2

As the bright warm sun's rays hit my eyes, I instantly turned my head away, trying to shield myself from the evil light. As I turned to my side, my eyes slowly opened to a blurred vision of the world. The first thing I noticed was a mass of dark hair and beige skin slowly stirring. Acting on instant, I leaned forward to greet the figure beside me, my lips parted.

"Good morning Kotegawa," I slurred.

"Mmm, good morning Ask," she responded as she too moved towards me with mutually parted lips.

"This is nice. A good morning kiss from Kotegawa," I thought sleepily. "....WAIT, WHAT!?!? I NEVER KISS KOTEGAWA IN THE MORNING!!! I NEVER KISS KOTEGAWA PERIOD!!! And for that matter, HOW CAN I KISS KOTEGAWA WHEN SHE'S AT HOME IN ELENOIR AND I'M ASLEEP IN- NO!" My eyes shot open to see my face only centimeters away from a half-nude human version of Twilight Sparkle, her eyes closed with her lips extended forward.

Now, this is where my Independent training came in handy, because with it, I manage to stay calm, collected, graceful, and above all-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

-poised in the face of danger.

My scream had promptly woken Twilight, to which she stared at me, stared down at herself, and responded with a just as ear drum-shattering scream. "What are you doing in my bed!? Your bed!? You mean my bed!!!" We said in unison as our eyes became white and our faces became beet red. Before I could say anything else, Twilight's horn began to glow as she yanked the blanket covering us over herself and pushed me away with a squeal. Before I could hit the ground, I was instantly blinded by a bright white light.

As I opened my eyes, I found myself outside as I noticed that a bright red robin was flying on by. "Huh, I didn't know robins came down this low to the ground," I thought.

"What ground?" my subconscious stated.

"The ground right he- hmmmm?"

I put a hand down to feel what was underneath me, keeping my eyes level. Nothing came to meet my fingers, and now that I was aware of it, I didn't feel anything under my feet either. I looked down to see that I was suspended about a mile up in the air over a large mass of trees, with nothing holding me in the air except the sheer nonsense logic of Equestria.

"Ohhh, shouldn't have looked down. Oh well. Have a nice fall."

"Why is my subconscious such a je-RRRRRRRRRRR RRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!?" I said as the laws of Equestria decided it was time to let go.

As I plummeted to the ground, I tilted myself as best as I could so that I would end up right over a tree, hoping that in some way that this would work. When the treetop came within a few feet of me, I quickly outstretched my hands, ready to move. As I fell through the canopy, I held on for dear life to the first branch I saw and used the momentum of the fall to push myself forward to the next branch, running along it until I met another tree. I jumped from crevice to crevice, branch to branch as I made my way through the thicket of trees, feeling exhilarated as the wind whipped through my hair.

"Now this is more like it! Parkour through the city? Evading life-threatening falls? This is how to start a morning! Nothing can stop me up here, nothing- whuoh!" I spoke too soon as the tree I was running through shook violently, causing me to lose my footing along the branch. As I fell, I managed to grab the branch and used it to swing to the next available branch.

"Okay, I can still handle this." The trees around me continued to violently shake one by one, as though something was coming for me. "I can handle this!" I said as I continued to move, losing a bit of control in my haste. However, the trees that were getting hit were almost upon me, and I just gave up all control at this point and paid for it. My hand slipped from a branch and I began to fall to the ground. I quickly ducked my head under my arms and rolled onto the ground as I evaded serious injury.

I continued to roll faster and faster until I was going faster than tire on a formula one car... well, maybe not that fast. "Some...body....stop....me! I'm....gonna....be....sick!!!!" I said brokenly as I continued to roll. "Please....anything....HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!"

As if on cue, I slammed my head onto a tree as I finally came to a stop, causing the tree to shake violently. As I pulled myself off the ground, I rubbed my head as a lump started to form. "Well, that hurt. At least it can't get any worse."

At that moment, three bright and robust apples fell onto my head, causing three smaller lumps to form onto my larger one.

And with that, I fell back and blacked out.

Let's recap. My name is Ask, or at least my title is. I come from a town in the US called Elenoir, where I lived with my pony-obsessed flatmate, Trisha Kane, and fought to help the community from crime with my best friend, Rito Yukki, and my teachers, DJ, Sonata Miyamoto, and Lea Fox. Together we form a vigilante group that operates outside of the government and law known as the Independents, working to help bring light through the darkness.

That is... we used to until one night I ended up in a mysterious control room after being saved by a strange girl from shadow monsters. It was there that I accidentally broke my watch and, after repairing it with parts of a device I found there, was transported to the land of Equestria, the home world to characters of the popular TV show I can't stand, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Yet strangely enough, in this world, the ponies are actually almost fully human in physiology, with the exception of the inclusion of horns and wings depending on what classification of pony they were on the show. It was here that I had to lie about my origins and was promptly made an apprentice to Twilight Sparkle in order to take over her job as librarian when she goes on to become a princess of her own province. As such, I now reside in Ponyville at Golden Oaks Library until I can find a way to return to Elenoir and the life I had left behind.

Sounds simple, right? Well, as any brony would know, things with the Mane 6 don't always turn out as you plan, and things became pretty interesting because of it...

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt a dull, throbbing pain surge through my head. Gradually remembering what had happened, I groaned at what brought me here in the first place.

"Stupid Twilight Sparkle. Why the heck did she end up in my bed? I swear I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind when I get back to the- hey! I'm moving!"

I looked down to realize that I was being carried by someone as the ground beneath me moved with out any input from my self.

"Eeyup."

I turned my head to notice a tumble of orange hair at my side. My carrier also appeared to be wearing a red plaid shirt and blue work jeans along with a pair of dark brown cowboy boots.

"Oh, hey Big Macintosh. So you found me huh?"

"Eeyup."

"So I'm at Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Eeyup."

"So, are you taking me back to the library?"

"Nope."

"...Am I in trouble?"

"Eeyup."

"Do I get a chance to explain to you?"

"Nope."

"To someone else?"

"Eeyup."

"Okay, just one more question. Do you say anything else other than Eeyup and Nope?"

"Not unless I need to," he finished as he turned his green, tired eyes towards me with a soft smile.

"Huh, I oddly respect that," I said returning the smile with one of my own.

After a few minutes, we reached a large, bright red barn that was surrounded by a carrot silo and several other fields of various crops. Yet most prominent of all were the hundreds of acres of land that made up the Apple Family apple orchard, stretching beyond my farthest sight with a number of different varieties of apples, ranging from red delicious to even orange pippin. Big Mac lifted me off his shoulder and turned me about to meet my judges, bailiffs, and prosecutors.

In front of me stood a rather unpleased Applejack and an elderly woman around about her late seventies to early eighties with bright white hair, wrinkly skin, and tired but welcoming amber eyes as she slumped in her bright green sundress and orange scarf polka-dotted with apples pictures.

"Heh, heh, g-good morning Applejack, Granny Smith." I said as politely as I could, but unable to alter their sour looks.

"Asky boy, do ya know wha' time it is?" Applejack asked coldly.

"Umm, no?" I said as I slumped to make myself look smaller.

"It's seven o'clock on the dot. And do ya know what that means, sonny?" Granny Smith asked while giving me the stink-eye.

"I get beaten up for trespassing and sent to pony jail?" I thought to myself.

"N-no..." I said instead.

All three Apples moved towards me very closely with an expression that read, "Get ready to get your butt kicked three-times over," adding more to my concern.

"It means..." Applejack said dead seriously, "...that me an' Granny Smith were right about ya again!" she said as she patted me on the back with a wide grin.

"What? Why am I not dead yet? Not that I'm complaining," I thought to myself.

"Dern tootin'! His ferst full day in Ponehville and he already comes down to offer a helping hand," Granny Smith said with a goofy, far-off look.

"Wait, what?" I asked with a cocked-brow.

"Well, ya came down teh the farm to find work like I offered, dincha'?" Applejack asked expectantly.

"Um, sorry Applejack, but I just happened to end up here due to a... complication with Twilight Sparkle. I wasn't coming in for any work."

All three of the Apples' smiles dropped to frowns at my words. "O-oh, we understand. I-I guess ya would want teh get used to yer fancy book work befur yew would come down teh find work with our simple an' primitive farm work," Granny Smith said with a face that would make even the most cold-hearted criminals cry.

"Eeyup," Big Mac said slowly with disappointment.

"Well, sorry teh bother ya sugarcube," Applejack said sadly as she led her family away.

"...Damn these ponies," I thought, "they drive me to feel guilty."

"W-wait!" I called, causing the group to turn back. "Miss Sparkle probably isn't to keen to see me right now," I began as the group scooted closer to me, "and I could use some exercise," I said as they scooted even closer, "and since I'm already here," I teased as they were practically nipping at my heels, "I wouldn't mind lending a hand." The minute I said that all three farmers beamed at me and brought me in close for a bear hug, my spine slowly breaking at this.

"I knew it! I knew yew couldn't resist some good ol' fashioned hard labor!" Applejack said as she pulled me away from the others, her arms still holding my body against hers.

"R-right. Umm, Applejack?" "Yes?" she asked still gripping me.

"Not to be rude, but..." I said as I pried myself from her, "would you mind not being so huggy?"

Applejack pondered what I said for a minute and responded with a quick, "Uh, y-yeah, sorry about that!"

"You okay? It looks like your face is turning re-"

"Eeyup! Just fine! Let's go!"

Before I could say anything else, Applejack grabbed my wrist and quickly dragged me off to the apple orchard to begin my work, leaving Granny Smith and Big Mac to themselves.

"Hmm, seems like Applejack is gettin' a bit hot under the collar," Granny Smith said with a coy smile. "You might need teh watch that young fella, eh Big Mac?"

"Eeyup," the large cow-colt said as he narrowed his eyes and cracked his knuckles, giving the nearest tree a good punch and causing it to lose all of its fruit in less than a second. "Ain't no smooth talker gonna court mah little sister without mah say-so..."

Applejack led me to a deep section of the orchard where several wooden bins were positioned underneath a few trees. She then let go of my wrist, throbbing as it was, and turned to me with her hands on her hips and smile wide and beaming.

"Now, I suppose it's yer first time apple bucking, so let me go over the basics." She then walked over to a nearby tree, facing me with her back to it. "Now, trees around these parts are mighteh sturdy, but they also can be rattled pretteh easily. All ya gotta do is position yerself properly, focus all yer strength into one area, and," she said as she lifted her right leg, "let all of that energy go all at once!" she said as her leg shot at the tree, causing it to shudder and drop its bounty upon impact.

"Huh, if she did that anywhere else but here, I'm pretty sure Applejack would be trading in her boots for a nice pair of gauze-frame casts," I thought as she returned her leg to the ground.

"Nothin' to it. Y'all can do almost anehthing teh release yer energy, from rammin' it teh even punching it, just so long as yew make a solid hit," she said with gusto. "Now, seein' as yer new and all, yeh maight wanteh start of slow to gauge yer- what the hay?!"

Applejack turned her head to locate the source of the loud crack she had just heard. It was an understatement to say she was surprised when she saw that the source of the noise was me giving the tree nearest tree a clean, simple punch that caused it to fill every bin beneath it to the brim with brightly colored apples.

"Like that?" I asked simply.

"Wha' in Celestia's great mane!? How'd ya do that!?" she asked with a slacked jaw.

"I just gave it a punch and boom, out comes fruit. Simple," I said matter-of-factly.

