The Trials and Tribulations of Red Sentry
(Week 1)
To be honest, I find this all kind of silly. I mean seriously, who keeps a journal or diary of their lives these days. You only hear about it in theatre and books and only in as so much as a plot or story telling device. In my opinion ponies stopped documenting their lives because they realized how boring they really are, and let’s be honest; nopony wants to be reminded of that. However, here we are. I’m sitting down at this desk, writing in this journal, if for no other reason, than boredom and place to contain all the musings and ramblings that plague me if not exorcised from my mind.
Now going back and re-reading that paragraph, I think I sound like a pretentious ass, but you know what, that’s okay. It’s not like anypony is going to read this anyway. (Oh Celestia, did I seriously just rhyme?) So effectively I can put whatever I want here, and not worry about a thing. If I could draw, I’d maybe even doodle a little bit for the things that can’t be described. Probably best I can’t otherwise these pages would likely be filled with nothing my marefriend’s flanks. Thinking about it though, I don’t know if we'll be together much longer. Not because of relationship issues but distance. We both met in class together at the university, and hit it off well, but unfortunately though this break had been tough on us. She had to return home to Prance, and has considered attending a university there. It would work out better for her and her family, not having to travel as far but it would be a lie if I said I completely support her staying there. I know it’s selfish, but I’d miss her dearly and be really disappointed to see her leave. It’s still kind of up in the air about if she will return, but with nearly a week before classes start again and no definite answer, I can’t help but get the feeling she might be putting the truth off until it can’t be avoided.
Dear Celestia, I’d miss her. How I ended up with her, I have no idea. I’m not exactly the strongest stallion out there. Actually, I’m a bit on the scrawny side of things and it’s not that I’m not strong, I’m just, well, my frame isn’t very large, and as a result, I’m not. I’m not super confident or charming, and I’m certainly not rich or super good looking either. I’m just, me. She on the other hoof, played sports and is beautiful with her long sleek legs. She’s funny, and has a gorgeous yellow mane and alabaster coat that bring out the warm glow of her light brown eyes. The difference between the two of us can even be found in our names. Red Sentry and Fleur D’été. How’s that, huh?
On the topic of names, how does that work? I’ve noticed from a young age, that everypony’s name matches up with who they are or what they do. I wonder sometimes if there isn’t some kind of ancient magic with names. Mine for instance; I understand that I get Red from my red mane. (Thanks for being so imaginative mom and dad.) Sentry however, troubles me. I wasn’t born with my wrench emblazoned shield of a cutie mark as a foal, and it wasn’t like somepony looked into my future and saw that I’d choose to join the Royal Guard. So how did my parents choose Sentry? I’m a pegasus for Luna’s sake! I didn’t get a typical Pegasus name. Sentry doesn't imply anything to do with speed, or the sky. In fact just the opposite, sentries at the castle don’t do any racing or dashing anywhere. Instead, they stand. In place. A lot. It just doesn’t make sense. However, if there is some kind of magic behind the name that influences a ponies decisions and character, that would make more sense. Either that or just being called something makes you want to act more like that which you were just called. I think the magic idea is cooler because if it’s true, I’m naming my foal “Awesome” or something like that.
I’m actually a little scared to return to university. The Royal Guard, kind of has me on educational leave. They needed engineers and my special talents (aren’t I special) are fixing things and defending stuff. Consequently, here I am, and frankly, the classes scare me. Physics, chemistry, all kinds of different levels of math; it’s honestly a bit overwhelming. So far I’m doing decent enough but it keeps getting harder and more complicated, but as long as I don’t fail, I guess I’m doing well enough. Anyway, I think this is enough for a first entry and I feel a bit better now that all this is out. Maybe I’ll come back and write another.
-RS
Well, I didn’t think I’d be back this soon. I finally got a letter from Fleur D’été today. Now I wish I hadn’t. Turns out she’s decided to stay over there. Said she’s sorry and wishes it could have worked out differently, but that doesn’t exactly change anything. The fact remains that she’s staying there. Also as clichéd as it may be, it’s kind of comforting that it rained today. I think I’m going to go lie down and wallow for a little bit, but after that, I’m going to move on. After all, the sun has to come out sometime.
