What Human?

"Psst. Hey. Hey... HEY!"

I jumped up and swung at the air in front of me, nearly missing Orange's muzzle by an inch.

"Woah! Watch it!" she snapped.

I caught my breath and glared at her.

"That's why you DON'T WAKE ME UP!"

"OH, I'LL WAKE YOU UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE!-"

"GIRLS! I mean, girl! And... thing! Knock it off, we're trying to bond here, not hang each other!"

The two of us glared daggers for a second and lowered our appendages to turn to Yellow.

"Alright! You two trying to KILL EACH OTHER aside... good morning."

I stood up, gave a little stretch and rubbed my eyes. From what I was able to see from the window outside, the sun hadn't even come up yet. Not even in my job was I ever woken up this early before. Actually, that's not true. That one incident with the swing... God, that one was horrible. Who knew something from a little kiddie playground could turn you inside out? I've still never been able to see bacon the same way ever again after that.

So, after a few minutes of viewing the explicit images my memory coughed up, I partially discontinued remembering about the whole incident as Yellow continued talking, while I was only able to continue staring at her and nodding, like I actually understood what was coming out of that southern tongue of hers.

"And that's why whales are endangered!" she finished.

I heard sniffing beside me and looked over my left shoulder to see Orange shedding rivers of liquid pride. No, LITERALLY, RIVERS. It was seeping into the floor boards and everything, most likely forcing whatever poor squirrel family that lived down there to lose their dear Aunt Sally.

The three took their gazes to the floor, as if to commit a moment of silence for Willy and his other whale friends that were supposedly endangered now. Meanwhile, I was questioning my sanity with every other second that passed while I stood there, just looking around

Finally, it was White who had to step up and break the silence. "Alright, let's go get some breakfast or something, cause I'm starving!"

Despite it most likely still being four in the morning outside, food sounded a lot better than worshipping whales right about now. I was up and ready to eat about anything I could get at this point at the sound of breakfast. Oh, sweet juicy strips of bacon..

"-And after that, we can play on some swings!"

...I'm not hungry anymore.

+++++

So after a short while of gagging for eh, about fifteen minutes, we took a short trip inside this nearby building that looked like a fancy barn and got into the kitchen. Not wanting to continue the constant nightmare driven bacon issues, I suggested eggs. I was pretty confident in their skills for cooking for some odd reason, but reality seemed to think otherwise, and I regretted my implied feelings within the first five minutes. All in all, it wasn't pretty, unless you believe losing an egg and burning another in the process is considered good cooking, in which case, it must've been beautiful. And now, all I'm doing is standing here, watching Yellow and Orange comfort their now half bald and dripping wet friend. Sure, White had caught on fire and had to be doused with a bucket of water in probably the most terrifying moment of her life, but I've got priorities, and something to eat would be at the top of that list.

"So, does that mean no breakfast?"

The three glared at me.

"What? I'm just asking! Sheesh!"

I still waited for an answer from the three, but got nothing but a bunch of sobbing and a puddle of water and tears that probably flushed out another home of friendly moles living below us.

"Oh, come ON! It's just hair! It'll grow back!.. I think." I pointed.

"If ya want breakfast so bad, why dontcha make it yourself?!" Yellow snapped.

I shrugged, "Alright."

Now, I wasn't a five star cook or anything, but I was pretty sure I could make a few eggs without catching my hair on fire. For the most part. Needless to say, their tools and appliances were exact duplicates of the ones used on Earth, and unless humans once lived here, it drove me to think of what kind of idiot would create tools that were meant for HANDS.

So to get started, I threw a glob of butter in the pan and started melting it. Next came the milk for some fluffiness, then the eggs themselves. I had noticed the environment behind me turned from loud sobbing into an attention grabbing blockbuster film, and the next thing I knew, the three were staring at me, awed at how easily I was making the eggs. The attention got the better of me, and before I knew it, I started to show off my Iron Chef skills, throwing around the ingredients and juggling them around to put them into the pan. I was performing like I was the center of attention at a club, or a rock show or something. I was flipping everything, hearing the occasional 'ooh's and 'aah's as I made what I now thought to be some sort of decorative poached lobster or something. Many stirs and tosses later, I finally came to create four plates of eggs and toast that were covered in all sorts of spices and things I used for show.

After the plates were done, I put on my best poker face to turn to the three ponies and pretend like I wasn't aware of their observations. The three were smiling, including White, who seemed to have been cheered up by my little display of awesomeness.

"Were you watching the whole thing?" I played stupid.

The three nodded, big grins never leaving their faces.

Orange threw her hooves in the air, "That was awesome! With the WOOSH, and the flipping, and the WOOO!"

"Yeah! That was so cool!" Yellow shouted.

"You should do that again!" White giggled.

I smiled and set the plates down on a nearby oak table, proud of my work.

They jumped onto some Earth-y wooden chairs and started going to town on the dishes. I took a seat and grabbed a fork, where I bit into possibly the greatest display of my cooking ever.

Next thing I knew, a conversation broke out about my world, starting from my fascination  and their curiosity of how well I utilized their tools.

"-Snuggies? That sounds stupid!" Orange blurted.

"Yeah, stupidly comfortable!" I replied.

So the three of us continued having our conversations, laughing and telling entertaining stories to each other long after we  had finished our plates. I enjoyed it a lot, and had soon realized I was actually having a full conversation with three little ponies from another dimension, talking like we knew each other for years.

And I loved every second of it.

Of course, though, life loves to crash your little wine and cheese party when you least expect it.

"Girls, what are ya-...."

From across the room was another pony, as big as the blue one, staring at me. She was orange, with a blond mane and big green eyes to match. She was wearing a brown stetson, had freckles on her cheeks, and was wearing the most confused look I've ever seen since I got here. The three looked at her, then back at me with worried looks.

"Apple Bloom?" she started. "Why is there an alien creature sitting by you?" she asked, eyes never leaving mine.

"I, uh, well, actually.." Yellow stammered.

I put on an innocent smile and waved at freckles there.

"Uh, hi?"