Cybercloud

If there's anyone left out there who can hear this, anyone at all, I'm sorry.

My name is Rainbow Dash, and I am so, so sorry.

I always knew I was the very best, but I just had to go and prove it, and she was just so- so damn persuasive, and I thought it was right, and- Fuck, what am I even saying?

I just-

I-

...

Look, whoever you are, you know the Cloudnet, right? You know, that network thing that connects all your fancy gadgets together, the central point of Equestrian culture for the last two centuries, freedom of information and shit, that Cloudnet. You're probably wondering what happened to it right now.

That was me. I took down the Cloudnet. My bad.

Now I'm not- What? Oh, I'm recording an apology on my subvocal. Gonna send it with that old broadband I saw in the next room. We got nothing better to do up here anyway.

Anyway, I'm not alone up here, that was Sparkles - shut up, your name is totally Sparkles and you will never convince me otherwise - and we're sort of stuck in this mess together. I just met her yesterday when I broke into her home - sorry, by the way, didn't know anyone lived here - and she's apparently lived here alone longer than I've been alive, period. Whatever.

So if anyone can somehow find a working spacer without the Net and make it to the orbital coordinates 55.82, 103.30, 1073.6, 1:42 sometime in the next month, that'd be totally sweet and you'd be the most awesome pony to ever live, period. The station's big and dark purple and you really can't miss it. I'm not really expecting you to, though. Not with the Cloud down. That's just be suicide, trying to nav through the satellite fields without any telemetry.

We'll be out of food in about a month, anyway.

On that happy note, I'd like to say sorry one more time. This isn't easy for me, you know. I'm Rainbow Dash, best jacker who ever lived, and I've never had to say sorry before, but this is a pretty big one. So I hope you appreciate how hard this is for me.

Saying sorry doesn't really cut it, though, does it. Not when you don't even know what happened, or why, or who else helped, or anything at all. And, hells, I've got nothing better to do. This was the biggest job I've ever pulled, and I've got maybe a month to live, so fuck it, I'm gonna tell a story. And maybe I don't remember everything right, and maybe I'll exaggerate just a teensy tiny bit here and there - what can I say, I'm awesome like that - but if the last thing I ever do is tell a story, I am going to tell the shit out of that story.

Y'see, it all started when that bitch decided we were going to space. Pinkie was all for it, of course, but...

But you don't know who Pinkie is, do you, or her, or any of the crew. I mean, I could just tell you, but, well, story.

Well, it all started when this unicorn comes up to me on the street, totally outta nowhere, and offers me the biggest job ever pulled. The freaky thing is, she knew my cloudname. This is on the street and all, totally out in the open, so of course I flipped the fuck out on her.

Hmm.

I bet half of you don't even know what a cloudname is. You probably really don't know why saying it meatside is bad news.

And you wouldn't know a big job from a shitty one, either.

Geez, Daring Do makes telling stories look like a breeze. You start at the beginning, and stuff happens, and everything comes together and makes sense. But I don't know where the beginning is. I could just go all the way back and start with my foalhood or something, but I don't have that kind of time, and it might not even be far back enough.

I guess...

I guess I'll just start with the first thing that comes back to me.