Chapter 4: Interview Transcript
"Hey Super," Penny Lane said.
"What’s up Penny Lane?" Super Trampoline asked.
"Well, this is a casual interview right? Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself."
"Hello everypony," Super started. "My name is Super Trampoline, or ST for short. I am 21 years old, and I, like several thousand other mares and stallions, live in the delightful hamlet known as Ponyville. What’s that you ask? Of course I know The Elements of Harmony! While this town isn’t small enough to employ the worn um… idiom? No… Aphorism? Um… saying that everyone knows everyone here, I am certainly aware of denizens as famous as those six.
"Anyway, I study music composition at Ponyville Community College under the tutelage of Professor Heartstrings, and as well am enrolled in distance education classes in somewhat nearby Canterlot. Yes, that’s a lot of train trips, but I have a monthly pass so it isn’t so bad.
"Oh yeah, and I’m a bat pony."
"A bat pony eh?" Penny continued. "Sounds cool. Tell me more."
"Well, we are a noble, brave, and mostly nocturnal race. Our members are perhaps best known for once being guardians of the Night Princess, and with her recent triumphant return to form, again taking up that noble role. I myself am not really cut out for such an occupation, but I am quite proud of those who are." The stallion flashed a grin.
"As I said, sounds cool. So why don’t we see more of these awesome ponies of the night?"
"Good question!" Super said enthusiastically. "I asked Twilight about it once, and Twilight being Twilight, she did what Twilight does best, that is, research. What she found is actually pretty interesting. Us bat ponies are actually artificial creatures! I mean, yeah, we all know Celestia created the three pony species (right?) but this was much more recent. And at the hooves of a different princess. The one whose name rhymes with a fish griffins are fond of."
"Uhhhhh… Buy Light Carp… Whole?"
Super rolled his eyes. "No silly. Luna!"
"Ooooohhhhh. Ok." Penny Chuckled.
"Yeah. So Twi said that the history books were sketchy with the details, so I should probably seek an audience with the Night Mistress herself. So, I did.
"Let me tell you something about the day court. A scary something. You know how you always hear about rich ponies bringing their petty arguments to Princess Celestia? Those are screened. That’s the wheat, not the chaff. For every stupid squabble that could be solved with a ten minute meeting sans egos, there are seven more that the guards don’t even let in. Really, I’m proud to be a pony, but our species can be quite daft sometimes.
"Luckily for me, I had no need to visit the day court.
"A lot less ponies attend the night court, I imagine for several reasons, among them being that they are still a little scared of Luna, and also perhaps think her not as politically keen as her sister. I cannot speak for the first cause of avoidance, but as for the second, they are dead wrong. After all, for most of the past thousand years, Celestia merely ruled a kingdom, whereas Luna ruled an ENTIRE SATELITE! Clearly, Luna has much more diplomatic experience and poise. Aaaaaanyway… Our conversation went something like this:
'GREATINGS LOYAL SUBJECT! WE WELCOMETH THEE TO OUR ROYAL NIGHT COURT!!!'
'Uh, Good Evening Princess Luna. I have come to inquire you regarding a question I have. You see…'
'BUT OF COURSE NOBLE BAT PONY! HOW MIGHT WE ENLIGHTEN YOU?'
'Well, um, first of all, could you maybe the volume just a teeny weeny bit?'
'BY ME! WE SHALL BE Happy to … lower the volume? Sorry I, um, just got a little excited. Not many ponies come by here at night.'
'I see. I’m sorry to hear that. Really it’s their loss. Anyway your majesty, my question concerns bat ponies like myself.'
'Ooooh, go on, I’m listening.'
'Where did we come from?'
Super paused to take a sip of water from his bottle, then continued. "So then she told me, how when a mommy and a daddy reeeeeaaallly love each other, they do this thing where the daddy takes his…"
"Super. Come on. Be mature. Did she really say that?" the interviewer chided.
"Ok ok sorry. No. Actually, she made us. And well, how it was… well, I’ll start at the beginning. How in-depth do you want?"
"However in-depth you would like to go," Penny Lane replied, then added, "Within reason of course."
