Losing Air

Rainbow awoke slowly. The pain in her chest was almost as bad as the throbbing in her head. She opened her eyes to a dimly lit room and looked down at herself. She was covered in bandages but was clearly not in a hospital. She sat up on the bed and tried to climb out, but her head span so quickly she was forced to lie down again. The door opened and a purple mare walked into the room. Twilight’s eyes caught Rainbow’s and she could see the unicorn sigh in relief.

“What happened?” Rainbow asked. Twilight shuffled her hooves and looked at the ground.

“I came across you in an alley getting beaten by a bunch of ponies. We went to the hospital where they cleared you of any broken bones.”

Rainbow looked around at the room. “So where am I now?”

“They wanted to keep you overnight, but I asked Celestia if we could come back up to the palace instead. I just...well...I assumed you wouldn’t really want to wake up in a hospital,” the purple mare said, her eyes not quite meeting Rainbow’s.

Rainbow frowned. “Why would you do that for me?” she asked. “I’ve treated you like crap. Hell, I’ve treated everyone like crap,” she said, sighing. “I really don’t know why you bother, Twi.”

“Because you’re my friend,” Twilight said. They locked eyes for a few moments before Rainbow had to look away.

“I'm really sorry, Twilight. For everything,” the pegasus said.

“It’s okay.”

Rainbow looked up at her friend with a fierce look in her eye. “No, it’s not okay. I took your kindness and threw it in your face. Don’t think I didn’t see the way you looked at me after I hit you. I’m disgusting. The girls told me you wouldn’t come out of your room for days, and what did I do to help? Went and got drunk in a bar and tried to forget about it,” Rainbow said, turning her head away in disgust. “Rarity was right, I’m supposed to be the element of loyalty, but I can’t even be there when one of my best friends needs me the most.”

Twilight looked to her friend. “Look, what happened to me...it wasn’t entirely your fault. You were just a...trigger,” she said, once more looking at the ground.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rainbow asked her friend. Twilight shook her head and the two fell into an uncomfortable silence. Rainbow coughed sending another wave of pain through her body. “Ugh. Do we have any painkillers or anything? I feel awful.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Oh, right! Sorry, I was supposed to give these to you as soon as you woke.” The unicorn’s horn started glowing in a wash of purple magic and one of the drawers next the Rainbow’s bed opened. A small bottle of pills flew out and were quickly joined in the air by a glass of water from the table. The cap popped open and two pills were deposited onto Rainbow’s hoof. Once the pegasus had taken the pills Twilight returned them to the drawer. After a few seconds the pegasus sighed in relief.

“Wow, those work fast,” she said, smiling at the feeling.

Twilight grinned. “Yeah, they are pretty strong. Magic fused to make them hit the bloodstream right away. You can have have some more in a few hours once those two wear off.” The unicorn started to walk toward the door when the pegasus’ voice stopped her.

“Wait, why were you out there?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight looked confused. “Huh?”

“In the alley.”

Twilight grimaced. “I was looking for you actually.”

Rainbow frowned. “Me? But...how did you even know I was in Canterlot?” she asked.

“Well, actually, I was kind of going to tell you off,” Twilight said, wincing slightly at how silly it sounded when said out loud. “After talking with Princess Luna, she convinced me that the best thing for me would be to face you and tell you how I felt. I cast a spell to find you and when it wasn’t pointing toward Ponyville I went to investigate.” The purple mare shrugged. “Guess you’re kind of lucky I did. If we had have gotten there any later I think you would have more than just a few bruises.”

“Yeah, Twi, I kinda owe you my life,” Rainbow said, giving her a sad smile.

“Yeah, I guess so. I haven’t really thought about it. So what actually happened? Why were those mares attacking you? Why were you in Canterlot?”

Rainbow motioned for her friend to sit. “I might as well start at the beginning,” she said. Once Twilight was comfortable she started her story. Picking it up after Twilight left her house and going through everything that she could remember happening since - which, to be honest, was less than she liked to admit. Once the pegasus finished her tale Twilight stood and paced around the room.

“So it was just a random attack. Something should really be done about these gangs. You could have been killed,” Twilight said.

