Alcohol, Alicorns, and Airships

Rarity had come to a conclusion that seemed obvious in hindsight: After a long night at the local hospital, some painkillers, and Applejack and Rainbow Dash laughing at them the whole time like the wonderful friends they were, the other four Elements of Harmony were lucky they had gone nearly four years without a hoof fight.

Rarity had absolutely dominated Twilight in the train brawl if she could say so herself, and she did. Twilight, with her temper, magic, and enough free space was a one mare whirlwind, but fighting the slightly pudgy librarian in a locker room melee was like clubbing a baby seal. Twilight was lucky she wasn't a seal too. Rarity hated seals. The bastards never shut up.

Twilight had little strength, flailed about, didn't know how to absorb blows, and despite knowing weak points, she couldn't exploit them due to not knowing how to control herself when the hooves flew. A knee to the kidney, a few side punches, and a head butt or three and she was out cold. It didn't help Rarity's father taught rugby and football.

Pinkie though...

Pinkie Pie fought Fluttershy and Rarity to a stalemate until all three of them collapsed. Fluttershy was a berserker with her teeth and wild swings. She was all offense: Slapping Pinkie with her wings; punching her in the face; biting her shoulders. Fluttershy went feral. Rarity herself tried to lean on the defensive side of things and use counter attacks, but that didn't work on Pinkie.

She just had too much fat on her, among other things.

Maybe it was Pinkie Pie channeling more repressed anger. Maybe it was her earth pony magic kicking in. Pinkie didn't have any physical training in fighting, and while being bouncy and agile in a manner of speaking, she was also on the husky side. Without room, she couldn't move in the manner Fluttershy or Rarity could. But by Nathan Fillyion's orgasmic voice could the mare take hits and could she throw!

Pinkie used her weight to hockey check, power drive, and throw Fluttershy and Rarity around in a manner Applejack would have been proud of. It took both of them pounding on Pinkie to wear her down, but by then all three of them had bruises and cuts and possible internal organ damage. By the end, they had resulted to pathetic slaps and nibbles. When the train had stopped and Rainbow and Applejack had returned, all four of them were gone for the count.

At least all of them had slept well. That was a consolation prize.

"You know," Rarity began, staring at the Crystal Citadel, "I think the last few days have demonstrated to me that we need to figure out new ways to get rid of our pent up stress. We will also never talk about that subject ever again."

Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight walked together down one of the main boulevards of the capital as if nothing had happened yesterday. It was for the best.

"I have a feeling that the next few weeks aren't going to be much better for us with stress either," Twilight said. "But I think at this point we need to accept this as the new normal. It'll take awhile for us to adjust to it."

"And therefore that makes it all the more prudent that we all find ways to vent properly," Rarity said firmly. "As I've tried many things recently, and none of them seem to be working."

Fluttershy rested a bruised wing on Rarity's back, smiling calmly at her. "My grass didn't help?"

"I... think it worked too well for Rarity," Twilight chuckled.

Twilight glanced at her bruised peers, who looked far more worse for wear than herself.

Twilight just looked like she had fallen down a flight of stairs. Fluttershy had a wing in a sling, and her chest was covered in bruises. Rarity's forehooves and sides were gently wrapped in bandages to numb her wounds. Pinkie Pie was simply naked, but her eyes were swollen, she limped just a bit, and her stomach was drenched with bruises and slightly bloated from all the hits it had taken.

Rarity trotted harder on the polished roadway, letting out a nervous chuckle at the chosen subject. "Y-yes. It worked marvelously, in addition to making me ramble about secrets I never wanted to let out. So we'll pass on that option. Until I need it again."

"Well you can't take it back now," Pinkie giggled, cantering in delight. "You're an evil date planner who might be a succubus in bed, which is what Dash needs anyways. You also can get as angry as she can, and you bump your heads all the time and won't back down until one of you proves that you're right. It's like you were made for each other!"

Rarity stared blankly at Pinkie Pie, her eyes turning into half open slits of sub-zero death. "Sod off."

"Speaking of that," Twilight smirked, "that seemed to work pretty well at making you relax, Rarity. Why don't you try that more?"

The death glare that Twilight received from Rarity only made Twilight snort loudly in amusement, making the smile across her muzzle grow. "And while beating each other up worked to a degree, I don't think the four of us are meant for it. However, I think we might need to practice on our life or death fighting techniques. Just in case we need to use them."

