Chapters Throughout the world there are people that when someone sees them they just stop and think ‘Oh my god that guy is amazing I just HAVE to hang with him!’
I am not one of those people.
I’m one of the people look at and think’When the hell did he get here?’
Now would probably be a good time to explain my looks to whoever/whatever the hell is reading this. I’m a guy, about 5’10 and 165 pounds, with pale skin, black hair and dark brown eyes. Names S, though you’ll probably stop caring about this and forget it. Asshole.
I lived a bland life with nothing to important happening to me, no major deaths in the family, no heart wrenching break-ups, no life changing injures and no crappy job to complain about. I had a small one rom apartment. And by that I mean their was one large room and a bathroom the size of a phone booth. The whole place smelled like cabbage no matter what I did, it fucking sucked. But hey, it was mine and I loved it.
My life lacked a certain flare that others had, the only thing that kept me from jumping off a bridge was my love of sculpting. I just loved the feel of clay between my fingers, taking a shapeless blob and making something wonderful. People said I sucked but they were just blind to my art.
Then one of my many acquaintances showed me a certain cartoon about colorful equines.
So your probably thinking, ‘Okay so this jerk just made me read seven paragraphs about himself and bored the hell out of me, just to go with the whole ‘life sucked till I saw my little pony’ clique'? Lame.’
Well you’re wrong. He introduced it to me and I immediately wanted to tear my eyes out with a rusty spoon that was covered in acid and then poor salt in my gapping sockets.
Dear Athiismo it was terrible. The colors, the puns, Pinkie Pie. Ughh, Pinkie Pie, just hearing her voice made me want to puke. The only thing I liked in the show was that Trixie chick, and even she was still annoying with that whole third person thing. At least I got away after the second episode.
Anyway you’re all wondering when I’m gonna stop complaining and tell you the interesting part, right?
Well that’s right now, assholes.
The sun was shining and the birds were singing and all I wanted was for it to end. God I hate mornings, the only reason that mornings to exist was to annoy the hell out of people like me who hate to wake up early.
Groaning in annoyance I rolled onto my side so as to attempt to hide from the accursed sun and hopefully get more sleep, however my efforts were in vain as my thrice damned alarm went off.
Rubbing my eyes I opened them, and unleashed a manly scream.
Sitting on my microwave which I kept on the dresser near my bed and eating one of my peanut butter cups was some kind of mutant demon goat. It opened its mouth as though to speak but he suddenly found his mouth full with the barrel of my gun.
BAMM!
“Gah!!! Sweet chocolate milk that hurts! Why would you do that? ” He was cut off yet again as I fired yet another bullet into his head. And another. I just kept firing until I emptied my clip. Then I threw my gun at him and tried to run for it, however I found that I couldn’t move five steps from my bed.
“The hell?” I attempted to yell as I struggled to release myself from my invisible bonds, however he somehow locked my jaw as well. The mutant demon goat slithered in front of me with a pissed off look on its face.
“What in my name was THAT for?” the demon thing yelled in my face. “Phft, whatever.” The thing said taking a sip from a glass that I was one hundred percent sure that he didn’t have in his lion like hand before.
“Mphp hmp hmpp mph hmp?” I managed to mumble through my magically sealed jaw.
“Ah,” the thing began to reply as though it could perfectly understand me,”Allow me to introduce myself. I am Discord, spirit of disharmony and god of chaos.” I had the impression that I was supposed to be impressed. I was, and also scared as hell. ”And you, my fine fellow, have been chosen to be dragged into Equestria for no other reason than to amuse me.”
Discord, if that is his real name, made a pose with his hands exposed flailing around wildly with an excited look on his face while confetti fell from nowhere behind him.
“Now,” began my captor,” I was going to be nice and let you pick what form you would appear in Equestria as, since humans can’t survive there, but since you shot me I’m going to do this.”With a snap of his fingers, which I noticed had the look of an eagle’s claw, one of those giant fair wheels appeared behind him.
He skipped over to it before saying,”On this wheel is the silhouette of every Equestria compatible creature you have ever seen, heard of or read about. Whichever it lands on you will be forcefully turned into, given the barest of ideas on how to control that form, have a slight personality change then thrown into my home dimension, doesn’t that sound exciting?”
Without waiting for a response the mad beast spun the wheel make it go round in a blinding display of colors. This display of colors on top of the anxiety I was already feeling made me feel like I was about to have a seizure. ‘I think I’m gonna puke.’ I thought as I helplessly hung in the air. It felt like forever before the wheel slowed to stop on a bright white card.
“And we have a winner!” Discord exclaimed, somehow changing into a game show host attire in less time than it took me to blink. ”You shall now and forever be a, drum roll please,” a drum rolled by, chased by a mini Discord,” Gatomon! Whatever the cotton candy that is! Good bye, and tell sun but hello for me!” And then he snapped his fingers.
And the world went aquamarine.
‘Fuck me with a rusty spoon.’
