Looking for Pony

Richard led the way down out of the train, observing his surroundings as he went. The town was a bit too brightly colored for his tastes. It needed to be a bit more...red. And burning.

“Hey, there!” Richard turned towards the sound of the voice, and observed the purple unicorn waving at him frantically. Richard decided right then and there it would be in his best interest to stay as far away from this hyperactive pony as possible. Richard strode past the her, making sure to avoid eye contact. Instead, he made a beeline towards a blue pony with blue/white hair. Surely this one can’t be as crazy as the purple one...

Richard stood before the pony, smiling slightly. A smile that was hidden by the cloth over his face.

“Hello, pony. I’m Richard. What’s your name?”

“...C...Colgate...” The blue pony stammered as she looked up at Richard. Richard frowned.

“Like the toothpaste? I never met a pony named after toothpaste before...Unless I have. I never did bother to ask those ponies’ names...” Richard commented thoughtfully.

“Wha...What ponies?” Colgate asked, slowly backing away from the creepy creature.

“Oh, just the guards and innocents that I killed in Canterlot. No biggie. So, want to be friends?”

Colgate ran screaming away from the crazy homicidal monster.

“I’ll take that as a yes!” Richard called after her. Her turned to Kelly, who had walked up to Richard during the conversation.

“Do you think we can go back now?”

“No,” Kelly stated flatly.

“But I already made a friend!” exclaimed Richard.

“She ran away screaming.”

“The ones that do that are the best,” Richard agreed.

“I have to agree with Richard on that one,” said Discord, leaning casually on Kelly’s shoulder.

“The ones that run away are always the funnest to be around.”

“Warlock! Over here!” The purple unicorn was still trying to  get Richard to come over, while Richard was doing his best to do the exact opposite.

“Discord,” he whispered to the Lord of Chaos,” who’s the crazy pony trying to attract my attention?”

“Her? Oh, that’s just Twilight Sparkle, the librarian in Ponyville, and one of the Elements of Harmony. She and her friends were assigned to teach you the magic of friendship.”

Richard facepalmed. He had to learn about friendship from a hyperactive bookworm?! At least it’s not a hyperactive sugar-addict. That would be a nightmare.

Richard slowly walked up to Twilight, trying to delay the inevitable as long as he could.

A white unicorn erupted out of one of the train cars, screaming,“YOU! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MESSED UP MY MANE!” The only things remaining of the said mane were a few charred hairs.

“It needed some spunk. And I gave it some,” Richard chuckled out loud.

“Oh, It. Is. ON!” growled the mane-less unicorn.

“Rarity, wait!” commanded Twilight as the white unicorn was enveloped in a purple aura.

“At least tell me what happened!”

“He burnt my mane off!”

“No, I tried to kill you, but that didn’t work.”

“YOU WHAT!” All the ponies were staring at Richard in varying states of shock, horror, and anger.

Kelly facepalmed. They had just gotten to Ponyville, and already Richard was messing things up.

“I was checking to see if I could still kill things, but instead I just fixed your hair. With fire,” explained Richard.

Rarity’s eye twitched.

“Fixed?” she asked, voice dangerously quiet.

“I thought that’s what I said,” said Richard, oblivious to the rage in Rarity’s eyes. He turned to Kelly.

“That is what I said, right?” Kelly was too busy acquainting his face with his hand to respond.

Richard turned back to the ponies, saying casually,” Yes, I do believe I sai-”

Richard was interrupted by a flying fu-erm, buck to the face.

Richard's head flew off, colliding heavily with Kelly's head. As Kelly collapsed, Richard's body slowly brought it's hands up to where it's head was supposed to be. It patted the stump of neck left, much to Twilight and Rarity's horror. After verifying it's lack of a head, it leaped for silent joy and raced away.

Richard's head sighed.

"Now look what you've done. Crazy ponies."

This was the final straw for Rarity, who dramatically fainted onto a couch that popped out of nowhere. Twilight studied the decapitated head for a couple seconds.

