A Stoner In Equestria

by Fucks Ungiven

First published January 1st, 1970 00:00

Once upon a time there was a stoner. His name is Charlie Scene (not the actor). What the fuck am I doing. So it's a story about Charlie, and his backpack full of weed (deemed Relic) and other miscellaneous things, as he travels threw the ponies world smoking pot and consuming anything in his path. This is gonna be fun.

Chapters

Dancing and Beer
The Fucking Apple

Dancing and Beer
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A Stoner In Equestria

Dancing and Beer

I open my eyes begrudgingly. I look at the clock seeing its 12:30 PM. Before you ask why I'm sleeping so late, here are my reasons. Well for one it's the weekend. So that means I have no school or work. The second reason is well, I'm gonna need all the energy for the amount of partying that's gonna happen tonight.

What kinda party you may ask? No, it's not some stupid house party or even a sophisticated rave. It's a rock concert with the one and only Hollywood Undead. Words can't even describe the amount of excitement my body is forced to go under. I head to the shower in my apartment complex. My apartment is average, so this means that it consist of, one bedroom, one bath, and a kitchen. Why do you even care though. I mean I'm living in it and its not like that's gonna change anytime soon. Right?

POV Switch: The Universe

"MURPHY'S LAW BITCH"

POV Switch: Charlie

I get out of the shower, and throw my towel on the towel rack. I begin to put some fresh clothes on. A black pair of shorts, a black longs sleeve shirt with a white t-shirt with a HU symbol on the front. I leave the bathroom and head to my bedroom so I can start to pack my backpack which I have so rightfully dubbed Relic. Mainly cause its so fucking old yet, practical. Not only that but its been with me since high school, and it has yet to break. After I'm done packing I look over the contents, giving one last run through. A flashlight, an extra set of clothes, a knife, and a few bottles of booze. Not to mention my pride and joy which would get me thrown in prison for 5-10 years. Well maybe not that long, but longer then i would want to stay. If you haven't guessed it's my gallon size ziplock bag that is filled to the brim with weed.

I tear, a special tear, one full of liquid pride fell as I looked upon the mammoth amount of pot. This took a months worth of pay to get the seeds to grow this. Plus stoners around the world can talk about how life came to be for years to come with this much weed, and the type. It could given stoners the capability to talk about what the melanin if life is for years to come.

"Enough admiring" I thought as I shoved the weed in a secret pocket in the bag. My phone rings as I finish up, and it turns out it was my best friend Jeffrie. Jeffrie is, well Jeffrie. Him and I have been threw thick and thin. Just like Relic, I met Jeffrie during my high school years. He is that special kind of someone that you can always have fun, no matter the situation. Get pulled over by the cops, he'll get the cops laughing just enough to let me and him go by without a ticket. So when I won two tickets to my favorite band well I just had to invite his sorry ass. Plus he loves Hollywood Undead just as much as me and it would be a crime to not invite him.

I answer the phone only to for Jeffrie to scream "Hurry the fuck up Charlie we need to get to Jacksonville by 5:00 if we wanna make it to the concert on time, by the way I'm out side your house."

Right when he says that I hear a horn beep out side. I look at the time to see its 3:00, holy fuck where has the time gone. I grab Relic, and run out the door. As you I jump into the passenger side of the Jeffries car to see him beginning to play some music for the ride there. It seems to feel like time slips away as Jeffrie drives the car. I began to think about the concert, which is being held outside at a park.

Drinking. Dancing. Drugs. Screaming, and weed lots of weed.

All of this happened as I rolled the first joint of the evening. Right now it was pretty dull with only this joint to makes things interesting. Then Jeffrie being the brilliant jackass that he is offered to play Dare, and with me being the dumb ass that I am instantly agreed to this. Yeah, none of that truth shit, we're men here. The few rules it had was that you had to do the dare and afterwords you had to drink a beer. First it started off small dares since, neither of us where drunk enough to come up with the brilliance that only drunkin humor can acquire. One such dare was for me to go up to a random girl and ask for prices. my face still hurts from that one. I then countered by daring Jeffrie to start lighting tents on fire. With no people in it of course. At this point we where both pretty inebriated and it was my turn. Silence was prominent with only the beat of the music making itself known. Until that is when Jeffrie was staring at the stage and with one swift sentence he said "I dare you to stage dive off into the crowd." I stared at him in a stupor as what he said had finally sunk into my drunk haze.

"Alright."

And with a swig of beer I began to stumble over to the stage.

So as I began to climb the stage the crowd started booing. No surprise really I would do the same if some drunkin idiot decided to climb the stage. Finally I was there and surprisingly the music was still going strong as I began to get ready to jump. I began to have second thoughts but before I could do anything with those thoughts.

I slipped.

People are moving away.

Staring at the ground.

Processing…

It took a while for my intoxicated brain to realize. No ones gonna catch me, and with this sudden break through. I had just enough time to mutter one last sentence in this world "OH SHIITTT." The cold embrace of the ground met my face as I felt my feet touch the back of my head, and began to black out.

The Fucking Apple
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A Stoner In Equestria

The Fucking Apple

I wake up only to find that my face is firmly smashed against the dirt. Groaning as I get up, I begin to curse the sun as the morning light hits my eyes. Now normally you would see bodies, trash, and a stage after a night like last night. Though, I only see a clear field.

Oh fuck. I've been roofied. Nononono, I DONT WANNA LOSE MY ASS VIRGINITY. Wait a moment, it doesn't feel like I fell down a flight of stairs so I should be good. I hope.

Now let's do a check list to make sure nothing is wrong or missing. My weed, check. My knife, check. My clothes, check. Other then my booze nothing's missing. Well one thing is missing. Where the fuck is that asshole Jeffrie?! I swear if he left to go bang that blonde and left me stuck here, with no way home. I'm going to fucking steal his car and drive it into a lake.

Well I better look for a town to try and bum a ride. Speaking of which. Where is the road that leads to town? Maybe up on that hilltop I can get a better view of the surrounding area. When I reach the top I see to my left there is a forest. Haha NOPE. Along my right I see an apple orchard with a village farther out.

I'm not sure, but it seems medieval, and considering I said village it's pretty small. In the middle of the town there is what looks like the city hall. Which is the most modern since its the only one with metal roofing. Oh god if I've come across a LARPing convention I'll kill my self now.

It seems like the easiest way to the village is through the orchard. God I hope I don't get shot by a redneck farmer for trespassing.

I begin to enter the orchard as I hear my stomach growl. Damn, I wish I had something to eat right now.

*Clunk*

"Son of a bitch." I muttered as I rubbed the back of my head.

Looks like my prayers where answered as I stare at the shiny red apple with minimum bruising despite landing on my head. I'm sure who ever owns this farm won't mind if I eat a fallen apple. As I reach down to the apple I hear.

"Get away from my apples!"

"Whaaaa."

And with a flash of orange I'm lying on my back. Blurry-eyed I look around to see what pelted me only to see an orange horse wearing a Stetson. Wait what?! Only for this odd horse to walk up and with another flash of orange, And the resounding sound of hoof to face. I'm back, to the black void, not conscious of what goes on around me.