Having the information that is vital for my survival in my new body forcefully shuved into my head was not pleasant, in fact the whole process of having my body transformed was completely painful. My tailbone expanded, overall body shrank, ears moved and expanded and my eyes widened to an impossible degree. Overall though, the most painful part of my forced transformation was the hair. It busted through my skin like, well I don’t know what it was like but it sure as hell was painful.
I don’t know how long it took me to transform, nor how long or when I fell unconscious but the next thing I knew I was lying on my back in some kind of cottage surrounded by birds and other foresty creatures. And a yellow pony with wings and a pink mane.
And I was in a cage.
A FUCKING CAGE!
“Why the hell am I in a cage?!?!?!” I screamed quietly so as to not alert my captor, but wait a second…”The hell is wrong with my voice?” My voice was higher than it used to be and much softer and feminine. As if it heard me the pony turned around and slowly trotted over to me.
“Oh, it’s so good to see you awake, Mrs. Cat.”
“Oh, it’s great to see you awake, Mrs. Cat.” The yellow pony said in a voice that I could only compare to a mouse in a church, as it approached my cage. The word ‘Mrs.’ caught my attention and I scrambled to inspect my body to try and find a way to deny my possible femininity.
I failed. What I found instead was a pure white body with a long tail (which oddly enough had a gold ring around it) a pair of fluffy ears and some paws covered in large yellow gloves. Gloves which had two inch claws sticking out of theme. Lastly I noted that I was most definitely female.
Mortified, I fell back on my feline behind.
“Oh dear, was I to loud? I’m so sorry, please forgive me! I know I need to control my shouting.” The mare (I think that’s what a female horse, pony? Whatever is called) did what I assumed was supposed to be the pony version of the puppy dog pout as a way to convince me to forgive her for her “shouting” or something like that. However I was too busy focusing on more important endeavors, like having a panic attack over having ones genetic code played with like a cat with a ball of yarn.
In fact I was so focused on this critical discovery that I almost missed the purple unicorn that came barging in.
Key word in that sentence being almost.
She, I got the impression from the hair (Mane?) that ‘she’ had, slammed the door open before yelling, “Fluttershy! Come quick, I need your help!”
“Oh dear, what’s wrong Twilig-“
“No time to explain, come on!” the purple mare, who I could only assume was named ‘Twilig’, grabbed the flamingo maned butterball and ran out the door again, slamming the door on the way out. And left me here. Alone. In a cage. Which I just now noticed had no food or water. And I realized I had no idea how long ago I had eaten last. It felt like forever.
Fuck. That.
“You banana butt, and every one you care about, have just made my shit list. Prepare for my unholy vengeance!” I hissed, despite no one being around to hear my promise of vengeance. Except a small white rabbit that was giving me a glare under the classification of ‘stink eye.’
Well it looks like I just found my dinner.
“Here bunny~ Come here you wascally wabbit, come to Gatomon.” I (tried to) coo. I didn’t question why I didn’t use my actual name, but saying it just felt right. ”I promise I won’t hurt you. I just want to ea- I mean play with you.” For all my coddling and promises that damn white rabbit stayed just out of my reach, mocking me by shaking its furry behind in my face.
I growled, literally, and tried to push the cage door open with no luck. I faced palmed (face pawed? Nah, that just sounds stupid.) when I realized that it was locked. Really, I should have known that it would be locked. I studied the door for a few moments before finding the lock. Deciding to use a move I’ve seen a thousand times in the cartoons I used to watch as a kid, I stuck one of my gloved claws into the lock and tried to pick it despite having no lock picking experience. Needless to say I failed, much to the rabbit’s amusement.
And he had this god damn smug smile on his face as he just stood there.
Taunting me.
As I was fuming, I felt a flash of comprehension as vaguely familiar knowledge came to the front of my mind. And I put on a bloodthirsty grin. Much the rabbit’s bewilderment.
“Neko Scratch !”
The cage door was shattered like glass by my glove covered paw. My grin stretched wider as I gazed at the site of the, now petrified bunny before pouncing.
---One grisly rabbit dinner later---
“Nayahhh, that sure hit the spot. Hmmm, I didn’t even know I liked rabbit. Or raw food for that matter. Whatever, now what to do.” A yawn escaped my lips and I lightly blushed. No idea why. Looking around I found a clock next to a bird house, the bird hiding inside like all the other animals, declaring that it was about noon. “Nap time!” I decided before searching for a suitable spot to nap at.
Finding a suitable spot on a bed, which I assumed belonged to this ‘Fluttershy’, I curled up and began to nod off. I didn’t question all the actions I’ve been taking that I probably wouldn’t be taking if I were a still human. Hell, I even stopped caring that I had switched genders. All that mattered was taking my nap, and the one that wakes me would face me and all my feline fury.
As it turned out it wouldn’t be one being to face my fury, but six.
They all came barging in, all excited, talking about how they had just managed to defeat someone called ‘Nightmare Moon’, she’s on my list too, and saying that she was much easier to beat than Discord…Wait.
Discord.
Why does that sound familiar? Oh yeah that’s the prick who turned me into a digitalized female feline. And if there saying that they beat him that means that they know him. And if they know him then they know where he is. So maybe they’ll tell me where he is.
