.

Spike continued, his own emerald eyes defiant to Twilight's anger. “No, Twilight, I don’t look at pictures of naked ponies rubbing themselves-of course I do! I just... didn't realize what it was until now. And now I bet they’re looking at them too. So I'm here to stop them.” He would keep his secret motive to himself. It was the most important objective, minus his sister making a sword out of his body.

Twilight's horn whirled to life with a high pitched whine, books flying off of the library shelves as she pushed Spike away. Her eyes quickly scanned the dozens of titles in front of her. Every second that passed, she grew more agitated. "So why didn't you stop them before?" she said. Her tone was painfully calm.

"Because I was with them and suggested it, since you all were having a night out, we thought we could have one in." Spike looked between Rainbow and the line of books circling in the air. "Of course, not knowing what it all meant. Again, your fault, Twilight." Spike had now hit dragon sexual puberty, a few weeks early.

"He has a point," Dash said, poking her friend's side. "He's getting old enough."

"Shut up, Rainbow," Twilight snapped, the trail of tomes soon enough returning back into their original rows. As the books returned to their rightful homes, she took a deep, long inhale of air, closing her eyes to relax.

Spike scratched the back of his head. "Okay, it wasn't the best idea ever, but we can fix this! We-"

"The books aren't bucking here!" Twilight yelled to the heavens, pleading for an invisible force to solve her many woes. "I am grounding you forever, Spike, and we have to-"

Dash extended a forehoof across Twilight's chest, stopping the unicorn from moving. "First off, please swear more, because hearing that from you is maybe a top ten bucket list thing for me."

"Choke on-"

"Maybe later, but second, this calls for Fluttershy’s pot. That’ll solve everything.”

Twilight's ears wilted beside her frame, her anger having turned into pure melancholy. Her lips pouted, tears began to form in her violet eyes, and all hope of a future was gone. “And now... you want them... to get... high? This isn't Equestria. I'm dead. I'm the only one sane. I'm-"

“Well, duh,” Rainbow smirked. She extended her left wing, wrapping it around her friend as if they were talking about what wonderful skiing trip they were about to take. “They can’t handle pot, so they’ll most likely just pass out. Then, Spike can take the books, and the candy, and hide the alcohol, and then we all can yell at them tomorrow all angry like and they’ll be scared crapless. I’m sure pot’ll be pretty awesome for him since he’s a dragon, and that’s something we should totally study in the future. Think of it as like, a reward for him doin’ all of this, and hey, you keep him really pent up, so it's not his fault he got jealous of us. He deserves a night of fun.”

The librarian blinked rapidly in reflection. As soon as her sadness and anger flipped, stunning awe gleamed across her muzzle. “W-w-wow. Rainbow Dash, your jury-rigged plan completely makes sense, and would work.” Why didn’t I think of this!?

Headache remember? Her logical side had a good point.

I told you to shutup!

Dash couldn't help but squee for the third time that day, grinning like an idiot at intellectual praise from the intellectual herself, and uncaring at how it made her less cool. “I’m not a complete idiot. I’m-”

Twilight stared down Spike, pressing her muzzle into his. “And when did you learn about sex and drugs and alcohol, Spike? This-”

Spike Sparkle, slapped his sister across the face.

“I’m right freakin’ here," he growled darkly. "you don’t have to yell. Twilight, you need to calm down. Sometimes, a man has to grow-”

Twilight, was livid. Steam blew out of her ears at the slap across her face. “Did you-”

“Seriously, calm the buck down,” Rainbow said, slapping the back of Twilight’s head with a wing, knocking off the crumbs in Twilight's mane. “We’ll talk to Spike later. For now, we got foals about to break the law that Spike has to stop.”

Spike blinked. "Well I thought-"

“You,” Rainbow said calmly. “We’re about to get plastered, so saving the world isn’t something I’m up for right now. Soyou do it. We’ll totally not kill you tomorrow if you do it.”

Spike sighed wearily. “Is pot as awesome as I think it is?”

“When you’re in the right mood, completely amazing,” Rainbow said with a rapid swish of her tail.

I can’t believe I’m letting my little brother get-

You were thirteen when you first did it too. Lyra and Octavia and-

I want my mom...

“Alright! I’m gonna do this and you all won’t be let down!” Spike puffed up his scales and frame heroically. “Just, you all have to show me one day what being drunk is all about. And don’t give me-”

“Spike,” Dash said. “Twelve year old foals, fondling each other. Getting caught.”

Spike roared out of the library at a speed that Rainbow Dash simply whistled at. “Damn,” Dash nickered. “That guy’s got some-”

"And you knew that Rarity wanted us to get together and you didn't say anything?" Twilight growled at Rainbow, slamming her into a bookshelf with her forehooves. Twilight let a rumbling, feline hiss escape from the end of her muzzle, watching Rainbow’s eyes turn into pinkish dots of fear.

