Neither Here Nor Mare

Stair Mare

(Or "Damn It, Everyone's Staring At Me")

All was quiet as we made our way through the corridor, Leroy had opted to stay silent but still kept looking back at me. I'm sure it was because I was so clumsy. The corridor outside my room was lined with potted plants in an efort to make it seem less clinical and naturally, when I turned to check the door number I backed into one, knocking it over with my tail and slipping on its spilled contents.

Right now he was saying nothing, but his face screamed "Please don't make a scene". That was something else to keep in mind, it looks like pony faces, along with their..well, our ears are far more expressive than those of a human. Just another thing to learn to control I guess.

I huffed and kicked at the floor, immediately causing myself to overbalance as my hind legs continued to move. I'd been so engrossed in my solo pity party that I didn't notice the poor orderly heading towards us until I'd already clotheslined her with my wings, which had shot out instinctively to half span.

“Uh, sorry” I said offering a hoof sheepishly. All I got in return was a glare from her and a sigh from Leroy as her paperwork took on that green sheen, sorting itself into a levitating pile. I sat with my jaw opened in awe as I noticed the horn on his forehead shared the same aura. She thanked him, ignored me and resumed her journey to wherever she was going before we resumed our own.

“What was that about?” The blue stallion chided, cutting me off before I could ask anything.

“Tripped, I'm not used to, well, this..-I gestured to the whole of myself with a hoof as I spoke, remembering to stop walking first this time- “remember?”

Leroy shook his head with a sigh and lead on.

I'd actually had no idea the place was so big as we reached a mid point landing, an elevator sat in the recessed wall to our left, the hallway on the other side narrowed again into what must be another wing of the building. Leroy brought my attention to him again.

“I thought you were hungry?”

I should have guessed by the room numbers, if mine was 227 then it was just like my old dorm back in college.. “HEY!”-I perked up substantially, voice raised in excitement as I forgot what time it was- “I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING!”

“Hey yourself, somponies are trying to SLEEP!” Came a muffled reply from the door at the end of the wing we had just come from. ”Oops”

“Well that's a good thing” Leroy called back in a hushed voice ”But if we don’t hurry everyone will get there before us” There was an unmistakeable hint of frustration in his voice. Apparently I'd just woken up the entire floor, judging by the sounds of movement.

Trotting confidently I stopped at the top of the stairs he was half way down, hit by a sudden wave of vertigo as I dropped a hoof to the first step. “Uh, is..is this the only way down?” I asked, heart finally moving back down from  its perch in my mouth.

“No, but the lift is out of date and real slow, it was due for replacement before all this happened but they never got around to it. This is the quicker of the two”

“But..”

Leroy face-hoofed, I guess I was trying his patience now “Stop being such a foal and turn round”

“A what?”

“Foa..." -he sighed again, just short of another face-hoof, a lopsided frown on his face- “ a baby horse!”

I had to move slowly and carefully down the stairs, it felt ridiculous but at least I wouldn’t land so hard if I fell this way round. I tried to flick my mane as I passed the first floor so that my face was hidden, already more than a dozen ponies, unicorns and normal ones mostly, had already trotted past us. Some gave me a sympathetic glance, others gave snorts of derision and one just plain laughed, god this was embarrassing.

I finally stopped at the bottom when I backed into and almost sat on my self appointed handler.

“Hey, watch it” He said, skipping back before I really did sit on him.

“I'm not a foal” I said quietly as I turned back round to face the right way.

“When you stop acting like one, I'll stop talking to you like one” He smirked, I was blushing again and had to fight the urge to poke my tongue out.

He'd been right, by the time we reached the canteen it was nearly packed to the rafters, the last of the small night shift having their dinner meal while the early arrivals sought breakfast. We opted to go back after I'd seen Antonia. Right now I wanted some answers, there had definitely been three voices in my first dream before she'd scared me half to death and I'd apparently beamed myself.

I wanted to know everything they knew as it seemed like that was the only way I'd know who I was. A memory of college here and an argument there really weren’t anything to go by. I was one confused and messed up pony and the sooner I could do something about it the better, Leroy seemed to agree with me when he helped me clean up, though he hadn't probed me about my outburst. This was going to be fun.

