Fjord the warrior Goes to Equestria (AKA: Hell)

I looked at her. I blinked. She was still standing at the top of the stairs. "I would rather not." I said.
"Why?" She asked.
"Because, Lets face it; This conversation will only end up just like the one I had with your sister. Trust me, neither of us want to have that talk." I said.
"I doubt it." She said. " I think you're hiding something, and I want to know what."
She narrowed her eyes as she said this, but I didn't flinch. she couldn't read my mind... Could she? Whatever the risk, I wasn't willing to take it. It was time to do the one thing I hoped to never, ever, EVER do in my lifetime or any afterwards: Kiss up to authority. "Well, I honestly have nothing to hide, And even if I did, Surely you, with the power over dreams and thoughts, would know of it, oh beautiful mistress of the night." I almost gagged at that last part, but managed to keep a straight face. Also, Luna's expression turned into one of surprise, and she blushed ever so slightly. I swear to any god that will listen, if she falls in love with me, I'm going to hang myself. I would rather chop my nuts off than become another Fanfiction stereotype. I mean, I might be a tro- er, an antagonist, but I'm not willing to give up my self-respect just for a plan that might not even work.
"Well, as true as that may be, I'm still not completely cleared of my suspicions of you. I'll be watching you."
I managed a strained smile, and said "I'm sure you will." and closed the basement door.
The next day came, and I was PISSED. Apparently, Twilight wanted to conduct some experiments on me, and I really wanted to tell her to get bent, but I had to do them with a smile, as strained as it was.
"This won't hurt a bit!" she said cheerfully, hooking me up to some... thing, like a big box of gears and Tesla coils. whatever it was, I doubted it was safe.
"what exactly have you hooked me up to?" I asked.
"Oh, just something to test your Metarealistic powers. Nothing big."
"Meta what now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"She's testing to see if you got the same abilities as Pinkie Pie." Said a rather bored Applejack.
"Why would I have anything in common with that pink, bouncing... whatever it is!?" I asked angrily.
Twilight looked at the ground, shuffling her forehooves. "you kinda did randomly appear in a forest, spawn weaponry, and mention an 'internet', kinda like Pinkie. I only assumed was all." She said timidly.
I sighed. I guessed a few shocks wouldn't hurt. Oh, how wrong I was.
"I regret agreeing to this!" I screamed as I was hit with near-lethal amounts of electricity. for about five minutes, I sat convulsing and spasming. After the most painful experience of my life, I glared at Twilight. "WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF ELEMENTAL?" I shouted.
"Sorry." Twilight said sarcastically as a paper came out of the machine I was wired to. Twilight grabbed the paper while Applejack unhooked me from the electric chair.
"No more experiments." I said angrily.
"Weird, you came up both positive and negative." Twilight said.
"Let me see." I said as I snatched the paper from her telekinetic grasp. Needless to say, I lol'd; for upon the paper I now held was a giant troll face.
"What's so funny?" Twilight asked.
"The paper has trolled you." I said as showed them the paper. This time they saw the face in the data.
"It's just a face." Apple jack said.
I laughed even harder. They didn't know of the troll face, this is rich.
"Nevermind," I said. "Are there anymore tests today? Or are you not bringing out the anal probe?"
"No, I think I've got what I want." she said.
"Good..." I sighed. Maybe the rest of the day wasn't going to be a fiasco. Unless an invasion happened. that would be bad. But there was no way an invasion was going to happen today. Absolutely not. No way in hell.
...
("I'M WAITING!")