"Ok, so long, long ago, (And mind you, I don’t have what she told me memorized. More on that in a moment.) long long ago, when Luna And Celestia were transitioning from being demigods to being princesses (which I imagine is a whole other story for another time), Luna found that she needed an entourage. Or guards, whatever you want to call them. At this time, the Royal Guard we know of today was nothing more than a volunteer force. And while they were very loyal, they well, to be blunt, sucked at flying at night."
"Pegasi aren’t exactly known for night flights, no," Penny interjected.
"No, no they aren’t. And if you look in a thorough history book on the transition era (180 BC – AD 157)*, You’ll note there was a great fire in what is now Fillydelphia. Care to guess what caused it?"
"You sure seem to know a lot about this," the reporter mare wryly observed. "How long did you and Luna Talk? Oh and, I don’t know."
"After I spoke with Luna (which I can procure the transcript for, if you are interested), I did do some more research of my own, since I have a lot of downtime in Canterlot. And as for what caused the fire, it was Luna’s chariot crashing into a hydrogen filled zeppelin. The thing went down in flames like it was made of Led or something. Historians of the day estimated that anywhere from 750 up to 2000 ponies died, between the initial crash and the resulting inferno. Luna herself survived, being nigh immortal, but she very distinctly and loudly recalled nasty third degree burns. That disaster prompted major innovations in fire suppressing spells and raincloud storage. It also prompted Luna to look into pimping her ride. Er, I mean, making nighttime aerial transportation safe.
"At first, she simply had night vision spells cast for those who chauffeured her. But those were magic-intensive and prone to failure when the recipient was under duress. I’m not quite sure I understand why. And while she could simply light her horn up, or attach lanterns to the pegasi’s harnesses, this made being stealthy impossible –and at a time when Equestria still had frequent border wars and skirmishes, She needed to visit troops in secrecy, or something like that. The point is, Luna wasn’t happy."
"So she made you guys?" Penny asked inquisitively.
"Well, yes, eventually. She wouldn’t go into details, but apparently early attempts at genetic and magical modifications and enhancements were… less than desirable. I knew well enough not to ask what that meant. Eventually though, with some help from Arcane Starmane the Lesser, one of the most prominent unicorns of the time, and some VERY brave volunteers, she succeeded in creating bat ponies!"
"And that’s it?"
"Well, that’s basically it. By combining the physical essence of a bat and … um, it’s pretty complicated actually. I didn’t understand most of what the Princess was saying or most of what the biology books I looked at said either. Twilight explained it to me as being a form of gene splicing, except done with magic instead of science, since scientific knowledge was much more limited back then. Or something. If you want to know more, go ask her. I’m sure she’d be more than happy to lecture."
"I’ll do that. So what happened after that, you just had… bat ponies from then on?"
"Yeah. Us bat ponies share many specific genes with several species of fruit bats. Would you like me to tell you some of our unique traits?"
"Sure!" she said chipperly.
"Well, most noticeable is our appearance. Our wings are thin and leathery, not feathery," he said, spreading said appendages for Penny to observe. "Our eyes are fairly small (for a pony, though large for a bat) and very sensitive to bright lights. Our mouths contains two sharp and very noticeable fangs. And most importantly, our race is cute as a button!" He made a squeeing sound at this.
Penny looked at him dubiously. "Um, if you say so. So how many poor animals have you sucked the blood from with those fangs?"
"No No No!" Super shook his head, perhaps a tad bit melodramatically. "Guahh! Sadly a common misconception. Those fangs are used on hard fruit. FRUIT! Luna was smart enough to imbue us with attributes of fruitbats. There are bats that suck blood, and less ominously bats that eat bugs, but they mostly live in untamed areas like the Everfree Forest."
"Sorry about that," said Penny, jotting something down on her notepad. "What are some other common misconceptions about you?"
"The most common one is that all bats and bat ponies use echolocation. But that is not true. Fruit, unlike bugs, does not tend to move very quickly [laughs]. Unless of course you upset the applecart. However, my ears are still very sensitive, and I probably could learn to use echolocation without much difficulty. Some blind ponies in fact make clicking noises to replicate the phenomenon quite effectively, which I think is pretty awesome. Um… let’s see, what else do ponies mistake about us. Um…" he fidgeted thoughtlessly with his napkin, then continued.
