Rehab with Bright Colors

Exhaustion. That was the only feeling Hex could understand when his senses returned after the ordeal. He remembered passing in and out of consciousness in the worst kind of ways. At times the agony was so bad his mind would shut down temporarily, only to start back up again in the same type of pain that had put him out.

He was grudgingly proud of his fancy little idea for patching himself up but during the night he was starkly reminded that it may have simply been easier to die. The only thing truly keeping him together at the moment was the machine, and after a quick peak around the room to find himself alone he took a deep sigh of relief. There was still a few hours left in the night to rest, but he dreaded the day to come and the backlash of yesterday’s fiasco to bite him in the ass.

There was no rest to be had the following day after refusing to obey the orders for bed rest in lieu of interrogating his first visiter. Sparky came in crying her eyes out after the near brush with death, but Hex had heard enough being pushed into the conversation to know who gave her that thought.

It was wrong of him to use Sparky’s guilt, but he knew none of them would be filling him in on the details of what happened after he blacked out. It was sad how predictable the ponies were, and sure enough Twilight spilled the beans on the royal sisters having a war council meeting in Canterlot within the next few hours.

The nanites had done their job putting him back together, but they could do little to alleviate the battering he received, so with a grunt of pain he got his feet under him before pressuring the pleading pony beside him. He would have to make it up to Twilight for what he put her through after forcing the poor girl through another breakdown in so many hours.

He hung forgiveness in front of her tear streaked face, promised to forget the mistake that was not entirely her own, used her own grief to drive the message home, and though he knew no one else could teleport him where he needed to go willing she would do it out of guilt alone. The little pony wept at his side as she took him to her basement, watching him put on his personal suit, and continued to weep when they flashed into the middle of the war council in Canterlot.

The room was filled with shouting, ponies of various armors and cloths lined the long table, hooves were being slammed into the solid wood as everyone attempted to make their point. His presence only irritated the problem as some blamed him for bringing the zerg, Minerva yelling in his defense, Luna demanding to know why he wasn’t resting.

The machine was in overdrive as sounds started coalescing into one throbbing mass, possible threats were marked, ponies stomping their way to him, demands to know why Twilight was crying, and another armored figure standing at his side, pressing a pointed object into the injection port of his right arm.

A loud metallic clank sounded through the room followed by an audible hiss as the contents of the device emptied itself into his blood with cold, calming effectiveness. Everything sharpened as the drug washed over his mind, every word spoken, argument yelled, and otherwise nonsense babbled was made crystal clear. He felt himself breath once more and sighed with content as the pain from his earlier injuries seemed to fade away.

The sound of gun being fired into the air silenced everyone as the armored figure beside him spoke.

“If you ain’t Infantry, Get the fuck out.”

A male pony dressed in what looked like business attire inhaled as if to start yelling once more, but a second shot, causing part of his chair directly beside his head to explode and slash into his face silenced him once more.

“What did I say? If you ain’t Infantry, Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

Minerva spoke quietly and raised her hands towards him.

“Durge, you need to calm down…”

A third round cut her voice off and left a bleeding gash across her cheek, and once more silence filled the room.

“Princess. Move these ponies, or move their corpses. The next round goes through someone’s head.”

Hex knew the last thing either Princess wanted was deaths amongst their allies. She couldn’t risk using magic on the other infantryman without the possibility of him using an unknown weapon to hurt an innocent pony. The council started to disperse, the ponies were silent as they glared back, and when every single person save Shining Armor, Hex, and the other armored terran.

The man pulled off his helmet, and Hex smiled wickedly at the disturbing grin being returned to him.

“Who am I Hexus Murdoc?”

“You’re Durger Hacks, the only asshole left in Terran space still in a Firebat suit.”

“And who is this pretty pony?”

“Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guards.”

“And why the fuck are we here?”

“Because there are zerg that need to die.”

“Right, right, but why are we listening to that bullshit when we have to do the cleaning?”

“We don’t…. the killing is left to us.”

Nodding sagely, Durge pulled out a half smoked cigar and lit the end with the pilot light of his right gauntlet, blowing a perfect circle into the air.

“You think you can get us a few mugs and booze Shiny? You’re not going to like where this conversations goin, but by the time we’re through we’ll show you how to deal with the critters.”

Eying the other human suspiciously, Hex smirked at his old friend and nodded his agreement to Shiny.

“You’re going to want booze Shiny, you might not get another chance where we’re going.”

