The Life Of D-Pad: Unlikely Heroes(Cancelled)

Augh…oh my God…oh my head hurts…ugh…wait…my head hurts…MY HEAD HURTS!!! OH GOD YES! MY HEAD HURTS!! AHAHAHAHA-OOOW!! I shake Nikolas a couple of times.

“No…no more…I do not need more cows…” He grumbles.

“Nik! Wake up! Were alive!” I shout to him.

“Oh, hey Adam. We are alive? That’s good.” He yawns, lying back in his seat.

…wait for it…3…2…1…

Nikolas springs awake. “We made it?!” He shouts. “We lived!?” He opens the door and steps outside. “Hah! HAHAAHAH! WE ARE ALIVE!” He begins dancing like a fool. I hop out and join him. We lock arms and start cheering and hollering.

“I’ve never felt so glad to be alive!” I say, dropping to the ground. I begin kissing the grass and dirt. I then begin kissing a warm red liquid. I can tell that the liquid is blood. A cold chill rolls down my spine. I have the most ungodly urge to start lapping up the blood. I shake my head and begin looking for the source. I look at the front of the…oh no.

There is a small grey horse lying down in front of the car. It is halfway under the car. It has a couple of open wounds on its body. It seems to still be alive, but unconscious.

“Nik! We need some kind of wrap right now! I think we almost killed a horse!” I shout.

“What?” He walks over and sees the injured animal. “Oh shit! Hang on! I have a first aid kit in the back seat of my car!” He exclaims, rushing to the rear passage seat.

I carefully pull the horse out from under the car. What the hell…why on God’s green earth does it have a treble clef on its ass? And a purple treble clef at that! I shake my head. Not the time, Adam. Nikolas runs over with a red first aid kit. He begins pulling out cotton and bandages out of the kit. He puts on some latex gloves and begins cleaning the open wounds with a bottle of water he had in the kit. He wraps the horse’s body in gauze bandages, covering all the open wounds.

“Is it going to be okay?” I ask, worried.

“I don’t know…I hope so…I don’t think I could put the little thing out of its misery.” Nikolas replies.

Nikolas goes back to his car and tries to start it. The engine doesn’t even rev up. He gets out of the car.

“Chert voz'mi! The battery must have shorted out.” He says, smacking the hood of his car.

“Nik, lets worry about the car tomorrow. We need to get some sleep.” I say, picking up the small horse.

I look at the bandaged horse in my arms. “I am so sorry, little horsey.”

“Did you just call the horse a horsey?” Nikolas asks.

‘It makes me feel better, okay? So, shaddup!” I reply.

We walk over to a brushy patch of grass. I gently lay the horse down on the ground, and lay down a few feet away from it. Nik lies down near my feet. After a few minutes, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

I am awoken to the sound of rustling of grass and panicked breathing. I open my eyes to see the small grey horse just staring at me in fear. I stand up and the horse begins to back away. She comes to about half my height. It has rather large eyes for being a horse.

I glance up at the sky; the sun has yet to rise. The reddening sky indicates that it’s almost sunrise.

“Hey, you’re awake.” I say, looking back at the horse.

The poor thing begins scrambling backwards in fear. It winces in pain as it steps on it hoof wrong.

“Whoa, careful. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you,” I say, trying to calm it down.

It looks frightened at me. I notice Nik didn’t put away the first aid kit. I walk over to it and open it up. I take out the now half-empty bottle of water. I unscrew the cap off the bottle and bring it over to the horse.

“You must be thirsty as a corn plant in hell.” I joke. “Here…it’s okay, it’s just water.”

It looks at the bottled water and then back to me. It then leans forward grabs the mouth of the bottle with her teeth. She tilts her head back finishes the rest of the bottle. That’s amazing. It seems to grasp the concept of drinking from fluid containers. Astounding.

It puts the bottle down on the ground. It has seemed to calm down, a bit.

“Aaaugh… morning, Adam.”  I hear Nikolas yawn.

He stands up. The horse begins to back away again, frightened by Nik.

“It’s okay.” I say, trying to calm it down. “He’s my friend. He patched you up when you were unconscious.”

The horse looks at its bandaged body. It looks at us in question.

“Our car must have landed on you.” Nikolas guesses. “Your body was in bad shape, so my friend pulled you out from under the car, and I cleaned the wounds and wrapped bandages around you.”

I swear to God the damned thing smiled at us. This horse is amazing…DAMNIT I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT WEEBL SONG!!  “Adam can I talk to you for a minute?” Nikolas asks me. We walk a few feet away from the horse.

“Adam, did you seem to notice that horse seem to be aware of what we were saying to it?” He whispers.

