The Life Of D-Pad: Unlikely Heroes(Cancelled)

…ugh…my head…it feels like my head is being crushed. I open my eyes-OH CELESTIA WHY IS IT SO BRIGHT!? …Ugh…my stomach hurts…actually my entire body hurts…I stand up and look around. I am inside Vinyl’s and Octavia’s house. The clock says 7:30. I walk outside. Ugh, it’s so bright…

“MORNING STARSHINE!” Adam shouts.

Ow...my ears…Everything hurts…I peer through my squinting eyes to see Adam sitting next to the fire pit with a small fire going. He has a couple of pans with various food items to which I presume he is cooking.

“Somebody looks hung-over.” Adam says, motioning for me to come closer.

“Shhhh!” I shush Adam, putting my hoof to his mouth. “You’re loud as Tartarus.”

I get a better look at the food Adam is cooking. There is some eggs, some bread in a cinnamony batter, and a red slab of what I presume is deer meat. Celestia, how can these humans stomach the body of the once living?

“And here’s your order!” He says happily, handing me some fried eggs and a sort of fried cinnamon French toast on a paper plate. As much as I’d like to tell him that I am not sure whether I trust his cooking or not, I am quite hungry. I take a bite out of the eggs, hoping that Adam has some skill at cooking…Wow! This…this is delicious!

“This is surprisingly good.” I comment. “Where’d you learn to cook?”

“My ex-girlfriend taught me some things.” He replies. “I taught myself the rest.”

I take a bite out of the toast. How the Tartarus did he get it taste like chocolate? “Is this your own recipe?” I ask, taking another bite out of the toast.

“Yep. Made it especially for the mornings after drinking parties.” He replies. “My homemade hangover French toast; so good you’ll feel better by lunch.”

I hear the door of Octavia’s and Vinyl’s house open. I look back and see a groggy Octavia and Vinyl.

“What happened last night?” Octavia moans.

You know, I wonder the same thing. What DID happen?

“You gonna finish the rest of that?” Vinyl grumbles, pointing at my eggs.

“Hey, sah good. I’m making more. Two more eggs and toast comin oooooooup!” Adam shouts cheerfully.

Octavia and Vinyl cover their ears. Apparently Adam’s chipper attitude brought out the higher decibels in his voice.

“How are you so happy? Aren’t you hung-over?” Vinyl asks.

“Nope.avi.” Adam replies. “I drank lotsa water and ate some bread last night. Only thing I got is a slight headache.”

“Where’s Nik? Wasn’t he sleeping outside?” Octavia asks.

“He went over to the Golden Oaks Library to get some more studying in.” Adam replies. “He still wants to learn more about this place.”

“So, out of curiousity, how much do you know about this place?” I ask.

“More eggs?” He asks me.

“Yes please!” I reply happily, handing him my plate. Seriously, this guy is a tutor? How is he not a cook?

“Welp, I know the three major areas located relatively close to your town of Ponyville.” He replies. “First, we have Cloudsdale. The city is home to the Weather Factory, where Pegasi manufacture clouds and various other weather instances. The place is inhabited by Pegasi, as they are the only pony that can stand on clouds.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but how does your weather work?” I interrupt.

“Huh? Oh, it just does it by itself. Just like how the sun and moon set and rise by themselves.” He replies. I look at him shock. They just…move by themselves? How? How in Tartarus does that work?

“The second major area is Canterlot.” He continues. “This city is dominated by unicorns. It is a more fancy and regal community. The Royal Castle is located there. The two princesses, of which both are sisters, inhabit the castle in what I presume is a joint monarchy rule.”

“The last major location is the Everfree Forest.” He continues, handing Vinyl and Octavia some toast and eggs. “According to my understanding, it is a forest of unnatural occurrences. The plant-life grows on its own. Animals fend for themselves. The clouds move with anybody moving them. To be honest, it sounds like the place where I came from. It is also considered that the forest is still not fully discovered.”

“Wow…you did some studying.” Octavia says, taking a bite of her toast.

“Actually, I have a question.” Adam says, placing the cooked deer meat on his plate. “Who is this Celestia lady? I came across her name in one of the guidebooks Twilight had.”

