Chapter Twenty One: Countdown To Insanity

The Elements had relocated themselves to the rented room that didn't smell like a mare musk grenade had been dropped inside of it. At least those four ponies had the courtesy to bathe. And to use mouth wash. The smell was going to take an awful lot of steam cleaning to get out of the floor.

Invictus was truly a marvelous place: part casino, night club, pub, and adult hotel; it had hundreds of years of history, sword fights, and drug raids behind it, and yet it still stood. Now it had the dubious honor of being the place where the Elements of Harmony had given the hoof to personal purity. It was an overrated virtue. It whined about every little thing they did wrong; it complained they weren't staying true to their younger selves; it pleaded for them to be the sparkling bastions of excellence to Equestria that they were supposed to be.

Well that had changed. Change livened up things a bit. The annoying bastard known as Purity thought it could stop nineteen and twenty year old mares from enjoying life. Purity complained to Fate about the Elements no longer following it, and Fate had told Purity to shove it up its puffy pony pucker. It was destined for the mares to become the utterly unknown concept known as Normal. To have the basic desire to swear, drink, and have sex. Normal gave wonderful oral. Purity didn't swallow. It was jealous of Normal. It was why Fate wanted and got its divorce, and married Normal. Purity committed suicide later that year.

The Mane Six had moved to Twilight's and Fluttershy's room, finding places to lay down and eager to begin the meeting that was bound to happen with the life changing events that had just preceded them. It had been a day of change and chaos. It was early afternoon and they were all just getting up. For a bit. Sleep was awfully delicious next to food and water.

They didn't even think about their jobs. Those could wait a few weeks.

Twilight Sparkle, the leader of her band of misfit, formerly molesting mares, looked around at her fellow Elements.

Her focal point was the two mares that were considered the mutually agreed upon primary goal of the night, and they looked exceedingly happy and at peace. Rarity and Rainbow Dash laid on the extended couch bed pressed against the wall, and were in a blended state of sedation, fatigue, warmth, and dare they admit it, a pinch of love. They had only recently gone from two friends who liked each other well enough - but didn't quite consider themselves good friends - to something more akin to best friends with a bit of something extra, literally overnight. It was a shocking revelation for everypony involved, more so the two mares themselves.

It still stunned Twilight. There would always be dozens of hobbies and personality traits that Rarity and Rainbow would never have in common, but at the current hour, it all seemed to be possible. And by Celestia's silky legs, they were adorable right now.

Rainbow Dash laid on her stomach, her right wing splayed protectively over Rarity as she laid on her side. She scratched her left forehoof contently into Dash's toned neck, while Rainbow rested her muzzle tiredly in her own forehooves. They were clean and slightly damp from their post shower - and post night and post morning - fun, and had all of their former tension melted away from their frames. Rarity’s purple mane had gone back to its post spa treatment style, rolling down her cheeks and shoulders to faintly curl at the tips. Rainbow’s own hailstorm of furious colors danced like braided beads from Rarity’s neck and shoulders to down her back and chest, caking her in a curtain of shimmering hues. Rainbow's mane had been unlocked and allowed to become fifty coils of untamed thunder, and seeing her relaxed by Rarity made Twilight feel like the lightning heart of Rainbow Dash, had finally been tamed.

It should have been banned by international treaty at how the two mares had become… cute. How the tails of the two mares laid on top of one another in a manner of personal trust was just an added eye twitch of diabetes.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack on the other hoof looked like two best friends who had just woken up from a night of partying and hastily remembered that bathing was a moderately good idea. However, they weren’t affectionate in the manner Rarity and Rainbow were. They had two hooves of space between them as they made two pillows their home. Their tails rested on each other’s hindquarters, like best friends showing their concern and affection for one another.

It was odd that they were more beat up than their less biologically blessed kin. Pinkie Pie looked like she had been smacked down mentally, but by the zoned out expression on her pillow resting muzzle, it was a physical curb stomping she needed.

Applejack was currently a shining example of a pony shot with a half strength  tranquilizer. The high was mighty fine, if she was asked about it. With the way her flowing, golden wheat of hair waved down her back, and the fluttering Eden in her eyes and muscle posture, she was in paradise.

Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle were not amused by the unsedated inferno that was wailing to get out of their groins, but by Tartarus’ tailhole, how could they be that angry when their peers were being so, damn, cute? It must of been what they  looked like when they did something that made a heart skip a beat.

They had rightfully claimed the princess sized bed as their own, and both were resting side by side, intent to ponder about their peers. They were frustrated only a few minutes ago. Twilight would almost certainly be frustrated soon enough.

With a sticky note pad beside her - being the best thing she could write down an abridged transcript of the meeting on - Twilight tapped her forehoof on the tiny bundle of paper. “I hereby call the Conclave of Clop to order,” Twilight said resolutely. While none of the mares present were firing on all cylinders, it was impossible for them not to slowly turn their gazes toward her. “Meeting of Masturbation? Diddling Debate? Hooving Huddle? Pussy Parley?”