"Well, a lot of ponies are just kind of nervous around us. We aren’t exactly super common, and for a long time (a thousand years in fact!) we were you know, associated with a legend of a night princess gone rogue. While we ponies have a lot to be proud of, we aren’t always the most understanding and sympathetic creatures. I mean, look at what happens every time somepony is discovered to be a changeling. Did you hear about the lynching in Sparkler two weeks ago?"
"Yes… I did." A barely noticed shiver. "But back to you."
"So as I was saying, there is there is a lot of ignorance surrounding our race, mostly because we are so rare and mostly do stuff during the night since we are naturally nocturnal. I mean, Pinkie Pie didn’t know I lived here for almost three days! And she’s Pinkie Pie! Um, so yeah, I wish ponies would get to know us. We really are pretty damn awesome."
"I agree. You mentioned that your kind is very uncommon. Why do you think that is?" Penny asked, genuinely curious.
"Ah, that reminds me about another interesting fact regarding our genetics. First of all, you’re probably wondering why you never see bat pony hybrids, are you not?"
"No not really. But go on."
Super harrumphed. "Well, It turns out that because of whatever techniques (and again, I’m not completely clear on how this all works.) were used to make us who we are, whenever we reproduce, as long as one parent is a bat pony, the resulting foal is always also a bat pony, regardless of what the other parent’s race is. The reason, if I understand correctly, is that the magic that makes us what and who we are is a latent magic that travels from generation to generation, and inasmuch overrides normal probability rules when conception occurs. Did that make sense?"
"I think so. But why aren’t we all bat ponies now, if the genes are dominant?" the reporter inquired.
"Well that brings me to an unfortunate side effect. Let me ask you, what happens when a pony and a donkey mate?" Super said with a tinge of moroseness.
"You get a mule. Everypony knows that."
"Right. And a mule is sterile. Well, the same thing almost happens with bat ponies. While our, um, “parts” work just fine, our DNA is just different enough from that of other races that most of the time conception does not occur. While two bat ponies mating conceive just fine, when one pony is another race, the conception rate drops to just a small fraction of a percent."
Penny raised, then lowered her eyebrows. "Wow! That is interesting. I’m… sorry to hear that I guess."
"Yeah, it can kind of suck. It’s pretty common knowledge among us, but it still is hard for some to accept. A lot of couples end up adopting or opting for MAC [Magically Assisted Conception]. The latter is how I came to be. There is a bright side to not having to really worry about accidental pregnancy though," Super said with a suggestive wink.
Penny's cheeks turned a bright shade of red. "Heh, heh, right… Well, I guess that about does it. Anything else you want to share?"
The bat pony scratched his chin thoughtfully with a fetlock. "Well, my favorite fruits are dried mango (but not fresh mango oddly enough.) and fresh pears. Which reminds me of a funny story about Time Turner. But that’s one for another day. Anyway, since a very large part of my diet is fruit, I have a top of the line blender and make, if you pardon my Prench, bitchin smoothies! In hindsight rather than eating at this café, I could have made you lunch!"
Penny smiled. "Awww, that’s sweet of you. Maybe next time. Oh! I almost forgot. You said you are a musician right?"
Super brightened at the mention of music. "Yes, yes I am. But not a very good one," he added, his smile disintegrating. "I guess I’m more interested in writing music than actually playing it. Pony musicians who aren’t unicorns are pretty rare anyway, since it is hard to do too much with hooves. Most of the good music schools are actually in the Griffon Kingdom, which is why I might study abroad there in a few years. But yeah, I’m more of a composer than an instrumentalist."
"Hmm," Penny muttered, tapping her pencil against the pad. "Do you actually play any instruments, or are you strictly electronic like DJ Pon3?"
"Heh, Vinyl [DJ P0N3’s real name] is actually a somewhat good friend of mine. I like the energy of her music. But yes, I do play real instruments. My main three are piano, French horn (which is my cutie mark), and bass guitar, as well as singing. There are many others I am varying degrees of less than competent on, including flute, organ, accordion, and trumpet. I think that’s kind of my problem. I’m interested in so many things; I find it hard to just stick to one area and focus on it. Oh well."
