What Human?

Mornings. Always the perfect way to pull someone out of their amazing alcoholic-infused dreams and into the sad, lonely world, where said person's corner store job is sitting miles away, just slowly eating at their soul like a pack of hungry preschoolers attacking a box of Lucky Charms, giving the unlucky life a feeling of regret for ever slashing their Algebra teacher's tires during the finals with a thumbtack.

Or at least, that's how I see it.

Luckily enough for me though, I wasn't stuck in a dead end job, where I'd have to be sitting in an empty Blockbuster store, gathering dust like the rest of the merchandise. Sure, being a EMT wasn't the greatest job in the world, but I'd rather try to save lives than my sanity under a rundown, minimum-wage-job-giving building.

Thirty bucks an hour still couldn't get me to look forward to those long, grueling mornings beside that damn awful morning intern. His peppy attitude and very existence drove me an inch closer to ending my life with a box of crackers and a plastic fork. He was one of those guys to get a group of your best buddies to shut up and slowly disband as they looked at each other, hoping one of the group would sacrifice their sanity for the good of theirs.

And now, here I was, delaying my inevitable morning trip to hell and back, with a small moment to ponder life and it's successors. Of course though, life absolutely LOVES to throw loopholes and plot twists your way, just to see you dance and struggle through your regular routines, while it watches the show with accompanying tea and crumpets to follow.

My little burning hoop to jump through happened to take the form of three small alien ponies, who were staring at me with wide eyes before I even got up from what I thought was my bed, in my room.

I had to admit though, these three alien things looked cute, despite their expressions. The three of them were staring at me like a deer in headlights, if said headlights were from a giant monster truck equipped with spiked wheels. The one in the middle of the group I thought was the cutest, with its sandy yellow color with a light red, pinkish head of hair. It even had a big pink bow on its head which led me to believe these were girls, and an odd mix of orange-yellow colored eyes. The one on the left seemed to have sported a horn, and was a bright white color, with light green colored eyes and a light pink and purple colored curled mane. The right one, which seemed to be the most terrified, had light purple eyes with a slightly dark orange body, and a dark purple mane with a slight curl at the top.

After a very long stretching moment of silence, I figured the last thing I'd want to do is mess with any aliens and get abducted by either them or the government, so I thought I could try to make peace, start something so that I could be their wing man in the case of a world domination plan.

I awkwardly waved at them. "Hi,-"

Unfortunately, the left one was very skittish, and shot my eye with a beam of light emitted from her horn before I could say another word. The three closed the door, screamed, and ran away.

"Yeah, that went well." I couldn't help but say.

I stood behind the door a bit before finding a window to open for light. This definitely wasn't my house. It was a tree house.

"An alien? Did you honestly have to wake me up for this? I gotta whole lotta nothing to do today, and I'm late!"

I shut the windows and ducked behind a small table to see the door opened.

"This is how horror movies start, you know that, right?"

I saw a head peek into the room and open the door wider. The figure, which seemed to be another alien pony, walked inside, those three ready behind her, armed with sticks and pots for helmets.

"Are you sure the 'alien' wasn't a raccoon or somethin- nope, there it is."

I felt its eyes locked onto me as I stood up. It flipped a switch I was unaware existed and squinted its eyes.

"Sweet Celestia, that thing is UGLY! Sheesh! Alright, I believe you! I'm going back now, okay? I need to get that disgusting image outta my head."

I growled and saw the pony walk away, leaving the other three to walk up, bunched up in a defensive stance. I just sat there and stared at them, unsure of what they were doing, UNTIL, I got a mouth full of stick.

"Hey! Watch- OW! PBTH! UGH! STO-STOP IT!" I cried.

"Get. Off. OUR. PLANET!!"

"OW! OW! STOOOOOP!" I growled.

I stood up, grabbed one of the flimsy sticks and broke it on my knee. The three glared and backed away cautiously.

"GET OUTTA HERE!" Yellow snapped.

"YEAH, BEAT IT!" Orange added.

"YOU'RE IN OUR CLUBHOUSE!" White cried.

"Sheesh, talk about hospitality! You three alien things wouldn't know manners if it beat you senseless and hung you from a street light!"

"Maybe we'd be nicer if you didn't break into our clubhouse!" White pointed.

"Clubhouse? THAT'S what this crap is?"

"Yeah, and it's OUR clubhouse! Now beat it!"

"I don't even know how I GOT here! Besides, I wouldn't want to stay here even if I knew the place anyways!"

The white one furrowed a brow and tapped her chin with a hoof.

"You know, that IS true."

"WHAT?! Sweetie Belle!? You're SIDING with it!?"

"Actually, I'm a 'he'.""

"Well, yes! It does make sense. Sure, he looks like a hairless monkey, but I'm sure hairless monkeys don't exist in Equestria. Plus, like he said, why would he want to stay HERE?"

"Ah.. ah don't know."

"Yeah, you kinda have a point."

The white one turned to me and dropped the stick from her mouth.

"You're not here to hurt us, are you?"

"Unless you three are pinatas, no." I replied.

The three gave me a blank stare.

"No! Okay! I'm NOT here to hurt you!"

"Told you guys! Rarity always told me to 'Never judge a book by it's cover!'."

Yellow spat her weapon and walked up to me.

"Then what ARE ya here for?"

"Nothing. I just woke up here."

"Sounds like something out of a story for foals." Orange mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.

White walked up to me, smiled, and extended a hoof.

"Whelp, even though we don't know you, we say you're welcome to stay here until you find somewhere else!"

"WHAT?! Shouldn't that be a group decision or something!?"

I knelt down and shook her hoof. She smiled, and the orange one jumped up from the back.

"Wait! Guys, don't you see? We could get a animal rescue, or a alien Cutie Mark from this or something!"

Yellow and White looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces.

"Hey, yeah! I didn't think of that!"

"That's a good idea!"

Yellow turned to me.

"Alright, you can stay! IF, you help us get our Cutie Marks!"

I shrugged and nodded, having no idea what I was agreeing to. Sounded like some satanic, black magic, gypsy stuff.

"Sweet! Well we'll see you up bright and early tomorrow!" Orange chirped.

The others nodded and left. I looked out the window to my far right and saw the moon coming up already.

"It's only been one or two hours?"

I shook my head and left the window to lie down on the ground. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as it was this morning.

"Great, so I'm stuck in an alien world, and agreed to help perform black magic with three tiny ponies. This should be interesting."

This went back to what I was saying about mornings and plot twists. They always happen. Why?

Because life's a bitch.