-An Alicorns Prayer
I still remember you. Please don't think I have forgotten.
I laid my head down upon the balcony. I did remember, but that didn't mean I wanted to. It was too much to bare. Too much for a pony like myself. I never truly understood all of what had happened to me. I knew that Princess Celestia had great things intended for me, but what can I do about it now when she isn't even here anymore to guide me?
I was the one in charge. It was me who now had to look upon all of Equestria and know with my heart that I was the one that had to take care of every individual.
That was Celestia's plans all along.
She needed me to take her place. She needed me to grow into a Princess like her. That was why she nursed me. That was why she made me her personal student all of those years ago. She was tired. Celestia...was tired.
I closed my eyes at that thought. I had never really quite took it in that way before, but really...that was the only reason for it all. Celestia no longer wanted to be the ruler. She no longer wanted to last forever so....she needed me....she needed me to take her place.
If that was true, then why was it that she didn't have Luna do it? Of course, Luna was not that much younger than Celestia, but had they even talked about this before together? Was this...both of their plans all along? It must have been.
I felt a chill over me and I opened my purple eyes to the moon that I had risen by myself as I always did. It was now my responsibility to raise both the moon and the sun when it was time to each and every passing day. I also had to attend all of the same meetings that Celestia use to attend when she was with me. Everything she and Luna once did, had now been passed down to me. I was after all...their successor.
I never knew that was how it worked. I never knew that once a ruler found a successor then they would be able to pass on into another life just like everypony else would. But, that was only if they found one....what if they couldn't?
I have been the ruler of Equestria for nearly 100 years now; however, I have been by myself for almost 50 years though. Those years have passed as quickly as they came. It seems like just yesterday I was nothing more than a young unicorn, searching for something I had never experienced before....friendship. But even though it doesn't feel like it was that long ago that I was living happily with my five friends, I still feel lonely as if it had been forever ago.
I still carry their memories along with me into each passing day. I still keep their fire alive within my very heart. I harbor their tender words that they had each spoken to me. I continue to remember those simple days as if it were only seconds ago that they were among me, laughing.
I think they were taken from me too soon. I think that they could have lived longer if only they didn't have to carry on my burden with them. The burden of my duty as a ruler. It was only mine to bare, but as my friends, they bared it too. I regret it. I regret it like hell.
I could feel my eyes burning with fury now. I would always feel so angry at the world every time I came and looked upon it. I would feel so mad at myself, and most of all, I would feel mad....at her....
It was her that kept my mind open like this. It was her that made me continue to hold onto those dear memories. It was her that forced me to see her smiling face in my mind and think to myself that....I couldn't feel her presence ever again....
Pinkie....
She was suppose to live with me forever.....
Those were the words I spoke to her last.
I remember on that very day....many years ago....she was the last one I had. All of my other friends had already lived their lives, and they had already moved on. I would have never made it through all of those sad, painful days if it weren't for Pinkie Pie. When we were young, and I was nothing but a friend to them, I never saw that kind of light inside of Pinkie that I had witnessed when we were the only two left.
I was able to communicate with her, and only her. I wouldn't say that all of my other friends had gotten in the way of me realizing how much I cared for Pinkie Pie, but at the same time....it was true.
When we were all together, I never really payed Pinkie much attention, and I would always think that she was so....odd. It was true that she was different, she was much more outgoing then myself, but at the same time.....we were so much alike.
I never felt so warm in all of my long lived days when I was with Pinkie Pie. Me and her, her and me.
I kept her by my side at all times. She was all I had left after all. I couldn't let her go like all the rest. I couldn't bare to see her leave without me. I couldn't let her give up on life. But as the years passed, I watched as she began to grow weary. I watched silently by as she began to become tired too....I couldn't bare to see her like that, but still, I couldn't bare to see her go even more.
It was my duty to let my subjects live fully and die peacefully, but Pinkie wasn't just one of my subjects. Pinkie was way more than that to me...
It was in those last few days with her that I had fully become aware of my true feelings for her. It was then that I had finally realized that my heart truly....belonged to her....
I could never comprehend why it took me so long. I never forgave myself....
I still remember those last hours I had with her. I still remember it as if it were only yesterday.
She looked into my eyes as I lay by her side. Her face may have been old, but her spirit was still young. She was still bouncing with energy, but only on the inside was she able to. On the outside, her body was too feeble to laugh. It was too feeble to even move. She was clearly, not the pony she use to be, yet....I still remember her that way. She was still the same pony I met when I lived in Ponyville all those many years ago. She was still....the same Pinkie Pie...
Her blue eyes met my purple eyes. I could feel my heart and soul melt away as I pictured the young, bouncing earth pony that I knew was still hidden inside of this one. I remember how I brought my hoof to her cold face and smiled, a single tear fell off of my face as it landed upon her own cheek. It appeared now that she was crying also, but I knew, she had no more tears left to give....
