Twilight Studies in Anthropology
Lyra Note: Hello Everypony! Winter Song finally decided to let me have my own story. I’m so excited! I will not have any single restriction as to what I writed now! Ironicaly enough we will begin our story with a canon event that was simply too irelevant to make it in A Good Share of Lives instead of a non-canon, alternate ending or delete scene. So you know all about this movie call Equestria Girls right? Well I found a letter Twiligh wrote to Princess Celestia about the events in this alternate universe and I through you would want to see it because why not?
For the newcomers who didn't read any other stories in the Shareverse, honestly I have no idea what you do here if you didn't, keep in mind that this is the Twilight of our universe not the one in the show you all watch, so her opinions about certain things might be a little different (mainly her opinion of Flash Sentry).
Events: Canon
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I want to talk you about the sapient monkey race knowed as humans. When I got into the magical mirror to recuperated my crown. I had the chance to study further this strange alien race. Firstly it is my theory that humans are in the same family than the minotaurs. Since they seem to share semblable traits to them.
But as much as they look like them. Humans are very different from the half bull half ape creature we know. They seem to have a strange sort of magic in their world. They can't cast spell like us but seem to be able to create magical artefacts like that strange box thingy that was storing all sort of informations in the library or their strange vehicules who move without anypony pulling it.
But I think the strangest thing about humans is that they seem to have a fetish for wearing clothes. I never seen a single one of them without it. Of course since I didn't want to attracted their attention on me I was forced to wear some too. Seriously the second day I was dying from the heat outside why would they wear these things in every situations!? I think the worst thing was those boots. Who in their right mind wear boots that large?
Anyway there was also this creepy guy- I think his name was Flash something- who followed me everywhere even when I revealed I was a pony he still wanted to dance with me! As if I wanted to commit xenophilia with this monkey! It was so weird that I tried to think of why he would be so interest on me. At first I through it was to get revenge on his ex filly girlfriend, but then when all was done and over. He acted as if he never even saw her! What a jerk, at the end I think he just wanted to go under my tail. Too bad for him I will never see him again, good thing too. I shudder at the idea of just seeing his face again.
The worse thing was that I was thinking of a way to get rid of him while I get the crown back and you know how I tend to zone out when I think a lot. So my friends counterparts began to think I had a crush on him. Seriously? I think these apes overestimate their physical appearance because that guy had nothing attractive at all! That may not be helped by the fact that I'm only attracted by females but my point is still there!
But I was still force to dance with him because of Rarity who didn't stop to harass me to go with him because I would 'miss the chance of a lifetime to be with the popular guy' So I tried to dance with the most horrible moves I could come with and you know what? Instead of being embarassed like I wanted him to, he began to dance with me!
But I think the thing I hate the most about this place was Sunset Shimmer. This magnificent, sexy, drop dead gorgeous, powerful. Bucking bitch who bullied everypony just because she think she can. I don't even know why she through she had a chance against me, she had no real power at all over the school, no followers apart from Snips and Snail. But how can you make anything threatening about you with these two in your team? She didn’t have magic in her human form and didn’t even have more fighting skill than me.
The only thing she had was the power of blackmail. But then again how can you even hope to have any power over an entire school with only that? The response is simple. Have a school full of retarded monkey teenagers who don’t know any better. If she tried what she did in your School For Gifted Unicorns she would have been provoked in a magic duel and would have eat the dust before she could even yell ‘Draw’
And I’m very happy I stayed in this world only three days because I think this human body began to make your ex student braindead. She through she could conquer Equestria with an army of human teenagers. I mean seriously? If we can survive against Nigthmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Muerto Titiritero and the Soul Reapers. I think we can easily stop some magicless teens.
I'm sick and tired of these apes. So please if another one of your mysterious students we never heard before come to capture an important artifact (which wasn't suppose to work in the first place without the other elements I want to add) Please lift your giant cake-eating plot and go save it yourself!
Your fair Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Here Spike, I just wanted to add that Twilight totally lied about not being attracted to humans. She totally had the hots for Sunset Shimmer. I think she have a thing for rivals because she also had a crush on Trixie Lulamoon a few years ago.
P.P.S I think you should come take Twilight in your castle for the night. She got drunk in a random salt bar in Canterlot for her birthday and I don’t think she can make it to the library.