"I don't," Pinkie's right hind leg scratched at her side, attempting to remove a flea that wasn't there. "I lost count on how many times I was hit. I didn't know that I liked being violent and hit so much though! It's so much fun beating ponies up. Dashie and Jackie were right!"

"I worry about you sometimes, Pinkie," Rarity said, wincing at the sudden twitch of pain going up her left lung. Feeling a pony twenty percent heavier than herself slamming her into a railing wasn't pleasant.  "I also think we should leave the violent tendencies for Rainbow and Applejack. Most of the time."

She stroked her own chin in thought, enjoying the faint curls in her mane flicking through the wind. It was a good thing she didn't have her massive curls anymore, and had replaced them with more gentle ones that slowly curtained down her muzzle. Having her mane pulled out would have had made her suicidal.

"Although I must admit, I think we are all picking up their vulgarity spewing tendencies, and I'm half interested in letting mine loose after containing it for so long."

Twilight nodded gently. "I've noticed that too. I think it's because you and I are the most concerned about our intellectual images. We're afraid we'll look immature by cursing."

"When immaturity is what our friends - and dare we admit it ourselves - are known for from time to time." Rarity grinned. "Have you noticed how wonderful it is to curse on occasion? Repressing it for far too long has made that truffle most sweet."

"I think it's from being around Rainbow and Applejack so much." Fluttershy blushed brightly, staring at the street underneath her. "And I... umm... swear a lot when nopony can hear me," she whispered. "When animals go to the bathroom on my furniture, or fight with each other, sometimes they just need someone to be dominant and put them in place. So... sometimes that's me."

"I try not to swear at all, but if it wasn't for the ten Aleve in me, I would be swearing Pinkie Profanity," Pinkie hummed. "I'm slightly high from it!"

"Because that's a safe dose," Twilight mumbled. "At least they gave us the bottle."

Pinkie giggled at Twilight. It was returned by Twilight dragging a forehoof across her muzzle.

"It's not nice to swear at ponies," Pinkie said, "and since I'm around children all day that would be even worse! But... I'll make small exceptions for you girls from now on though; 'cause it does make me feel better, and not have to repress things as much."

She galloped forward, power drifting her hooves on the road underneath her to spin her body around. She puffed up her chest, staring off into the distance heroically.

"As a really great pony once said, 'the sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a fucking lunatic'."

Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight's jaws hung open in unison, exhaling as one entity.

The world had ended. Pinkie Pie had just dropped the F bomb.

It wasn't even an aptly timed one, as Pinkie was apt - or not apt - to do with most of her sayings. None of them were about to die - although that claim was debatable - nor had Pinkie cracked her hoof and pulled a flank tendon at the same time.

She just... said it. As if whatever quote she had just recited was something Twilight would say to a foal wanting to know a great quip for their' classmates.

Thankfully, the loud voice of Rainbow Dash saved the day. She was good at saving the day.

Or she had just made it significantly more awkward. She was also really good at doing that.

"Applejack, we need to do that again. You are the best work out partner ever."

"Oh Chaney's cooch I'm used ta havin' sore thighs, Dasha, but this is just..."

Rainbow Dash flew beside Applejack as they walked toward their friends, laughing without a care in Equestria. The two mares were slightly damp, water sticking to their toned frames to the point that bits of condensation still dripped from Rainbow's muzzle and rump.

 "Hah!" Rainbow cracked, "I can do some pretty amazing things with my wings can't I? You had to use your hind legs to keep up."

"And I got ya back with the hoof standin' now didn't I?" Applejack grinned, prodding Rainbow's side. "Now how about we admit that I got it stronger in my forehoof grip, but you got it better in technique."

Rainbow flipped through the air, looking down at Applejack with a soft smile. "I'm cool with that."

"I'malso glad ya finally admit that ya can't beat me in the quick starts or in the long run either. Ya just ain't an earth pony; no matter how hard ya try."

Rainbow flew backwards to stare at Applejack, rolling her eyes at the statement. "Yeah, yeah," she nickered dismissively, "you beat me in stamina, big deal. I still win in agility, although you are stupidly good with moving your rump. Have you ever tried dancing that doesn't involve hoedowns? You'd be really good at it. Man, your pelvic control is amazing!"

