Rehab with Bright Colors

Ah potatoes. Glory of the dirt and staple of both humans and ponies for hundreds of years. Hex thought of how simple a potatoes life was, growing under the warmth of the sun and in the safe, loving embrace of mother earth. When their time comes they are dug up to perpetuate life itself, only to eventually be passed back into the ground to one day nurture other potatoes. So as Vinyl dragged him through the castle he imagined himself being a simple potato, regardless of the gigantic skid mark his armor was leaving in the once pristine marble floor.

"I am the great potato.... I go to my next life in peace."

"............................."

She was trying really hard to hold a laugh in, but Hex knew it was only a temporary fix to a much more serious problem. It was time to pay the piper for leaving Vinyl behind, but for his own sake he was glad she was alone. He would still have to deal with Twilight later on.

It wasn't until Vinyl dragged him into a particularly familiar hall way that he realized she was heading to his old room, and with a bang of magic flung the doors open before sending him skidding across the floor as she turned back too the door. If the spell she cast on the door last time was any indication of locking the door, the spell she used now was not only barring the only entrance but was also coiling around the walls. In one last ditch effort Hex got up and went hurtling through the room to fly through balcony doors and over the edge.

He was convinced that Vinyl couldn't get a hold of him mid way through whatever spell she was weaving, but once more he felt magic seize him midair and turn him slowly around. His blood ran cold when he saw who it was holding him up. Twilight Sparkle was sitting at a tiny table, sipping tea casually with her horn glowing.

"Good morning Mr. Hex! I'm glad too see you so frisky these days! I would hate if something were to damage my specimen..."

Trotting him back inside and even fixing the door Vinyl was smiling in her special rapist kind of way before hopping on top of him the moment Twilight put him down.

"Get outta there Hex, you're only making it worse.

"I am a potato. You must peel me to feast upon my innards."

"Do they call themselves potatoes while inside the armor?"

"No Twilight we refer to ourselves as canned cocks."

Vinyl finally cracked and started shaking with laughter. After taking off her shades the pony on top of him rested her horn against the orange mirrored visor, and Hex could feel a shiver run up his spine looking into those crimson eyes once more.

"Come on Hex, you owe me. In fact I'm pretty sure you owe me weeks worth of your ass. I nearly choked Twilight to death when I heard you were pronounced dead.... Then I wake up and where's Hex at Twiliy?"

"As Cadence so adequately put it. Off on a blood fueled testosterone adventure to get themselves killed"

"So Shiny is getting plowed by his wife and Durge is currently trying to wrestle a goddess naked. Still doesn't mean I have to get out of the can."

Twilight was smiling again. That fucking crazed smile that made her eyes narrow to pin pricks as she panted against his helmet, misting it over.

"And what makes you think I can't crack that shell open and dissect you like the lovely specimen you are? I'm confident I can notate every facet of your being before you expire."

"Go ahead Sparky, destroy alien technology of the likes you've never seen before and probably will never see again. Moon butt already did, and that suit was an antique. Never to be produced again, with zero chance of you ponies coming across another like it!"

"Princess Celestia already collected other types of suits Specimen!"

"And how the fuck does she know which is which Sparky? Does she turn human every now then to touch herself with our wiggly fingers?"

The poor thing turned beet red at that last comment, and Vinyl only sighed deeply before looking into his helmet and taking a long, slow lick from the bottom to the top, leaving a trail of drool along the way.

"The point is you still owe us Hex. Both of us. All I'm saying is I want my payback in the form of your meat stick and Twiliy wants to watch because you promised her she could experiment on you. What's the harm?"

"I have a feeling you are going to do awful things to me Vinyl, awful, terrible things.... Am I supposed to forget what happened to Durge and Shiny? Besides I don't want to have sex in front of a virgin. It's just creepy."

So maybe it wasn't a good idea to get the protegee of Celestia all riled up, and it never failed to amaze him how a woman can go from one emotion to another at the toss of a dime. Sparky was now beet red with anger at that last comment, as her horn started glowing the suit integrity sensor started going haywire with a single crack running down the length of his helmet. The purple unicorns front hooves were stamping on his helmet as the metal of his suit groaned under the pressure.

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN YOU DIRTY BASTARD! GET OUT OF THAT SUIT!"

"PROVE IT EGG HEAD! I DOUBT YOU'VE EVEN SEEN A COCK EXCEPT IN A DIRTY BOOK!"

A snap sounded behind the girls, and with it went a bit of Twilight's magic, giving him a chance to see who had teleported into the room with them. It was Shiny, his armor nearly torn off of his body and his breath coming in ragged pants as he looked at the scene in front of him.

"TWILIY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"BRO HELP! SHE'S TRYING TO DISSECT ME WHILE VINYL'S TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

A pink snap followed, and there was Cadence, her hair frizzing out everywhere and her tiara hanging from her horn in a cock eyed way. What followed was a series of flashes as Shining avoided being plowed into the ground once more and managed to get to Hex before flashing them away.

They landed with a thud inside a very dark room, and on the gigantic bed was Durge. It was the first time Hex had ever seen the man afraid, and judging by the straps tying his arms and legs down he wasn't in the least surprised. Both men moved to untie their fellow soldier when a bang from the bathroom announced the arrival of Luna.