My face wrinkled up as I recalled the last thing she was able to say to me before her body became too weak to speak.
It was so simple, that it wouldn't really mean much to anypony else, but to me.....it meant the world....
Those words rung through my ears at that moment when I was looking at her dying face.
Rule long, but love longer.
My heart was aching at this as I remembered the sorrowful look she was giving me. She already looked so broken....I feared every minute that went by for I didn't know which one would be her last.
I picked my head back up as I let these sad memories continue to play. I didn't know if I would be able to stand all of these memories any longer, but they wouldn't stop. I gulped down as I remembered what happened next...
I remember as my tear landed on her face I reached my head over to her ear so she could hear me and my voice shook as I spoke my final words to my dearest friend.
Live with me forever, Pinkie.
More tears filled my eyes as I spoke those few words to her. I remember I had lifted my head above hers after I said those words and with one glance I knew....that she....was now gone.
I covered my face as the picture of Pinkie's un-moving body filled my mind. It really was just like it had happened yesterday. I could see it so perfectly in my mind. It was as if it were a movie that was forever repeating in my mind.
I just can't take this much longer. I sit out here every night and replay the same things over and over. It was a never ending story that had clouded my very mind and I couldn't erase a single detail.
That had been nearly 50 years ago to this day, but I can recall every...single...detail...
Was this a curse? Or a gift?
I think it was a little of both to be completely honest. Celestia had both cursed me with this immortality, but she had also given me the gift of it. I could remember my friends forever, but I could not live among them.
My eyes were filled with fresh tears now, but I couldn't help but feel like they were old tears from when Pinkie had left me. They felt like the same ones I shed then more than ones I am shedding now. It was true that I was stuck in the past, but how was that really my fault after all?
Was this what Celestia and Luna felt all of those years that they had ruled?
Probably so, but I can't help but feel like they had an advantage that I do not possess. They had each other, and me.....I have nothing.
I looked down over the balcony. I can't remember the countless times I had thrown myself over it. Every time....was a failure. It was probably in my best interest to learn my lesson. Each time, nothing would happen to me. I would be sore for a few days, but I would never feel death. If anypony else were to do what I do just once, they would die instantly, but me....no.....I.....don't have the luxury....of death.
Anypony that were able to hear my thoughts, would probably think I was a crazy, delusional ruler that wasn't fit to be a Princess....and I can't help but agree with it. I don't feel like the right pony for this kind of job. I don't understand what Celestia saw in me that told her I was the one fit to be her successor. All I feel is fear, and unworthiness. If I were truly the right one, then I wouldn't be feeling this way. I wouldn't be thinking like this. I wouldn't be trying to kill myself. If I were the right pony to be the Princess of Equestria, I would never even think about leaving my subjects behind just so I could die alongside my friends. That was selfish of me, but that just proved that I wasn't the right pony. Celestia had it wrong the whole time, and if she were now looking down at me and my reign, she would be disappointed.
I had let her down, and I knew it, but....it was only in my mortal nature to do so. I was a mortal pony trapped inside of an immortal Princess. I wasn't the right one.....I wasn't....
Somepony like Pinkie Pie would have been better at this than me. She loved everypony, and even though things didn't go her way, she was still there to make everypony else happy. That kind of attitude would have been fitting for the title of a Princess, but me....I am just a love sick, lonely, selfish mare....that only wants to feel the loving warmth of her friends once more....
I feel....weary......I feel....tired.....so why can't I pass away....just like Pinkie Pie could?
Tears rolled down my face like rivers. Even the thought of her name sent me into a heart wrenching fury. I just could not stand it anymore. I needed her by my side....I couldn't do this without her!!!
She was suppose to live with me....forever.......but....she gave up....on me.....and now.....I will do the same.....
I closed my eyes once more. Tears burned my cheeks. Pinkie's bright face plastered in my mind.
I hung my front hooves over the balcony as I looked up to the sky. Pinkie was probably smiling at me right now. I can't wait to see it for myself once more....
I then shut my eyes for the last time. A smile formed on my face as tears stained my cheeks.
Maybe this time.....it will finally work.....and I will finally.....go home....
I flew up towards the sky without looking back to my balcony. I flew up as high as my wings could take me and then I breathed in deeply with a sorrowful sigh.
"I'm coming home with you Pinkie. Make sure to have a welcome party waiting for me when....I get there..."
I closed my wings, and let myself fall endlessly until I finally felt the ground hit me stronger than ever.
I opened my eyes to see Canterlot castle was still there. Of course....it would never work.....
Rule long, but love longer...
I understand now....
I will never forget you Pinkie....as long as you promise....to never forget me...
I smiled as I could almost hear her say back....
I Pinkie Promise.