"I only ever seen Big Mac be able teh bring out that many apples with a punch! And yer just a beginner! Where'd y'all learn teh throw one like that?" she asked with an impressed look.

"Well..."

"So let me get this straight, you want us to punch this tree until the apple falls off?"

"Exactly."

"Sounds good to me!"

About four years ago, DJ had brought Rito and me out to the forest on the outskirts of town for a lesson in combat. The task seemed simple, get an apple down from a tree. Unfortunately, that was about as easy as it was gonna get.

"This is meant to teach you two control and focus over your strength. While you may not have enough raw strength to bring it down, you can still manage to do so if you concentrate hard enough. This will aid you in any future conflicts that may arise, and is also good mental training for analyzing situations," DJ said with a shaman-like air.

"So, if we focus hard enough, we'll be able to get the apple down?" Rito asked.

"Eeyup."

"And if we don't?"

"Blarghhhh!!!"

Rito and DJ turned to see me on the ground, cradling my now throbbing right hand after giving the tree the strongest punch I could muster.

"You're going to break your hands," he said with a chuckle.

"Take all the time you need, just make sure you get the point."

"And how do we know fruit will actually fall if we do focus enough?" I inquired as I kissed my reddening appendage.

DJ didn't respond, but instead went to the nearest tree, went into a combat stance, and gave it one good punch at its base, causing it to shake violently. As it shook, dozens of apples fell out and littered the ground.

"Just got to have focus," he said as he caught a falling apple in his hand and started to munch on it as he walked away satisfied.

It took several months, dozens of ice packs, and few good tantrums, but Rito and I eventually were able to kick down the apple and several more along with it with anything we threw at it. Whether it be punches, kicks, or even slams, we learned to concentrate our strength to not only remove obstacles but to remove the pain they caused as well. And of course, we grew to earn both an extreme appetite and burning hatred for the red, spherical fruit. A practical lesson all packed together by some painfully hilarious memories.

"...beginners luck I guess. Or maybe I'm just naturally gifted at this thing," I said in response while leaning smugly against a tree.

"Huh, gettin' a little big fer yer britches, eh pardner?" Applejack asked rhetorically.

"What can I say? When you've got it, you've got it," I snarkily responded.

"Now, color me nosy, but I think what y'all just said sounded like a challenge," she said as she came to meet me at eye-level.

"Maybe that's because it is a challenge. So," I said as my eyes narrowed, "what are 'y'all' gonna do about it?"

"I think I maight jus' have teh bring you down a couple o' notches. What do ya have teh say ta that, Asky boy?" she said with fire in her eyes, awaiting my response.

"I think," I said as I slammed my hand beside Applejack's head, bringing myself closer to her, "I'm going to have to show you what separates the foals from the stallions, and the cow-colts from the cow-mares," I spoke while looking into her unflinching eyes.

"Apple bucking, 2 hours; I take the north field and barn, yew take the south and the celler; person with the most apples in their cache by time wins."

"Sounds good, care to make it interesting?"

"Loser has teh let the winner ride on their shoulders fer an hour."

"While wearing your Stetson," I added evilly as I saw Applejack yelp at this. "Well?" I egged as she struggled with the choice.

"Fine," she finally conceded. "Deal?" she said as she spit into her hand and extended it forward.

I gave a toothy grin as I returned the favor with an even more slobbery one, "Deal." And with that, we both took off in separate directions to get started.

"Ha ha! That colt has no idea that he's gonna get his flank beat today by a mare," Applejack said with a look of glee.

"That mare has no idea that she's gonna get her toned butt beat today by an out-of-dimension city boy," I said with exhilaration.

"Mare? Stallions? Since when did you pick up on the lingo?"

"Shut up. It was for smack talk, nothing more."

"And the toned butt comment?"

"SHUT UP!" I roared aloud as I found my field and prepared to buck.

"You were totally checking her out..." my subconscious jeered.

Gotta remind myself to get a lobotomy after this.

Two hours later, Applejack was panting as she brought in her last basket of apples, her brow drenched in sweat. She had managed to move quite a few bushels, obviously more than she normally ever would on a regular morning, but surprisingly even more than she would were it a bet against Big Macintosh.

"Welp, time teh go and check up on the varmint. I can't wait teh see his face when I show him up," she said with a giggle of mischief. After searching around for a bit, she found me coming out of the apple cellar with a satisfied smirk. "We'll, don'cha look pleased as punch!" she hollered in my direction.

"Yeah, yeah. Just count them up and see how many we each got already," I snarled back at her.

We made our way down the cellar and began counting up my bushels. By what was added to the cellar from inventory records, I had been able to bring in ninety bushels of apples.

"Huh, y'know," Applejack noted mildly, "I was expecting a whole lot more apples from that lil' speech o' yers."

"Oh really? Well let's just see how many you managed to bring in Miss Thunderthighs," I commented. "

Lead the way, Meathooks," she commented back.

As we got to the barn, there was no debate about who had won. Applejack had managed to bring in 209 bushels of apples within the time limit, and she looked rather pleased with herself. "An' that, Asky boy, is why yer the library worker, an' I'm the farm hand," she said with overflowing narcissism.

"Wait, what about those?" I asked, pointing to a huge clutch of apples not taken into Applejack's count.

"Dunno. I didn' pick em. Big Mac mustah brought em in while I wasn' eround." she said with a shrug.

"Right, well that's that then." I began to walk out of the barn when I heard a rather loud cough. I turned to see Applejack looking at me with her foot tapping, horse reigns in her hand. I was about to ask what she needed and what the reigns were for, when I remembered our bet over the race. "Oh no, really...?"

"Really!" Applejack hollered as she rode on my shoulders through Sweet Apple Acres, reigns drawn slack at my mouth.

It was utterly humiliating for me. Applejack had insisted that if she was going to ride me, she wasn't going to do so without the proper equipment, and being a man of my word I eventually begrudgingly conceded to wear the harness. Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of my embarrassment. Applejack had proceeded to make me run the perimeter Sweet Apple Acres five times while she yipped and tossed me about like a cowboy trying to ride a bucking bronco. Along with this, she made me pass in front of Granny Smith and Big Macintosh as she stood on my shoulders like a trick-rider (eliciting many laughs from the two of them), run an obstacle course that looked like it was designed for rodeo horses, and made me prance to an entire obedience routine that was designed for equines.

"Well, I gotta hand it teh ya Asky, you may not have the strength fer farm work, but ya definitely have the stamina. I honestly didn' think yew would have lasted this long," Applejack said as she let me take a break.

"You... have... no... idea... what... I.. can... last... through...!" I said in between breaths.

"Really? Prove it!" she jeered at me.

She asked for it. Without much difficulty, I started to twist and move crazily as I attempted to buck my rider off. Although a bit surprised at first, Applejack tightened her hold on my neck with her legs as she used the reigns to hold on to me.

"Oh no ya don't!" she challenged as she held on stronger. I continued to pull and jump to get the farm girl off my back, but the more I tried the more it seemed like it wasn't going to happen.

"Being beaten by a girl? How low you have fallen."

"Shut up, she's got thighs of steel over here, and I'm not that shallow to be phased by my opponent's gender!" I roared inside my mind.

"Funny you should mention that. Because the more she grabs you with those legs of hers, the more she forcing the back of your head right against her-."

"Enough!!" I roared to the sky. I quickly fell to the ground and began to roll, whipping Applejack to the ground and placing myself on top of her while pinning her down. "Told you," I said as I was panting.

Applejack was also out of breathe as she stared up at me with surprise, managing to get out, "Not bad... Asky..."

"Darn right not bad. So, what was that about my strength?" I said as she struggled to break my grasp.

"I'll admit, y'all got more than I gave ya credit fer," she said as she gave up trying to break free.

"Thank you," I said proudly, "and I'll admit, you've got some skills with those legs of yours."

"Uhh, t-thanks." she said as her face grew a bit red.

Now that I noticed, she'd been doing that quite a bit today. I also noticed that she seemed a lot more... shiny at this point. Horrible word to use, I know, but it does help convey my point. Her skin just seemed to glisten as the sun hit it, no doubt from all the sweat accrued from this morning's work. Her clothes also seemed to cling to her body like a vice, giving me a pretty good picture of her curves. As we stared at each other, I wasn't really sure what was going on, but I felt oddly calm around Applejack in this state, almost a bit excited. She had always been portrayed as such a strong and independent pony on the show, but now that she was here like this, a woman pinned down on the ground and vulnerable, I couldn't help but get a thrill from having control over her safety and well being, like I just wanted to keep her all to myself like this. Without warning, I saw that our faces were slowly inching towards each other, our mouths only centimeters away.

"What the hell am I doing? I gotta pull away!" I screamed in my head.

"Why? I say keep going."

"Get out of the gutter stupid subconscious."

"Oh come on, what's wrong with this?"

"A: I just met her yesterday. B: I don't want a relationship. And C: I don't want a relationship with an Equestrian that I used to know as a pony!!!"

"Well, it's your mind and body. Stop if you want to."

But try as I might, I couldn't break sight with Applejack, her emerald eyes wide and full of uncertainty. I could feel her warm breath as we were now touching noses.

"A-Ask?" she said with a stutter.

"A-Applejack?" I said as I was about to close the gap between us.

"Watcha' doin'?!?!"

We both froze and shifted our sight to see the source of the high-pitched voice that had interrupted us. The source, as it were, was a little six to seven-year-old girl with amber eyes and bright red hair drawn back with a reddish-pink bow. She was wearing a yellow button-up plaid shirt under a pair of blue denim overalls she picked at as she looked at us, waiting for an answer.

"A-Apple Bloom?!" Applejack exclaimed as she turned her face to her little sister. "What are ya doin' home so early?! Shouldn' ya be in school right now!?"

"Miss Cheerilee had class dismissed early taday. Snips and Snails had gotten gum stuck on their bums agin and ended up sticking teh all our art supplies," she said with an annoyed expression. "So I got to come home jus' in time teh eat!" she finished with a bright smile.

"W-well that's very nice. But what have I told ya about snoopin' on people durin' their private moments?" Applejack asked as she pushed me off her.

"But sis, what were y'all doin' that was so private?"

"Nothing!" Applejack and I said together. Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at our response, but quickly brightened when she noticed who I was.

"Oh, yer that new fella from the party yesterday!" she exclaimed happily. "Mister... Question!" she exclaimed.

My face fell to the ground with a painful thump, not that it compared to the pain my ego suffered as Applejack tried her hardest not to laugh, ultimately failing when she fell into a fit of tears and hollers. "Close Apple Bloom, its Ask."

"Ask what?"

"No, just Ask," I countered as I pulled myself off the ground.

"Oh, well can I ask yew a question Mister Ask?" Applebloom requested with a smile.

"Sure Applebloom, why not?" I said with a shrug.

"Is it true that ya fought off a pack o' timberwolves to save Fluttershy?" she asked with glowing eyes.

I was a little taken back, but I none-the-less answered, "Yes Apple Bloom, I fought timberwolves."

"Oh wow! So, yer like a superhero then ain'tcha?!" I laughed at this comment, both for its nature and the enthusiasm of its asker.

"Sorry Apple Bloom, but I don't think so. I just saved Fluttershy because it was the right thing to do. It's not anything to make a big scene over."

"But yew went hand teh hand with TIMBERWOLVES! Ya hurt yer arm! Ya even hurt yerself to make em go away with yer noise thingy!" she insisted, pointing at my now bandaged arm.