Leroy herded me over to the reception desk, having taken up a position behind me to make sure I didn’t flail and hit anyone I guess. When we got there I was met by the only face I could claim familiarity with.

“Uh, Antonia?” I squeaked. "Damn it, stupid girly voice"

The white mare looked up at me, smiling when she realised who it was. “Good morning Summer, I'd say you're up early but everyone seems to be today” "Paranoid mode engage" I was sure that was a poke at my earlier antics, did everyone know?  “But it is good to see you up and about after so long. What can I do for you?”

I checked to see who was around, a little disheartened that Leroy had vanished without a sound.

“I uh, I don’t know where to start, could I talk to you for a while...about me?” I suddenly felt very nervous, wings puffing up in a similar way to a birds, making me shudder at the alien sensation as new muscles were flexed "Weirdest sensation ever"

“I don’t see why not, my rounds don’t actually start for another half an hour, why don’t you come into my office?” She said, lifting the flap in the desk and gesturing to one of the rooms behind it.

It wasn’t a very big space, but it had a small sofa, table and desk and the carpet squished softly, muffling my hoof-steps.

Antonia had busied herself making tea which I accepted, I sat for a few minutes staring at it, wondering how I was going to drink it until I gave up and stuck my face in the cup.

I couldn’t look at Antonia and my cup at the same time but I'm sure I heard her splort her tea at my solution. "Not all of us can float cups to our faces.." I thought jealously. I really missed having fingers.

“What was it you wanted to talk about?” She asked, sitting on the small sofa. I wiped the moisture from my face with a fetlock as I sat on the other side of the table, feeling the soft carpeting on my rump.

“Well, I noticed something when I woke up.. "  How was I going to phrase this without it sounding like an accusation? "Ah to hell with it" I thought, the indignance at the omission flaring up “Why didn’t you tell me I was a Mare?!” I spat the words as as the anger came and went in a flash, replaced with regret at the outburst.

She seemed confused for a moment before a wave of clarity washed over her, her eyes seeming to lose some of their shine. “Oh Summer... " Her cup floated back onto its saucer on the table as she slid off the sofa  "You weren't female before the change, were you?”

“I know, I wasn’t, what.. how could this happen?” I asked, stomping frustratedly, my hoof giving a soft poomf against the carpet. "Gah! Not.Going. To. Cry" Just my moodswings alone were giong to kill me off at this rate.

“Honestly, I'm not sure, but if it helps, you aren’t the first. Your comments did seem odd when you woke up, but considering how distraught you were I thought it best to not say anything until this morning. We weren’t expecting you up this early.” she added, leaning forward to place a hoof on my shoulder.

“There is probably a reason, the change isn’t completely random, there are patterns involved. Perhaps you should speak to my husband, its more his field than mine and you're due a physical this morning anyway, standard for new and newly recovering patients.”

“Your husband?” I asked quizzically. It hadn’t occurred to me that this had affected people in relationships.

“Yes, I'm Antonia Weiss, Samuel is my husband.” she added, her tone prideful as she smiled.

“Have you had any other luck with your memory? It can take a while for things to come back but it never hurts to be optimistic.” she continued.

“Oh, I remembered a few things this morning, this building is similar to my college and I think I remember an argument” I answered “Though I don’t see how any of those are actually helpful”

We continued the conversation as I finished what tea I hadn't spilt everywhere, Antonia was nice enough not to make a point of my sloppiness, but did explain that my emotional swings were part of being female. As if I wasn't enough of a nut already.

Our conversation was interrupted when my stomach gurgled its own contribution and I couldn’t help but laugh, mood having lifted a little.

“Well it sounds to me like the biggest priority for you is food, now go eat something before you pass out dear, you're looking a bit pasty” Antonia chided with barely hidden amusement, back to her motherly tone from the previous day.

"First Leroy and now her, I really wished people would stop that, I was a grown man. In a female pony body, yes, but still a man" Being talked down to was irritating me, big time.

I thanked her for the tea and the talk, heading back outside and retracing my steps to the canteen with more questions than answers. "And you forgot to ask about the third voice, you derp" I mentally kicked myself, that had been the point in seing her in the first place. I was at the canteen doors before realised I hadn't stumbled at all since reaching the ground floor. Finally, something positive! This walking on all fours thing wasn’t so bad when I didn't concentrate on it.