Saint of the Blade

Chapter 2: ‘E ain’t a Purdy One

The thing about dreams is that you don’t remember the beginning; and the end leaves you questioning what your brain does when you sleep.

Two things I notice after my brain wakes up while I sleep; one, this is one hella soft bed, and my brain has started to hammer like a subwoofer on max volume. My first action is to roll over and turn off my iPod, but after not finding it, I feel the wind rip and howl around me. My only thoughts are that I should close the offending window, and what is with the semi-truck parked outside. I finally opened my eyes to see a lush green landmass rushing towards me, and as it turned out, that semi turned out to be a zeppelin like airship. And I’m about to crash through the bridge. “Dam it to-” Is all I get out before I shatter my way aboard.

That bass-a-thon in my head has now spread to my whole body. Amongst the sound of glass dropping to the floor, a voice from somewhere yells “That piece of shit broke my window!” Not my fault. I blame gravity and velocity. To the right of me another voice chimes in, “The hell he come from?” Well when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-“He sure ain’t a purdy one.”

“Well fuck you too brosiph!” I shout, slowly moving to my feet.

“How’da know mah name?” He exclaimed

“Well, last night that’s all your mother shouted in ecstasy while I plowed her like a wheat field.” I remarked in spite, still looking at the glass littered floor rubbing my temple to ease the headache.

“YOU SONOVABITC H!” Is all the warning I get before a hoof hits my nose. As I lay sprawled on the floor, my brain does a spit take.

‘Wait- HOOF?’

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“DA FUKING HELL!” I shout as I look up to see two ponies looking at me with surprise, and one steaming- I mean literally steam was blowing out his nose and ears- standing over a short, blood covered, curved tooth. One of the ponies, who had a faded yellow coat and a light brown mane with two bars on a black collar, the one who I think complained about the window says “Who are you?” While the one who asked about my origins tries to calm ‘Brosiph’ down. Mister Origins asks “What is it?” and Steamy McAngrypants just shoots death glares at me.

“Good questions, got a mirror?” I ask

The captain hands me a large chunk of glass from the ground. What I see surprises me. A scaled hand with claws holing the glass and a dark purple gator head with blue eyes, two toned red, shaggy hair. I lower the shard to get a look at the rest of myself. The dark purple from my head turns into black the rest of the way down my body, my belly is dark gold, and my wings are the same color as my body. One slight surprise is that my spikes along my spine are translucent! As I finish looking at my “smashing” appearance, my jaw starts to throb and I notice the copper-like taste in my mouth. Using my tongue to find the source of the pain, I jolt at hitting the raw nerves in my gums were a tooth should reside. ‘Dam bastard knocked my tooth out.’

“Son, I grow impatient, what is your name?” The captain asks me.

Since it’s a new body, I figure new rules. “My name is Ripper” I answer.

“Ok Ripper, my name is Kirk and I’m the captain of the vessel you just crashed onto.” I failed miserably at trying not to laugh my ass off.

“Are you done?” Captain Kirk asks while staring at me as I winded down. “The brown stallion to my left is First Mate Cemore Butts, and I believe you’ve already meet our cyan colored cook, Brody Joseph ‘Brosiph’ McCormick.” I bust out laughing again at Cemore’s name.

“Ass” Cemore mumbles out

“You’re one to talk Mr. Butts “I smirk at him.

I barely notice Brosiph winding back with a right hook. Unknown reflexes kick in and I beat my wings to side step the punch while I plant my tail to trip him. I grab my missing tooth and his throat, pressing the two together. He eyes grow to the size of saucers as I whisper into his ear “I will kill you and wear your skin as slippers, your bones as jewelry, and eat the meat like candy” He pisses himself before I knock him unconscious. After I step over his body, I realize what I just did. “Well dam, I’m one cool mofo.” Captain Kirk and Cemore just stare at me. “What?” I deadpanned.

“Nothing Ripper, nothing.” Captain Kirk shakes his head.

Cemore asks his best question yet, “H-hey, y-you hungry?”

“Every. Damn. Day.” I challenge as I follow him down the corridors.

After some hay fries and milkshakes, I ask a question that has been scampering around in my mind. “Where are we at Cemore?”

What he says slaps me like a freight train. “It’s Mr. Butts, and we are in Equestrian Airspace, and about three hours from Stalliongrad.” I chomp down on the fork I was eating with, curiously it tasted like a potato. At seeing what was left of the utensil, Cemore’s eyebrow raises as he says, “You never answered my question: What are you?”

“Well, I don’t rightly know. My best guess is since that I’m not a full dragon and I feel the need for murky waters, I’m a dragon/alligator mix. So I guess that means that I’m a Drakegator” I smile like an elated child while eating the rest of the forks on the table.