"But I shouldn't have had to deal with that in the first place."

"But-"

"Apple Bloom, you just have to trust me here." I interrupted.

"Oh horsefeathers, fineeeeeeeehhhh!" she said as she rolled her eyes at us.

"Cheeky kid," I muttered.

"Now that ya mention it, what did fully happen in the woods?" Applejack whispered.

"After my little tiff with Fluttershy, she ran for the Everfree Forest to cry herself to sleep at home, only she went in the wrong direction and ended up getting stuck in what was left of that pile of rocks you and the others used to try to trick Spike into thinking that his life debt was paid. Spike was out getting some last minute party snacks (which he ended up eating) when he saw Fluttershy running off. He pursued to try and comfort her, but once he found her stuck and the timberwolves advanced on them, he passed out from exhaustion mixed with nausea from their breath. Ironically, Fluttershy ended up protecting him," I whispered back.

"Well that makes sens- Wait a mintute! How'd ya know about Spike's life debt?" Applejack asked suspiciously.

"I overheard Twilight talk about it at the party. Said she felt pretty bad for not even considering what was going on until it was too late, and for all the damage Spike's "help" caused," I retorted.

"Oh, heh heh, right," she responded sheepishly.

"Honestly, I don't mind coming up with reasons to justify my knowledge of their personal lives, but this would be a whole lot easier if I could just tell them about the show and bronies," I thought to myself.

"If you did that, Ponyville Urgent Care would have a new patient to add to its mental wing," my subconscious offered.

"What are y'all whisperin' about?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Now what did I just get done tellin' yew about snoopin'?" Applejack scolded.

"It's fine Applejack, no harm in having a healthy sense of curiosity, so long as she doesn't try to satisfy it the wrong way," I tried to help.

"So y'all gonna tell me what yew two were doin on the ground with yer faces scrunched up against each other with googly eyes and legs wrapping together?" Apple Bloom asked hopefully.

"Ha ha, no," I dead-panned. "And our legs weren't wrapping, were they?" I asked turning to Applejack, who turned bright red at my comment.

"Well why the Sam Hill would I know?!" she practically shouted. "Anyway Apple Bloom, it's time fer you ta stuff yer face. And yer yap..." she said as she rushed her sister away.

"Yeah, and I better head back to town," I said as I got up to head to get going.

"Ya mean yer not gonna stay fer brunch?"

"Aw crap," I thought.

"Whatever you do, don't look into- ah horse apples. You'd did."

I looked back to see Apple Bloom look at me with large eyes and a heart-wrenching frown. This was the kind of look that would appropriately fit into the old "You don't have a soul if..." meme if you tried to deny it.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Apple Bloom," Applejack said uneasily.

"But I just got here, and yew gotta spend all day with him!" Apple Bloom whined. "Please Mister Ask? I promise ta always get yer name raight from now on!" she said with pleading eyes. For anyone who has a basic concept of cute physics, you know that this argument was lost the second I laid my eyes on Apple Bloom's.

"I...w-well I, um..."

"Soup's on everypony!" Granny Smith shakily said as she took a seat at the Apple dining table.

Apple Bloom was happily bouncing in her seat with a fork and knife in hand while Big Macintosh licked his lips excitedly. Before me was the biggest spread of apple dishes I had ever seen in my life. There was everything imaginable, from raw apples to apple tarts, pies, dumplings, fritters, crumble, even apples dunked in carmel, all to be downed with sparkling apple juice. Yet despite the enthusiasm from everyone else, I was only able to awkwardly focus on the just as uncomfortable farm girl sitting next to me, her face covered by a light shade of blush.

"An' ta welcome our new neighbor and friend, were havin' a little something special with today's brunch!" Granny Smith announced. "Care ta guess what it is, Asky?"

"Hmm, a special food-related item to the Apple family. Only one thing comes to mind..."

"Sweet Apple Acres' special brand of lovingly and carefully homemade apple cider?" I guessed playing dumb.

"APPLE CIDER?!" screamed Big Mac and Apple Bloom.

"Well, looks like somepony's got a good head on 'im!" the old matriarch said as she brought up with difficulty a large wooden barrel. "That's right. The best cider in Equestria. If yew can find better, yer not from this world!" she announced happily as she and Big Mac set up the barrel.

"I'll just ignore this perfect setup for the ironically corny joke I can make here," I thought cynically.

"Well, no point in waitin', dig in!"

Apple Bloom immediately grabbed the first apple tart she could reach and began to chew greedily into it, while Big Mac had loaded up two wooden mugs full of golden cider and began to chug them down gluttonously. As Granny Smith was fixing her false teeth in place, I turned and saw Applejack grab an green apple and chew it slowly, looking at me with a look of confusion and unease. She then gained enough courage to ask, "How'd-?"

"Best cider in Equestria, literally. No explanation needed," I said interrupting her while trying to look away. I was a little hesitant to eat anything, as I usually didn't eat anything this heavy or rich, and I was still debating my love-hate relationship with apples.

"Aww, look at 'im. So shy, he can't even pick up a dumplin'. Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, I think we need ta help the fella by giving him the Apple family smorgasbord!" Granny Smith proclaimed.

"The Apple family wha- hurk!"

My sentence was interrupted as Applejack shoved a spoon full of food into my mouth, causing me to gag a bit. "Try the flaky apple pie sir!" she said, finally returning to her normal state.

"The apple fritters are a touch of heaven!" Big Mac said as he shoved a whole fritter into my mouth.

"The apple crumble is exquisite!" Apple Bloom said as she added a fork of crumble into my mouth.

"Some fresh apple sauce?"

"More apple juice?

"Apple brown bett-?"

"Eeverponeh!" I garbled through the lumps of food distending my mouth. I managed to swallow all that was shoved in and looked to my hosts. "I would like to finish my meal in peace," I said as I reached down into my shirt and pulled out a pen that, at the click of its button, extended three sharp prongs from its tip. As I was about to sink it into an apple dish, I realized what I just did and cringed as I eyed the device with walled eyes. "Since when have I had a pen that turns into a fork? And for that matter, why would I have it on me while going to sleep?!" I questioned as I tossed it over my shoulder and out a window.

"OWW! MY EYE!!" screamed a voice just outside.

"SORRY!" we all called, not really sure who we were talking to.

"Well Sonny, you aren't eatin' much, care to say what's on yer mind?" Granny Smith asked.

"It's nothing, I'm just not used to eating anything this rich or dense, or to have anyone offer me so much variety before," I responded politely.

"Well, ya did earn it. And I gotta say, you could use some meat on those bones of yers," she said as she picked at my loose white shirt, "but we understand. Are ya sure though we can't tempt ya with a bit of cider?"

I was a bit hesitant, but as Sonata had always said: "Never look a gift hoarse in the mouth. Always accept something that someone has gone out of their way to get for you."

"Of course," I said as I offered up an empty mug. Big Mac filled it up to the brim with some foam trailing down the side as he passed it back to me. After eyeing it for a second, I quickly put my lips to the mug and drained down the gold liquid in one go.

At first, I just sat there, not reacting or speaking at all. Then, without warning, by body began to convulse as I made several weird and hysterical faces, ultimately ending as my face landed in my plate of food. The others eyed me with expressions of worry, intrigue, and glee as they waited for something to happen. They didn't have to wait long as I quickly shot back up with dilated eyes. "HOLY MARTIN LUTHER THAT'S SWEET!" I screamed as all rationality slowly ebbed back into me.

"D-does that mean you like it?" Applejack asked.

"What? Oh!" I realized. "Yeah. Yeah, best cider in Equestria, no question," I responded cooly as I settled back in my chair. "Not that I have anything from here to compare it to..."

Everyone then released a sigh of relief as they went back to their food. "Well, good ta see ya recognize good taste when ya see it! That's probably gonna be the bestest cider yer ever gonna have!" Apple Bloom squeaked happily.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac added.

"Yeah..." I said, helping myself to another fill.

"I'll admit it, it is good. But," I thought happily as a picture of a blonde, muscular woman smiling with an apron and a mug filled to the brim with a drink came into my mind, "it still doesn't compare to the Fox family's colonial cider brew. But, I will admit, I'm glad that one of the secret tricks to make Apple family cider isn't that it needs to be made in a toilet!" I grimaced as I imagined Lea happily ladling cider from a round, pearly white commode.

"Well it's good ta hear ya say that, because I packed ya up a few canteens o' the stuff fer the road!" Granny Smith said as she gestured to four large brown canteens leaning against a wall.

"Much obliged, Ma'am," I responded gratefully.

"So Mister Ask, can ya tell us about how ya fought off the timberwolves?" Apple Bloom asked as she grabbed an apple.

"Nothing really to tell. The threat came up, I kept my calm and duked it out with the wolves. Nothing to it," I said as I returned to my seat.

"So, yer saying so long as ah keep cool, ah can handle any problem?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, in a manner of speaking, yes," I responded as I took a sip from my mug. "I'm sure Applejack would have loved ta know that when you were on top of her in the field," Apple Bloom offered innocently.

You know, it's actually surprising how powerful things little sources offer can be. In that instance, I spat out and sputtered on my cider while Applejack's face went dark red and Big Mac broke his plate while driving a fork into a piece of apple strudel.

"What?" the male farm hand asked as he stared at me with daggers in his eyes.

"H-hey! Would yew look at the time! Sorry Asky, b-but if yew don't hurry along, yer gonna be late fer...uhh..." Applejack struggled as she pulled me from my chair and threw the canteens onto my shoulders.

"The thing!" I exclaimed as one of my fingers shot into the air. "W-with Rarity and Butterfly!"

"Flutters-!"

"Fluttershy! That's what I said, Fluttershy! Well, thanks again for the meal and the chance to work on the farm. Hope to do it again sometime!" I quickly blurted as I ran out the door. "Hopefully sometime a long way away..." I muttered as I quickly moved along. However, something caught my eye outside, and when it did, my eyes bulged as my inventor instinct instantly kicked in, causing me to run to it without a care over the scene that just transpired inside the house.

The tension within the room was thick as Applejack returned to the table, hoping that somepony would say something. Finally Apple Bloom broke the silence by asking, "Applejack, why was Mister Ask wearing horse reigns when I first saw y'all?"

"Oh," Applejack sighed with relief, "he just lost a bet o'er how he said he could harvest more apples than me, which reminds me, when'd you get the time ta bring that haul of apples into the barn Big Mac?" she asked timidly.

"I didn't," Big Mac responded calmly.

"Pardon?" Applejack asked shortly.

"He's been helpin' me with that new-fangled tractor all day, not that we could get the dern thing workin'..." Granny Smith explained with a grumble.

"Eeyup," Big Mac confirmed.

"But that don't make a cowlick o' sense! If y'all didn't bring that haul, then who did?"

Suddenly a loud mechanical roar echoed inside the house that appeared to come from outside. Moving quickly, all four Apples saw that the roar had come from the old tractor that had apparently sprung to life of its own free will.

"Didn'cha say that ya couldn't fix the tractor Big Mac?" Apple Bloom questioned.

"Eeyup," Big Mac responded as he stared at the tractor dumbstruck.

"Then how-"

Before Applejack could finish, her question was answered as I emerged from under the tractor hood, my hair splayed and oil stains all over my body.

