Funny Water is funny

Skip these few lines and pictures if you’re not interested in my personal life.

To those wondering why I didn’t write anything in such a long time, well it’s because I was thrown out of my school and had to find a new one.
I actually found a new one but they told me I’d have to pass 11 exams (chemistry, physics, math, etc…) to prove my worth.

So this was me before the exams.

Me after having written all of them.

Me when I got the results back.

So here is the real story, enjoy

The evening before

“With this our visit has come to an end. I hope you all enjoyed it and as a representative of the Royal Apothecary I thank you for your attention. Feel free to visit your local pharmacist and purchase any of our products. Special offer vouchers will be distributed when you leave the building. Tell your friends about this place and be sure to talk about all of our products.”

As usual Doctor Whooves wouldn’t stop talking until he ran out of breath or one of his assistants kicked one of his hind legs in a quite unsubtle way. This time it was the latter. The brown stallion gave all his visitors a wide smile and waved them goodbye. After 20 seconds of waving he dropped his front leg and sighed in relief. He knew he wasn’t skilled in pony relationships but working in this factory was still easier than constantly travelling through time and meeting strange ponies who constantly wanted to kill him or fuck him (sometimes both things at the same time). He was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t quite see the grey mare hiding behind a potted plant and all of his coworkers were too busy getting ready to go home, so nobody saw her.

As time passed, more and more assistants, scientists and general workers left the building and soon Doctor Whooves was alone, at least he thought so. He quietly packed his stuff together and swung his saddlebags over his back. Still preoccupied about his meal plans for tonight and what he should work on tomorrow, he didn’t see Derpy grab some blue pills with a big “V” marked on them and leave the building. The good doctor got out, closed the doors and locked them, humming with no worries preoccupying him.

As he reached the middle of town square he became a bit preoccupied. From all his travels he had always learned that an empty street during nighttime just screamed “ unexpected event” and so he naturally tensed up, ready to run for his life or if need be, to fight for it.

Still walking and so intensely focused on every shadow and corner he did not notice the being hovering a few meters behind him. As he was focused on Sugarcube Corner and what might lie behind it a hoof slightly touched his flank.

“Waaaaaah” he screamed and ran away as fast as his legs could carry him.

“Oh no. Poor Docty, don’t run away! I need someone to lick my muffin pleaaaase !!!”
Derpy Hooves yelled in vain. The Doctor was far away already and now she had to fly after him an find him. Atleast she could check the two sides of the road at the same time, she thought.

After what seemed like ages, she finally found the poor stallion. He was nervously trotting towards that blue rectangular booth she'd seen so often but she could never really figure out what it's purpose was. Decided not to let that fellow get away again she gave herself some momentum and dove towards the unsuspecting brown pony.
Voluntarily or unvoluntarily, she collided with his flank and squeezed it way tighter than she could use a charge as her excuse for doing so. At first Derpy thought she had her pray but as said earlier, if necessary the doctor was ready to fight for his life and so he shoved her away, turned around and prepared himself to kick some major flank.

As he saw who was actually in front of him, he dropped his legs and changed from a hostile expression to one of astonishment. "Eh, hi there Miss Derpy, what are you doing around here so late ? And why are you staring at me like that ?"

"I want you to lick my muffin. I really really want you to do so and I'll do anything you want from me to make it happen, a-ny-thing."

Not knowing how to react and unsure what this muffin thing meant he just answered:
"Uh well I've heard you're quite the muffin fan, but why involve me ? Did you create your own muffins and want me to taste them or what ? If that's the case I'd be glad to do so tomorrow after work. you could either bring them to the factory while you bring us our mail or I could come over to your house later in the afternoon."
He sincerely hoped he wouldn't have to taste this mare's probably terrible cooking and just wanted to get his well-deserved sleep anyway.

"Noo, you have to come over now, I can't wait any longer. You've got to taste my muffin, eat it and afterwards spread your frosting over it." she begged with a whiny voice which would already have convinced all of you pervs out there.

More confused than ever, the doctor couldn't help but wonder why she talked about "his" frosting, since he had none in his saddlebags and sure as hay wasn't gonna buy some for her.
"Well I don't have any frosting with me but I guess I can delay my sleep for another half-hour if this is really so important for you. Lead the way and I'll follow."

Derpy Hooves nodded and trotted ahead of him. If he hadn't been so tired he'd actually been able to see the gray mare's glistening folds, but usually nobody knows they're "fucked" before it actually happens.

So they trotted along the road for like 15 minutes until they reached the ditzy mare's house. She opened the door as fast as possible and went inside. Still unsure wether he should just run for his dear life or enter the beast's lair he stayed just in front of the door, lost in his thoughts. As the grey pony shouted: "Come on in pleeease, I can't wait any longer. Deciding to trust her, he entered the room as she added: "Don't worry ,I won't bite ... Unless you want me to." she purred in an extremely erotic voice.

That's when it finally struck the poor doctor. "Oh my. What she said were only euphemisms for ... that." He facehoofed and realizing his dangerous position, he slowly backed away towards the door.
But Derpy was faster and she locked the door before he could even go further than three steps.