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash balked, lifting up her muzzle. “That last one is totally a me name. Nice. I approve.”

Twilight's cheeks flushed red at the faint smiles appearing over the muzzles of her friends. “I don’t think anypony in this room is exactly clear headed this morning." She stumbled. "Afternoon. Whatever time it is."

She scratched the back of her mane with a forehoof, feeling the locks part and sway. "Sorry for the vulgarity, and... for swearing yesterday. And the yelling. But I have my reasons to be peeved!” Twilight thudded both her forehoof and tail on her mattress, but was left unsatisfied with the lack of a solid sound of anger. She folded her forehooves in disgust, but it only made the pouting on her face one that just didn’t do justice for her discontent. It did look adorable though.

Fluttershy wrapped her right wing over Twilight's back, stroking through her friend’s coat. She slowly let the wing nubs massage Twilight’s sides. It had an instantaneous effect of relaxing the unicorn quickly. Maybe, just maybe, Fluttershy could cure cannabis blues, alcohol hangovers, and sexual frustration. “Twilight,” Fluttershy said, “yesterday, a lot happened.”

“Say that again.” Pinkie hiccuped, dragging her tongue over her pillow.

Applejack placed her forehoof where Pinkie’s tongue was about to land. “You don’t lick pillows, Pinkie. Lick this.”

“Yesterday, a lot happened,” Fluttershy continued, “and well, I don’t think any of us expected it to happen the way it did. It went from a night out to… umm… Twilight? Can you think of a sentence for me?”

“It went from a night that was simply going to be a gossip filled extravaganza to where the six of us showed that whatever moral high ground we could once hold to future generations has been completely thrown out the window. And now we have to deal with the fact that we do, in fact, have genitalia and the urge to use them for less than evolutionary designed purposes.” Twilight smiled brightly, overjoyed at her half rattled brain able to properly use itself, despite its current state of affairs.

Before Rainbow Dash could comment on her mastery of not using her foal maker for foal making purposes, Fluttershy responded.

“Umm, Twilight,” she began, “I’m not sure if you know this - but I’m pretty sure that you do - but herd breeding was considered the norm for equines all the way up until we started settling down.”

“But what does-”

“Ever since we’ve become sentient, that instinct has diminished, since while we still outnumber colts two to one, the evolutionary need for us to protect them from predators doesn’t exist anymore.”

Twilight was sputtering at getting lectured by a friend on a subject she knew well. Her other friends could not keep themselves from being bemused, lifting up their muzzles to listen out of perked interest. “Wait a-”

“So what I’m getting at,” Fluttershy said firmly, her tail smacking on the bed, “if you didn’t interrupt me, is that with modern society we’ve become sexually fluid and don’t fight to the death often. That balances out what would normally be a lot of dead mares in nature due to war and colts fighting for us with lesbianism. It leaves more stallions and mares open, and lets those who want to have foals have more choices. It means a lot of us who would die early live on.”

She laid down on her side, her silky smooth pink mane trundling down her shoulders and snout. “So you are wrong, Twilight. From an evolutionary view, it’s wonderful.”

As soon as she was finished, a mouse like squeak echoed from her throat. Fluttershy looked up at her friend as her muzzle buried itself in her forehooves. Her aqua eyes watered quickly, pleading up at Twilight. “I didn’t mean to snap at you!” Fluttershy cried. “Oh my gosh-I am so sorry Twilight-I think I’m just really needy-and still hungover-so I got so smug of myself-and since that’s something I like talking about-oh my gosh-don’t kill me!”

All that could be heard in the room, was the slow, loud, solid clop of Rainbow’s forehooves pressing together, echoing in their ears. Her posture had become more upright, and what filled her magenta eyes could only be described as awe. “Fluttershy just owned Twilight in a way I didn’t even know was possible,” she whispered sacredly. “Flutters’, you are my wingsister, forever.”

Whatever earlier promise Twilight made about restraining her curse words for the coming day was - much like Purity in front of a train - dead. “Buck you, Rainbow Dash,” she growled, her tail lashing behind herself. There was only so far one could push a sexually pent up, hung over, intellectually corrected purple unicorn, and Rainbow dangerously crossed that line.

Although... when she thought about it...

Much like how Applejack felt Twilight’s burden on the world, Pinkie Pie felt personal peace, Rainbow was slowly opening herself emotionally, and Rarity was learning that ‘winging’ it from time to time wasn’t a bad idea, perhaps she was learning that Rainbow and Applejack level cursing was… stress relieving. She had to admit, every time she let one fly, it calmed her down. Near enough to the level of Pinkie’s sweets or mass produced junk food, but enough for it to be more than the placebo effect for sure. There had been quite a few studies on how swearing helped convey emotion, control anger, and how intellectual accomplishments didn't alter how much a pony cursed.