…What?! Is he serious? We all give Adam a quizzical look.

“You really don’t know?” Vinyl asks.

“Besides her being the ruler of this land and her being an alicorn, that’s all I know. How does she behave? Does she rule well? What do the people think of her?” Adam asks.

“Well, I’ve met her twice.” I say. “She’s kind and understanding. She stays on top of things. To be honest, I’ve really not seen her enough times to make anything of her behavior. As of her rule, I’ve never been happier. She seems to keep everything in check.”

“Not unexpectant coming from a deity…” Adam says, taking a large bite out of the deer meat.

“Say what now?” I ask.

“ADAM!”

We all look to see Nikolas, Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash heading this way. Twilight does not look too pleased, and Nikolas looks pissed off. Nikolas tosses a scroll over to Adam, to which Adam catches it.

“What’s this?” Adam asks.

“Take a look at it.” Nikolas replies.

Adam unrolls the scroll. “Dear Twilight Sparkle. It has come to my attention that two creatures from a world far from ours have appeared in the land of Equestria. I have learned that they are here because a weather spell that you attempted to cast went awry. While I am not angry or upset about the accident, I do question the motives of these two creatures. I am writing to you to ask that you keep an eye on the creatures and send me letters describing the two.” Adam reads aloud. “It is signed by Princess Celestia.”

“It appears that we have gotten the attention of their queen.” Nikolas says.

“Keeping tabs on us, Miss Sparkle?” Adam asks.

“Only because the princess asked me to.” Twilight responds in a defensive tone.

Adam looked at Nikolas.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Nikolas asks Adam.

“Knowing how messed up my mind is, probably not.” Adam says, with a huge grin on his face.

“If the queen wants to know more about us, then maybe it is best if she met the creatures she is so interested in face to face.” Nikolas states.

“It’s time to pay this monarch a visit.”

You know, as I watch Nikolas almost march through Ponyville with Adam trailing behind, I’m getting the feeling Adam doesn’t share the same bitterness that Nikolas has. Adam is waving to ponies, skipping along merrily. He seems practically oblivious to the fact that they’re heading straight for the royal castle.

“This is a very bad idea…” Twilight mumbles.

“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you decide to spy on us.” Nikolas growls.

Adam begins running ahead with his arms flailing above his head. He begins shouting something about explosions and a guy named Torgue or something. He then starts shouting incoherently.

I lean over to Rainbow Dash. “Psst. Hey Rainbow.” I whisper. She leans over to me. “What?” she whispers back. “Do you think Princess Celestia is in danger?”

We pause as Adam runs back toward us and continues on, still yelling random things.

“I don’t know…” She whispers. “To be honest, I’m not sure which of them I can trust. Nikolas seems okay, but he seems to have some anger issues. Adam is very friendly and kind, but he is so random that I can’t tell what he is going to do next.”

“Hey, what’s going on over there?” Octavia asks, pointing toward a small commotion outside the town hall.

As we walk closer I see a blue pegasus stallion with a light blue mane shouting at a gray pegasus mare with a blonde mane. She is wearing a mail bag and one eye is cocked downward.

“That is the third time today! How can you lose a large package three times in a row?!” The stallion shouts.

“I’m sorry…I’ll try harder.” The mare whimpers with a slight lisp.

“Derpy, you keep telling me that and yet you still lose stuff! I swear, sometimes I wish you were normal!” He exclaims.

The mare hangs her head low. She looks like she is on the verge of tears. The stallion walks away towards an apple cart. Suddenly , I see Adam stomp over to the stallion.

“Excuse me.” Adam says politely.

The stallion turns around. “What do you wa…”

“I’LL PEEL YOUR FLESH OFF AND MAKE PUPPETS FROM YOUR MEAT!!” Adam bellows angrily.

The stallion shouts in fear and jets off into the sky. Adam then walks over to the gray pegasus and starts rubbing her back.

“Hey…it’s okay…” He says calmly.

“…I wish I was normal…” She mumbles.