“That, I did notice…this horse is brilliant!” I whisper back.

“How in the hell does it know what we’re saying?” Nikolas asks.

“I don’t know…but this horse it the shiznit.” I reply.

We both walk back to the grey horse. “You are quite the anomaly, little guy.” Nik says, kneeling next to the horse.

The horse looks offended at his remark.

“Looks like “She” didn’t like the little guy comment.” I joke.

She nods at me. Wait…what?

“Did…did you just nod you head in agreement?” I ask the horse.

She nods her head again. Oh…my…God…It understands English.

“Nik! I think it understands our language!” I shout at Nikolas.

“Only one way to find out for certain.” He comments, kneeling down to the horse. “My name is Nikolas Alvang. It is a pleasure to meet you.” He extends his hand in greeting.

The horse places its hoof in Nik’s hand. Nik shakes the horse’s hoof. “Incredible…Simply incredible…” He says, astonished.

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Alvang. My name is Octavia Melody.”

“Nice name.” Nikolas replies.

Well, isn’t she polite…FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…

“NOPE!” I shout as I throw my hands in the air and walk away from Nikolas and Octavia. “NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!! THAT HORSE DID NOT JUST SPEAK!”

“I am a pony, sir.” She corrects me.

“STOP IT! YOU SHOULD NOT BE TALKING, LET ALONE CORRECTING ME!” I shout.

“Quit shouting, Adam. You’re going to scare Octavia.” Nikolas says, walking over to me.

“WHY ARE YOU NOT FLIPPING OUT RIGHT NOW!?!” I shout at Nikolas.

“Adam, there are many of things that could have killed us in the night, and you’re worried about a talking horse.” Nikolas comments.

“Pony.” Octavia corrects him.

“Right, pony.” Nikolas amends.

…this is a bad dream…all a bad dream…I am gonna close my eyes and when I open them, I am gonna be back in bed. I close my eyes, and open them back-oh it’s still there…WHY!?!

“I…IT’S…BUT IT’S…

…

…BORED NOW!”

“Of course you are. Now say hi to Octavia like a normal person.” Nikolas tells me.

“Garlic!” I shout, extending my hand in greeting. Nikolas places his hand on his face.

“Uh…hello?” she replies, shaking my hand with her hoof, eyebrow raised.

“He means hello. Sorry, he’s not quite all there.” He apologizes. “Adam, check if we have a signal so we can call for help. And try to get your internet running. The more means of communication, the better.” He commands me.

“Righto, I’ll get right on it.” I say pulling out my phone.

“Is he always like that?” Octavia asks.

“Only when he wants to be. Trust me. That isn’t the weirdest thing he likes to do.” Nikolas comments.

I open my phone. No signal…Damn it all. I walk back to the car and boot my laptop up. No internet…oh no! My daily dose of cat videos! Only joking…I don’t like cat videos...usually…I walk back to Nikolas, who is currently trying to examine Octavia’s wounds. He is starting to remove the bandages.

“No signal from either device, Nik.” I say to him.

“Chert! Well, we’re just going to have to find another way to communicate.” He says, pulling some of the bandages away.

“Now let’s check to make sure you didn’t get any infections.” He says, examining Octavia’s wounds.

She suddenly screams in pain. Nikolas retracts his hand. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“It’s…it’s okay. The bandage just stung coming off.” She reassures him.

I look around. Wow, it’s very bright considering the sun hasn’t risen yet. Strange…the colors of the trees seem brighter than those in Minnesota. In fact…everything seems a brighter color than Minnesota. Curiouser and Curiouser…what’s that in the sky? Looks like a yellow bird of some kind…it’s getting bigger!

“Hey Nik! What d’you make of that?” I say, pointing at the yellow bird.

He looks up at the bird. “Don’t know…Say is it getting closer?”

“LEAVE MY FILLYFRIEND ALONE YOU BUCKING FREAKSHOWS!!”

“Say what now?” I comment.

WHAM!

I slam into the larger of the two creatures, knocking him to the ground. I hear it whimper in pain. It says something about having someone stop the room from spinning. I pin its head to the ground. I am suddenly tackled off the large creature by the skinnier creature. It pins me against the ground. It stares angrily at me at first, and then looks at me in amazement. A blue aura lifts him up in the air and tosses him into a tree. He begins cringing in pain.

“You doin okay, D-Pad!?” Vinyl shouts to me. The slimmer one of the two creatures is back on his feet. Vinyl lifts up a rock with her magic.

“STOP! STOP! WE COME IN PEACE FOR GOD SAKES!” It shouts.

“D-Pad! Stop it!” Octavia exclaims, grabbing me by the tail.