Besides, she had the perfect tonal stress to make them sound just deadly on her tongue, and she knew it. Nopony would expect it from her, and added to her verbose vocabulary…

The irony that the letter to Celestia she would almost certainly write in the very near future, was going to headline with her talking about how swearing was mentally calming, had to be pushed into the maximum security section of her mind.

“Let’s… not talk about bucking?” Rainbow wilted, her ears folding beside her frame. Clearly, whatever her and Rarity did had drained a good bit of her bravado; it was unlike her to back down in a verbal spar with Twilight. Or anyone, baring making her blush. "Not that... last night-"

"and this morning. Twice-" Rarity hummed.

"-wasn't bad."

“Here here,” Pinkie whimpered, burying her snout underneath her pillow.

“Sorry, Rainbow,” Twilight sighed, doing the soul sedating gesture Cadance had given her. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I'm just pent up, since you all got to relax while Fluttershy and I were passed out.”

She turned her muzzle to nuzzle affectionately into Fluttershy’s cheek, listening to the faint whimpers coming from the pegasus’ snout. “And it’s okay, Fluttershy. We all are… different today. A lot has happened. Like you've said.”

“And ya have every right to be pissed at us,” Applejack said, twirling a forehoof through her blond mane. “Here we four are, doin’ ourselves, and you were left dry. This was supposed to be your night, but… we twisted yer nipples and fiddled our fiddles an’ well… shoot. It’s my fault the most. I’m sorry, Twilight.” Her eyes stared down at the floor solemnly. “I didn’t know I was this bad of a first date. Guess that’s why datin’ isn’t for me."

The comment forced Twilight to stand up on the bed, staring down Applejack sternly. “Don’t say that about yourself, Applejack! In fact, you were the one who kept on checking on Fluttershy and me the whole night. You’re funny, and smarter than you give yourself credit for. You’re always concerned about me, and… and other things that make me hurt thinking about right now."

She waved a forehoof at the thought. "It doesn't matter that we didn't do anything, Applejack, and maybe something will happen, or maybe not. It doesn't matter, because when you all have fun... I have fun."

"Look," she sighed, "I know I didn't exactly 'get' any last night, but I had an incredible time that was... unforgettable. I had so much fun with you all, as I always do. Even when you drive me crazy and I don't sound like I did." She chuckled. "Because I'm going to be really honest here: I secretly enjoy watching you all do stupid things and fight, and then coming in and pulling you all apart. That was about half of my fun yesterday."

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle, closed it, then opened it again. "I... wow. That's slightly dark of you, Twi'."

"We... we did kind of drag her around," Applejack said. "I think she kinda deserves that right."

"Not going to lie," Rarity said, clicking her tongue, "she did have that right yesterday. The three of us made buffoons out of ourselves."

Twilight sat down on her rump, inhaling peacefully through her nose. "However, I needed that. We needed that. We all were asinine for a bit yesterday, but there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, a pony needs to escape, and do something completely different from what they would normally do. You all have shown me that time and time again. We let loose, had a blast, and maybe learned a few lessons about who we are, what we're capable of, and how freakin' nuts we all are."

"Yeah," Pinkie whistled, "I told you all on the train how you all are coco, but nopony listened to me! We're all insane in our own special way. So that means we aren't special at all." She blinked. "How... depressing."

“I think we need to make a new Elements of Harmony rule,” Twilight said, smiling at her friends. “Things never go as planned with us. Ever. Whenever we do something, something screws up in the process. And… and if you want my thoughts on it? I think it’s really hilarious!”

Her chest began to heave, Twilight bursting out into hysterics as she rolled around on the bed, laughing as if one of the best jokes in history had ever been told. “Like... how the planned Applejack and Rainbow kiss went way deeper than it was supposed to!”

“That was planned?” Rarity gasped, staring at Rainbow Dash. “Certainly looked like an awful lot of improvising went on there. Could've fooled me!”

“W-w-well.” Rainbow squished her snout into her own neck meekly, a burning red matching Applejack's muzzle from across the room. “It was done to... you know... throw you off? And is Twilight going insane again?”

Twilight flailed her hooves as if she were falling from the sky, speaking both Equish, Neightin, and incoherent gibberish at the same time. Tears streaked down her cheeks at the barking laughter pouring from her mouth.

“Most likely,” Pinkie whimpered, thudding her snout onto the floor. “Everypony, prepare your rumpholes for whatever tentacle monster Twilight is about to summon. I’ll miss you girls, because I think I have about two rounds left in me before I die.” She sniffled. “At least I had the best sex of my life beforehoof.”