Applejack blushed. "R-r-really? I've always been afraid that I can't dance. Ya know, rednecks can't dance well."

"But you're a hip redneck." Rainbow pressed a forehoof affectionately on top of Applejack's shoulder. "There's a difference. Really, I'm being honest. You might be a bit bigger than most mares, but you have the strength and agility to dance well if you learned how. Shake some blond tail, AJ. That rope swinging has paid off. Bring Twilight to her knees!"

"Just like how we brought each other to our knees this mornin'." Applejack broke out into a torrent of laughter. It was soon enough joined by Rainbow's own.

"Yeah and we didn't exactly behave in the public baths either," Rainbow cackled. Applejack pulled Rainbow down to hug her with a forehoof, tears streaking down their muzzles in sedated delight.

"Oh... oh you bring out the worst of me, Rainbow." Applejack cooed out a sigh, wiping a tear from her eye. "Those poor crystal ponies seein' us like that!"

Applejack and Rainbow sighed in endorphin filled delight, closing their eyes to enjoy the fond memories of their morning. When they opened them, the other four Elements stared at them in shock.

Rainbow and Applejack looked at each other, tilting their muzzles in a silent attempt to communicate what was happening. When no solution came up, they looked back at their friends, blinking innocently.

The flapping of Rainbow's wings was currently the only sound in the air.

"So... why are you looking at us like that?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Just processing what we just heard," Twilight chuckled, twitching her neck. "In addition to listening to Pinkie dropping the f word."

"Woah!" Rainbow whistled, "she doesn't even do that during sex. What ticked you off, Pinks?"

"Thank you for the information, Rainbow." Rarity whipped her tail through the air. "It was very important that we knew that."

"I was just quoting from our narrator!" Pinkie whimpered. "He was the one who said it first!"

Rainbow smiled calmly. "Listen, guys, when Pinkie says stuff like that, just let her say it and forget about it. There's some things you just gotta let go."

"Why won't anypony believe me?" Pinkie sniffled. She collapsed onto her rump, tears budding in her eyes as she stared into the heavens. "This is your fault mister narrator man! They think I'm insane! Well, I am kinda coo-coo, but they think I'm even more insane than I should be insane! Why won't you show yourself!?"

Pinkie Pie had once again forgotten that while she could know her world was much like Harold's in Stranger Than Fiction, it was only her own. Her friends followed the rules of reality, whether Pinkie Pie liked it, or not.

"You're tearing me apart, narrator!" Pinkie Pie cried profusely, weeping onto the road as if she had lost a loved one. "Why do you do this to me!?"

Her friends glanced at her for several moments before heeding Rainbow's advice. It was for the best.

"So, did you two enjoy your fun?" Rarity huffed, tapping a forehoof loudly onto the ground. "By the way you two are dripping water, it looked 'fun' indeed."

Rainbow nodded. "Well... I mean... we're not as sore as you four, but we kinda needed a work out."

"I see," Twilight snorted, glancing at Rarity. "Was it a good 'work out'?"

Rainbow's wings flapped happily and loudly behind herself. "It sure was! After what we've been through, we needed to let it all out. And man, I feel so much better. I'm ready for today."

"Let it out?" Fluttershy scowled. "But what about Rarity, Rainbow?"

"I don't-"

"Stonewall Jackson's slimy scrotum ejaculate, Rainbow and I did not have sex this morning!"

The other five Elements retracted their snouts into their necks at the volume of Applejack's voice cutting through the air. Their tails hiked up into the air at the shock wave of sound hitting their muzzles.

The ponies passing them by who heard both the vulgarity uttered and saw the view offered to them were utterly, utterly disgusted. These were the mares who had saved their small nation. One could not choose their' heroes.

Rarity found her voice first, her bottom lips pouting in fear. "T-t-the positions!"

"We were doin' martial art 'n old earth pony muscle exercises!" Applejack spat.

"Q-quick starts?-"

"We ran around the race track several times an' I won!"

"G-grip?"

"We wrestled!"

"What about the pelvic control?" Twilight said, looking around at pedestrians eyeing her. She lowered her tail between her legs.

"I was showin' her how I do rodeo and she was showin' me some basic dancin' moves." Applejack blew out a plume of steam from the end of her muzzle.