“If I had have just given them my money like they wanted they would never have attacked me. Typical Rainbow Dash thought she could get out of there. It’s my fault I’m here,” Rainbow said, shaking her head.

Twilight looked furious. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for those mares actions. They are criminals who prey on the weak and should be-” Twilight stopped with a grimace. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, Twilight, you’re right. The sooner I accept what happened to me the better off I’ll be,” Rainbow said, sighing. “It’s just...hard, you know?”

Twilight’s heart broke as she looked at her friend. There was nothing she could say that would make this any easier so she just reached a hoof over to the bed. Rainbow took it with a smile and the two sat in silence for a while. After a time Rainbow started snoring. Twilight removed her hoof and stood up to leave the sleeping mare in peace.

She was almost out of the room when Rainbow whinnied as if in pain. She quickly turned around to see her friend in the exact position she had been a moment ago. The pills would not have worn off yet so the pegasus should not have been uncomfortable. Twilight shrugged and went to leave again but before she could turn around Rainbow started screaming. The unicorn rushed over to her bed and started to shake the pegasus, but she would not wake. After a few seconds the blue mare stopped screaming and fell back into silence but Twilight could see the tears streaming down her face while she slept.

Twilight remembered Luna’s words from the night before. Your friend needs you, more than you know. Twilight frowned as she realized there was only one way that the princess could have known what was happening to the pegasus. Her dreams. She didn’t want to leave Rainbow but knew there was nothing she could do for her while the pegasus slept. She left the room and set off at a trot to try and find the princess. It was late afternoon so if Luna was not awake yet she would be soon. Twilight arrived at the throne room to find Celestia leaving. The white alicorn smiled down at her student with concern in her eyes.

“Twilight, my faithful student. How is Rainbow Dash?”

Twilight gave her mentor a sad smile. “Physically? She is fine. I am worried about her though. She fell asleep before I left and seemed to be having a nightmare. I tried as hard as I could but couldn’t wake her. I was going to ask Luna if she knew anything. Do you know if she is awake yet?”

Celestia frowned down at her student. “A ponies dreams are a very personal thing, my student. I doubt Luna would part with that information lightly.”

“I understand, Princess, but I wasn’t going to ask her the content. I just wanted to talk with her to see if she could give me anything that would let me help Rainbow Dash.”

Celestia gave her student a shrewd look. “And you believe yourself to be best for this task? Was it not less than a day ago that you would not leave your room due to the pegasus in question? Don’t you think if there is something wrong with Rainbow Dash that it should be left to someone with more skill in that area.”

Twilight set her jaw and looked up at Celestia. “I do, Princess. I know what has happened in the past, but I also know that my friend needs me. If I were to do anything less than try to help her I would never be able to live with myself.”

Celestia gave her a genuine smile. “That sounds like an excellent lesson in friendship, my little pony. If you must see her I believe Luna to be in the castle library.”

Twilight gave a sigh of relief and thanked her mentor. She left quickly in the direction of the library. Although a lot bigger than her treehouse in Ponyville the Canterlot castle library was still considered quite small in academic circles. A majority of the books were stored in the Canterlot public library down in the town to prevent ponies from needing to enter the castle just to find a book. That being said most of the dangerous books were kept in the castle in separate wings. Twilight was well known throughout the castle, from her time spent living in Canterlot, so was given no resistance when she entered the main wing of the library.

She found Luna tucked away at a desk behind the stacks and was about to interrupt the princesses reading when she noticed the alicorn’s eyes. They were nothing but pure white. It reminded Twilight of the descriptions her friends had given her of herself when the elements were channeling through them. She stood awkwardly for a few moments before the princess blinked and shook her head. Her eye’s had returned to their normal green. Luna turned her head to look at the purple unicorn standing nearby with a fearful expression on her face.

“Apologies, Twilight, I am told it is quite an odd sight to look upon me while I am dreamwalking,” the princess said with a small smile.

Twilight shook her head and dropped her gaze from the Princess. “No, Princess, I am the one who should apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

The princess shook her head. “You did not interrupt me. I normally retire to my private quarters before dream walking, but this one called out to me so I took it here. Please, have a seat, Twilight,” Luna said, motioning the chair next to her.

As Twilight sat she noticed the books that had been laid out on the table. At once the unicorn understood. “History books. You’re catching up on everything that has happened since your, um, leave.”