I need to send him a fruit basket after all.
I don’t know if he did something to my mind or if I genuinely feel like thanking him for spicing up my life, but I personally don’t care. This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me and I’m loving it. Except the whole ‘girl’ thing, but I’m moving past that. Really.
Maybe I’ll kick him before I give him the basket. Neko Kick him that is.
I watched theme from atop a cross beam as they walked over towards the area my cage had been when I realized I had not bothered to clean the blood from the floor, luckily I had washed my fur before my nap.
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
And there’s the mortified screams. Geez, it’s like these ponies have never seen a dead rabbit.
Ponies…Ponies are herbivores…corpse…riiiigggghhhhhtttttt.
“The buck?!”
“Oh my word…”
“What kind of monster could have done this?”
“A-an-angel?”
Funny thing about my transformation, any time I try to actually think about the fact I was no longer human, my mind drifted onto other things. Like now with the ponies below me.
As the group of pastel ponies gathered around the remains of my meal, I realized I actually felt bad about eating the rabbit as I watched the animal hoarding (there are like, fifty-nine birds alone in the house) pegabitch cry. But only a little, she was a bitch after all. The other five all gathered around the crying mare, saying comforting things to their baling companion.
It made me want to throw up when Pinkie Pie (who I added to my list of ‘people I know the names of’) started to sing a song about getting over death, but remembering your loved ones. The message was nice, but her voice just drove me crazy. As the pink monstrosity sang Twilig used some kind of cleaning ray from her horn top clean the rug.
‘So the horny ones are living vacuums, good to know. And were the hells that music coming from?’ Glancing around I noticed a nondescript radio half hidden in a corner
As the pink pains painful voice stopped, I noticed that the yellow one, Flutter-something-or-other (I’m terrible with names, ok?) seemed to be a little happier. The six talked for a little bit, the flying blue one ranted about how she would find the ‘majorly un-cool son of a timber-wolf that did this and make him pay’. However, the orange one, Applelack, pointed out that whatever had done it (i.e. me) was probable long gone. Not to mention they had no way to track me, or even knew what I was. All with an adorable cowboy accent. I laid down on my cross beam, tail and paw dangling over the sides as I mentally congratulated myself on the perfect crime.
Another thing about my transformation, it doesn’t appear to all be blatantly obvious stuff that I recognize easily. For example, I know I would feel relief about getting away with eating someone’s pet, but now I feel smug about it. Also, I’m not disgusted about eating the rabbit.
“Not necessarily,” Twilig suddenly said,” I just remembered that there was a broken cage in the other room next to where we found Angels b-body.” She stuttered at the word, and all the others cringed while the hoarder started crying again. I suddenly had a sense of dread was over me.
‘And their goes the smugness. Welcome back worry.’
“And your point is, darling?” A snobbish sounding white unicorn with a hideous purple mane asked.
‘God her voice is annoying,’ I thought to myself as I felt the hair on my neck raise at the unpleasantness that is her voice.
“My point is, whatever k-killed Angel was most likely in that cage,” with a slightly green face, the purple mare faced her crying friend” Fluttershy,” so that’s the bitch’s name” what was in that cage?”
As they all turned to face the pony I hated most in the room, I had a sudden thought. I had no clue as to how to go about surviving in this world. No clear idea as to how their monetary system worked, if anyone would hire a talking cat, or even where I really was.
So I came up with a quick plan. Until I could learn how to function in this world, I would have to act like a normal, non-talking cat and hold back on my new powers.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Now I know the plans not perfect, far from it, but it’s all I have. I don’t know if I could trust these ponies, the cage said no, and I’m not about to announce myself to a possibly hostile world.
----line break---
Fluttershy looked at her friends with tear stained eyes. She tried to speak but her throat felt like it was full of cotton. Finally, she managed to mutter, “A cat.”
The other five looked confused at what Fluttershy had said.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up here,” Rainbow Dash said, leaning against the table,” are you saying that you think a little kitty-cat broke out of a cage and ate your rabbit?”
“Um, yes.” Fluttershy responded meekly.
“Bwahaha!” Rainbow Dash laughed heartily, throwing her head back, mirthful tears in her eyes.
“Rainbow! How could you laugh at this terrible tragedy to have befallen our dear Fluttershy?” Rarity scolded her laughing friend.
“Yeah Dashie, that’s like, the meanest most nastiest thing you’ve done in your whole life!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed in her usual dramatic flair.
“Calm down,” Rainbow said, folding her fore hooves, "I just meant the idea of a little kitty cat actual shredding a steal cage is funny! Come on Twilight, back me up!”
The resident librarian slowly nodded while saying,” While the idea of a cat destroying a cage is humorous, you really should not have laughed at her Rainbow Dash.”
“Ya,ya,ya. I’m sorry okay? So where is this cat anyway?” The last was directed to the element of kindness, who looked thoughtful for a moment before moving as if to answer.
As if to answer the question for her a white form dropped from above the six friends onto the table. The cat let out a soft meow before curling into a ball and casting a baleful look at the element bearers before going to sleep.
“Ah guess that answers that.”