"Molto Bene!" I exclaimed as I slammed the hood down and shut the tractor off. "Nothing like gears, engines, and elbow grease to help forget awkward situations and get the inventor mind going! Well, that and acting as someone's horse for an hour. Almost makes me glad I brought most of my load to the barn by mistake. Almost." I then looked at my watch and saw that it was twenty minutes to noon, and that's when it hit me. "Oh wait, I really am going to be late for a thing with Rarity and Fluttershy if I don't hurry! Well in that case," I said giddily as I hopped to the ground and threw my hands over my head and brought my leg back in a running stance, "Arriba!" And with that, I sped off to town, leaving a dust cloud in my wake.

At first, the Apples just stood there, trying to take in what just happened. Then Apple Bloom finally asked, "Everypony?"

"Yes Apple Bloom?" the others droned.

"...He spoke fancy."

That was all it took to set the others off. Big Mac and Applejack immediately shot outside, with Mac opening up the tractor hood and seeing what I did to get it to work while Applejack scurried into the barn and began counting up the extra bushels. Granny Smith, on the other hand, laughed so hard at both my and her grandchildren's actions that her teeth popped out and clattered onto the floor.

As Apple Bloom ran out to meet her siblings, she couldn't help but smile at how the new colt in town had caused her steadfast role models to so easily lose their cool. "How'd he do it Big Mac?" Apple Bloom asked excitedly.

"No idea..." Big Mac stated with a gaping look. Applejack then emerged from the barn with a blank look, her eyes small and mouth pressed closed. "Well?" Big Mac interrogated.

"...250," Applejack managed to get out.

"What?" Apple Bloom questioned with a bright smile.

"250 baskets, not includin' the ninety in the celler."

Big Mac's jaw had fallen to the ground as Apple Bloom cheered at this news. "340 baskets in two hours?! That's even better than Big Mac's record!"

As Big Mac snapped himself out of his trance, he rubbed the back of his head in thought, both angry at what his youngest sister said that the stranger and been doing with his other sibling but also immensely impressed at his work. "Not bad, not bad," he said as he looked towards Ponyville.

Applejack, however, didn't share his sentiments. She had been put into one of the most awkward brunches of her life, as well as felt new and unusual emotions that frightened her because of me. But the clincher of this wasn't that I ran off, nor that I actually won, it was that I lied to the element of honesty, and she wasn't about to stand for this.

"Applejack?" Granny Smith asked carefully as she approached her granddaughter.

Suddenly, Applejack sprang into the air as her hair burst into flames while her skin became paper white and eyes became blood red, steam blowing out her ears as her face became a scowl. As she fell back down to the ground, with several patches of soot now littering her body, she immediately ran after me as she screamed to the world, "I'M GONNA GET THAT NO GOOD VARMINT!!!"

As I ran towards town, everything around just appeared as a bright blue and green blur. As Poneyville was just in sight, I suddenly ran into a small woman that appeared in front of my path. We ended up rolling and falling over and over again until we were just outside the entrance to Ponyville. As I began to recover, I was met by an annoyed look as I noticed that the person I had baled over turned out to be Rainbow Dash, who was wearing a light-blue track suit today.

"What's the big idea Ask?!" she squeaked at me.

"What do you mean 'what's the big idea'? You're the one that got in my way!" I answered back forcefully.

"Well you should be more careful about you're speed," she stated with her nose in the air.

"This coming from Ponyville's official daredevil, speed demon, Wonderbolt trainee?" I interrogated.

"Okay, how'd you know about my dream to be a-"

"What Pegasus doesn't want to become a Wonderbolt, and who wouldn't know that basic fact about the girl who won the Best Young Fliers competition two years ago by proving that the legend of the Sonic Rainboom was true by performing one to save not only one of her best friends, but also the top three members of the Wonderbolts themselves?" I dead-panned.

"Oh, good point," Rainbow said while rubbing her head. As I tried to get up, I was quickly brought back down to the ground by the weight of the canteens that hung around my neck, causing me to land on my butt with an audible thump. As I rubbed my now sore posterior, Rainbow Dash laughed a bit as she brought got up and moved towards me. "Eh heh heh heh," she giggled as she offered me a hand, "let me help you." As she pulled me off the ground, she helped brush some of the dirt off of me with her wings. "Hey, what's this?" she asked as a bright, gooey substance ended up on her wing.

"Ah, just some leftover apple... something, from my brunch at Applejack's," I responded as she picked it right off her wing.

"Mmm, apple pie," she said as she picked her lips.

"So why were you at Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Long story that I don't have time for. I have a meeting with Rarity," I said as I prepared to run, "unless you want to come with us to the spa to hear it?"

"Really? Do I look like the type of pony that would be caught dead in a spa?" she said with narrowed eyes and an annoyed expression.

"No, in fact, you look like the type who would freak out at the thought of someone touching your hands or feet," I countered as she flew back in shock.

"H-how'd you know that?!" she cried.

"I found an old copy of the Foal Free Express," I responded with a groan, getting tired of answering these questions and thinking that would satisfy Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately, it had the exact opposite effect, as she suddenly grabbed me by the collar.

"YOU MEAN ONE STILL EXISTS!?! OH NO! WHERE IS IT?! HOW DID YOU GET IT?! I NEED TO KNOW!!!" she ordered as she shook me with every word.

"It was just some leftover trash I found in the library dumpster," I said dizzily as I saw little Sergeant Keroros dance around my eyes.

"Phew!" she exclaimed as she let me fall to the ground. "That's a relief! Hey, you okay?" she asked as I pried myself off the ground.

"No, no, I'm fine, just fine. I just love prying myself off the ground over and over again from the pain you people cause me!" I screamed.

"Good to know," Rainbow Dash said with a cheeky grin as she hovered in midair, much to my chargin.

"Whatever, just get going and get out of here Rainbow Crash," I grumbled. As I got off the ground once again and made my way for town, I was immediately stopped by Rainbow Dash once again. "Ugh, what now?" I demanded.

"You mind lightening up?" Rainbow Dash shot at me.

"Sure, 'lighten up', I'll lighten up when you stop taking naps in the middle of the day Rainbow Crash," I said as I pushed past her. But once again, Rainbow soared up into my face as she gave me fiercely angry look.

"And would you stop calling me that!" Dash screamed.

"I'm sorry Rainbow Crash, does me calling you Rainbow Crash upset you Rainbow Crash, Rainbow Crash?" I said angrily.

"Quit it!" she cried as she pulled at her mane.

"Why?! Why should I?!"

"I hate that name! You don't know how much I hate that name!"

"It's a pun of your real name, a dumb one at that. Get over it!"

"No, you don't understand what that name means to me, how long it took to get rid of it! You don't understand what it's like to have people pull you down and make you think that you're no good, that you can't reach your dreams!"

"Wanna bet? You have no idea what i've been through in my life," I said with venom.

"Really?!" she said harshly. "Then tell me, paint me a picture!"

I took a deep breath as I forced Rainbow Dash to the ground. Squaring myself into the ground, I gave her a solemn look as she continued to stare daggers at me. "It feels awful, worse than awful. You feel as though you have all the potential in the world, that nothing can stop you, that everything will help to let you fly and let you soar above the stars. But then someone comes up and stops you, puts a giant blockade in front of you, stopping you from soaring just because they want to make themselves feel better. And to add insult to injury, they tear at you, trying to break you down so you'll never be able to fly again, leaving you to die."

At this point my rage was seething as I continued to craft my words, with Rainbow Dash now loosing her serious face for one of concern. "And the only thing you can do is put on a strong face, screaming at them when you're really screaming to be accepted, to be loved, to be helped." Rainbow Dash's face was now one of extreme concern as she saw I was physically shaking with anger. "But you won't ever let them win! B-because you know that you're better than them! Y-you j-just have to be!" I stuttered, my head fuming as I was slowly loosing control.

"Because it's not fair! It's not fair that they get to get away with it! That the universe gets to play a cruel joke on you and they get to go free!!! Because its your life!!! AND IT WILL OBEY YOU!!!"

With my little rant finished, I took another deep breath as I let off some steam and allowed my fingers to uncurl. Once leveled, I turned back to find that despite my speech, Rainbow was staring at me blankly. "Sorry..." I said quietly as I walked away, only to have Rainbow grab my hand.

"No. No, i-it's fine, just... I didn't know that you had that in you," she stated solemnly.

"Yeah, well you wouldn't..." I said turning away to calm down. We remained silent for a few minutes as we tried to read each other, wondering where to go from here. Eventually, I spoke. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Rainbow responded.

"So, we're good?" I asked extending a hand thoughtlessly towards her.

"Y-yeah," she said taking it with a small smile, "we're good." We stood there for a few more seconds as the air grew tense, unable to think of a way to proceed.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around..." she said as she flapped her wings to head off.

"Rainbow Dash," I called after her.

"Yeah?" she asked as she came back to the ground. "What is it?"

"I... well... here," I said as I offered one of my canteens to her.

She took it in her hand and eyed it suspiciously for a few seconds then finally asked, "What's in it?"

"Well... cider." I mumbled.

"What?"

"...Sweet Apple Acres cider," I droned.

"WHAT!?! YOUR KIDDING ME!" she screamed as she threw off the cap to the canteen and took a swig, her eyes instantly bugging out in pleasure. "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOH MYGOSHOHMYGOSH!" she cheered as her wings flapped excitedly at having her favorite drink in the world. "THANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOU!" She cheered as she wrapped her arms around me in a bone-crushing hug and spun me in the air.

"I-it's fine Rainbow Dash," I struggled getting out.

"Are you kidding!? This is more than just fine! You know how long I wait every year to get a mug of this stuff, only for Pinkie Pie to drink half of the stock and the rest to be drained before I get there!? This stuff is like liquid gold! This is one of the most Awesome things anyone has ever done for me! Thank you!" she cheered.

"Great, so, can you stop trying to break me in half?" I gasped as my face started to turn a dark shade of blue.

"I can do better than that! In fact," she said as she grasped both sides of my face, "I could just KISS YOU!"

"NO!!!" I quickly shot my hand up to my mouth as Rainbow's lips just barely missed connecting with mine. She pulled away with a look of shock and also a bit of disappointment.

"Why not?" she whined with an angry look. "I'm a pretty good kisser! Or at least I think so..."

"Rainbow."

"Is it my clammy hands? My teeth? My breath, it was my breath wasn't it!"

"Rainbow!"

"I knew I shouldn't have had a burrito for lunch, but it just looked so good! I mean, I didn't think I would be kissing anyone today, but still-"

"RAINBOW DASH!" I screamed, finally getting her attention. "It's not you, it's me," I stated.

"Huh?" Rainbow asked as she tilted her head to the side and wore a look of pure confusion.

"I just don't want a relationship right now, that's all."

"Oh!" she said understandingly.

"Plus... I've been kinda saving my first kiss for somepony special..." I added with a cough.

"O-oh," Rainbow said as a small blush grew on her face, "you mean you never- hey! Are you saying I'm not special?!" Rainbow squealed as her blush disappeared as quickly as it came, causing me to face-palm.

"Ughh, never mind. Anyway, looks like I'm gonna be late for my appointment with Rarity. Not unless I sprout wings and learn to fly in the next ten seconds. Anyways, I'll see you around Rainbow... Dash?"

Rainbow didn't say anything, but her smile was slowly growing rather large as her wings started to spread open.

Oh horsefeathers...

"Rainbow Dash, I know what you're thinking. Don't," I demanded.