“What? Normal? Honey, normal is just a word that other peo…other ponies use to describe being boring. Look at me. I am completely out of my mind, and I’ve never been happier!” Adam says. He begins standing on his head and begins singing “row row row your boat”. The gray pegasus begins laughing. “See, that’s bet-OHGOD!” He shouts as he falls over. The gray pegasus laughs hard.

“You’re funny, mister!” She replies, still laughing.

“I WIN!” Adam cheers, throwing up his hands in victory. He walks back over to us. “Official standing: Day has been made.”

“Let’s go. Nikolas is already boarding the train.” Vinyl says, running ahead.

Nikolas begins pounding on the doors of the castle. “Open this door!” he shouts. He begins pounding on the door again.

“Please stop! We don’t need the attention!” Twilight exclaims.

“I don’t think he’s going to listen to you.” Adam comments.

“Do not make me break this door down!” Nikolas yells as he tries as hard as he can to yank the door open.

“Knock it off! She probably is far too busy for company.” Rainbow Dash shouts.

“D-Pad, do something!” Octavia whispers to me.

“Adam, get this door open.” Nikolas commands Adam.

“Nik, this is a bad idea.” Adam replies.

“What are you all doing?” A voice comes from behind us.

I turn to see a royal pegasus guard standing at the bottom of the steps.

“Trying to get in the castle.” Nikolas says.

“Why is this door locked?” Adam asks.

“Oh, sorry about that. There was a meeting with the princesses, and the door was to be locked. I forgot to unlock it. I’ll go get the key.” He says as he trots off.

“There. We don’t need to break the door down.” I say.

Nikolas pulls out the metal thing that Adam called a “gun” and put it up against the lock of the door.

“Nikolas…what are you doing?” Vinyl asks.

BANG!!

WHAT THE BUCK!! Holy shit…the “gun” just lit up, made a loud noise, and blasted the lock apart. What the…what kind of magic is that?! I look around to see all of my friends staring at the “gun”.

“And that is what a magnum is good for.” Nikolas laughs.

“WHAT IN THE BUCK WAS THAT!?!” Rainbow Dash shouts.

“I hate waiting.” Nikolas says, yanking the door open.

“I am so sorry.” Adam apologizes as he walks in with Nikolas. As he walks into the castle, I hear him mumble something about crashing castles.

We all walk into the castle…jeez, I haven’t been here in a long time. I think the last time I was here…I murdered Octavia’s father. There is a large, finely decorated table in the middle of the main hall. On the table is a mountain of papers.

“Well…this is over the top…” Nikolas murmurs.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, VILE CREATURES!!”

About a hundred royal guards swarm the main hall. There are so many guards, that I cannot see the checkered floors. They all have spears and lances pointed at Nikolas and Adam.

“Well would you look at the time, it’s been great, but I have got to turn on the cat!” Adam says running back toward the door.

A bunch of guards block off the entrance. Adam walks backwards nervously. “Th-that’s a big lance there, bud.” He says to one guard.

The guards begin to close in on them.

“Damnit Nik! Why you gotta get us in trouble everywhere we go!” Adam growls at Nikolas.

“Oh come on, I can fix the lock.” Nikolas states.

“You just barged into a royal castle that is heavily guarded, and you’re worried about the lock?!” Adam shouts.

The two begin bickering with one another. They start speaking in languages I don’t know. Nikolas is speaking in a language that fits his accent, and Adam is speaking a whole new language. I hear the word dune-cough from Adam. The two seem to understand what each other is saying.

Goodness! What is all the commotion?”

Princess Celestia is standing at the top of the stairs of the main hall. She is looking down at Nikolas and Adam, who seem to be too interested in their argument to notice her.

“Bozh'yey Materi...” Nikolas gasps, snapping his attention to the princess.

“What…Oh my giddy aunt…” Adam gasps, following Nikolas’s gaze.

The princess gently steps down the stairs. Her royal garb glows in the light of the open door. The guards make a path for her as she approaches Adam and Nikolas. As she comes face to face with the two, I note she stands about the same height as them.

“Ah, Nikolas Alvang…it is quite the pleasure to meet you.” She says, shaking Nikolas hoo…I mean hand.