"And the public bath?" Fluttershy whimpered.

"We started tacklin' each other and actin' like foals in a swimming pool."

Applejack's forehoof dug into the road underneath her, a growl budding in her throat. "I swear that half of Ponyville thinks just 'cause Dasha and I don't like doin' what other mares do that means we're dykes and buckin' each other. Hearin' it from you girls? Just be glad I don't punch anypony!"

Rainbow landed on the ground, wrapping a wing firmly around Applejack's side. "Jackie, chill. They didn't hear the whole conversation, and if you think about it, it kinda sounded funny. Just relax. You think I'd be thinking straight if I got beat up like they did either? And please don't use the D word around me?"

Applejack nodded solemnly, leaning into Rainbow to give her cheek a gentle nuzzle. "Yer right, Dash. I just got testy."

"And you had every right to be testy, Applejack." Rarity sighed deeply. "Bloody Tartarus. I've made a damn fool of myself by being so protective of you, Dash. I'm sorry. You too, Applejack."

"We all are sorry," Fluttershy whimpered. "We might be a bit... umm... high on painkillers."

"But that doesn't give us an excuse for jumping to conclusions, Fluttershy." Twilight moved forward, hugging Rainbow tightly. "I'm sorry too, and yes, you can say you like looking at my sweaty rump, Rainbow, if it makes you feel any better."

Rainbow Dash hugged Twilight gently in return. "Man, this has become awfully like a bad episode in a children's cartoon or something," Rainbow laughed. "Seriously, it's okay. I'm kinda having a fatigue high right now anyways. Everypony, calm down!"

Rainbow moved toward Fluttershy and Rarity, hugging them both with a soft smile spreading across her muzzle. "Flutters', getting annoyed at you is pretty much impossible, and..."

She smiled softly at Rarity, stroking gently at Rarity's cheek. "In a bucked up way that only I'd really get, I find it kinda nice that you're kinda protective of me. Anal grandma protective of me. It's how you show you care, and it's nice. Just remember: I'm loyal until I see a chocolate lava brownie or Pinkie's maple pecan ice cream with sprinkles on them. Then all bets are off."

"How about those on me?" Rarity fluttered her eyelashes seductively at Rainbow, letting out a soft, thrumming hum from her lips. "We can both have what we want, hmm? It's the least I can do for thinking that you cheated on me."

Pinkie Pie whimpered in agony. "Now I'm hungry... And I can't make those without being at home!"

Rainbow's wings spread to their full size, her cheeks quickly turning strawberry as her snout compacted into her own neck. "W-w-what!? I wasn't even thinking in that direction! You are completely high on painkillers! And guilt. And stress."

Applejack scratched the back of her mane. "Here we were, talkin' about how ya'll made jackasses out of yerself's, an' now Rarity 'n Rainbow are flirtin' about havin' food in the hay? The buck is goin' on here!? I think we've really lost it!"

"Applejack," Twilight said, leaning into her friend's side, "this is why you are my second-in-command: You're the one only I have left to protect me from joining them."

"Shut up, Applejack, you are ruining the moment," Rarity growled. "Let me enjoy my drugged up mood swings and fantasies."

"And don't you buck this up for me!" Pinkie neighed, grabbing Applejack by her chest fur. "I need their clop food money!"

"W-w-whatever you say, Pinkie." Applejack - despite doing her best not to - let out a shy, nervous squee to deflect the anger Pinkie directed at her. "I'll make some caramel for them and join in. Whatever ya want, girl!"

Twilight dragged a forehoof across her muzzle, rubbing it firmly up and down her nose. "I... I don't even. I give up on us. We're lost causes now. The last few days have completely destroyed what innocence we once had, and now we're horny, perverted monsters that aren't worthy to be called heroes anymore."

"Twilight, we are just like the rest of ponykind now," Fluttershy hummed.

Pressing her forehooves onto the back of Twilight's neck, Fluttershy squeezed and dragged her forehooves up and down the curvature of Twilight's crest. "Shh... now you are an adult, Twilight. It's okay. Now that we've had time to accept who we are, we'll be alright."

"Don't stop," Twilight panted, her tongue hanging out of her muzzle. "This is worth being perverts for. Dear Princess Celestia: Moral excellence is worth sacrificing for erotic massages."