Dash bit her bottom lip. "I didn’t tell you because... damn it, I have a crush on you, Twi', but I got problems I don't wanna drag you into. My current is several hundred miles south than where it needs to be, so I don't want to drag you into it. I just..." Her ears folded at the side of her frame. "I just want to make you happy, and I think AJ can do better than me; she can be your first better than anypony. I didn't think about it at the table, but I did afterwards. I was afraid to say anything, so I said nothing. She and me think she’ll work too. And I didn't want to hurt your feelings or burst anyponies bubble, so I just went along with wanting to help you score, and-"

"Oh, so you really do want to control who I want to have sex with?" Twilight whinnied, yanking her friend up with all her might fused in with crackles of purple magic dancing around her forehooves. A cry of pain emanated from Rainbow's throat as she was held up by her chest fluff, pressed into the book case without mercy. "Give me one reason I should listen to you over anypony else."

Rainbow's eyes began to tear up. "B-b-because I have the most experience and I care for you?"

Twilight's magenta aura pinched Dash's wing bones, sending out a cry out of the cyan mare's muzzle. "Give me one reason I shouldn't hate all of you for a week for doing this to me! I'm not some Canterlot courtesan!"

"Because we want to make you happy, Twi'." Rainbow's voice was parched and cracked, her eyes looking down at her friend in complete submission. "Twilight, please stop, you're hurting me."

"Maybe I want to choose my first, Rainbow Dash." Twilight growled ferally, pressing her muzzle into the pegasus' own. The pressure of glowing magic on the athlete's mid back tightened, crackles of lightning dancing around Dash's powerful wing base.

"And we don't w-w-want you to get burned. Twilight, stop that hurts!” Tears welled up in the corners of Dash’s eyes, her wings tightening, digging into her sides. “Please! Stop, it hurts so much! We're doing this for you.”

"I freaking hate all of you right now!" Twilight shouted. "And you all controlling me like some pawn doesn’t hurt? Seriously. And you, of all my friends doesn't respect my doubts on all of this? Rainbow Dash, I'm-"

"Because I love you, Twilight Shimmering Sparkle." Rainbow Dash began to sob, tears of pain streaking down her snout. "And if I had my horse apples in a row, I'd want you to be my special somepony, and hey, fuck it, my otherwing. I love you more than life. And..."

With a crack of broken magic, Twilight pulled away her squeeze on Rainbow, watching her land on the ground, unable to support her own weight as she wept. "Rainbow, don't you ever use an oath like that!"

"I... I love you, Twilight Sparkle," Rainbow cried. "You want to know why I'm so protective of you? Because I got burned on my first, and second, and pony crap, most of my clop partners. I can handle it. Rarity can, Applejack can, hay, Pinkie can, and Fluttershy is tougher than she looks. You though..."

Tears poured down Rainbow's plasma colored eyes, dropping onto the floor. Her wings laid beside her body, broken, dead, lifeless. Simply looking up at her friend, was a Hell all by itself. "I don't want you to ever feel that pain if I can help it. I was gonna look over anypony tonight so hard, to see if they would hurt you. But Applejack made me realize: why should you go looking, when you have a friend here who can show you everything and help you for the future? That's why."

"Because I love you more than the Wonderbolts." It came out of Rainbow's throat cracked and raw, shaking her head at her admission. She didn't have the will to look at Twilight anymore. "I...I said it. Suck my tits, I said it, and I don't regret saying it. And I swear by my ancestors, Twilight, Applejack will show you what... what love can really feel like. I swear by my wings, trust me on this. Because if I didn't fall for you, I would've fallen for her."

"Rainbow Dash..." Twilight scooped up her crying friend, stroking through her wild mane. She couldn't stop the silent tears pouring from her own muzzle, listening to the pegasus pour her heart out through choked sobs. All she could do at the moment, was let her friend weep, her anger gone and replaced by listening to a soul release its burden. "Rainbow, why do you hold in these things all the time? You're going to kill yourself from the stress. You're... hurting us."

"Because that's my job, Twilight." Rainbow pulled her muzzle back to look into Twilight's eyes, the magenta glow on her own bloodshot, faded, and weak. "I'd rather die then hurt you all."

"I don't want you to be a martyr, Rainbow!" Twilight sniffled loudly, clinging to Dash's coat. "Stop this! It... it hurts me."

Rainbow shook her head. "I... I can't stop. I can't stop holding these things in to make life easier for you, you know? Maybe you see why this is so important to me. Because I want you to never forget your first, and well... Applejack isn't going to hurt you and cry like a bitch. Like me." She snorted loudly, wiping her nose with a forehoof. "So yeah." Rainbow Dash chuckled snidely. "Feel free to break my wings now. Just gag me, so the police don't come. I'll say I broke them in some-"

A forehoof gently placed itself on Dash's lips, violet eyes staring into the deep magenta of a sun dying and reborn from emotions let loose. "Rainbow Lightning Dash." Twilight let her friend's full name hover in the air, stroking through the prismatic flow of Rainbow's mane. "Kiss me. Convince me with your lips. Show me what you think Applejack can show me. Show me what you think I can't show you."

