Jared Milton Dies at the End or The Tale of a Stripper Sombra or The Rise of B0NER or Blarg or The Best Fanfic Ever Written or A Story About Sombra Finding A Magic Brick That Helps Him Save All of Equestria or I Can't Believe I'm Writing This or

Pinkamena Diane Pie:

My Daddy Made Me Put
Glass In My Vagina

In a PR attempt to be perceived as more of a victim of circumstance Pinkie released an autobiography entitled, 'My Daddy Made Me Put Glass In My Vagina', describing in great detail her relationship with her father, the Reverend Peter Daniel Pie.

Pinkie Pie's story is a tragic tale of how fame, money, and indulgence can bastardize any of us. If something as pure and adorable as a fluffy pink pony can be tempted into a sinful life of self-destruction, none of us are safe.

~~~~~

Inspired and based off hotdiggetydemon's PARTY.MOV

Chapter 1: How It All Began

It all fuckin' started on a thugged-out dark n' storm night when tha sun was shinin' n' tha hyped up niggas was up tokin' some pot, alterin' they perceptionz of reality or sum shit, makin' dem peep floatin' hippos n' anorexic pigglets...

You have to understand, as an illegal ~~Mexican~~ Griffon immigrant trying to find her way into ~~'merica~~ Equestria, my mother had a tough time getting a job, making money, driving her car, speaking proper English, not hooking up with drug lords, staying out of gang wars, corrupting the populous, getting housing, and not breaking any laws-- you know, the hard stuff-- so she did what she was told by her mother to do, by her mother, who was told by her mother, who was told by some whore in an opium den: get knocked up and everybody will pity you. Like, srsly, EVERYONE.

Okay, okay, only the important people, like you know, the liberals.

So, like I said, on that thugged-out dark n' storm night, my mom slit holes in one of her regular's condoms. That poor sucka who'd one day end up as my dad: Anon.