But instead of heeding my request, Rainbow Dash just flew about one hundred feet away from me in the air, struck the most macho pose she could, and heroically proclaimed, "Have no fear! Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!"

I did say that I didn't learn anything useful from watching the show, but I guess I have to correct that now. I didn't learn anything useful from the show that I thought I would use. But for anyone who has seen "Mysterious Mare-Do-Well," you know as well as I do that when Rainbow Dash says those ten words, nothing good will come of it.

"Please don't do this-!"

Again, too late.

Before I could finish, Rainbow Dash had shot at me with a burst of supersonic speed, grabbing me by my arms and carrying me a good fifty feet above the ground. "RAINBOWWW DASHHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed in vain as the daredevil Pegasus continued rocketing down her path through town, a smile brightly plastered on her face and rainbow streak following her as Sonata's words seemed to echo on the wind.

"It's easy to hurt someone, its always harder and mightier to forgive. Always do your best to spread a little joy to another in this world."

Meanwhile, Rarity was just placing a few of her fabric swatches back on a her work shelf, worried about her newest designs. The fashion industry was always changing, and it was up to people like Rarity to think of new designs that would dazzle and amaze the crowds by giving something that they wanted that they themselves didn't know that they needed in the first place. Yet try as she might, nothing would come to her that felt right.

It had been a while since her last major fashion commission by the queen of equine pop, Sapphire Shores, and even then, she wasn't fully satisfied with her work. She was growing tired of her work that was simply gems plastered onto simple fabric, and desired something new to challenge her, something that felt fresh, something that was a challenge, something that would bring back the spark she had when she first started out as a junior fashionista.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Rarity quickly brushed herself up as she prepared to greet her guest. "Just one second!" she called as she made it to the door, opening it to reveal a familiar timid pink-haired friend. "Fluttershy, it's wonderful to see you! Come in, I was just getting ready for our weekly spa visit," Rarity said as she led Fluttershy inside.

"Oh, that's alright Rarity, take as long as you need," Fluttershy said with a timid smile. As she took a seat on the boutique's presentation stage, Rarity quickly grabbed a rather large pink and purple hat that was accented with a few red roses and placed in on her head so that it draped over one of her eyes, adding a bit of mystery to her look.

"Well, what do you think?" Rarity implored.

"Oh my, it's lovely Rarity," Fluttershy said quietly but supportively.

"Oh, thanks Fluttershy. It good to see that I haven't lost my touch completely," the fashionista said with a sigh.

"What's the matter Rarity?" Fluttershy asked placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Oh, I don't know Fluttershy. I just don't feel amazed by my designs anymore. I feel like there's something truly fabulous cooking within me, but for Celestia's sake I just can't see the whole picture yet."

"Maybe you need some new inspiration," Fluttershy suggested quietly, "maybe you'll get something from something you see outside, eat some meal with some special flavor, or maybe somepony might give you the help you need?"

"Maybe I just need to think about it a bit more," Rarity said as she caressed a piece that hung lifelessly off her sewing machine, "after all, it's not as if the answer to my block is just going to drop out of the sky," finishing as she pointed to the roof.

As Rarity turned to leave, she suddenly stopped as something caught her ear. "Fluttershy, do you hear that?" she asked as her eyebrows slowly raised in alarm.

"Yes, it sounds like... screaming?" Before Fluttershy could say anything else, a large mass suddenly crashed through the roof of the boutique, throwing mannequins in all corners of the room, forcing fabric looms off of shelves, and spreading dry wall and bits of wood all over the floor.

As Fluttershy cowered behind her best friend, Rarity could only look in utter shock and horror at what had befallen her precious workroom. After her initial reaction wore off, Rarity grew angry and moved forward to see what had caused such damage to her home and place of business. As the dust began to clear from the epicenter of the collision, Rarity was able to make out something slowly straining under a large piece of midnight blue cloth. She quickly parted the cloth to one side and found her perpetrator, me.

As upset as she was, Rarity was also entranced at the site of me. Not just me struggling under the cloth, but how the cloth itself looked on me, especially how it draped over my big, bushy, scraggly hair. "My... he does look rather cute in that doesn't he?" Rarity thought dreamily. "And it is awfully adorable how he stirs. And he is quite handsome t- No Rarity! Remember what happened the last time you became interested in a stallion without gauging his personality first. Patience is a virtue."

As Rarity continued to stare, I drew the cloth fully off my person as I slowly rose, sawdust caking my figure and wood chips adorned in my hair. "Ah, Monsieur Ask, a pleasure for you to join us," Rarity greeted, "and you're right on time." I looked up to a small cuckoo clock that hung on Rarity's wall and saw that I had indeed arrived at the boutique for my appointment right on time, the two mahogany hands both pointing towards the number twelve.

"Ah, hello Lady Rarity, a pleasure to be here," I said. "Oh, you'll have to excuse my attire. I'm afraid things, 'got a bit messy,' as they say."

"Yes, you are a bit... how should I put this delicately," Rarity pondered, eventually coming up with her words, "you smell like you took a bath in perspiration, dried yourself clean using filthy flea-ridden dogs, and then proceeded to splash bits of half-eaten food on your face for accent while wearing your week-old Sunday worst," Rarity said with absolutely no hesitation. "Which still doesn't match your shoes, Darling," she added.

"Well, that was insulting," I thought as I brushed off the debris, "although, what was I supposed to expect from prissy Rarity? And on that matter, I'm not even wearing shoes!"

"Well, the sweat and clothing are within my control, and for that I apologize. However, you'll have to thank my chauffeur for the new skylight in your boutique," I said as I pointed skyward.

"Chauffeur?" Rarity followed my finger and looked up to none other than Rainbow Dash floating in the sky, wearing an immensely proud smile as she looked down at us.

"See? You got wings and you made it to your thing on time, all in ten seconds flat! Just another heroic deed performed by the mighty and awesome Rainbow Dash!" she finished as she made another ridiculously macho pose.

"Yeah, you also dropped me fifty feet off the ground through a solid wood roof..." I grumbled. Although I kept my complaints silent, Rarity was not as subtle about her displeasure as I was, evident by the angry scowl she was giving her speedster friend.

"Rainbow Dash! That is the third time this year you have broken through my roof, and this time you ruined someone else's day with it! I swear if I get my hands on you, I'll bleach that wretched multicolored rat's nest you call a mane!!!" Rarity screamed as her fist shook in the air with pure fury. Rainbow didn't need to be told twice.

The instant she saw Rarity's face, she knew she was in trouble. "Uhh, hey! Look at the time! I'll be late for my noon nap!" Rainbow said as she pointed towards a far off cloud, trying to make her excuse sound legitimate. "Bye Rarity! And thanks again Ask for the cider!" And with that, the cyan-winged athlete took off as fast as she could, her rainbow streak still as bright as usual.

"Honestly, that girl needs a time-out," I said as I looked back to Rarity.

"Indeed, I think that a time-out is exactly what Rainbow needs. But in any case, thank you for arriving on time Ask," Rarity said with a small curtesy.

"Anytime, just wish I didn't damage your roof with my entrance," I commented as I looked upward. "I'll be happy to take care of the damages."

"Oh it's quite alright dear," Rarity dismissed. "The local contractor has grown accustomed to Rainbow's entrances and has offered me a rather generous price for whenever I need a repair job."

"Really? Well that's- uhhhhh, Rarity?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Qui Monsieur?"

"Why is there a cloth shaking behind you?" I asked as I pointed to a large yellow sheet that shook behind Rarity on the floor.

"Oh honestly," she moaned as she pulled off the cloth, revealing her now terrified friend. "Fluttershy, it's not a monster darling," she cooed.

"I-I–its not?" she asked still shaking.

"No of course not," Rarity responded, making Fluttershy smile a little, "it's just Monsieur Ask."

At that, Fluttershy's smile immediately disappeared as a beet red blush came over her at the sight of me.

"Uh, hi?" I offered politely with a small smile.

"......hi." she barely whispered as she looked away from me.

As we tried our best to avoid each other's sight, Rarity gave a light cough as she called our attention. "Shall we go dears?" she asked as she tried to diffuse the awkward situation.

"Let's," I promptly responded as I opened up the boutique's door, letting Rarity walk past me and Fluttershy awkwardly skimp by. "Let's see, strike one for the roof, strike two for making things awkward between me and Fluttershy," I pondered. "You're on thin ice Rainbow Dash..." I grumbled.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom was mulling over what I had said during brunch and was wrestling over what I had said. "He said if ah was calm an' collected, ah can deal with anehthing. So..." she mused as she scratched her head furiously, until eventually a lightbulb appeared over her head, illuminated and full of inspiration.

"That's it!" Apple Bloom screamed as she ran to a deeper part of the apple orchard, where a small clubhouse squatted up in a low tree. She immediately dashed in as she looked around for her target, finding it draped over a hope chest. "Mister Ask was a hero because he was calm! So," Apple Bloom said as she pulled on her Cutie Mark Crusader cape and hopped out the window and landed on the ground, "ah'll be like Mister Ask and protect everyponeh!" she proclaimed as her cape swayed in the breeze. "Cutie Mark Crusaders Heroes! YAY!!!"

As she finished the CMC battle cry, she then realized that no one was around to hear her cry, not even the other crusaders. "*sigh* It's not the same without Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle..." she moaned as she fell to the ground and moped. However, almost immediately she hopped back up to her feet and gave a proud face. "No! Like Mister Ask said, "Calm and Collected!" Cutie Mark Crusader Hero Apple Bloom, AWAY!!!" she said as she ran for the hills.

As she made it back to the main barn, she quickly looked around for dangers to be fought, only... not much really happened that was chaotic on Sweet Apple Acres. After an hour of searching for any sign of trouble, Apple Bloom grew impatient with looking, finally deciding that she had enough of waiting. "No more Mister Nicepony!" she declared as she ran towards the barn to look some more. However, on this run, she saw that there was a hole in one of the side doors of the barn, causing the interior of the barn to be exposed.

"*gasp!* This looks like a job for Cutie Mark Crusader Hero, Apple Bloom!" Apple Bloom immediately sprang into action as she grabbed a nearby hammer and proceeded to pry the nails off the door. It took a huge amount of effort on her part, but eventually, Apple Bloom gave one final good tug that launched the door clean off, revealing the opening in its full glory. "Ah did it!" Apple Bloom cheered as she balanced the door on her head and began to run for Ponyville. "Now ah can get the door fixed an' earn mah cutie mark for protecting against drafts!"

As Apple Bloom waddled off to fix the door, she didn't notice as a large snake had slithered its way into the barn through the opening she had created. She also wasn't aware of the loud moans and brays of terror that echoed from the room when the snake went in. As Apple Bloom made it just outside the gate to Ponyville, she immediately stopped dead as she heard a familiar whinny beside her. As the young cow-filly turned to locate the source of the noise, two creatures suddenly shot past her and into town, knocking Apple Bloom onto her behind with a hard thump.

"Ow!" Apple Bloom shouted as she rubbed her sore bum. Yet despite the pain, she was more interested with what had shot past her. "It can't be possible, but was that-"

Before Apple Bloom could finish, the ground started to slowly shake as small pebbles and loose dirt started to move. Confused, Applebloom looked around for the source of the tremor, but wished desperately she didn't when she had located it in the distance.

"Oh horsefeathers..." Apple Bloom moaned as her eyes bugged out in horror at what approached, aware of the threat she had just placed upon herself and, more importantly, all of Ponyville.