"How...How can you talk without lungs?" she asked dubiously.

"...That's what you're asking?' Richard retorted.

"Not how the white pony-"

"Rarity," corrected Twilight.

"Not how Rarity was able to decapitate me without the use of a very sharp sword?"

Twilight thought for a minute, then replied," No, you talking without lungs is far more unusual."

Richard sighed.

"Let's just go get my body back. There's no telling what atrocities it's committing now."

'What about your friend?" Twilight asked, picking Richard up in her telekinetic grip.

Richard glanced at Kelly. Sooba was sitting on Kelly's face, purring contentedly.

"Oh, he'll be fine," reassured Richard, to which Twilight replied with a skeptical look.

"...Can we get my body back now? My nose is itching, and I have nothing to scratch it with."

Twilight sighed heavily as she trotted off in the direction that Richard's body ran off.

Discord watched them go, rubbing his chin slowly.

__________________________________________________________________

Twilight trotted down the dirt pathway, looking back and forth for the elusive headless warlock. So far, things had been atrocity-free, but if what Richard said was true, his body could be committing unspeakable acts even as she searched.

Twilight stopped.

"Oh no..." she whispered.

Richard twisted in the telekinetic grip 'til he was facing Twilight.

"Why'd we stop? My nose is still-"

Twilight dropped Richard's head, eliciting a dull," Ow..." from the warlock, as she raced to where the body had gone: Fluttershy's cottage.

As Twilight ran into the cottage, a shadow fell over Richard's face.

Richard cocked an eyebrow.

"Pony, you REALLY need to brush your hair." He smiled, an act once again hidden by the cloth.

"Then again, I could fix it! That would be fun!"

__________________________________________________________________

Twilight rushed into the cottage, bursting in to witness... a tea party?

Richard's body was sitting cross legged at Fluttershy's table, pinkie extended as it poured tea down it's neck.

Fluttershy was sitting opposite the body, sipping tea from her own cup, when Twilight burst in.

"Oh, Twilight! What are you doing here?"

"But... but... but..." Twilight was gaping at Richard's body, which was now petting a small brown rabbit.

"...Oh, I'm sorry, Twilight," Fluttershy said quietly," I didn't introduce my friend, Mr. Ashendale!" Fluttershy gestured at Richard's body, which was pouring itself another cup of tea from a large ceramic pot.

"But... but... but..." Twilight's eye began to twitch, strands of hair popping out of her smooth mane.

"...Um, Twilight? Are you O.K.?" Fluttershy asked Twilight worriedly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouted Richard as he, or rather his head, crashed through the window. Four things happened: Fluttershy dived under the table in terror, Twilight leapt away from from the disembodied head, and Richard's body did a spit take (which is very difficult without a mouth). Lastly, a voice from outside shrieked," EEEEEEEEEK! A TALKING HEAD!" The voice paused.

"AND IT'S NOT EVEN NIGHTMARE NIGHT!"

"What is it with ponies and kicking my head today?" wondered Richard aloud.

The sound of something galloping away was heard outside.

Richard looked at the quivering Fluttershy under the table.

He turned to Twilight.

"Is the yellow pony always like this? Because I see this getting very old in the near future."

Richard's body had taken this opportunity to attempt to sneak out the back window. Emphasis on "attempt." It got the window open, as well as crawled through it without the others noticing, but it failed to take into account the flower box on the other side. In the end, there was a large noise and a big mess. As Twilight, Richard's head, and Fluttershy turned to see what made the racket, Richard's body disentangled itself from the ruins of the flower box and sprinted away into the trees.

The three were silent.

Richard turned to Twilight.

"I can't see anything from down here. What just happened?"

Twilight hesitated.

"...Your body... kinda, sorta... ranintotheEverfreeForest."

"...Judging from your expression, and the incredibly annoying pauses, followed by rapid speech, that's a bad thing."