"Come on, be a reasonable girl. You don't want to do anything you might regret do you?"

Hearing this, Derpy sighed and made a sad face:

"Don't tell me you're one of those candy-cane suckers ? All the nice guys are always candy-cane suckers. why can't I get a nice guy for once ... The handsome ones just laugh about my eyes and the other ones just find some excuse so they don't need to hang out with me. Becoming a muffin-eater myself isn't interesting and I can't always play with myself, it gets so boooring."

Quick to react, the doctor answered: "Nonono, I'm not gay don't worry. And you most certainly are a beautiful mare, but it just wouldn't feel right to start anything with you as I don't know if I'll still be here in a week. My "work" requires me to travel often and very far away. You'd grow to hate me and I don't want you to become sad or angry because of me."

"Don't be silly. Nobody said I wanted you to be my boyfriend. I just want to have your candy-cane in my muffin. We'll both have fun and that's it." She giggled and started moving towards the brown stallion again, staring at his slowly growing member she added: "Seems like your candy-cane is ready to be licked, yummy."

Knowing he couldn't hold out much longer he just said what had to be said at this very moment: "Hell yeah!"

They slowly approached eachother, taking their time to smell eachother's scent. The earth pony could smell her always-present smell of muffins but something else was becoming more and more present and he soon realized it was the scent of her arousal.
Their lips met. Sucking on eachother's lips they stayed like this for what seemed like hours but it were no more than just two minutes.
The pegasus was growing impatient. She wanted more and fast, so she shoved her tongue into the brown stallion's mouth and started playing around with his. At first the gentlecolt was surprised. After all he had lived through, he strangely still wasn't really used to anything related to sex.

Feeling the doctor's lack of response she started touching his flanks. This made him relax and so he finally gave in and pushed his own tongue out in order to show her what he was made of. Starting to play around with her tongue, his shaft was now stiffening again and due to their close embrace, this could be felt by Derpy. She attempted a weak smile but couldn't since her lips were still locked with the doctor's. Instead she reached down her hooves and started carefully massaging his stallionhood. The reaction did not take long. As soon as he felt her touching his most private parts, he separated himself from her lips, a small strand of saliva hanging between their mouths.

"Now wait a minute. First of all I'm a gentleman so I surely won't let you get me off like this before you've had your share of fun. Besides it seems like I already agreed to eat your "muffin" so I've got to keep my word."
He just gave her another quick peck on her lips before slowly pushing her down to the carpet. As soon as they were lying, he started nibbling on her ear. She gasped at this, which made Doctor Whooves back away.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't hurt you didn't I ?" he asked with serious worry in his voice.

The gray mare looked at him and barely managed to whisper: "More."

"What? I didn't quite get what you said"

"More!" she said but this time much louder.

Finally undertsanding that she actually enjoyed what he's been doing, he dove back in and started licking her ear. He alternated between licking and softly biting all over her body. When he reached her navel and kept poking it with his tongue, she put one of her hooves on his head and started slowly pushing his head further down. Getting the hint he moved his head in front of her marehood.
It was beautiful, probably the prettiest thing he'd ever seen and he had seen alot of things. Unable to think any further he gave it a quick kiss.
This alone made the mare moan extremly loud and in nearly an instant she became even wetter, with her own juices now litterally dripping from her pussy.

And so he gave a long and satisfying lick from the bottom to the top, taking his time to let his tongue travel all over it and make her squirm in pleasure. He now understood why she'd called it "her muffin" since it actually tasted like one, he'd have to ask her about that later. At first he only licked and kissed the outside, but as Derpy moaned louder and louder, the doctor wanted to find another way to satisfy her down there, so he applied more pressure to his tongue and it slid in between her wet folds. Moving in and out of her pussy with his tongue, he found a little nub at the top of her vagina and wondered what it could be. Since everything he did to her nether regions made her feel good he just slid his tongue out and gave the pink little button a playful lick.

This was too much for the excited mare. Even though he provided her alot of pleasure with his actions, she'd been able to somewhat keep her composure, but now she felt a wave of pleasure surge through her whole body as her g-spot was touched.

Feeling that her breaking point wasn't far away, she wasn't even able to make use of her usual euphemisms and just shouted:
"Make me cum, please make me cum and then I'll make you cum !!!"
Although somewhat surprised by this sudden outburst, the brown earth pony knew what he had to do and so he started sucking on her clitoris as if it was a candied cherry.
Her moans became so loud he wondered if none of the neighbors heard this but immediatly afterwards he reminded himself of the task at hoof. Make that mare finally climax.
After a last lick on her little button, she screamed out in bliss and came in a long and satisfying orgasm. As she came, her fluids splashed into the doctor's face.

He backed away, starting to lick around with his own tongue but after a short time Derpy got up and prevented him from doing so. Instead she licked all of it from his face and whispered into his ear: "Now it's time to move on to the main event.
Please buck me until I can't see straight anymore, woopsie it's already the like that."