"You can, Twi'," Dash whispered, cupping Twilight's cheek, "but this isn't about me anymore. Sometimes you have to give up something you want, for something you need. I want you, but I don't need you. I... I need... Rarity. I need a girl like her who can handle me, and help me grow socially. A-a-and you need Applejack. She's dependable, and honest. I'm not being selfish; I'm being honest. Please, you can break my heart, Twi', but don't make me see yours-"

Twilight finished the sentence for Rainbow.

Her muzzle tilted to the side, letting the fuzzy tip of her snout fur rub into Rainbow's before it connected to her friend's lips. The faintest nip of sound reached both of their ears. "Kiss me once, and I'll get Rarity for you, if you want her. But if things don't work for us, or if you and Applejack don't want to be mates, let me decide, if I, want you."

Dash's left forehoof stroked underneath Twilight's chin as their muzzles reconnected, her lips sealing and slowly melting away. It connected as quickly as it pulled back, letting their snout tips bump together teasingly. The unicorn loved every moment of it. Her horn flared to life to gently stroke the sides of Rainbow's thick coat with faint trickles of magic, her tongue reaching out to lick over Rainbow's nose.

Rainbow Dash would have none of that. Her teeth reached out to nip at the bottom lip of Twilight's, sending forth a gentle huff of delight from the mouth of the unicorn, only egging Rainbow on. Dash pressed into the kiss. Her forehooves brushed through and sensually stroked though the long locks of Twilight's flowing mane, brushing through the waterfall of smooth perfection. The two mares were in their own world, letting the faint pops of their snouts gently breaking apart, the sinful licks of their tongues nipping each other's own, and the peaceful sedation of love and life fill their hearts.

Twilight pressed Rainbow Dash’s back onto the bookshelf once again, forcing both of the mares to stand up on their hind legs as she pinned her forehooves onto Rainbow’s, forcing Rainbow back to where she once was. The kiss continued, growing louder with each passing second as Dash’s wings wrapped around Twilight’s purple coat, giving the mare a firm, protective squeeze. The feathery nub tips of her wings slid down Twilight's body, rubbing over her cutie mark sensually, sending bolts of stimulation across her flank cheeks. Their tongues merged together inside of Rainbow's muzzle, letting gentle trickles of saliva and the quiet huffs of the two Elements fill their lungs and ears with the pleasantries of the moment. Nothing else mattered.

This... is what love must feel like. If Rainbow wants me to have this, why can’t she give it to me?

Because she’s afraid of hurting you, and even that tiny chance is too much for her, Twilight. Stop. Either let her continue herself, or stop. That’s what she wants; it’s what she’s wanted this whole time. For you to find someone special, from day one; she was just too afraid to admit it.

The kiss ended, far too soon for Twilight's liking. Her lips pulled back, amethysts gently looking up at the pinkish rubies staring quietly at her. “You would've ruined the whole night for everypony just to protect me wouldn't you?” Twilight asked. "If none of this happened. You know that would've most likely ended with us figuring it out."

Rainbow faintly panted from the kiss, her tongue hanging out of her muzzle as her forehooves held softly onto Twilight's sides. "I'm... not exactly, the best, when it comes to tactics. And, well... I'm kinda a bit of a bitch like that. Comes with my price tag. No one touches purple butt without my approval. Even if you hate it too, Twi’, I just can’t let you get hurt. You’d have to break my wings and legs to stop anypony from hurting you, even you hurting yourself.”

Twilight snorted darkly, shaking her snout from side to side. “You are at times, Rainbow. Your logic is so messed up and so right at the same time.”

Rainbow winked, flicking her tail against the book case. “I’m a Pinkie, you hybrid. I’m just hotter than both of you combined.”

Twilight slapped her friend’s talent tattoos loudly at her snide comment, only to hiss to herself afterwards as she shook her hooves in pain. “Damn it, Rainbow! Jeez, I never knew your flank was so... hard.”

“Man, I guess all the karate, and staff fighting, and flying, and working out really didn't do anything." Rainbow stuck out her tongue playfully, her mane ruffled wildly by Twilight in return. "Huh. Should try-”

Twilight almost kissed her friend again. No. That was the only time. She simply booped Dash on the nose. “And Rarity’s flank is... slightly hard underneath," she pondered.

Rainbow’s cerise eyes opened wide at the statement. “And you know this?...”

The grin spreading over Twilight's muzzle grew with every passing second. “Because she does yoga, and I’m sure you’d enjoy that, just like AJ can teach me... heh, ropes.”

A faint, glowing blush began to appear across Rainbow’s cheeks. “W-well I-”

Twilight pressed her advantage, raising her eyebrows suggestively at the increasingly red cheeked pegasus. “And she’s really good at doing a lot of ‘controlled’ magic.”

Dash, was not capable of words. “U-U-hh-”

Twilight was grinning far too widely for her own good. “I think, it’s time for Rarity to taste a bit of her own medicine. Right, Rainbow? So if Applejack, you, and me work together, I think we can outsmart the minx at her own game.”

“S-s-scaring me again, Twilight,” Dash whimpered.

        “Oh, I scare myself sometimes, but that’s part of the game, Rainbow Dash. Rarity can play Chess. But I play Mahjong.”