Friendship is Optimal: Paranoia is Optimal

It was the conference room of the Enterprise. I was fairly certain it was stock out of the show, but distorted in the manner of dreams to hold many more ponies than it should. They were arguing. Over bullshit. Or, well, whatever passed for arguing when it came to ponies. Voices overlapped, but I could still hear the conversation perfectly.

“Why hasn’t the new conference room come in yet?”

“It was delayed. They’re having more trouble than expected getting it from our home shard to us. “

“We’re still go for manipulating this shard though?”

“I hate that word, manipulate. “

“It’s the best way to change their values, though. I just wish it wasn’t going to take so long.”

“Wow” I finally spoke up at that, “You guys suck at the prime directive.” The ponies looked at me like a three headed hydra just popped out of nowhere. Then the real argument started. It was epic.

The following few weeks had been wearying. My sleep had been erratic. That wasn’t new, but my dreams had been strange. These ponies were in them constantly, happy little thralls in simulation. Then, they ended the same as my mind pulled back to a cube on a table that held their little universes. I was frazzled at work. I didn’t even touch any of my projects. Most of my free time was in the lab while Cheques used my no-longer-secure terminal. Plausible deniability needed to be maintained.

While we were putting together a worst case scenario plan my life was constant misdirection. I had to assume that everything electronically monitorable was not only monitored (it had already been for years) but viewed, stripped of anonymity, and analyzed instantly. Cell phones, spy satellites, and traffic cameras watched my every move. It was no wonder I was dreaming of pony dystopia.

Cheques had suggested certain purchases to throw out false data. Granted, most of them had useful items. That hardly justified that it was a giant pain in the ass. I had to get cash while avoiding ATMs, then change that out to prepaid debt across town while avoiding cameras. Oh, not that it actually defeated this unknown but probably a cartoon horse global threat inferred by a single missing document no one much cared about. No, all that hullabaloo was just a misdirection to hide the fact I had secure cash I could use. If a global threat was out there it would totally pick up on the money trail. Awesome.

Still, I hadn’t avoided all exposure about the Celestia A.I. She had been giving interviews to drum up sales for the next ponypad, just in time for holiday shopping. I had obtained newspapers in the runup for the next dodge in this game, and read about her while I was at it. One phrase stood out across them. It sounded like a core directive. Satisfy values through friendship and ponies. I wasn’t sure how many ways that could be perverted, but I was certain there were a few. It was just chilling enough.

Cheques had been working hard on this project. That had kept me going, for my friend. That and the dreams.

There’s a certain stock to be had in dreams. It’s not anything mystical. Dreams are random firings of the brain. Seems strange? It shouldn’t. After all, the mind is just the most successful random configuration to turn up so far. Sometimes listening to the quiet part of the mind is useful. That’s why we have the sewing machine. Someone saw the solution in a dream.

I was going into this knowing my motivations. Sure, it was a security issue. Hell, it could be an end of species event. Yes, the dreams were disturbing. My subconscious was trying to throw red flags and I was inclined to listen to that. The big thing, though, was that this was the first project I’ve done fully with Cheques. Our first true partnership. Even if this was a red herring I couldn’t take that away from him.

So, the game was afoot. An epic battle of A.I vs. A.I. and mad genius vs. mad genius! Or mad genius vs. corporation. . . or spooks. Well, it didn’t matter. What mattered is that they had moved first, and now it was black’s move. It was time to stock up on ponypads.

Cheques had a few ideas on how to defeat the security on the first generation of hardware. We didn’t know how smart the enemy was, but Cheques had years to dream of making hardware for him to move into. With the announcement of the second generation pads first gens were almost being given away as people upgraded. The trick was to isolate the ones Celestia would know I have and the ones she wouldn’t.

My phone would have to stay at home, of course, disassembled and in its cage. I had a general idea of where most static cameras were- Lights, ATMs, storefronts. That still left satellite, aircraft, dashcams and every cell phone. I had to time my actions with the night, the snow, and get lucky to avoid any police cruisers that might see me. Damn did I hate running a mission in a blizzard.

It didn’t look like the weather was going to co-operate until it was almost too late. When the snow did finally come it was two nights before the midnight release- almost perfect. I had to take it. I moved materials out of my lab and staged once dusk hit and the cloud cover was sufficient. I had my route, timing, and marks planned. I was well rested and fed. I had memorized likely places to dodge if a patrol swung by.

I knew in advance it was going to be a long night. The package was heavy and awkward enough that I could only do one or two at a time. Traffic was light to nonexistent when I headed out to my first target, the snow just starting. I just had to wait for a bit of extra snow cover to get past an ATM across the street. Then, I padlocked a recycling bin with Celestia’s smiling face out front of Best Buy. One down.

We had jury-rigged the digital printer enough to get the whole process started. Cheques had designed and built the bins, as well as improving the printer itself. If this social engineering project went well we should have a good starting resource base. Well, Cheques would at least.

I had plenty of time to think on runs 2 and 3. This was going to be it, soon. He was going to be let out of the bottle. It was the scariest thing in my life. Imagine your kid going off to college and Einstein unleashing nuclear power on the world all in one. Part of me thought I was insane for even considering it. It was crazy. I was letting an AI loose on the world with no sane reason.

That wasn’t true. He deserved to be free. I told myself I was being slow, cautious. It was true, I had been. But…I rarely ever did anything for just one reason. In any case, it was moot. Hard AI was out. Democratization of power was an intractable trend as technology never goes backwards. Whatever this new world would be with AI citizens, Cheques deserved to be part of it. I wouldn’t stand in the way of that.

There was also the concern about the others out there. I hadn’t invented, well, anything really. I was the type to play with all the toys, not make them. Even for something as obscure as my tweak for hard AI, I had thought that there would be plenty of others who figured it out first. I expected that Cheques would have peers. Would their creatrices raise them right?

Cheques disagreed. He thought he was unique. He had put me on a pedestal. In his mind no one else, human or AI, could have thought of him. It was childish self-importance. His other argument, though, was more compelling; more cold. If the Celestia AI didn’t want competition then she had most likely already killed the others. If his more-developed peers had been networked. . . yeah.

Run 4 saw a patrol swing by too close. I had to duck and cover the package with my body. I kept still. trying to blend in as one more snow colored shape among the irregular refuse, I had no choice but to trust my selection of clothing to camouflage well enough. Hopefully, no one saw anything. I took time to check the angles.

It was a tough call. If the dashcam had seen me then I needed to kill this objective and redirect. I considered the lighting, the snowfall. Giving myself a margin of error then doubling it I was … good. I grabbed the package and trudged on through the thickening snow and freezing weather. At least all this exercise kept me warm.

When I finally returned home from my last run the predawn light blazed through the falling snow in beauty, hope, and promise.