Applejack couldn't help but smile as she nuzzled gently into Pinkie's cheek. "Aww, sugarcube! I was rusty as Hades, but that means more than a thousand apples to me that I made ya that happy. You were as killer as I knew you'd be!"

Rainbow turned her muzzle toward Rarity. "So... I guess they did it too? And you'd think what we did was impossible."

"You know, Rainbow dear, I think at this point Twilight really speaks the truth." Rarity smiled softly. "We, are walking bastions of the different and how-in-the-hay-do-you-all-get-along?" She shrugged. "I'm fine with that."

“Or when I was hitting on Pinkie Pie so hard, I could’ve forced myself on her in the train!” Twilight had become a cackling, wheezing wreak by this point, eventually falling off the bed from her squealing, and yet all the more keen to keep on doing it.

Pinkie wrapped around Applejack needingly, burying her muzzle into the stout neck of her friend. “And I’m her first target. I don’t know if I should be happy or scared. Can I be both? Why do I have rapidly cycling cyclothymia?” Pinkie burst out into tears, sobbing herself raw into Applejack’s neck.

Fluttershy had leaped underneath Rarity’s and Rainbow’s tails, taking half of the sheets of the bed with her to escape the madness consumed unicorn screaming herself raw at an invisible joke. “What do we do!? I’m scared. I've never seen Twilight like this!”

“Or… or when you four were making out with each other! And Applejack and I were just… watching!” Twilight was hitting octave ranges that even Pinkie Pie struggled to reach consistently, slamming her body and limbs on the floor as if she was having the worst seizure ever seen in history.

Rainbow Dash shook her head, her wing holding onto Rarity’s side as she held Rarity tightly against her thick coat. “Prepare, Fluttershy,” she said somberly. “Prepare.”

Applejack’s green eyes scanned her four coherent friends quickly as she stroked through Pinkie’s mane. “Alright. I got a plan. What we have ta do, is when she stops, we have ta hit her on the horn. Knock her out like we did before.” Her friends nodded in unison. “We’ll just have to think of somethin’ after as to why. Not important now. We-”

“I just had an orgasm!” Reborn by her baptism of overly stimulated organs, Twilight shrieked as she pressed the lower half of her body underneath the bed, her muzzle as solar flaring red as could be possible over her violet cheeks.

All five of her friends screamed at the sudden shout, sending them tumbling together into a five pony pile of mismatched colors and limbs on the floor. Tails and frames became a broken sheet of color, forming a scrap pile of fear stricken heroines.

All that was heard, was the panting of six very confused mares.

Five of them pulled themselves apart to look at their catatonic, half drooling, twitching leader that had slithered everything under her stomach underneath the bed. They stared at her in a vortex of fear, perplexment, and dare they admit it, curiosity.

In the defense of her berserk cackling and sudden howl, Twilight let out a trained, shy, red cheeked squee. It was the best she could do, in addition to curling her forehooves toward her chest. Her left eye twitched. “T-t-too much pressure on the stomach and hamstrings. M-m-muscle contraction. Stress. Laughed it off. Went insane. Feel better. Oh gosh my tail. Is this what you all feel like? Give me forty five minutes? Shower sounds nice, and maybe a bit more. Food would be nice. I’ll be better!”

By the time she finished, the other Elements of Harmony had galloped out the door as if their friend was about to use her magic for ill-repute. It was for the best.

An hour later, everything was back to normal. As normal as hung over, sex depleted, drug deprived, binge eating mares could be. Thirty hours after their most controversial adventure had begun, perhaps it would finally begin winding down. There was only so much their bodies could take. Then again, they had battled gods, so their bodies had a damn good track record.

With pub fries, mini pizzas, gallons of water, onion rings, a dozen salads and another dozen desserts of all shapes and sizes inside of them, the famous fillies looked… happy. Binge eating and sex tended to make one happy. Or not.

One thing was for sure: none of them were going to be very productive over the next week. They were all thankful they had jobs they didn’t get fired from easily, and happened to be extremely good in their chosen fields. Fate loved supporting its chosen children. It didn’t hurt they were all good to glance at from behind. Fate got a bit perverted thanks to Normal.

They had returned to Fluttershy’s and Twilight’s room after ensuring a good candle was lit to prevent the smell of Magic in the air. They had all had enough of that smell for one week. Instead, the smell of consumed food was a good enough aroma, and the parley that didn’t even really begin, truly began.

Twilight and Fluttershy had claimed the main bed once again, with the additional company of Applejack. Twilight rested on her side with a real pad of paper beside her and a quill as she tended to do. Her posture was much like everypony else in the room, that of physical and mental calmness. The events were blurring together, and it was a lovely smoothie.