After a rather awkward walk through town, Rarity, Fluttershy, and I had finally made it to Ponyville's Day Spa. "Here we are dears, the second-most lavish abode within Ponyville!" Rarity said as she led the two of us inside.

I looked around and was met with quite the show. Around me stood a number of relaxation stations where varying types of treatment were offered for the enjoyment of the public, from facials to hot tubs to even massages. "I don't know about this Rarity," I commented as I looked around uneasily. "I'm not really the type to relax."

"Oh nonsense Ask, you'll absolutely love everything the spa has to offer, including its owners! Speaking of," Rarity said as she crossed me and made for a bell on a counter in a side booth. "I believe it's time you met them!" Rarity gave the bell a few quick taps as she waited patiently to the side.

Almost immediately, two tall, tan females appeared before us standing side by side. "Ask," Rarity said as she ushered me forward, "I would like you to meet Lotus Blossom," she said as she gestured to one of the two who had bright pink eyes and hair and wore a set of blue scrubs and white stockings that were rather tight and stopped just bellow her behind, enticing her to bow, "and her twin sister and partner, Aloe," Rarity finished as the other mare stepped forward and bowed as well, mimicking her sister in curves, body, and stature, only having cerulean blue eyes and hair and an equally revealing set of scrubs in a hot shade of pink.

"Miss Rarity!" the two exclaimed as they approached the fashionista with clasped hands in joy, air kissing each other upon meeting.

"It's been far too long Miss Rarity," said Aloe as she held Rarity's hands endearingly. "I trust you and Miss Fluttershy are here for your usual?" Lotus asked as she pulled Rarity towards her.

"Of course, but this time, I have brought a bit of surprise with me," Rarity said teasingly, causing the ladies to pause in curious excitement. Rarity then moved towards me and she pulled me before the spa twins. "May I present to you Monsieur Ask! I trust you remember him from yesterday's soirée?" As I waited to be addressed, I found that the two mares just continued to stare at me as they began to turn around me, looking me up and down.

"Yes, we remember, but..." Lotus said as she grimaced at me. "We remember him to be not so... messy," Aloe finished. I was a bit taken back by their response, as was Rarity by her nervous visage and her nail-biting.

"Vin zdayetʹsya dosytʹ sympatychna," Aloe said quietly to Lotus, just barely reaching my ear.

"Wait, is she speaking...?" I thought as I started to process her words.

"Tak, ale mis Ridkistʹ opysav y̆oho yak dzhentlʹmen, i prosto podyvitʹsya na nʹoho!" Lotus replied.

"It is!" I exclaimed within my mind. "I can use this! Now how did that translation go?"

"Мої вибачення дами за мій стан, я знаю його не належне зустрітися таких штраф пані як себе в такому стані," I said, causing both spa sisters to look at me with a stunned expression. "я був зайнятий, допомагаючи мої друзі, коли час вислизнула від мене, і я втратив час, необхідні, щоб змінити і підготувати нашу поїздку через моє бажання, щоб не бути пізно. Я сподіваюся, що ви можете знайти його у ваші серця пробачити мене," I finished with a solemn bow, much to the approval of the two sisters given their giggles.

"Miss Rarity, where in Equestria did you find this colt?" Lotus asked as she surveyed me.

"And more importantly, where can we find more like him?" Aloe asked as she eyed me rather suggestively, much to my unease and surprisingly a bit of annoyance of Fluttershy.

"Why do you ask dears?" Rarity asked as she shot up in surprise at her friends positive responses.

"Because he is the most gentlemanly colt we have ever had the good fortune of meeting!" Lotus proclaimed.

"Really?!" Rarity asked with a happy grin.

"Indeed! And the most sensitive as well. Tell us good sir, how did you learn to speak such proper Eqranian?" Aloe asked as she held my hands softly in her own.

"... just something that I learned to pick up," I responded as I immediately thought of Sonata and her grueling language classes. "Also, crap I owe her ten bucks for actually using those Ukrainian lessons..."

"Well, allow us to show you what we have learned to pick up," the two spa sisters said. At those words, I was whisked away by the Aloe, leaving Fluttershy and Rarity with Lotus.

"Miss Rarity, Miss Fluttershy, you robes are waiting for you behind the screen as per the usual. You may undress and I will come to assist you in a moment," Lotus said as she directed a hand towards a floral print changing screen. "Oh and Miss Rarity," Lotus said with a giddy expression, "thank you ever so much for bringing Mister Ask today!"

As Lotus trotted off to join her sister, Rarity let out a rather unladylike squeal of joy as she pranced in place. "I knew it! I knew they would love him! Course, I couldn't understand a word he said to them, but still, THEY LOVE HIM!"

"Yes, they... love him..." Fluttershy said quietly as she and Rarity walked to change clothes.

"Why, whatever is the matter Fluttershy?" Rarity asked as she began to remove her sundress.

"It's nothing Rarity, really. I'm fine..." Fluttershy mumbled as she removed her green skirt.

"Oh, well in that case, I absolutely MUST tell you what I heard the other day about the..." Rarity blathered on as she and her timid friend continued to change, one of them significantly disheartened.

At the same time, I was being taken away to another room by Aloe. "Uh, Miss Aloe, where exactly are we going?" I asked nervously.

"Do not worry, Mister Ask," Aloe said confidently as she patted my head.

"We're just taking you to a private room so you can undress in peace. Not many stallions come into our little establishment, and we only found it appropriate that they get some privacy, away from the eyes of the mares."

"Well, that's rather nice of yo-OOAAAH!" Aloe had shoved me into a rather small room adorned with several bits of furniture common to a changing room. There was a large, full body mirror resting on a wall, along with a few stools and clothing bars to hang unused garments.

"Ah, I see you found the Stallions' changing room," Lotus said as she and Aloe entered and shut the door behind them.

"Yes, seems... cozy," I said as I surveyed the room, eliciting a giggle from the two ladies.

"Well, time to get you undressed and into your robe," Aloe said as she pulled from behind her back a snow white robe with purple frills bordering it on a sides.

"Ah... Are there any other colors?" I asked innocently, gaining another laugh from the spa sisters.

"We are terribly sorry, Mister Ask, but this is the only style we carry here," Lotus said with a sincere smile.

"Can't be helped then, I suppose," I said with a sigh.

"Well, just leave it there and I'll be out in a minute." As I moved to remove my shirt, I was surprised to find that another set of hands was around my midriff, slowly pulling my shirt off. I immediately jumped away to find Aloe standing behind me, looking rather surprised at my response. "Um, Miss Aloe?"

"Yes, Mister Ask?" she asked with a smile.

"What are you doing...?" I asked uneasily as I backed towards the wall.

"Getting you undressed, of course," she said without batting an eye, causing my head to immediately flare up.

"W-W-What!?" I cried as I pushed my entire body as far as it would up the purple wall.

"Is there a problem, Mister Ask?" Lotus asked as she and her sister cocked their heads to the side.

"Well... I... um.... I'm not exactly used to girls (or anyone for that matter) being that close to me," I said politely as I stared at the ground, trying to avoid eye-contact. "Let alone helping me undress..."

"But this is what we do Mister Ask," Lotus said happily. "We offer full service to all male clients, from undressing you to even hand-washing you," Lotus added in just as cheerily.

"Seriously? WHAT KIND OF A SPA IS THIS!?" I shouted in my mind.

'The best kind!" my stupid subconscious answered.

"I-I-I really wouldn't want to trouble you two fine ladies," I said as sweat started to pour down the back of my neck.

"Nonsense, our duty is to offer complete satisfaction to our clients," Lotus said as she grabbed my hands and looked at me with eyes shining with determination, much to my discomfort.

"And we happily do it for the few gentlecolts we are fortunate to have!" Aloe added as she grabbed our cluster of hands as well.

"B-B-But-" But before I could say anything else, both sisters placed a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"Just relax Mister Ask," they said in unison as they each grabbed a side of my shirt, giving me extremely sultry looks, "and let us serve you."

I suppose my thoughts at this moment can be summed up in three easy words.

"Buck my life..."

"...and of course she was utterly uncouth about the matter, as you might expect," Rarity said as she and Fluttershy emerged from behind the spa's folding screen, now clothed only in their bath robes.

"Mmh, mmh, yeah, uh, that's whatever you said for you..." Fluttershy said as she walked beside her friend.

"Fluttershy dear, are you sure you're alright?" Rarity asked as she looked to her friend with a concerned look.

"Oh Rarity, I don't know, I," Fluttershy sighed as she looked away. "I feel... strange about something..."

"Well whatever it is Fluttershy, you know I am here to listen," Rarity said with a smile. Fluttershy took a deep breath as she looked to Rarity.

"Well, you see I-" Before Fluttershy could finish, a loud crash sounded from across the building. Fluttershy and Rarity immediately ran to the source to find it came from an out of the way room. "Stallion's changing room?" Fluttershy read as her eyes slowly shrunk.

"I'm... sure its nothing..." Rarity said as she placed a hand on Fluttershy's shoulder and gave an obviously faux smile.

Unfortunately, Rarity's plea proved false as several more crashes sounded from the room, along with the sound of a clown horn, a screeching cat, and for some reason a mad hyena's laugh. Within a few seconds, the door slammed open as the two spa sisters were ejected from the room and landed in a pile in front of the two girls.

"I told you over and over again," I said as I poked my head out of the room, my hair tussled and my shirt half off, "I CAN UNDRESS MYSELF!" After slamming the door, the two sisters slowly got up as they looked to each other disappointedly.

"I just don't understand it Aloe," Lotus said as she got up and pulled her sister to her feet.

"Neither can I Lotus. No stallion has complained about our full service before," Aloe responded as she joined her sister by the changing room door. "Why Caramel has always highly praised us for it..."

As the two sisters stood in attention, waiting for me to come out, Fluttershy's cheeks grew flushed as she gave the two women displeased looks. Three minutes later, I emerged from the room, a white robe now over my body. "Relaxing, huh?" I said as I walked up to Rarity, arms crossed as she gave me a sheepish grin.

"We apologize for our indiscretions Mister Ask," Lotus and Aloe said as they bowed low to the ground.

"It's quite alright, just... please avoid it in the future."

"Of course, we only aim to please," the girls said as they gave me perky smiles.

"So, what shall we start with?" I asked the girls, to which Lotus and Aloe gained bright grins as they grabbed my arms.

"Leave that to us!" they both said happily as they proceeded to drag me across the room.

"That's what I'm afraid of!" I cried.

Rarity and Fluttershy jogged quickly behind as I found myself being forced into a wooden room and slammed into a wooden seat. "Let your muscles relax as the heat of our sauna opens up your pours and drain the impurities from you," Lotus said with a smile while Aloe grabbed a nearby ladle and poured some water over a clutch of black rocks, causing them to hiss as they gave off a cloud of hot steam.

"Oh, that is divine," Rarity said as she fanned the steam to her face and took a seat next to me. "Now, I was in the middle of telling Fluttershy about this simply dreadful salespony that..."

As I watched Fluttershy take a seat on Rarity's opposite side, I started to ponder over what I should do. I needed to find a way out of Equestria, but before that, I would need to get accustomed to living here for a while. That being said, I was still unfamiliar with some of Equestria's inner workings and how they differed from the human world, with one thing in particular...

"Pardon me, Milady," I said as I said, stopping Rarity in her tracks, "but would you permit me a question?"