Lyra note: Hello there! Remember when Dream was wondering what would have happen to Winter Song if he hadn't met the ponies he did? Well it's got me thinking and here is what I came up with.
Events: Alternate Ending
Alone.
As sad as it is to say the word explain my life wonderfully. I had been alone as far as I can think. The only thing I remember is waking up in some woods with damaged trees. I expected somepony would have come search for a lost three year old filly with amnesia, but no one came.
I tried to go to a few orphanages but they didn't have a place for foreign filly who could only speak prench. The Equestrian foals took priorities and I wasn't consider one even through I didn't belong anywhere else.
So since society wouldn't help me I decided I would help myself at their expenses.
I trotted in the streets of Manehattan I had choose this place to live since I would blend in more easily than in small towns or in a city full of snobs like Canterlot.
In a city like this nopony care about a homeless little filly wandering the streets and it was perfect for me.
When I round the corner I noticed a fat Earth Pony stallion sitting in one of the many tables of a restaurant. His coat looked as if he had run a marathon with how much sweat there was and his long brown mane covered his eyes so much that I was wondering if he could see at all.
In front of him stood five carrotdogs with some hay fries. I grin triumphantly this was just perfect. I clear my throat and used the trick that made me infamous in all Manehattan.
"Hush now, quiet now.
It's time lay your sleepy head."
The fat stallion look around in confusion as he search for who would sing a lullaby in the middle of the city. His eyes open wide as he realise what was happening. "The Singing Thief!..." Before he could say anything else he fell head first on the groud snoring loudly.
"Hush now, quiet now.
It's time to go to bed.
I looked at the unconscious stallion and smirk. "Sa marche a chaque fois"
Seeing that the way between 'free' food and me was clear I quickly trot to the table and took two carrotdogs. But you see the problem with being a pony is that hooves make sneaking a very difficult task.
"Stop right there criminal scum! In the name of Celestia you're under arrest!" Oh hay, a guard was galloping in my direction with a furious glare. Sigh can't a girl have lunch in peace without having to deal with these incompetent idiots?
I took the carrotdogs in my mouth and ran for it. Now I hear you asking why don't you fly and get rid of the guy instead?
Simple really even through most of the guards in Manehattan are Earth Ponies for obvious reasons. The guards in Equestria are still mostly made of Pegasi, even in a large city of Earth Ponies there still four or five Pegasus guards ready to spot flying criminals like me.
So it's a better idea to lose them in the city where I can easily get out of the guard's sight. "You won't get me old man!" I cried with a laugh, well to him it must have sound something like 'yom woh get mm ol' man' what with my lunch muffling my words. I took a turn in a alley and jumped in a large trash bin before closing it behind me.
The guard look around the alley in confusion. "Where did she go?" He ask to himself. I hold my breath as he approach my hidding spot but luckily he shrugged and decide to go see somewhere else.
When he finally left the alley I sigh in relief. I much prefer not having to fight him, being know as a thief is bad enough I don't need to add assault on a guard on that list.
I slip out of the trash bin and eat up my well earned lunch. Fortunately I won't have to steal for a while. The advantage of being born in a herbivorous species is that you can eat grass. Something that grow absolutely everywhere. But let just say that surviving on grass all your life isn't the most attractive solution.
I left the alley and made my way 'home' that is if you can consider a old rotting building that been abandoned for years a home.
It wasn't much but nopony bothered me here the guards are too stupid to think somepony live here and most civilians don't care about a filly that steal food as long as it isn't their food.
So I close my eyes and found sleep. Some nights I can hear a stallion crying in my dreams I never understood why and I don't care. Hopefully this night I will dream of living in a castle or something.
It was a week after my little adventure in Manehattan. I pass the last few days out of the city and wandered aimlessly around my favorite meadow. I always like to go there because I feel like I'm the only pony in Equis in that place.
I learned the hard way that ponies don't care about you if you're foreign. So I teach myself to never trust anypony but me. All these lessons of friendship and harmony is just there to make them believe they're good ponies. I am not a good pony but at least I know it.
Anyway that day I decided to return in the city for one of my weekly hunt for food that actually tast good. I look around unfortunately it seem most ponies seem to have decided that eating outside wasn't safe anymore.