Rubbing at his temple hard, the captain vanished for a moment and returned shortly after with a small barrel and three tankards. After pouring a round for everyone they all took long drags before Durge pointed at his compatriot.

“I would just like to point out that you look like shit Hex. Mind filling me in on why my old partner looks like shit Shiny?”

“Hex was nearly killed yesterday protecting my sister. While I can’t thank him enough I still don’t appreciate him forcing the poor girl to bring him here.”

“You’re sister didn’t have any place on the killing fields Shiny, and that was a dirty fucking thing to do messin with her head like that Hex. You’re a cleaner man than that, and you know how I hate filth. Did you really save his sisters life?”

“Yeah, I guess I did manage to keep her alive.”

Another long draft emptied their tankards, and Hex was the one to refill them before Durge continued.

“Didn’t believe you Shiny, not until hearing it from this bastard’s mouth. Since when do you go sticking your neck out for a pony who literally kills themselves?”

“Since I started feeling like they were worth saving.”

“Huh…. Does it feel nice?”

“It does when they give you a hug and mean it.”

“But that’s probably why you were so damn messed up not too long ago. If I didn’t have that STIM you might have snapped”

“I was a little stressed.”

“You killed hundreds the last time I saw you that way.”

Another long hit from their drinks before Durge pointed at him and spoke to Shiny.

“Last time he snapped, this one here slipped out of our unit to go do some zerg killing. He baited those monsters for days into traps, blowing them to pieces, killing and killing until nothing but corpses and charred earth remained.”

Taking another sip of his ale Durge smiled at Shiny with an insane twinkle in his eye.

“Hundreds of dead zerg Shiny, like the ones you saw yesterday. All of them led to their deaths by this crazy bastard because he was “Stressed” as he puts it. That’s why I didn’t believe you before. A couple of Zerg putting him in the dirt over a female? You must have a shine on her eh Hex?”

“The way I see it Shiny, you ponies have been tryin to rehabilitate this bastard when you need him to be crazy. Too much kindness, too much lovin, too much feelin all in all. You may like these ponies Hex, and hell they seem to like you too, but they don’t need your feelings and they sure as hell don’t need your happiness. They need you to do their killing.”

For the third time they drained their tankards, and after being offered a drag Hex arched an eyebrow as he watched Shiny take a long puff before letting out a cloud of smoke as Durge gave them a refill.

“We’re going on a bug hunt Durge. We’re taking fifty guards that can use magic with us plus Shiny. We’re going to go play in those woods for a spell and teach them how to kill the hard way. Then we’ll be back with a few veterans to teach the others how it’s done.”

“What about the females Hex? How you gonna deal with them if they don’t agree?”

“Let them deal with the bigger picture, handle the talking, and reigning in those other ponies. When the time comes to do some killin, they’ll need us ready to go and we need to train for that day.”

“I get where you two are coming from, but Princess Celestia would never allow it to happen. Especially since you just survived something that should have killed you Hex.”

“That’s the thing Shiny, this is between me, you, and Durge. We’ll leave a note to let them know where we’re going and what we’ll be up to.”

Shiny drained his Tankard and looked at the two alien creatures with a crazed smile on his face.

“You’re both bucking crazy.”

“Actually I’m a lot more crazy than Hex, but he’s a better killer then me. Details details, but you should make the note fancy! Make it sound like we’re going to die for a great cause.”

“I thought that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“Yeah it is Hex, but I bet Shiny can put it into words that’ll make the girls moist.”

“That is only going to piss them off more. Cadence is going to kill me.”

Durge cackled before draining his ale.

“Either that or she’s going to fuck you stupid if we make it back alive.”

“I don’t think it works that way Durge. By the way, aren’t you even a little fucking freaked with the talking pony thing? Besides however the fuck you got here shouldn’t this magic and shit bother you at least a little bit?”

“That’s yours and Shiny’s problem Hex. You two have too much brains in your damn melons for your own good. I started out crazy, this place is crazy, and all the whack talking fucking ponies are crazy. Far as I’m concerned nothin’s changed.”

Hex polished his drink off as he looked at the two other men in turn. Shiny took another hit of the cigar and Durge filled their mugs one last time. Raising it in a toast he smiled insanely at them, and strangely enough they returned it and raised their mugs.

"To dead bugs, for nice hugs, may we all come back to get laid."

"You're a poet Durge, even if you're an uneducated retard."

"You're both shitty humans and you'll end up getting me killed."

All three drained their mugs for the last time before they stood, Hex and Durge checking their equipment before nodding to Shiny who teleported them away.