Luna laughed. “Well that is the nicest way I have heard anypony put it so far. Yes, Twilight, I have been coming here for many months to catch up on the history of the world. You would not believe how much everything has changed in a thousand years. I only started after you helped me on Nightmare Night those few months ago. Before then I had tried to resume my duties as normal, but I didn’t realize how much had changed in terms of speech and custom. It was only when you taught me how to carry myself a bit less, shall we say, royally, that I decided it was time for me to catch up. I have been here every day since, reading, while not on my night duties.”

Twilight frowned. “But, Princess, when do you sleep?”

“I don’t,” Luna said. “Although it can be refreshing it is not actually required of alicorns to sleep. You must have noticed Celestia only sleeps for a few hours each night?”

Twilight stood with a stunned expression. She shook her head and said, “To be honest, Princess, I didn’t really see her much while I lived here. I know I was her personal student, and a lot of ponies assume that meant I spent a lot of time with her, but in reality I only saw her for a few minutes each day. I would update her on my progress and she would, if needed, assign me new material.” Twilight looked up at the princess with wide eyes. “I can’t believe you don’t have to sleep though! I would kill to not have to sleep - I could get so much more done each day.”

The princess laughed at Twilight’s excitement. She smiled down at the mare. “All part of being an immortal goddess I guess,” she said with a wink. “But I am sure you did not seek me out to talk of myself. Please, Twilight, what brought you here this evening?”

Twilight sighed and looked down at her hooves. “I’m sorry to have to talk to you about this, Princess, and I know it is very presumptuous of me, but I need to help a friend and I think you can give something that will enable me to do that.”

Luna looked down at Twilight. “Am I to assume that this friend is Rainbow Dash?” The unicorn nodded. Luna continued, “And you want me to tell you of her dreams.” It was not a question.

A pained expression crossed Twilight’s face. She swallowed and looked up into the princesses eye’s. “I won’t ask you to tell me what was happening in them. I know a ponies dreams are the most private of places. But I also know that Rainbow is having nightmares and I need to know if there is anything I can do to help her.”

Luna looked down at the unicorn with an unreadable expression. After a minute of silence she sighed. “I’m sorry, Twilight, but I cannot help you. Rainbow is in a very hard place right now and taking advantage of my power to reveal things that she is not ready to reveal would not help her. In fact I think that kind of betrayal of her trust would be even worse for her. I cannot in good conscience abuse the power that I have over my subjects. Again, I am sorry, Twilight. I know your intentions are pure.”

Twilight nodded, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m sorry for putting you in this position, Princess.”

Luna’s expression softened. “I understand, child. You wish to help a friend and for that I cannot fault you. Just know that if there was anything I could do to help you I would do it in a heartbeat. You and your friends are the reason I am here today so I will stop at nothing to help you. I am trying as I can to ease Rainbow’s pain in her sleep, but I need you to be there to ease it while she is awake.”

Twilight gasped suddenly. “When I came in, you were...”

“In Rainbow’s nightmare, yes,” the princess said with a nod. “She will wake soon, and I know she would appreciate not being alone right now.”

Twilight understood the dismissal and nodded her thanks to the princess. Although disappointed she couldn’t fault Luna for what she had said. To know that the alicorn was doing what she could to help her friend while asleep was a comfort to the unicorn. As she was almost around the corner she heard Luna call out to her.

“Twilight,” Luna said. Twilight stopped and turned her head to look back at the princess. The alicorn looked like she was trying to decide whether or not she should say something to the unicorn. At last looked up at Twilight’s eyes. “Give her something to live for.”

Twilight stood, feeling a tickle in her eyes, as tears once again threatened to spill forth. She nodded at the princess and left.

Rainbow woke again in the night shortly, took some more pills, and fell right back to sleep. Twilight was curled up on the couch in the room. She had slept a little here and there but Rainbow’s nightmares had kept her awake for a lot of the night. She was up to watch the sunrise through a gap in the window and the sight gave her hope that today would be a fresh start for her friend.

The splinter of light projected into the room made it’s way over to the bed and the pegasus stirred. Twilight sat up and watched her friend wake. When the pegasus noticed her audience she blushed slightly.

