Looking for Pony

After Twilight finished explaining to Richard's head just how dangerous the Everfree Forest was, Richard made to cross his arms. Then sighed. Not having a body was incredibly annoying, even more so than the time he'd been shrunk to the size of a toddler.

"One," Richard stated to Twilight, who had by now put him on the table," isn't a disembodied head an excellent centerpiece? It really brings out the red in the tablecloth. Two, this forests sounds like loads of fun."

Fluttershy and Twilight gasped at Richard's complete disregard for the dangers of the most unnatural forest in all of Equestria.

"And three, can someone please scratch my nose? The itch is getting worse."

Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Kelly, and Sooba stood before the entrance to the Everfree forest, staring intently at the darkness within. Richard was held firmly in Kelly's arms, and was staring intently at Fluttershy, who was doing her best not to quiver under the undead warlock's gaze. Judging by how she appeared to be violently vibrating, her efforts were in vain.

"So, Fluttershy..." Richard began.

Fluttershy made a sound that, had it not been made in abject terror, would have been considered adorable. Many debate that it still was.

Richard continued, unfazed by how much fear he was instilling.

"How does the most timid creature in the entire world end up living right next to supposedly the scariest place in the known world?"

Fluttershy shuffled her legs, which, Richard noticed, also worked to move her away from his disembodied head.

"Well, I, um, still need to take care of the animals..." Fluttershy responded quietly, her face all but hidden by her pink mane.

Richard deadpanned," But the animals are the scary part."

Fluttershy was all but bursting into tears at this point.

"But... the animals..."

"...I think we can leave it at that your entire philosophy is hypocritical, and you need to rethink your choice of living quarters."

Tears began streaming down Fluttershy's face.

"But... But I..."

Richard turned away from Fluttershy, whom Rarity was desperately trying to comfort, toward Twilight, who was giving a look of undisputed hate at his words.

"I think we should go now," he said.

"I think I broke her."

"If looks could kill," Richard wondered aloud, "would they be able to kill me?"

"I would certainly hope so," muttered Rarity, walking next to Fluttershy.

"If I smash your head, would you stop being rude and positively hateful to everyone we meet?" offered Kelly.

Richard pondered this for a couple minutes, which was a time of welcome silence to the group. That is, until they remembered they were still in the Everfree Forest.

"Well, if my jaw was fractured in such a way that it would be unable to move, then yes. If not, then not until I get to kill something again," stated Richard matter of factly.

"But you just killed thirty assorted guards and citi...zens..." Kelly chuckled nervously at the horrified faces the others were making at him.

"It was only twenty-nine and a half!" Richard exclaimed indignantly.

"Children and cripples only count as a half," he explained to the horrified ponies.

"I usually kill more, but there was a matter that included a skull hat, a guard, and extensive introductions with various god-like entities, which I may-or-may-not have tried to melt the flesh off of."

Rarity pulled her fainting couch out of hammerspace, a lovely place created by the all powerful pink goddess, and promptly used it for its intended purpose.

Fluttershy crawled under said couch and hid, because ostriches had explained to her quite plainly that if you hide your head in or under something, you instantly become invisible to all things that wish to kill you. And in Fluttershy's Guide to Survival, one either shows unconditional love, runs from, or hides from a predatory killer. In Fluttershy's professional opinion, hiding was the best option in this particular scenario.

Twilight took the confrontational approach, which meant the Guide was on the list of unread pamphlets left in Twilight's library.

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Richard noticed that there was a note of panic in Twilight's Symphony of Anger, so Richard smiled and tried to use reason to ease her distress.

"Nobody that mattered!" Richard said in his defense. Kelly groaned.

"EVERYBODY MATTERS!" yelled Twilight. Richard noticed that Twilight was beginning to smoke, which either meant that he suddenly gained the ability to fwoosh by staring, or that ponies had the ability to combust of their own will when they were in his presence. Both sounded equally good.

Twilight's tirade and Richard's existential ponderings were both interrupted by a rustling in a nearby bush.

Twilight and Kelly took aggressive stances, while Rarity hid behind her couch. Fluttershy remained where she was.

A form erupted from the bushes, sending leaves scattering in disarray. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed to be...

"A bunny?" asked Kelly incredulously.

"That was anticlimactic," agreed Richard.

That is, until the bunny roared and grew into a fifteen-foot-tall monstrosity, spittle dripping from its massive fangs. It's paws bristled with huge talons, and it's fluffy tail now sported dozens of razor sharp spines.

"I want one," Richard said wistfully.

Kelly and Twilight leaped away as it swung it's clawed paw at them.

"HAHA! MISSED M-" Richard was interrupted by the beast grabbing and tossing him into the air, after which he was promptly swallowed whole,

The monster roared in satisfaction, in that it devoured the silly head that had laughed, and turned its beady red eyes towards Kelly, who just crossed his arms and tsked at the mutant bunny.

"When will animals learn to not eat Richard?" he asked to no one in particular.

The rabbit heard a strange gurgling from its stomach. It looked down, then very slowly turned to face Twilight. It gave one last pleading look, and then its head exploded. Violently. Nothing within a thirty meter radius was spared from the explosion of blood and gore.

Richard's head rested happily on the rabbit's neck, smiling happily under the clothe.

"It's a Christmas miracle!" he exclaimed as the body did a small jig.

"Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to crawl up someone's esophagus, make their head explode, and then take control of their body? All without arms or legs?!"

Twilight turned to Kelly, who was still wiping gore out of his eyes.

"What's... Christmas?"

"No clue," Kelly said, spitting out a small piece of skull.

"Just ignore him. Let's just hope he doesn't start doing the Gangnam Style dance."

Twilight stared confusedly at Kelly, but before she could ask, there was a roar from Richard's direction.

They both turned to see Richard's original body, clad in various flowers, riding on a manticore's back, which was busy mauling Richard's new rabbit body.

They just stared.

"Wat."