Some laughs caught my attention I saw six friends talking and laughing as if they had the best time of their life. I roll my eyes, typical mares from outside the city. A purple Unicorn in the group was wearing a saddlebag with books. But not just any books, it was fantasy and science-fiction stories, my favorite kind!
I need to have these books. The only problem with that is that my singing can put a pony or two to sleep but I would never be able to make six ponies unconscious.
I decided to silently follow the mares and wait for a opening. Unfortunately fate seemed to be against me today. "I finally got you Singing Thief!" A gruff voice exclaimed behind me. The mares stopped and look at the scenes behind them while I check who my 'friend' was.
Unsurpisingly he looked like every single royal guard in Equestria. But he had a bone sticking out of his forehead. Horseapple why did it have to be a Unicorn? But I didn't have time to dwell on that, I just hope I won't be interupted.
"Hush now, quiet now.
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now.
It's time to go to bed!"
I finish my song expecting to see a guard on the ground but instead he was still there smirking at me. "I have put a silencing spell around me, as soon as the magic detect a girlish voice I'm temporarily deaf." Did I tell you that I hate Unicorns? Because I do.
I open my wings ready to take off. "Oh no you don't!" My eyes widden as the guards threw a magic beam at me I tried to raise a ice barrier. But when the beam hit it, the barrier was still too weak and the magic effortlessly tore through it before throwing me on a wall.
The last thing I remember was five concerned gasps and the screaming of a protective butter yellow mare before all turn black.
It felt warm, I don't know where I was but I was surounded by something soft and warm and where I was laying was a lot more plush than anything I remember laying on except maybe a cloud.
I blink my eyes open and as soon as I did so I was attacked by an unforgiving headache. I look around the room I was in, the room was lit up by the light of the sun. I was laying in a Queen size bed with a purple blanket.
"I see you're awake." A feminine voice interupt my inspection. I lift my head to see who was the intruder and realised it was the purple Alicorn I had mistook for a simple Unicorn.
"Who are you and where are we?" I ask resisting the urge to fly out of the window.
"I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle but you can simply call me Twilight. As for where you are we're in Canterlot's castle."
I look down at that. "Oh, so that it uh? I'm going to the dungeon, I alway knew it would finish like this but I didn't think it would be so soon."
We were interupted by somepony knocking on the door. "The Princess want to see the filly." The familiar gruff voice of a royal guard said.
I sigh and open the door. The walk in the castle hall last an eternity. I gulp when we arrived in front of two imposing golden door.
Inside the throne room there she was. I couldn't tell why but just looking at her I could see a endless amount of wisdom and compassion, as if she was the mother of the entire pony species. I never had a mom but if I had one I think she would have look like Celestia.
"What is your name my little pony?" She ask with her regal voice.
"I never bothered to choose one." I replied meekly. Why I am acting like this? I imagined this scene thousands of time in my life. Each time pointing how flawed was her kingdom before she threw me in the dungeon. And now that it was happening for real I act like a foal that been caught stealing in the cookie jar!
"Oh... I see." She replied sadly. Why is she so sad about that? What the point of a name when nopony talk to you? Some ponies are too sentimental.
"Twilight and her friend wanted to assist to your trial but I want to ask you first." She said after a short pause.
"I don't mind." I replied in a almost whisper. The door was surounded by a golden aura before the door open letting the six mares enter in the room.
They didn't say a word but they look at me with... What was it called? Oh yeah! I think it call concern, I'm not really used to have that expression direct at me. Usually it's more along the line of anger from the ponies I once stole from.
"The filly nicknamed Singing Thief is accused of forcefully putting ponies to sleep, stealing food and books and resisting arrest on multiple occasion." I just hope my stay in the dungeon won't be too long. Even if the outside world is a harsh place I much prefer having my freedom.
"For her crimes she is to be put in Ponyville orphanage, under the supervision of Princess Twilight Sparkle and miss Fluttershy." Wait what? For a reason or another the six mares didn't seem surpised about the verdict.
Twilight approach me with glee and when she open her mouth I knew why. "Oh my gosh I can't believe it. A real to Celestia elementalist coming to live in Ponyville, I can't wait to learn every single little details about you!"
My eyes widden in horror. What did I get myself into?