"Does that include biting me in the neck and punching me in the face, Fluttershy?" Pinkie asked, loosening her grip on Applejack. "Then again... I'm not gentle anymore either! Yay for violence with friends!"

"I simply took out years of bullying and being quiet when I should have spoken up on you, Pinkie," Fluttershy said, digging her forehooves into Twilight's shoulder blades. "Nothing personal," she giggled.

Twilight stomped a forehoof loudly onto the road, her tail snapping behind herself in bliss. "I... I accept the ramifications that-lower, Fluttershy. Oh buck yes!"

"You see?" Rarity giggled, "even Twilight is high off of painkillers, and Applejack is open to the idea of joining in."

Rarity stroked Rainbow's chin in thought, content to look at the burning fire that burned across Dash's muzzle. "Although I have no attractions toward you in that manner, Applejack, I'm sure Rainbow Dash would have the time of her life with you and caramel. Now wouldn't you, sweetie?"

Rainbow's frame was as low to the ground as it could be with her still standing on her four hooves. Her eyes had turned into tiny dots of fear, her wings quivering for more reasons than she would have liked. "Help," she squeaked. "I thought we were sorta-not-kinda-ish-quarter-maybe-semi-flirting-dating and not really dating?"

"Shut up, Rainbow Dash," Rarity growled huskily, licking over Rainbow's nose. "Mistress Rarity is saying you will lick caramel from Applejack, and that is final. And while you are at it, we might as well include Twilight, since she loves desserts, and you happen to be a very good one."

Twilight's trance was shattered with the words directed at her, her coat and tail standing on edge as her violet eyes stared Rarity down. "What the hay, Rarity!? Just because-"

"I'll bring my triple swirl cinnamon sticky buns for you, Twilight," Pinkie purred. She rubbed the side of her coat incisively against Twilight's side, huffing in her ear. "I'll make them as big as your body, so you can just squish in it. All of that crystal sugar. Mmm..."

Twilight's ears twitched rapidly at the thoughts going through her head. Disgusting thoughts. Wonderful thoughts.

"I'm just... umm... not think about anything right now," Fluttershy squeaked, slowly backing away from her friends. "Because as much as I love honey, I'm... umm... would rather not see my friends covered in food."

 "Please, Fluttershy!" Rainbow cried. Her magenta eyes darted between her friends before settling on Fluttershy's own. "I need somepony to take the heat off of me! I'll... I'll buy you a gallon of... of crème brûlée! Yeah! You love that stuff!"

Fluttershy's ears perked up instantly, her massaging of Twilight continuing to the clear delight on Twilight's muzzle. "Oh! That sounds awesome, Dash! I'll do it then, so that Rarity doesn't make you limp for weeks."

"Excellent," Pinkie purred, rubbing her forehooves together. "Soon I'll have you girls asking me to bake and cook all kinds of tasty treats for you! I'll get all the money the Cutie Mark Crusaders took from me back, and then I'll start a secret underground porn film food industry! Can't do clop without food in your stomach!"

Pinkie Pie was rarely a mare to have a slip of the tongue. It was her creed to keep secrets if they needed to be kept, to ensure that those that were sworn in front of her were kept sacred and held to the highest standards. She knew full well that sometimes, somethings just didn't need to be told, and there was nothing wrong with that. A pony had the right to keep some thoughts to one friend only, or make sure something that would only cause more harm than good was never heard.

The problem was that her slip of the tongue was never a secret that she either told herself to keep or Twilight told her to keep. It had simply been forgotten in the litany of chaos that had exploded around her.

Pinkie Pie mentally constructed and fired a sentence that was thirty seven unique words long and was nothing but vulgarities. It would have spalled the side of a battleship.

Rarity's eyes instantly lost whatever dominatrix gaze they had commanded over her peers to slowly turn toward Pinkie Pie. Applejack's eyes followed suit, ebbing over to look at Pinkie at the pace of a gently pushed old door.

"They did... what?"

Rarity's voice was icy calm and devoid of nearly all emotion. It had only the faintest spice of shock that tapped on the end of her sentence.

It made Pinkie Pie wince in fear.

"They didn't steal money from me!" Pinkie giggled, bouncing up and down despite her legs not agreeing with the weight of her movement. "Sure, they can cause lots of things to blow up, but steal money? That'd be silly!"