“Hope I didn’t snore too loud,” she said, forcing a grin.

Twilight smiled at her friend and shook her head. She wished the pegasus had just been snoring. After a deep breath to calm her nerves the unicorn stood from her position on the couch and walked over to sit on the side of the bed. Rainbow looked at her with confusion. Twilight tried to smile but failed.

“I want to tell you what happened to me when I was a filly,” the unicorn said, her voice barely a whisper.

Rainbow’s eyes widened and she sat up in the bed. “Listen, Twi, if you aren’t ready to talk about it, you don’t have to. Don’t do it just because you feel bad for me or something.”

Twilight shook her head. “I want to tell you. I feel like it’s a piece of my life that I’ve kept hidden away for so long it’s gone toxic. I need to tell someone and I feel like you are the only person who will listen,” she said. Twilight suddenly looked Rainbow in the eye. “Actually, what am I thinking? You probably don’t want to hear about it anyway. You have enough on your plate as it is. Just forget about it,” the unicorn said, standing from the bed and beginning to walk away.

“Stop,” Rainbow said. “Twilight, you have done so much for me that I don’t even know how I’m going to start paying you back. Letting you get some peace of mind is literally the least I can do for you. Please, I want to hear it, from you.”

Twilight smiled a sad smile at her friend. She sat back down on the bed and made herself comfortable. “Well, it all started when I first got my cutie mark. You already know that story. You know I was Celestia personal student, but what most don’t know is that that part didn’t come until later. As I was still a filly I had to go to her school to study. Only after I completed the two year course there would I be able to enter under Celestia’s direct tutelage.

“For the first few lessons everything was great. I was learning so much and the teachers were fantastic. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to any of the other fillies as the workload was pretty heavy - I had started halfway through the first semester. Well, like I said, everything was fine - until lunch.” Twilight paused. “Sorry, Rainbow, do you mind if I...” she said, gesturing to the glass of water beside the bed. Rainbow nodded and the unicorn telekinetically lifted the glass. After soothing her throat, and returning the glass to the table, she continued.

“Where was I? Right, lunch. I got to the cafeteria and almost every table was taken. There only seat I could see was one with a bunch of other fillies already sitting that I recognised from my class.” Twilight paused. “Something you should probably know about me that might explain a few things. When I was a filly, while I didn’t have a lot of friends, I wasn’t as antisocial as I was when I first came to Ponyville. I had a few other people, neighbours and such, that I would play with from time to time. I wasn’t Little Miss Friends or anything, but I didn’t shy away from friendship then.

“Anyway, back to the story. I got my lunch tray - mac and cheese, I still remember - and walked over to the table. I didn’t think anything of it and sat down on the seat, and all of a sudden the rest of the fillies stopped talking and looked at me. They all stared at me for a few seconds before looking up to one of the other fillies at the table. Her name was Sunshine.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Sunshine gave me a look that I had never seen a pony give somepony else before. I didn’t know it at the time but that was the first time I had ever seen another pony hate. She looked me in the eye and said, ‘Look who it is, the little princess’ pet. If you don’t get off this table, right now, you’re gonna regret it.’

Twilight looked up at Rainbow. “I was terrified. I had no idea what to do so I just sat there. Sunshine grew angrier by the second but I was just frozen - I couldn’t move at all. That was until Sunshine reared back and spat into my face. I jumped back in surprise and fell off my chair. The other girls started laughing at me and one of them took the opportunity to tip my lunch tray onto me. I ran to the bathroom and cried. After cleaning myself up I went back to class.

“I thought that would be it,” Twilight said with a sad smile. “I thought if I ignored them it would just stop. But Sunshine made it her personal mission to make my life hell. In class they would cast spells on me whenever the teacher wasn’t watching. Small things like electrical jolts and pinches at first. I would usually find my saddlebags filled with water at the end of the day. I started bringing books to school in plastic wrap so they wouldn’t get ruined. Whenever we were in the halls they would trip me, kick me, heck, I even got bitten a few times. I wanted to say something to a teacher but they threatened me. It wasn’t the kind of thing you talked about anyway,” Twilight said, sighing.