“Uh…thanks…uh…sorry about the door.” Nikolas replies.

“It’s fine. We can get the door repaired.” She reassures Nikolas. She’s taking the whole barging thing pretty well. She then turns to Adam. “And you must be…”

“Hades, lord of the dead. Hi, how are ya.” Adam says, extending his hand.

Nikolas slaps Adam in the back of the head. Adam yelps in pain.

“My name is Adam Welling, and I am not a choking hazard for children under 3 years of age.” Adam says, bowing.

Nikolas brings his hand to his face. “God damnit Adam…” I hear Nikolas mumble.

“Well, that is an interesting introduction. It is good to meet you.” She replies. “Please follow me. We have much to discuss.”

“So I got angry. I wanted answers for why you we spying on us. And I kind of got mad enough to blast open the lock. So, like I said, I am sorry.”

Everyone is sitting in the study of Princess Celestia. There are a couple of bookshelves and a large table with a map of their world. There is a fireplace alit in the study. I can see a large balcony leading outside that has a telescope on it. I sip on my tea as everyone listens to Nikolas explain what happened.

“Do not worry, you are forgiven. I was actually about to send Twilight a letter asking her to bring you to here.” The princess says.

“Why?! Don’t tell me it was about that big party! I NEVER MET THE WOMAN! SHE SAID SHE WAS OF AGE!” I shout.

Nikolas smacks me in the back of the head again. This time it didn’t hurt. Everyone looks at me like I am crazy…which is not inaccurate.

“Ahem, yes well…” the princess clears her throat. “You all remember what happened yesterday with the dragon.”

There is a murmur between the ponies. Most of the murmur is in agreement.

“Many years ago, before I was ruler of Equestria, a black dragon terrorized the lands of Equestria. It razed crops, buildings, everything. Those who tried to destroy the dragon met a horrifying end. The dragon was eventually captured and imprisoned with a magic seal in a tomb far underground.” The princess explains.

“So…the guy got out…I beat the living hell out of it. Crisis resolved.” I say leaning back against a wall.

“…Crisis not resolved! It’s still out there!” Octavia exclaims.

“Please, let us not rile ourselves up.” The princess says. “Do not worry about the dragon. He has been detained and is to be sealed back in his tomb. I would like to thank you personally for stopping the dragon from destroying Ponyville, Adam. Without you, the dragon would have been strong enough to wipe out more than half of my royal guard.”

I bring my hand up to salute her, realizing too late that my hand was coming up too fast then I wanted. I ended up chopping my forehead, to which I let a small yelp of pain. “WHY DID THAT HAPPEN?!” I shout as I rub my forehead.

Nikolas facepalms himself. “So, we just need to seal him back up?” Nikolas asks.

“It is not as simple as that.” The princess replies. “We could seal him back up, but he would just get out again.”

“How exactly would he get out again?” Octavia asks.

The princess sighs. “Something terrible has happened. Our magic is starting to become unstable. Magic is happening where it shouldn’t, and it’s starting to disappear from where it should be. Because of this, Equestria is in turmoil.”

“What kinda turmoil are we talking about?” Vinyl asks.

“My scouts have been receiving messages from everywhere…there’s been reports of impossible weather patterns,  stories about the dead walking, creatures that have never been seen in Equestria…everything is in chaos.” The princess explains

“The…dead walking?” D-Pad gulps.

“There is more…” The princess continues. “…I am losing my magic…” The ponies in the room gasp. “I am having trouble performing even the simplest tasks, let alone raise the sun. If it gets any worse, Equestria may be plunged into darkness for centuries.”

“Princess, what can we do to help?” I ask.

“Oh no, no you don’t!” Nikolas shouts. “We are not getting involved! I didn’t get accidentally teleported to this realm just to help someone else’s problems!”

“BUT NIIIIIiiiiiIIIIK! They need help!” I reply.

“No, I just want to get out of here with my car. So, if you’ll just…”

I’m afraid it is not possible for you to go back right now…” The princess states. “Even if we had the magic to send you back, it could take weeks to learn the spell to do so. I am afraid you are stuck here for a while.”