"Then what did they take?" Applejack said. Her forehooves dug firmly into the road, as if she were bracing herself against a gale of wind.

"Nothing important!" Pinkie grinned, chuckling nervously. "Nothing that expensive or something I couldn't write off-why are you still talking, me?"

"We are so screwed." Rainbow Dash flicked a wing through her ponytail, her body flinching briefly at the words coming out of her mouth.

"Do you have something to add, Dashie dear?" Rarity fluttered her eyelashes once more at Rainbow, purring delightfully. Rarity wiggled her white rump behind herself, letting out a playful giggle. "Because I would love to hear what you have to say on the matter."

Rainbow lifted up her forehooves and wings defensively. "Before you blame me, just know that Twilight signed off on this. I just came up with the idea."

"Idea, Twilight?" Applejack stared down Twilight, sniffing the sweat that began to drip down Twilight's neck. "You let them steal Pinkie's-"

"Oh no!" Twilight laughed, swallowing down a ball of saliva. "Pinkie Pie and I were caught making out in the bakery that afternoon when they came in, so they... pretty much blackmailed us since they caught you and Rainbow kissing and planning that night as well! Didn't want to ruin it for Rarity!"

Rarity's eyebrow twitched. "I see our sisters are truly-"

"How could you blame them?" Rainbow said. "We've been doing this for over a year and they are jealous about us always talking about how much fun we've had. They're kids. They had stupidly juicy gossip, we're sick of us lying to them and rubbing it in their faces."

Fluttershy nodded, wrapping her good wing around Rainbow Dash in support. "Rarity, you are being very hard on them, Twilight, Dash, and Pinkie. Yes, it's bad, but it's not like we didn't know they wanted to try sex anyways. It's a good thing Spike had it taken care of. He's our little Spike!"

"M-m-my sister knows about sex?" Applejack said. "Y-y-yer kiddin' right? Ha... Ha... Takin' candy, not sex. Ya girls are confusin' two different things!"

Applejack's friends all looked at each other and nothing at the same time. They eyed each other, studying who would speak first, pleading for a voice to speak up. Their hooves scratched at the road, pleading for it to crack open and bring out an ancient evil.

It was just superbly paved crystal.

"Ya... ya have ta be fuckin' kiddin' me." Applejack's wild, untied tail flicked behind her as if she was trying to swat away the notion. Obliterate the notion.

"I learned it from Spike!" Rarity cried. "And as Fluttershy said, everything's fine now, isn't it, Twilight? Spike took care of it." Her lips quivered, eyes pleading for help from Rainbow. "R-r-ight? A lovely plan by Dash, Twilight, and Spike to keep that evil at bay!"

"And they learned about it from us making out in the barn and planning against Rarity, Applejack," Rainbow said. "That was stupid of us. We kept the piano door wide open and they heard us talking about it. So really, them causing all of this is our fault."

Applejack's anger evaporated, her ears wilting by the sides of her snout. "So... Dasha 'n I caused them to learn it. And then-"

"They wanted to eat a bunch like us!" Pinkie smiled, wrapping a forehoof around Applejack. She gave Applejack a firm squeeze. "So really they just made us all have to keep secrets and they totally used us! They are getting smart. I'm gonna make them a medal cake. After I bake things for our orgy."

"And to prevent them from causing the end of Equestria," Twilight grinned, "Rainbow, Spike, and I came up with a spell that should wipe their memories only for that day, leaving only Spike possibly knowing that sexual reproduction can also be used as entertainment!"

Fluttershy closed her eyes in peace, letting out a content sigh. "And we didn't tell each other the whole story because we didn't want to ruin that wonderful night at Invictus."

"And... we may have been completely pissed with all the alcohol," Rarity chuckled. "And the cannabis. And the urge to procreate. With each other. So we just decided to damn everything and trust it all to Spike. He is reliable around me."

The Elements of Harmony looked at each other, forgetting for the moment that this morning was going to be the resolution of their deeds three days ago.

It was as if they were having a silent conversation, their eyes moving from pony to pony, standing underneath the grand base of the Crystal Palace. They looked at each other as if the conversation they just had was one they should have saved for private.

It was in fact, but they were legendary for their ability to make scenes in public, and perhaps over time they just stopped caring.

"Is that everythin'?" Applejack asked, scratching at her chest idly.