"Oh, well of course Ask," Rarity said, extremely flattered at being referred to as "Milady" once more.

"Forgive me if this is a bit forward, but... why exactly are Cutie Marks such a sensitive topic here?" I asked, causing Rarity and Fluttershy to stare at me with a shocked expression. "I-I only ask for curiosity sake. Well, that and because I got an earful from one of you because of it," I said with a quick look towards Fluttershy, who sunk deep into her hair in embarrassment.

"Well... I would assume it would have been obvious Ask," Rarity said as she turned in my direction.

"Uh huh... well let's assume that I know absolutely nothing about Cutie Marks," I said quickly as I looked away. "That being said, would you mind enlightening me before I cause any other mares discomfort?"

Rarity raised an eyebrow, but quickly dropped it as a look of realization dawned on her. "Oh that's right, your unfortunate spell of amnesia. It must have included that as well. Oh and you poor dear, too ashamed to ask anyone to inform you once again," Rarity said with a pat on my shoulder.

"Righttttt, amnesiaaaaa," I said with a nervous chuckle.

"Well, I suppose the best way to explain it is this."

Without warning, Rarity grabbed the sides of my face as she looked deep into my eyes, causing mine to grow small in shock.

"Rarity, what are-!"

"Shush, shush, shush! Don't talk, just look deep, deep, into my eyes," Rarity said calmly as she rested her forehead on mine.

I felt extremely uncomfortable as I shut my eyes in response. She was absolutely too close for me. I could feel the heat coming from her brow, a few strands of loose hair touching my nose, and sweat seeping onto me from where our heads met.

"You'll have to open your eyes dear, or this is absolutely pointless," Rarity asserted, causing me to cringe as I felt her breath on me.

"Sooner you listen, the sooner it's over," my subconscious chided. With a slow swallow, I opened my eyes as I directed my eyes into Rarity's pupils.

"Rarity, is there really any point to... thisssssssss?!"

From the densest point in Rarity's pupils came a bright amethyst light that radiated out and filled my whole sight. From this came another bright flash, from which the depiction of three shining, baby-blue diamonds came into view, radiant in the light of Rarity's eyes. Before me was Rarity's Cutie Mark, a symbol I had seen a number of times because of Trisha, but not in anyway like this.

"Whatttttt?!" I exclaimed as I broke my connection with Rarity's forehead and stared at her dumbstruck, to which she giggled happily.

"Impressive, no?"

"H-How?!" I asked while breathing heavily.

"Cutie Marks are a representation of a person's special talent, a physical and spiritual sign of his or her destiny that appears when he or she are able to discover their special talent."

"Right, I'm aware of that," I said slowly.

"But the symbol is meant to be a secret to each person, invisible to everyone. However, they can be seen if you two individuals mutually trust and care for each other and stare deep into each other's souls, allowing each other to see the other's true essences."

"Eyes are the windows to the soul," I muttered as I felt her words sink into me. "And you said that I could only see your mark if we cared and trusted each other?"

"Exactly," Rarity said simply.

"But we've only known each other for one day," I insisted to which she just waved a hand as she leaned back on the sauna's wall.

"And in that time, you've helped save one of my best friends from Timberwolves, and that alone is more than enough to earn my trust," Rarity said endearingly.

"Wow, you really are the element of generosity. But there's something I still don't understand. Why exactly did Fluttershy grow so cross when I asked where your cutie marks were?" I asked, causing her to grow a little nervous.

"Well, as I said, a Cutie Mark is both spiritual and physical. The spiritual part comes for the view into one's eyes. The physical part comes from a physical depiction of the mark somewhere else..."

"Which would be...?" I asked, causing her to bite her lip nervously.

"On our flanks..."

"Sorry?"

"...On our flanks!" Rarity practically screamed as she blushed harshly and Fluttershy's wings sprung up in her robe with a squeak. As these words registered in my mind, I immediately began hating myself. I had seen where their Cutie Marks were Q knows how many times, and it didn't register with me that it didn't change here!?

"Um... I think we've all had enough steam, haven't we?" I asked quickly, to which the two of them nodded silently as they got up and made a dash for the sauna door. I took my time following out as I found myself locked in Lotus and Aloe's grips again as they dragged me towards a cushy chair and forced my feet into a pink tub filled with warm water. "Um, what is-" Before I could finish my sentence, a thick layer of green goo was slathered over my face while I two cucumbers were laid on my eyelids.

"Facials to refresh and rejuvenate the complexion," Rarity said as she took a seat nearby me, allowing herself to be smothered in the goo while Fluttershy preferred to receive a few slight dabs on her cheeks.

"I... feel ridiculous," I said plainly as I removed the cucumbers from my eyes. "And I'm pretty sure I look ridiculous."

"For now, but in a matter of minutes, you're going to look fabulous!" Rarity said happily. "That is until you put on those awful clothes of yours..."

"Really? What's wrong with my clothes?" I demanded.

"They just are so plain and tacky. A v-neck on you just doesn't work with you caramel skin, and black cargo shorts just don't work with how tall you are."

"Alright then, what do you suggest I wear?" I said with a grumpy expression.

"Oh! You wish for me to design you an ensemble?" Rarity said with a huge smile.

"Well..."

"Oh because I have SO MANY ideas that I've wanted to try on a stallion! What is your birthstone? What do you prefer to wear? Oh, all the possibilities I have here!" Rarity cried giddily as her horn was being filed by Lotus.

"Okay, let me stop you there," I said as I just escaped Aloe's hands that were about to give my shoulders a rub. "If you're going to design something for me, and I'm not saying that you should," I asserted with a serous look, "there's gotta be some ground rules."

"Ground rules?" Rarity said nervously.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to go crazy on the details. I remember what that resulted in with that botched fashion show all those years ago," I said coyly, to which Rarity cringed while Fluttershy blushed harshly. "I just don't want to end up in a suit made made out of a bunch of sapphires."

"Ha, believe me when I say that a design like that is the farthest thing from my mind," Rarity curtly said a she stewed in her thoughts, now feeling more annoyed that her rut was starting to be recognized.

"So, ground rules. First, no sparkles, no bows, no gems, nothing emasculating."

"I wouldn't say that gems are all that emasculating."

"You obviously haven't really seen those bow ties you made for Owlicious and Spike, have you?"

"You aren't partial to bow ties?"

"Of course not, bow ties are cool, when they are solid quality material, not a flimsy bow with gems plastered all over it," I affirmed, causing her to cringe again.

"Fair enough, next?"

"Second, nothing too 'fabulous', I am a man who likes to move and I need something that breathes."

"Something that breathes..." Rarity muttered quietly as she began constructing the design in her mind.

"Third, it needs to be strong."

"Strong?"

"As this demonstrates," I said as I lifted my bandaged arm up to Rarity, "I'm not exactly the most careful of people, and I'd rather not have to continually ask for repairs from rips and tears."

"Or for that matter cleaning bills from stains," Rarity added as she felt the design take more form. "What about color?"

"Well... I do have a penchant for black and white," I said with a shrug.

"I've noticed, and as... charming as it has looked on, might I suggest some color?" Rarity said as Aloe proceeded to crack Rarity's mask off with what appeared to be a chisel and hammer.

"I'm not big on wearing color as opposed to observing it on others," I said simply as I removed my feet from the bath and gave my full attention to Rarity.

"Oh come now Monsieur, live a little! You say you're an observer of color, so tell me, what is the first color that comes to mind?"

Closing my eyes, I searched my mind for the first thing that would surface. Unsurprisingly, the first to arise was a familiar wooden box. "TARDIS blue," I said outright as I continued to think about the old time machine and his driver.

"I'm sorry but, TARDIS blue? I'm not aware of that swatch," Rarity asked with a raised eyebrow as Lotus had just finished cracking her mask and began to brush the residue off her face with a brush.

"O-oh! Sorry, you wouldn't understand. Um, blue is fine," I said as I pulled my mind out of the time gutter.

"Excellent, anything else?" Rarity asked.

"No, I think that's more than enough from my end. Other than that, I leave it up to you and your skills," I said as I got up and stretched my back.

"Anything in particular you're wanting to try Mister Ask?" Aloe asked as she came up behind me.

"Well, I guess I could use a good soak," I said as I saw my hands covered in oil and apple goo.

"I know just the thing, but first," Aloe said as she raised a chisel and hammer in my direction, causing me to flinch in fear, "time to get that mask off of you!"

"Can't you just wipe it off?!" I said as I backed my way into a chair as Aloe approached me threateningly.

"Unfortunately not Mister Ask, the mask instantaneously hardens to stone quality. No one can remove it without the proper tools."

"I'm sure I can," I said as I tried prying the mask off by hand, only to find that it didn't budge an inch. Trying harder, I placed a foot under the mask's outline and pushed as hard as I could, but once again, nothing gave way. "What is this thing made out of, Urkel's super glue?!?" I cried as I slammed my face into a nearby wall, only to leave a large indent in the wall as the mask remained immaculate.

"Oh, they always try that, don't they Aloe," Lotus said with a laugh as she carefully scraped Fluttershy's face clean.

"Yes, but none were more impressive that the indent left by Snowflake," Aloe responded cheerfully as grabbed me from behind, stuck the chisel right between my eyes, and raised her mallet high. "Now relax Mister Ask, that way I won't have to pay for your medical bills and in exchange I won't make you pay for the wall."

"Miss Aloe, please don't!" I cried as I saw the mallet fall deadly fast. However, before Aloe could finish her blow, a loud crash erupted from the front of the spa, causing her to miss her mark and hit me square in the nose (which surprisingly, felt like nothing).

"WHERE IS HE?!"

As that awful scream rung in my ears, I realized that that scream was actually pretty familiar.

"WHERE IS ASK!?" said an annoyed blonde as she stormed closer to us.

"Applejack? Whatever is the matter dear?" Rarity said as she looked to her friend.

"The matter is that the varmint owes me big for humiliating me! Now where is he?!" Applejack steamed.

"Calm down dear, he's right over there with... Aloe?" Rarity and Applejack looked towards Aloe saw that she was now lacking one particularly dirty stallion.

"Now where did that Varmint go?!" Applejack's eyes tore around everywhere as she looked for some sign of me.

Fortunately, I had managed to hide myself particularly well. Unfortunately, my hiding place was within a hot tub with limited air and not much clothing. I had experience with holding my breath over time, but I never was used to keeping so still about it without an air line. As Applejack continued her search, I was quickly running out of air, and the heat wasn't helping either.

"You sure he was in here Rare?" Applejack asked.

"Of course, we've just spent the last few minutes talking over-"

"WHERE IS HE?!" As I heard the second scream echo across the top of the tub, I released a bubble of air as I shifted my eyes towards the echo, and boy was I in trouble. Twilight Sparkle was now gliding towards her friends as she wore a frantic expression.

"Oh Twilight, are you looking for Ask, too?" Fluttershy said as she joined her friends.

"Yes! I accidentally teleported him this morning, and now I can't find him anywhere!" Twilight cried as she looked around.

"Well y'all be happy to know that he ended up at Sweet Apple Acres, where he made me feel more humiliated than ever before, in front of mah family no less!" Applejack cried.

"What?! What did he do?!" Twilight asked, growing more nervous by the second.

"All I did was lie about a bet! Apple Bloom was the one who made the whole thing in the field awkward!" I thought as I felt my air supply was running out.