"ARE YOU READY FOR OUR WRATH MORTAL?!"

Moon butt was floating a whip next to her head, and was as far as he could tell dressed up in some kind of leather outfit with a mask over her eyes. Shiny flung his front hooves over both their shoulders and teleported them away. They all landed in awkward ways as darkness surrounded them, and with one last spell Shiny managed to produce enough light for them to see.

It was Twilight's basement, and after frantically getting out of his suit and diving onto the pile of neatly folded cloths he tossed Durge a pair of everything as both men dressed.

"What the fuck man! What the fuck is wrong with the fucking ponies!"

"I don't know Durge! But we have to bail! They will find us here eventually... Shiny! What's the plan?! Where are we going from here?"

The captain was barely coherent as he wobbled around and tried to make it to the door, nearly falling off the stairs as he panted.

"I can't.... teleport us.... I... I don't have anything left."

"FUCK ME RUNNING! HEX YOU HAVE TO HAVE A FUCKING HIDING PLACE!

Things were spiraling out of control. Durge looked like he was on the verge of outright panic and Shiny could barely walk, so with a grunt he slung the captain over his shoulders and made his way out of the basement with Durge on his heels. Outside they looked around in a panic for anything that might serve as a hiding place until the heat died down but nothing looked familiar, just a bunch of random houses he had never seen or been in.

Out of the corner of his eyes a green flash caught his attention, and a mint green unicorn was flagging them down and ushering them into her house. Throwing caution to the wind they peddled towards sanctuary as the tell tale snaps of teleporting sounded not far behind them. The mint green pony was looking curiously behind them, as if nothing was out of the ordinary having two humans toting around the captain of the guards was just a normal occurrence.

Kicking Durge into a small closet and piling Shiny and himself in all three of them fought to control their breathing, the sounds of familiar voices sounding just a few feet away.

Good morning Lyra! I was wondering if you've seen those crazy creatures that have been running about these past few weeks... The royal sisters would like a word with them. Also I've got a bone to pick with one of them myself."

"I did see them a few minuets ago Twilight! They were running towards the market but it looked like they were carrying your brother between them."

"Yep. Shining seems to be under the wrong impression so I'd like to clear a few thing up with him as well. It looks like those silly creatures have convinced him of something."

"What would that be Twilight?"

"Its nothing really, just a silly little rumor. Thanks for the help Lyra! Come find me if you catch wind of them again!"

The three of them let out an audible sigh when they heard the door close, and like an overflowing container flooded out of the closet once the door was opened. It was a cream colored pony with candies stamped on her flanks that had let them out, and it was currently looking at the green one with worry written over her face.

"Lyra... are you sure it was a good idea to hide them here... I mean... it was the royal sisters looking for them."

"It's fine Bonbon! They won't go bucking doors down for them and I think the poor fellows need a bit of a break. Look at Shining! I bet Cadence has been riding him like a bad pony ever since laying hooves on him!"

Shiny looked like hammered dog shit to be more precise, Durge looked like he was traumatized from whatever Moon butt was planning on doing with him and Shiny had caught his own sister partially on top of him with Vinyl. Yeah, they needed a break from crazy in a bad way.

After helping Shiny over to the rug he simply flopped over in exhaustion, Bonbon pulling a blanket out of the closet to drape over the captain as Hex sat down hard on the couch with Durge taking the single squishy chair. The girls had pulled a blanket out for each of them, and as Hex took a deep breath he looked over at Lyra who was looking up at him with excitement glinting from her golden eyes.

"As much as I appreciate helping us escape and billeting us in your house why exactly did you risk getting in trouble for us?"

The unicorn only prodded at his left hand in wonder, manipulating his digits gently before placing it over her head with a smile of utter contentment that left him wondering if this pony was honestly all there. Bonbon hoped up on the other side of the couch and sighed.

"Lyra's been obsessed with you critters ever since Celestia announced your arrival here. She's been pumping Vinyl for information when she got back to ponyville but I have to say... You're an ass for putting that poor girl through that."

Hex should have expected such a remark considering he felt like an ass himself. Gently caressing and messaging Lyra's ears and head he smiled gently at the way she squirmed and groaned under the attention.

"You're right Bonbon, I'll be paying Vinyl back for hurting her feelings soon enough. It's how I'm going to be paying her that worries me."

"Well... at least you know you've got some owning up to do... Would you please stop molesting Lyra though? It's really weird."

"Sweet... Celestia.... You gotta try this Bonbon! He could put Lotus and Aloe out of business..."

Sighing once more Bonbon wriggled closer and used Lyra as an improvised pillow, and after cocking an eyebrow at the two of them Hex leaned his head back and relaxed for the first time in weeks. He didn't have to worry about zerg gutting him in the woods, or crazed mares, or Cadence, Celestia, or Luna trying to concoct some equally insane method of punishment from himself or his other two partners in crime. As the sounds of even breathing and sleep settled over them all Hex felt himself drift away into the comforting embrace of blackness. He would deal with everything after a much needed nap.