"One more thing, hopefully final this time," the interviewer said."You mentioned your cutie mark, which I see is a very beautiful French horn. This is a little bit of a private question, so feel free not to answer it or make it off the record, but how did you get your cutie mark?"
Super chuckled. "Haha! While I’d be happy to answer you, it’s a pretty long story that I’d rather save for another day. Besides, you need an excuse to come back here so you can have one of my bomb smoothies."
"Hehe, true. So then I guess that about wraps things up. I just have one more question." Penny stifled a giggle. "Super, are you currently seeing anyone?"
Super Trampoline seemed perplexed. "Uh, not right this second. Wait, why do you ask?"
"Oh, nothing," Penny sang-sung. "I suppose that does it. Thank you so much for giving this interview; I promise I shall write a great article about you and send you a copy when it’s done. Have a great day!"
"You too Penny. Have a nice ride back to Canterlot. Bye!"
Author's Note
BC = Before Celestia. AD = After Discord
To see what Super Trampoline looks like in the Pony Creator , copy this code into the box: 251S1A50841E1E1E00000002610008E210E133050H230002Z11D00AFAEFE0017107F3FCC004CB2
I hope you enjoyed the interview! I know I did. And if you have any further questions for Super, feel free to send them to me, and I'll forward them to him. Have a great day!
There was no avoiding it. Super Trampoline was a bit (syn. for fat) . "I'm fat," he said (adverb) . "But I can (verb) that!" So he did. He was going to lose weight, and he was going to lose weight (adverb) !
But when you are (verb) ing to lose weight, it helps to have a(n) (adjective) friend. So Super telegraphed his friend (pony name) and invited (pronoun)to exercise with him.
"I would (syn. for like) to work out with you as soon as I am done (verb) ing! I'll be over in (number) (unit of time) .
(number) (unit of time) s later, (pony name) arrived at Super's (syn. for house) .
Let's (verb) (body part) and chew bubblegum!" Super (syn. for said) . "But I'm all out of bubblegum," his workout partner replied (adverb) . So Super tramped to his pantry and got some (flavor) bubblegum for them to share. They were now ready to begin.
Super put on his (adjective) workout (article of clothing) and put on his (adjective) workout playlist, titled (free space) . " (interjection) !" he shouted. "This is my jam!"
First the two of them stretched their (body part) . This was (adverb) important, because when one doesn't do this, one can (verb) one's (body part) . And that would be (adjective) .
Next, the two of them (verb) ed (noun) s. It was (adjective) work, and soon both of them were (verb) ing like a(n) (Applejackism) . (number) reps was all the bat pony could do before he needed to (verb) . "Gosh I am in (adjective) shape!"
"Hey," joked the other pony, "at least you have more endurance than your (relative) had last night!"
"Don't you go talkin' 'bout my kin like that!" Super shouted (adverb) .
"Relax dude. We were (verb) ing. What did you think we were doing? (verb) ing each other?"
"Well, yeah."
"Dude get your mind out of the (dirty place) ."
By now Super had caught his breath, so they moved on to a(n) (adjective) cardio routine: (number) sets of (adjective) (excercise) , then (number) sets of (adjective) (excercise) , and finally (number) sets of (adjective) (excercise) . After they had done all three, they galloped to the (place) and back. They repeated the whole thing (number) times.
To Super Trampoline, it felt more like (number) times.
"Ugh, this losing weight thing is harder than (free space) ."
"You know what else is harder than (free space) ?" asked (pony name) ?
"What?" asked Super Trampoline (adverb) .
"The (adjective) beat down I'm about to deliver you in our game of (sport) !"
(pony name) was right. It was indeed a very (adjective) and (adjective) game. Super thought he was pretty good, but (verb) ed after (pony name) schooled him like Cherilee schools (adjective) students. Speaking of which, after his (adjective) loss, Super couldn't take it anymore and (verb) ed like a (adjective) (noun) .
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie appeared. "My left cheek muscle is twitchy twitch twitching! That means somepony's exercising!"
"There's a twitch for that?"
"Nah silly filly! I just saw you guys running around and stuff. Can I join?"
"Well actually..."
Author's Note
Fill it in and send it in to me. I'll feature the funniest ones.