"Can't think of anything that we all don't know already." Rainbow shrugged.

"So what did you tell Spike to do, Rainbow?" Fluttershy said. "If Twilight didn't think of it first, then it must of been something really different!"

"What else but magic?" Twilight said, her horn pulsating to life.

With one bright glow her friends were teleported directly beside her, Twilight smiling with pride. "Magic can solve a good majority of our problems, and Rainbow just recommend I use a memory blur spell. Kind of like blacking out on alcohol, but magically, and less severe. Sure, it's a bit dangerous, and... questionably legal, but it was either that or ruin the night for all of us, so I made the best decision my sexually needy, slightly tipsy, extremely stressed self would normally make! Spike just made sure I did it right."

Pinkie Pie giggled in delight, wrapping her forehooves around Fluttershy and Twilight, hugging both of her friends tightly. "And that's brainwashing your enemies and-"

Pinkie's expression changed from delight to contemplation, her mind replying every single scenario she had ever seen Twilight go through. Other than the one that the other Elements promised to beat out of Twilight if they needed too...

"Twilight Sparkle!" Pinkie spun around to prod a forehoof firmly into Twilight's chest. "You are lying to us!"

Twilight looked around at her friends and their confused expressions, her violet eyes returning to look into the glowing sky blue eyes of Pinkie's staring her down like she was an ant under a magnifying glass. "W-what-"

"You are an existentialist ponyist, Twilight." PInkie Pie prodded Twilight's chest once again.

"I-I-I can be vocal about my views on life, Pinkie, but-"

"That means that ponies and creatures should always come first when it comes to happiness, and that anything that magically and socially interferes with their freedom to be who they are or do what they want without their consent is wrong."

Twilight swallowed down a large ball of saliva, sweat trickling down her neck. "Y-Y-yes, and most of us here do-"

"That means you would never, ever, *ever*** play with a ponies' memories. Sure, you might magically put them to sleep, but make them forget something? Without them asking for it? That, isn't, *you.***"

"I didn't cast a spell!" Twilight cried, falling onto her rump. "Rainbow Dash recommended we get the Cutie Mark Crusaders' higher than the Haymalayan mountains, and we sent Spike to steal some of Fluttershy's marijuana, take their food, and maybe get high himself. It was the best idea at the time!"

Fluttershy blinked rapidly, turning her muzzle to look at Rainbow Dash. "Umm... I'm just going to say, that letting three fillies and a dragon who are about to hit puberty get high isn't exactly... the best idea ever. If I may speak from experience."

Rainbow Dash clicked her tongue between her teeth, blowing out a jet of air from her lips. "Yeah... I didn't think about that. Horse apples."

"Well," Applejack sighed, "I could get mad, but now I realize we're just gonna have to accept what's happened, cause it's pretty much our fault. Epona have mercy on us all."

"Sweetie Belle... High..."

Rarity's eyebrows twitched, her eyelashes flickering as she turned around to look at Rainbow Dash.

She expected Rainbow to be meeker, cowering once more; but she simply seemed slightly drained. As if she was accepting her fate.

"Rainbow Dash," Rarity whispered, "you thought getting my sister high, of all the ponies in Ponyville - even Pinkie Pie - was a good idea?"

Rainbow clicked her tongue once more, biting her bottom lip. "Y-y-yeah, I don't think ahead a lot, if you haven't noticed."

Rarity placed her forehooves on Dash's lean chest, scratching at the thick, husky chest coat that Rainbow had. Rarity smiled sweetly, her sapphire eyes staring affectionately into the magenta core of Rainbow's own. "Sweetie, we've been through a lot recently, and I am oddly growing slightly fond of you. You help me let out a repressed mare I've held back for far too long."

Dash opened her mouth to comment, only to have Rarity place a forehoof gently on Rainbow's lips. "Although I usually don't say this in tense situations, everything's going to be alright. We will all make it through this alive and well."

Dash's ears perked. "R-r-really?"

"Until I skull fuck you with my horn!" Rarity screamed, her forehooves digging into Rainbow's chest fur to lift her off the ground.

"I must admit, that while I have not really seen the Elements of Harmony by themselves, this is certainly the most interesting kind of Harmony I have seen in a very long time."

Six mares turned their eyes to look at the voice addressing them.

It was none other than Princess Luna.

Twilight fainted.