The unicorn lay down further onto the bed. “None of the other kids would talk to me. No-one wanted Sunshine to pick on them too so I was pretty much just ignored by everyone else. I got asked by a teacher once and I had to make up a lie saying I didn’t like talking to ponies, and that I preferred it that way.” Twilight shook her head. “I still can’t believe she didn’t realize how poor of an excuse that was. Maybe she didn’t, I really don’t know, but nothing changed.”

Twilight sighed again. “It all came to a head one day when I was eating lunch in the bathroom. That was the only place I could really go to be safe. Until that day. I heard them come in and I knew that they were looking for me because I heard one of them say they saw me come in here. I stood on the toilet, shaking, but when they came to the locked stall they just unlocked it with a spell and pushed the door open.” Tears had begun to pour down Twilight’s face. “They grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and started kicking me. There were about five of them. I can still remember their laughter. Sunshine didn’t laugh though, she just kept kicking, and kicking. I thought I was going to die. The other girls had stopped and were trying to pull Sunshine away from me but she just pushed them away and kept kicking me.

“The last thing I remember is her rearing back to stomp on my head and then I blacked out. I woke up a few days later in the ICU unit of Canterlot hospital. Turns out one of the teachers heard the noise and came in to stop Sunshine. She was expelled immediately, but as none of the other girls were seen attacking me they weren’t punished. Celestia herself came to ask me what had happened but I couldn’t even tell her the truth. I was too scared, I said it was just a one off thing, and the other girls weren’t involved,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “The rest of the girls got off free and I was pulled out of regular classes. I was tutored by a few of the teachers and stayed in the library pretty much the rest of my time there. I rarely saw anyone else.”

Twilight stopped and took another drink of water. “So, that’s about it, I guess. After that I had panic attacks for a while but it passed when it settled in that the bullying had stopped for good. I had even managed to stop thinking about it for the longest time. Especially after I met you girls. I felt like my life had finally come together, you know?” she said, smiling up at her friend.

Rainbow looked on the verge of tears. “But...when I pushed you...I was...oh god...”

Twilight nodded. “It felt like I was in that bathroom again. I never thought I could feel that scared again, but when it happened I just turned into that little filly. I froze up. Once I ran I couldn’t even leave my room. I just kept having panic attacks. Spike was the only one I let in. He was just a baby when this all happened and was still with Celestia at the time, but he did know about my panic attacks. He was really helpful in calming me down.”

Tears were streaming down Rainbow’s face. “Twi, I am so sorry. I can’t even...I...I’m sorry,” the pegasus said.

Twilight gave her friend a smile. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault, bad things happen sometimes and we can’t control them. I know that now. I just freaked out a little is all. You are only the second pony I’ve ever told the whole story to. The first was Luna after she confronted me the other night about the dreams I had been having the past few days. That was when she convinced me to come see you. So I could have a chance to stand up to someone like I never got with Sunshine.”

Twilight smiled. “It came back again when I saw you on the ground getting beaten by those ponies. When I saw what they were doing I could only see myself on the ground in that bathroom.” Twilight took a deep breath. Her mouth was set in a line. “This time I was strong though. I stopped them. I saved you. They won’t hurt any ponies for a long time.”

Twilight jumped as Rainbow threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around the unicorn. While shocked at first she quickly returned the hug and smiled. The two sat that way for a long time until Rainbow finally disentangled herself from her friend.

“Thanks for trusting me, Twi, it...it really means a lot,” Rainbow said, smiling at her friend.

“I should have told you all long ago. I had blocked it out but I hadn’t realized how much it still affected me,” Twilight said with a frown. “It feels really good to tell you though. I’m just sorry it made you feel so bad. I should actually thank you - you doing what you did helped me get passed something I didn’t realize I needed to. So thanks.”

Rainbow shook her head. “I can’t accept your thanks, not for that. I know it helped you but for all the wrong reasons. I’m sorry Twi. I know I keep saying that but it’s true. I’ve been so ready to lash out at other ponies that I’ve not really taken the time to think of the effect it’s having on them,” Rainbow said, frowning. “I want to get better. I want to stop being that pony. Can...can you help me, Twi?” Rainbow said, looking up at her friend hopefully.

Twilight smiled. “Of course you can Rainbow. Come on, let’s go home.”