Applejack leaned on her, back to back, perhaps in a subconscious attempt to rectify her abandonment. Her mane half sprawled over Twilight’s frame as a make shift blanket. Fluttershy had curled herself up into a butter colored ball of pony at the end of the bed, quietly giggling to the back laying and slightly pregnant looking Pinkie Pie resting at the base of the bed. The two ‘love birds’ of the room, if Twilight wished to get a hoot seeing their reactions, had once again reclaimed their sofa bed.

That was a wonderful place to begin the meeting. “Before we begin,” Twilight chimed,  “we have two things to talk about. The first: did you all know it’s already two thirty? Do we plan on doing anything tonight? Or... you know... catching a train home?”

The five other mares in the room glanced at each other silently, pondering the statement. They shook their heads.

“Good,” Twilight smiled. “A unanimous vote on not doing anything, and throwing the consequences of our laziness until tomorrow. I’m sure you are proud, Rainbow Dash.”

“It’s worked for me from time to time," Dash boasted, scratching at her chest fur idly. "And come on, I think we plan on taking a nap after this anyways. Another nap.” She tilted her snout to the side. "So... what’s part two?”

Like Rainbow Dash had only moments before, Twilight preened. “I had two incredible orgasms in the shower, and I feel really, really good.” Her friends began to stare at her, only to be counter glared at by Twilight's glowing amethyst eyes radiating magic. “I had to listen to four this morning, so the least I can say is that I enjoyed myself when you all were getting food and stretching. Deal, with it.”

With her friends ears folding in acceptance, Twilight continued, flicking her tail up and down in silent victory. “Time for part two of the Pussy… Parley.” She giggled, soon enough joined by the immature chuckles of her friends. “So how about we start with you two, Miss Dash and ‘Gemma’.”

Rainbow’s right wing once again hung over Rarity’s frame to show her instinctive need to protect her recent partner. She repressed a hiccup in shock at the sudden question thrown her way, but the glowing ruby that began to cover her - and soon enough Rarity's - cheek told as much as their silence did.

Twilight continued to play the evil overlord. “So,” she grinned, “Fluttershy and Pinkie said you pretty much were dancing like maniacs, and then kissed, and then decided to do a lot more. Since Applejack and I's plan came to fruition, I want details. Lots of them.”

“Yes,” Pinkie purred. She tapped her forehooves together rapidly. “Excellent, Twilight.”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow shot, her cheeks burning a furious flame, “I… damn it. Okay... Fine! Jeez.” Dash looked at Twilight sheepishly for a moment. “Rarity and I had… like... the best dance off in history of ever last night. I… I don’t have the ability to describe it in Equish, so I won’t.”

“I, however, can remedy that,” Rarity said, patting Rainbow's muzzle. “Twilight. After all the stress that I went through, and all that planning, and drinking, smoking, et cetera, et cetera, you could say by the time Rainbow and I got into our little hissy fit, I needed a way to vent. I still think you two would make a wonderful couple, but perhaps last night… showed me a few things.”

Rarity rested her lightly curled tail on top of the thickly haired rainbow of Rainbow's own. She smiled sweetly at the pegasus, who returned it with both a faint smile, and a warm glow across her cheeks. “Maybe you were right, Twilight,” she said. “Maybe I need a pony who can tell me when I’m going off the deep end and just help me let loose; and maybe Rainbow Dash needs a pony to give her a bit of order.

"But most importantly,” she poked Dash with a forehoof on her nose, “a pony who has the drive to help someone love themselves. It seems to be a task Rainbow here commonly struggles with, despite how much we tell her otherwise.”

Applejack shuffled herself forward, hanging her forehooves off of the bed. “So are ya two?...”

“I don’t know what we are,” Rainbow said. She glanced at Rarity, concerned she would get a negative response. She was reassured with a positive smile. “Much closer friends, for sure. We put ourselves out there dancing, and well... I think we like what we saw. We’re not sisters from a different mother like you and me, AJ. But… we’ll work something out, and we're different. Wing it, you know?”

Fluttershy lifted up her muzzle from her forehooves, closing her eyes contently. “It’s all you can do. See what happens and don’t regret anything. We’re still best friends despite Flight School, Rainbow, and you and Pinkie are too. I’m sure it’ll be interesting, to say the least.”

“Interesting?” Pinkie giggled. “More like thegreatest soap opera of the century!”

“Lovely bit of confidence you have for us, Pinkie.” Rarity’s eyes turned into small slits of glowing blue.

Rainbow's cherry colored eyes matched Rarity's glare. “Thanks, Pinkie. Way to be a puffy plothole there.”

“No no no, you don’t get it,” Pinkie said, sitting upright. “I mean with the hot bodies, sex, make outs, business mergers; the good stuff. Although, Rarity would make a good murderer and Rainbow could always be the boyfriend that threatens people who get in her way.”

“So how did it feel with Applejack’s hoof up your rear?” Dash snorted out a wisp of steam from her nose.