-RS
The Trials and Tribulations of Red Sentry
Weeks 2-3
Well, I wasn’t so sure I’d be back, but here I am. I can’t believe it’s only been two weeks. Feels like nearly a month ago the last time I wrote in here. I guess a recap of everything that has occurred since then is kind of necessary.
Fleur and I have written back and forth a little since we’ve returned to our respective universities. She’s doing well, and I’m…..okay. I can’t say I too particularly thrilled at the prospect of trying to find a new marefriend. I’m mean seriously; I got really lucky just getting her to date me. You don’t get lucky like that super often unless you just have charm, money and good looks flying out of every pore in your body. Anyway, I guess you could say I have my eye on a few mares around here, but all I’m doing for the time being is watching and gathering information. And by information, I mean are they single or not. It’s not so much getting the first date that’s the problem, but making sure they are available for it, and I sure do get shot down. Often. I sometimes wonder if they are lying just to avoid it but, I’m just likely being paranoid. Sometimes though, you just have to wonder if there is something catastrophically wrong with you that everypony else can see and you’re oblivious too. Is there something wrong with my voice? Do I have a third eye or an extra wing? Am I an ugly, deformed mutant that just thinks that he’s the biggest stud since the beginning of time? Pssh, I doubt it, and I just have the bad luck of hitting on taken mares.
On the other hoof, I am being hit on by a few mares from some of my classes. Problem being that they are either related to a friend (don’t date your friend’s little sister. It’s just a bad idea.); or not what I’m looking for. I typically go for the lean, athletic, pretty kind that have a good heart and can carry an interesting conversation. I know it’s a tall order. Most these mares fail the athletic part. I don’t want to seem or sound shallow ( or at least completely) about this, and I have good reason for being picky about it. I enjoy physical activity. It’s a large part of my lifestyle, some of it being Royal Guard imposed, some not. The fact is, I want somepony that can stick with me on a run, or hay, even challenge me. Not to mention that if I do end up marrying that mare, living a healthy lifestyle means potentially living long and wonderful lives together. (Aside from that, the sex is better and can last longer. Just saying.) Plus, I’ve already dated a non-athletic mare once. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but my constant working out, made her feel inadequate and start having self-esteem issues. She wasn’t overweight or anything, just not into doing a while lot of physical movement. Our dates would usually involve eating out, watching movies, snuggling; that sort of stuff. After a few months though, of hearing about my run, or my flight, or how workout with the corps was, it was a sore spot. She thought I was telling her to do more, (as much as I would have loved to go running with her, I would never put our relationship as the ultimatum for it) and saying she was getting fat. Despite me denying that those were my intentions, we cut it off shortly thereafter. I made her feel bad, just with the sight of me and that obviously isn’t good for a relationship. The athleticism rule went up immediately after that. I never want to make somepony else feel bad about themselves and their body, just because I push mine harder than they do. I’m not that shallow, I’m just….avoiding causing pain where none is needed. I hope.
Anyway, my classes aren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. Granted it’s only the first week, but the point remains that I might have had the wrong idea and approached with the wrong attitude. Regardless, it’ll still be plenty of work, but I can get through it.
The biggest things that trouble me right now are that I feel lonely. I miss having somepony to share my life and feelings with. I miss listening to somepony tell me about themselves and what they love. I miss the warmth of snuggling and listening to the soft sound of breathing. I miss the goodbye kisses, and seeing that look in another’s eyes that says more than can ever be spoken. I miss the warm feeling I’d get whenever I simply thought of my special somepony. Loneliness hurts and is cold. I hate it. The other thing is getting good grades. My future is dependent on what I do today and can make or break it. I suppose on that note, I should get back to studied and not whining into these pages. Until next time I guess.
-RS