“Octavia! Those creeps were trying to hurt you!” I shout, trying to move forward.

“I’ll have you know that these creatures bandaged me up after the accident with Miss Sparkle. Mr. Alvang was examining my wounds to make sure they were not infected.” She defends.

“Look…can we just talk about this like gentlemen?” The slimmer creature says.

WHAM!

Miss Rainbow Dash tackles the creature and bucks him in the legs. He begins grabbing his leg with its foreleg.

“Never fear, Rainbow Dash is here!” She says, making a heroic pose while standing on the creature.

“NEED A HUG?!” a new voice bellows.

The larger of the two creatures grabs Rainbow Dash and begins squeezing her tightly. He begins thrashing her about. She begins screaming in pain. The creature then tightens his grip. Rainbow dash tries to scream, but cannot utter a sound.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

A pink aura pulls the big creature away from Rainbow Dash. The creature is now stuck inside a pink ball. Twilight Sparkle walks out from behind us and walks over to the creature.

“UNHAND ME, VILE DEMON TEMPTRESS!” The larger creature shouts.

“Not until you promise me that you will refrain from attacking us.” She replies, calmly.

“…Fine…but only if you promise that you will stop attacking us…” He growls.

The purple aura surrounding me dissipates, and I fall flat on my face. I am pretty sure I deserved that. I pick myself up of the ground and brush myself off.

“Thank you.” I growl at her.

I pick Nikolas up off the ground. He is struggling to stay standing. I offer him my shoulder, to which shakes his hand at me.

“I’ll be fine. Just give me a few minutes to stand on it.” Nikolas says.

I look over at the group of horses. I have never seen such colorful horses in my life. Wait…That white one…is a unicorn…WAIT, WHAT!

“Hang on! Stop the music! Cut!” I shout. “The white horse is a unicorn!”

“Pony.” She corrects me.

“DOESN’T MATTER! STILL UNICORN!” I shout.

“Yeah…don’t you have unicorns where you come from?” She asks.

…when’s the last time I took LSD?

“No, and we don’t have hors-ponies that FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!” I shout, pointing at the blue pony with the rainbow hair.

She looks at me with anger. Yeah? Well, fuck you! You hurt my friend, I hurt you back. And besides this is not ancient Greece, why is there a pegasus here? I look at the purple…winged unicorn…you know what? I am not even surprised anymore.

“Look, I know we could stand here all morning and gibber-jabber, but we really need a phone right now.” I say.

“What’s a phone?” The yellow pony with light yellow bat wings asks.

…well…fuck…

“You guys don’t even know what a phone is?” Nikolas asks.

All of the ponies shake their heads…great…just great…

“Okay, soooooooo…What do we do now?” I ask Nikolas.

“Excuse me, miss…” he begins, talking to the purple one.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

SHE’S A PRINCESS?!?!

“Ok…Do you know somewhere where we can discover where we are? Perhaps an information booth, an archive…hell, even a library?” Nikolas asks her.

“You’re in luck.” She says, smiling. “I happen to be the librarian at the Golden Oaks Library. I’d be glad to help you Mister…”

“Nikolas Alvang.” He replies. “And this big lug over here is…”

“I am Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate(TM)!” I shout proudly, making a heroic pose.

OW! Nikolas just smacked me in the back of the head. Y U DO DIS!?

“My name is Adam Welling, and like the Twinkie, I have a delicious cream filling.” I state proudly. Nikolas facepalms himself. The ponies all raise their eyebrows at me…hehehehehehe…I love messing things up.

“Right…well, you know my name.” The purple one says.

“My name is D-Pad.” The yellow pegasus with bat wings says. “Hey, sorry for jumping to conclusions about you two creatures.”

“Well, no harm done, so were good. Isn’t that right, Adam?”

“Hey, you apologized. It takes balls to do that.” I say.

“Well, you know me as well.” Octavia says.

“Name’s Vinyl Sctatch.” The white unicorn says. “You guys know any good music?”

“You kiddin’? I got stuff you probably never heard of.” I comment.

I look over at the blue pegasus with the rainbow mane. “And what’s your name, miss?”

“Rainbow Dash, and don’t think that just because we know each other’s names doesn’t mean everythings all patched up. I don’t trust you…heck, I don’t even like you. All you need to know is my name and that I am the fastest flier anywhere.” She growls.

“You don’t need to be a bitch about it…” I comment.

She turns and walks away. I go back to the car, put my computer in my book bag, and walk back to the group of ponies. Nikolas grabs a duffle bag from the back seat of his car and walks back to us.

“Lead the way.” Nikolas says.