Twilight frowned at the budding argument, her quill hovering in the air. “Stop it you two. We-”

“Great!” Pinkie yawned happily. “Man, she’s just talented with-”

“It was alovely time.” Applejack jumped on top of Pinkie Pie, half squishing her underneath Applejack's girth. A rumbling belch escaped from her improvised pillow, sending out a wave of giggles from the other four mares in the room.

"It was lovely," Applejack mumbled. “Lovely. Really lovely. So Flutter-”

“I’m fine, Applejack.” Fluttershy slowly grinned, uncurling herself. “Just a bit cranky, but I’ll be okay once everything goes back to normal, and I go home and ask my critters for advice. Twilight and I just snuggled is all, and as wonderfully beautiful she is, I’m not looking for anypony at the moment, even though Twilight would be very high on that list."

She smiled gently at Twilight, receiving a soft giggle back in return. "But this isn’t about me, now is it?” She winked at Rarity deviously.

“You aren’t dodging this one, Applejack,” Rarity gleamed, leaning into Rainbow. “Come now, dear. Did you really enjoy yourself, and what is the status of your… relationship? This came out of nowhere.”

Applejack bit her bottom lip, but it only added to the faintly dark pleasure that her friends were getting. “I… I-”

“Big words, Applejack,” Twilight tittered, smacking her tail onto Applejack's flank.

“Aww, shit,” she spat, “it was damn fun, but Pinks and I are just friends who had a fond fondlin’ is all. We both needed it like you did, Rarity and Rainbow. I love her like I love all of you. She just… has talents. With partyin’.”

“Oh ho ho, I have more than talent by the way you thought you could treat me like your pet poodle!” Pinkie adjusted herself to lay more comfortable on her stomach. It was a repeat of several scenes only a few hours ago. “I may lean towards the bottom, but without your rope you just can’t hold a pink Pie still!”

The statement hovered in the air, resulting in six mares smiling, giggling, chuckling, and soon enough, bursting into laughter, panting for air at the wordplay.

Perhaps, at last, they would be able to return home once the next morning came, and they could continue on with their lives, and fondly remember this series of unfortunate events as two days they would never forget.

It was not to be. At least the going home part.

By the time the mares had settled down their cries of euphoria into tired coos of gay delight, a long piece of paper had slid itself underneath their door. It was a thick and dense piece of papyrus that curled in on itself once it had been fully pushed inside of the room. Missing it would be impossible.

“And here comes the bill that is certainly about to give me a minor stroke, but alas, we deal with what we must in life.” Rarity sighed aloud, her magic pulsating to life to pick up the note. "At least I have you, Dashie dear, to hug and fluff and squeeze until I want to squeeze you to death.' She wrapped a forehoof gently around Rainbow's toned chest, giving her a soft hug.

“I’m not letting you pay all of that,” Rainbow stated, her wing squeezing Rarity's side in return.

A squeak of protest came out of Rarity's muzzle at the firmness of the grope, eyeing her molester. “You, of all ponies, are offering to pay the bill? I thought we called last night-”

“-and this morning-”

“-and this morning even? Besides, yes, things did go overboard, but a promise is a promise, and I’m going to keep to it.”

Twilight gave the note a gentle tug with her own magic, half wanting to see the charges, and half wanting to troll with her friend’s grasp. The expected glare from Rarity sadistically amused a tiny but growing part of Twilight’s mind. “Rainbow’s right. If we can help, we’re going too.”

“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy whimpered, “but I spent most of mine recently on animal rescue missions in Zebrica. I might sell drugs, but I give the money to good causes.”

Pinkie Pie shrugged, causing Applejack to fall off of Pinkie Pie. “And I’m a baker. Money? I spend it all on parties for ponies and just making folks laugh. And cocaine of course!” Her friends turned quickly to face her. “I was joking,” she said flatly. “Sheesh. I am a drug.”

“Damn excitable mare,” Applejack mumbled, shaking herself off as she stood up. “And as awful as it sounds, I don’t exactly have several thousand bits laying around, outside of complete emergencies. Unless… this is one,” she chuckled. “I sell cider cheap, corner the market, and give a lot of it to the extended kin, as we’ve always done in the Apple and Fruit family.”

“So that leaves Rainbow Dash, and me,” Twilight said, her magic swirling with Rarity’s in a mutual hold of the bill. “While being a librarian doesn't exactly bring in much income, I can always blackmail Celestia by saying I need to buy equipment for an experiment. Get the money, say the equipment exploded in the process, and done.”

Fluttershy's wing extended itself over Twilight's frame, stroking down her purple coat affectionately. “Twilight, sweetie, I don’t think you can ever say we lack morals ever again.”

