How to Train Your Draconequus

Twilight looked up. Tears of desperation fogged her vision, blurring the floating demon-like Sunset Shimmer as she levitated just feet away from her head. The corrupted Element of Harmony she wore radiated a sickly dark light into the Friday afternoon, and Twilight inwardly shuddered at the power Sunset Shimmer could now command. But suddenly, out of nowhere, a steely resolve overtook her, and as she gripped her friends’ hands tightly, she could feel a familiar tingle spread across her body. Yes, Sunset Shimmer had the Element of Harmony, but she couldn’t command the Power of Friendship the way Twilight could. Maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to stop her.

Barf. Can you even imagine anything sappier? Why is “the Power of Friendship” capitalized? Do we really need to emphasize its power even more? And what’s with the lack of detail here? This completely fails to mention how a) the entire school had just been enslaved by a powerful dark magic, b) that if Rainbow Dash had just jumped and taken the Element off Sunset Shimmer’s head, the whole thing would have finished a lot quicker, and c) that the monster bore a striking resemblance to Lindsay Lohan. It’s the little details that count.

Then there’s the minor issue that the previous account is utterly untrue. Yes, I suppose it was ultimately the Elements of Villain Reforming that did Sunset Shimmer in, but that whole bit where Twilight and her friends become invincible because of their friendship? Complete fabrication. Doesn’t even come close to ringing true.

But before we get with the real story, you’re probably wondering what’s going on here. The author starts off with some normal-enough sounding retelling of Equestria Girls, but then digresses into vicious self-criticism and forced attempts at humor? And then goes and altogether and addresses the reader? Who’s even narrating this anyway?

I am. Discord. Nice to meet you. Kind of. Ish. I liked you better before you started questioning whether this sounds like Discord is writing this (which is plainly ridiculous because I’m Discord), or how it doesn’t make sense how Discord would talk about a movie called Equestria Girls, because he’s a character in the show and so how would he know about it.

The full explanation would fry your little human minds, so suffice it to say that my chaotic talents aren’t just limited to the world of Equestria or anything; I can wreck havoc on anyone, anytime. So don’t be so accusatory about the logic of me breaking the fourth wall and talking to you about the Equestria Girls movie, because I have seceded from logic. So if you're going to insist on being nitpicky about how it doesn't make sense that I'm talking to you or whatever, leave now, because it's not going to get any better.

But don’t actually leave now. This is an interesting story.