“Yeblya!” Nikolas shouts, kicking the bookshelf. A couple of books are knocked to the floor. He shakes his head in anger, sighing. “What’s it going to take to get your magic back?” He growls.

“I understand your frustration, but please try to keep yourself calm.” The princess states. “Now, this whole catastrophe has happened once before. The books say that a unicorn found the artifacts known as the Five Pieces of the Hero. With them he restored magic to its normal state, and became the ruler of Equestria. While there wasn’t a lot of detail on how he was removed from power, it does say that he hid the artifacts in secret. They have never been found to this day.”

“So, dig them up and bring them to you…GOT IT!” I say.

“Like it’s going to be that easy…” Rainbow Dash mumbles.

“Well, there is some good news.” The princess says. “There is evidence that the unicorn may have hidden one of the pieces in the tomb of the dragon.”

“Hah! Want to hide an important item? BURY IT WITH A DRAGON!” Adam shouts.

“Well then, we got our first piece.” Nikolas states. “Let’s go get it.”

“The tomb is located north of Canterlot. There is a large crater in the ground so you shouldn’t miss it. You should be able to the tomb in a few hours.” The princess states.

Nikolas begins walking towards the exit.

“Wait…before you leave, I have one request.” The princess says. “You must not tell anyone that you are looking for.”

“But Princess…” Twilight interrupts.

“No buts, Twilight Sparkle.” The princess says sternly. “The more ponies that know the five pieces exist, the bigger chance that somepony may get seriously hurt.”

“But the Elements of Harmony…” Rainbow Dash comments

"Even if we were to use the Elements of Harmony to try to return Equestria to normal, the results may be unpredictable. It may make the problem worse. I need those pieces to return Equestria to its normal state.”

“Well…no use standing around here when there’s work to be done.” Nikolas says.

Nikolas walks out of the study. “Mr. Alvang! Wait!” Twilight exclaims, rushing after him. The rest of the ponies follow Twilight out. Princess Celestia walks out onto the balcony, to which I sneak out and follow her.  She begins looking out at all of the land. She does this for a few minutes.

“You know, staring off into space for extended periods of time is one of the first signs of ADD.” I joke.

She whips around to face me. “My goodness, you scared me!” she exclaims.

“Sorry bout that. Didn’t mean to.” I say walking over to her. I lean on the balcony rail. Wow…would you look at that view. It looks like something you’d see in a movie. The land is filled with a wide variety of trees, crystal clear lakes, and a cascade of colorful flora and fauna. You know, it reminds me of that time I went to Duluth last summer…Hey, there’s Ponyville! And that city over there in the sky with the hundreds of pegasi flying around must be Cloudsdale.  That large forest over there to the south of Ponyville must be the Everfree Forest. Hey, there’s that group of ponies in the blue suits again, soaring through the late morning sky with a trail of dark clouds and lightning following them.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” The princess comments. “Sometimes I spend hours looking out at the land, forgetting about all my worries.”

“It is quite the sight.” I agree.

We stand there, looking out at the scenery for a minute.

“Goodness, but here I am being rude…Did you wish to ask me something?” She asks.

“No…actually, yes I do.” I admit. “What happened to the other humans?”

She looks at me with a look of befuddlement on her face. “What do you mean? You and your friend are the only two humans Equestria has ever seen.” She responds.

“Princess…I’m not stupid, even though I act like it.” I comment. “Here’s an interesting question for you. If a unicorn knows what a human is, even though there is no way possible that humans have been here, how does an alicorn, let alone a queen not know about it?”

“…you are quite the bright one. You impress me.” She complements me. “Well, it is far too long of a story to explain one day. All that needs to be known is that you were not the first human in Equestria. I am sorry, but for the safety of my kind, I cannot say any more.”

I stand up on the ledge. “Very well…but remember this princess.” I say. “The more you hide from the fears of your past, the harder it is for you to hide from the fears of the future. For there are always worse things to come.

She nods her head. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Auf Wiedersehen!” I bid her farewell as I lean and fall backwards off the ledge.