“But Celestia is a princess! The princess of all princesses!” Twilight tapped a forehoof loudly on the bed frame, content with the crack of sound it made on the wood. “She has an estimated wealth of over fifty million bits in personal assets! Happens when you rule for over a thousand years. Hay, when I put it that way, I can blackmail her now, and tell her later!”

“No,” Rainbow growled. She glared at all of her friends, magenta orbs sparkling in the light. “I got this, and it’ll make me feel good that I helped pay for something big for once. As long as it’s like, under six G’s."

She smiled contently, thudding her tail on the sofa in sheer delight. "I spent the rest on my sound system, new guitar, amps, and that’s how I bought the flat screen. Totally worth it though.” She leaned forward to nip on Rarity’s ear, sending out a mute cry of protest from Rarity's mouth. “Now gimme it!” Dash growled, licking at the corners of her date's ears.

Twilight held onto the parchment, tilting her snout to the side at Rainbow's words. “Back up, Rainbow Dash. Where did you get that kind of money? I know you don’t have a mortgage, so that saves you a lot of money, but lead weathermare doesn’t pay anything near that.” She shuffled forward, hanging her forehooves over the bed.

Rainbow wasn’t doing a good job at trying to cover herself. “U-u-uhh writing for sports magazines!” Her wings flapped behind herself, despite her best intentions to get them to cease. “I might not have a degree, but come on, I’m nationally known for my fitness, and I got sponsors from major health companies.”

“No you don’t,” Fluttershy said, stroking a forehoof through Twilight's side. “You’ve told me you don’t want to compete until you get into the Wonderbolts. You want to compete then, since you’ll... well... as you put it, ‘be double famous’.”

"And while you do private and public air shows," Twilight continued, smirking at her squirming friend, "I can't see you making a fortune off of it. You've said it to us to you don't want to be famous until you feel you're ready for it."

Pinkie Pie snorted in amusement. "Heh. Dash does private 'shows'."

“F-f-fluttershy! Twilight!" The blush across Dash’s snout grew as her friends looked at her with bemusement. Her lips pouted, the pegasus struggling to think of a coherent sentence or excuse, but she came up blank. “U-u-uhh my dad! I wanted to do some renovations and maybe I lied-”

“Tell the damn truth, Dash,” Applejack rumbled. She trotted over to Rainbow, pressing her muzzle into Dash's own.  “Get it out, cause if ya did something stupid, the sooner we can fix it, the sooner I can beat you up afterwards, and realize I’m just beating a dead horse.”

Saliva wormed its way down Rainbow’s throat, pleading for the five pairs of eyes staring her down to stop.

It was too much. “I posed for Playcolt!”

"Holy buck!" Pinkie gasped, "I really am freakin' psychic!" She whickered out a squeal of delight.

Twilight’s magic turned off as if the mare attached to it had been knocked out cold. Applejack’s legs collapsed underneath her, and Fluttershy did her best to hide underneath her new violet furred blanket.

“You did what!?” Rarity screamed, sending Rainbow tumbling onto the ground and on top of Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Dash inadvertently gave a fantastic - and well known - crotch shot to the flailing unicorn. “You posed for Playcolt? Why?! How? How did you get in? When? What were you thinking?”

“I wasthinking about the ten grand they paid me,” Rainbow said, sprawling on her downed comrades, smacking her tail into Pinkie’s sides. “And come on, posing is easy. Hey, go to that rock, now lift yourself up. Move your tail, show yourself. Fly a bit harder. Rub yourself.”

“Rub yourself?” With a furious crackle of energy, Rarity pulled Rainbow up with her magic, hovering her in the air and more than purposely exposing the bits of the ‘model’ to the other four Elements in the room. “Just like that? What will your fans think? The young ones?”

“That I helped them get in ‘harmony’ with their crotches when they grow up?" Rainbow blinked down at her scowling, snarling former bed mate. "It was bound to happen to them anyways, and come on, half of ponies who see me use me as masturbation material.

Twilight simply began to stroke her forehead again. "So, I was wondering: why are we considered the heroes of Equestria again?"

"Because being a hero doesn't mean you have to be perfect, Twilight." Fluttershy nuzzled herself contently into Twilight's neck. "It just means you have to go to scary places, encounter monsters and gods, and win."

Rainbow Dash mumbled at her friends. "Why don't you try keeping yourself in check with money, good music, and hot stallions 'n mares around you egging you on. And how did I get in? Uhh, hello? One of two living ponies with a rainbow colored mane? Incredible body? Sonic Rainboom? And like… a month ago.”

“Well you’re frank about it now,” Applejack huffed, stabbing Rainbow with a forehoof. Her emerald eyes turned into pinpricks. “Wait a second. weren’t you in the Wonderbolt’s camp by then?”

Dash spat a litany of curses that made her friends wince at her creative use of meteorology and mating. “I never thought of that!”

And yet, as annoyed as she was, she quickly shrugged as much as the magical grasp let her. “Ahh well, not like it’ll hurt me.”

Twilight’s magic encapsulated Rainbow Dash, Rarity more than willingly pulling back her own force to not feel a backlash from Twilight's much stronger abilities. Rarity made sure to whiplash Rainbow with a smack of force across her cheek before letting go, watching the bondaged mare wince.

“What do you mean it won’t hurt you, Rainbow?” Twilight growled. “You could get kicked out for that!”

“Okay, first off, put me down, because I’m too tired to be used as a sex magic toy. Rarity is that amazing,” Rainbow said.

“That helps you only slightly,” Rarity rumbled.

“Second,” Dash continued, “I’m a special pony, because I’m amazingly awesome at flying, and, you know, critical hero ‘n all. Third: really? You ever spent five minutes in a military base? Sex, porn, alcohol, fart jokes, food, working out, swearing, and coffee are what keeps it ticking.”

Pinkie Pie sat herself up on the bed beside Fluttershy, laying against the mare as she let out a content hum. “I am absolutely getting that issue.”

“Pinkie!” Twilight spat, sending saliva into the eyes of earth mare. “This isn’t something to kid about!”

“And shit, in my eyes, isn’t something to kid about either!”

Pinkie Pie exploded, screeching in agony as all five of the Elements pressed themselves into the nearest surface. She stood up on her hind legs, towering above her comrades, atomic red replacing the peaceful shade of blue that was once her natural eye color. “This is getting really, freakin’ old guys. Anywhere, but the eyes. Always, the eyes. Spit in my eye, drip in my eye, hair in my eye, wing in my eye. Look, here. If anything, is going in my eyes, there better be a lot of it, and it better be flavored, cause the next time something goes in my eye, something of mine's going in yours. My, hoof!”

Rainbow and Rarity were pressed together as if they were about to make love with each other. Rainbow's wings shielded Rarity's body as if a storm of arrows were about to land on Rainbow. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight had huddled together in self defense, Applejack squeezing both of the mares to her frame. Twilight and Fluttershy were hollow images of their former selves.

With a surprisingly light sigh, Pinkie Pie landed on all fours, looking as if she had taken the longest, and most peaceful bath in her life. "So just let Dashie pay the damn bill," she said in a sickeningly affectionate tone. "Whew. I'm doing that once a day! A rage attack a day keeps the therapist away!" she tittered.

Twilight poked her head up courageously, her magic thrumming to life to gently pull the damages in bits toward her. "Let's just... umm... read the bill. And how about we all take some sleeping aids and go to sleep?"

"Good plan!" Dash blurted.

"Marvelous!" Rarity added. "I do have a wonderful mattress available to me!"

"Yay, I know where we can get those in Canterlot!" Fluttershy squeed.

"I'm considerin' drinkin' again," Applejack mumbled.

"I like turtles," Pinkie nickered gaily.

Rainbow Dash eyed Pinkie Pie curiously. "I like turtles more."

Fluttershy flicked an ear at the statement. "Umm... Tank is a tortoise."

"Shut up!" Pinkie and Rainbow said as one.

Fluttershy burst from the couch to grab her friends by the ears, yanking them up into the air as if they were foals caught stealing from her drug patch. "Don't you tell me to shut up, you-"

"All of you shut up, because it's a ransom note!" Twilight shouted.

Five mares shuttled themselves over to Twilight, pushing themselves together to read it in unison. Twilight's eyes blasted down the page quickly, sending forth a barking cackle from her throat. "And... a really bad one, and a really long one," Twilight continued. She fully unfolded the long scroll with a flick of her magic, six pairs of eyes staring at the bullet points listed in front of them.

"I mean, really?" Twilight laughed. "Dear Elements of Harmony, I know what you did last night?"

All six of the mares couldn't help but giggle together.

"I'm pretty sure half of the Undercity knows by now," Rainbow chuckled, hovering above Twilight. "Rarity and I brought the house down. I mean-"

She stopped mid sentence, cerise eyes scanning the quivering grip, stuttering exhales, and shaking, shivering muzzle of her close friend. "Twilight? Twilight, are you alright?"

Fluttershy landed behind Twilight, massaging her back and shoulders. "Twilight. Relax. Whatever they said, don't let it scare you. Applejack and Rainbow Dash can always send them to the emergency room if it's that bad."

Twilight struggled to simply hold the scroll with her magic, working only on instinct. All her body could do, was lift up a forehoof, and point to the signature.

The long list of orders, demands, suggestions, and thoughts on the scroll, were not important. Only the beginning, and end.

Dear Elements of Harmony. I know what you did last night.

• Princess Celestia

The Elements of Harmony had fought, danced, sung, loved, cried, and laughed as one. For the first time, though certainly not the last, they swore, as one.

"We're, fucked."