"Well h-"

"WHERE IS HE!?!" Turning wildly to the side, I saw a third mass with pink hair barge into the spa.

"Pinkie Pie?!" we all cried as I realized that I lost yet another breath of air. "What's wrong?! What did Ask do to you?!"

"What do you mean?" Pinkie asked with a confused expression. "I haven't seen Asky today."

"So then why did you come in screaming 'WHERE IS HE?!'" Twilight demanded.

"Because she saw that you were doing it and she thought it looked like fun," our favorite humanoid-dragon dead-panned as he walked in behind the party pony.

"Plus, I wanted to show him party cannon!" Pinkie added happily as she pulled her signature party tool from seemingly nowhere. "I think he'd really, really love to take it apart and find out what makes it tick!"

"I'm pretty sure Ask wouldn't want to take your cannon apart Pinkie," Fluttershy said quietly.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, trust your Auntie Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, he'll want to take it apart," Pinkie said as she patted her friends head condescendingly.

"I'm a year older than you," Fluttershy said with mild annoyance.

"She's not wrong Butterfly Butt," I thought as I imagined ripping the mechanics of the cannon apart.

"Ladies, please!" Lotus cried as she joined the group. "Would you all kindly please keep it down! People come here to relax and relieve stress. So would you all please control yourselves?" Moving as quickly as I could, sifted through the water towards the exit, hoping to make a quick getaway. Unfortunately, I made it just in time to see that the door slammed open to reveal Rainbow Dash with a wild look.

"GUYS, THERE'S A-"

"MISS DASH!" Aloe cried at the speedster. "Not another word! If anyone else screams another word in this spa, I will personally remove them from the premises!"

"But-"

"No buts!" Aloe insisted.

"...Alright," Rainbow Dash said simply as she made her way back to the exit. "Oh, and by the way, stampede," Rainbow added as she left the scene.

"Well that's one problem taken care of, now about As- wait a minute," Twilight said as she turned back to the exit. "What did Rainbow just say?"

"I think it was... stampede?" Fluttershy said quietly.

"Stampede?" Spike asked.

"Eeyup, definitely stampede," Pinkie said.

"Huh, stampede," Applejack said with a nod.

"....... STAMPEDE?!?!" they all cried as I finally ran out of air and bolted out of the tub.

"Oh, and Applejack, you're not going to like who's in the middle of it all," Rainbow Dash screamed through a window.

The girls didn't wait another second. Fluttershy and Rarity immediately bolted towards the changing screen and switched into their normal clothes. After which, they along with the others ran outside to see what was going on, completely I ignoring me in the process. Being curious myself, I pulled myself out of the tub and covered myself with a robe. Darting to the men's (stallion's, whatever) room, I was surprised to find that my clothes were now gone, along with my canteens.

"Ugh, great, just like back at EHS," I groaned as looked in the wall mirror. "Well, no one's going to recognize me with this mask on anyway." Making a 180, I dashed past Aloe and Lotus as I made my way outside. Surprisingly, everything seemed pretty normal to me. The street was just as it was when I left it, and I certainly didn't see any stampede anywhere. So what was Rainbow Dash talking abo-

"LOOK OUT!!!"

I turned my head towards the source of the scream, and although I couldn't see it under the mask, I was sure that my face went completely white from what I saw. Before me was a herd of stampeding cattle, several of them steers with horns barred and yokes taught, tearing up everything that came in their path. They looked to be about thirty, maybe even fifty of them all together. But the thing that stuck out for me wasn't that I hadn't heard the pack before now, nor the damage that they were causing. What stood out for me was the thing hanging off of the horns of the leading steer, eyes closed in terror as she held on for dear life. Quickly leaping out of the way, the stampede quickly sped by as it left a trail of destroyed carts and hoof-prints as it disappeared around a corner.

"Apple Bloom?!" I cried as I got back to my feet to find the girls and Spike running by me.

"Hold on Sis! We're comin'!!!" Applejack cried as she pumped her legs as hard as she could to catch up to the pack, but to little success.

"Hang on Apple Bloom, I'm coming!" Rainbow Dash cried as she began flying past her friends.

As the girls disappeared around a corner, I decided to get a better look of the situation. Running to the nearest building, I quickly climbed up to the roof as I managed to find the stampede in another street. Rainbow Dash was quickly gaining on the front steer and practically had Apple Bloom within the reach of her arms. Giving her wings an few extra hard pumps, she managed to grab Apple Bloom around her midriff. However, as hard as Rainbow Dash tried, Apple Bloom wasn't separating from the steer at all.

"Come on Apple Bloom, I've gotcha! Just let go!" Rainbow cried as she tried pulling the filly away.

"Ah can't! Mah leg's caught under his yoke!" Growing frustrated, Rainbow Dash let go as she kicked the lead steer in his rear (huh, that rhymed).

"Let go already!" Rainbow cried. Unfortunately, instead of letting her go, the steer grew even more enraged as he flung his head back, knocking Rainbow Dash away as he increased his speed along with the rest of the pack. As Rainbow tumbled to the ground, the girls caught her as the stampede mad its way to the market. "Ugh! I almost had her! Give me another chance and I'll-"

"Forget it Rainbow Dash," Twilight said as she held her friends wings in place. "You barely were able to catch up to them the first time, and even if you did catch up, you might end up hurting Apple Bloom, or worse drop her into the stampede!" Frustrated beyond belief, Applejack broke away from her friends as she made a run for the herd, only to be pulled back by Rarity.

"Applejack, please hold on!"

"Ah can't!" the cow-mare cried as she ripped herself out of her friend's grasp. "Mah little sister is in danger, the stampede is runnin' amok in town, and I'm the only one who's got the skills ta stop it!"

"Applejack, wake up! I could barely keep up with them while flying! You thing you're going to put em up on foot?" Rainbow chided.

"Well then what the sam heck are we supposed ta do!?"

I had to admit, as much as it pained me to say it, I felt for Applejack. I knew I would hate to be in the same situation if it involved any of the Independents, Trisha, or Yui. Turning away from the girls, I made a dash for another roof as I tried to find the herd again. Within seconds, I found it charging through the market, and the view wasn't pretty. People were running in all directions, trying to save both themselves and their wares from being destroyed. Try as they might, carts were destroyed and splayed while things ranging from quills to full on sofas were lost along with hundreds of potential bits in profit.

"Huh, so this is what would've happened if Applejack didn't stop the stampede the first time," I muttered as I watched on.

"I'm sorry, but are you just going to watch as Ponyville is destroyed!?!" my subconscious cried.

"Why not, I've got no reason to stop a stampede. For that matter, I don't even know how to stop a stampede."

"You'll figure it out! Now get down there!"

"Sorry, but I'd rather not end up like Mufasa."

"Seriously? Mufasa? Not only is that completely inappropriate for this moment, but that is completely selfish!"

"Life's an exchange. Unless I get something out of it, why should I bother?"

"You're pathetic, you know that? And are we going to do this every time you need to make a decision in Equestria?"

"Maybe. So tell me, why should I put my life on the line for them?"

"Do it for the good people of the town, for Equestria!"

"Did I mention that I hate MLP and anything associated with it?"

"Do it because you're an Independent!"

"I think alternate dimensions are out of my jurisdiction."

"UGH! WELL THEN DO IT FOR APPLE BLOOM! NOT THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADER, NOT THE BLANK FLANK, BUT THE LITTLE GIRL WHO'S IN DANGER THAT HAS A FAMILY WHO WILL MISS HER! HECK, IT WILL EVEN EARN YOU SOME BROWNIE POINTS WITH THE TOWN! SO WILL YOU JUST MOVE!?!?"

As I pondered over what my deepest thoughts had to offer, I turned my gaze back to Apple Bloom. As the little filly rode on the steer's back, I could see that she was in pain. Her leg was growing red from strain and her grip as slackening by the second. She was alone, scarred, and very well could lose her life here.

"...Independents work in the dark to serve the light."

"No one will recognize you with that mask and robe. So?"

I didn't need anything else than that. I made a jump over to a roof closer to the market and rolled into the street, making a dash for myself at the stampede. Twilight wasn't wrong, that herd definitely was fast. As it turned over a corner, I quickly scaled a building separating us, hoping to ambush the lead steer on the other side. Sure enough, the herd was on its way and I was in position on the roof and ready to intercept.

"Come on... come on... NOW!"

With a leap, I dove at the lead steer and managed to latch onto his tail. Grabbing hard, I called to my target. "Apple Bloom!" I cried. Turning, Apple Bloom was more shocked that relieved to find a large man wearing a frilly robe and a pasty green mask hanging by the end of cattle tails giving her a grave look. "Apple Bloom! Can you get your leg free?!" I cried.

"Who are you!?!" Apple Bloom screamed as she backed as far away as she could.

"Not important! I'm here to help! Now, that leg?!"

"Ah'm caught tight! Ah can't get out!"

"Of course," I groaned as I began climbing the tail to reach her. Unfortunately, that wasn't the best idea in the world. On the contrary, it was absolutely stupid!

As I gave the tail a pull, the steer grew more enraged as he bucked his back legs straight into my chest. My grip was lost as I tumbled onto my back and into the stampede's path. I was more frightened than ever before. As I gripped my chest from the steer's attack, I was left defenseless as the cattle drive ran by. Quickly rolling on my side, I barely dodge a cow from crushing my leg. I had no room to rest though as another steer came tumbling by, barely missing my arm by a centimeter, but ripping my robe's arm as it drove on.

It went on like this for what felt like hours. Roll left, miss a hoof here. Roll right, miss being crushed there. Eventually though, my energy was waning, and I was a second too late. A rather large steer was tumbling in my direction, not turning at all as he tumbled forward. I was horrified as I found a hoof coming down at my head, defenseless and helpless to do anything. I could feel the life draining from me as time slowed to a crawl. I closed my eyes as prepared for the inevitable, fully prepared for what would come. The hoof came down violently and rammed into my head.

Yet... despite the force behind the attack, I felt nothing. No pain, no skull-crushing agony, nothing! The cow just tumbled on by as the stampede finally receded, allowing me a chance to get back on my feet.

"How the heck did I survive!?" I said as threw a hand to my head. It was at that moment I felt the facial mask on my head. It wasn't possible, but after a quick feel through, I was stunned to find it was immaculate, not a crack in it. "Gotta remember to get the recipe for this thing from Aloe and Lotus."

Dusting myself off, I realized that the situation was grim. Almost half the town was run through and things were only going to get worse. If I was going to get Apple Bloom free, I was going to have to find a way to stay on that lead steer long enough to free her leg from the yoke. Jumping on it wasn't going to do me any good, and I wasn't fast enough to keep up with it by foot. What I would need is some transport and some tools. Looking around, I managed to find a sickle near a hay bail.

"Well this is a start," I said as I stuffed the tool into my robe belt, "but I'm still going to need something to keep up with them and keep them in line. I need... I need... I NEED-"

"*Neigh!*"

"*Arf Arf!*"

Turning my head around, I found a golden-furred horse with a blonde mane galloping through the streets as a brown-furred, white-muzzled dog ran beside it.

"That will do." Looking carefully, I noticed a pair of reigns drawn at the horse's muzzle and a saddle along it's back. Positioning myself carefully, I took a leap at the horse as I hopped onto its back and held onto its reigns like a vice. "Okay, I've ridden Epona a million times in LOZ, how hard could it be to do it in real life?"

"*NEIGH*!!!"

The horse immediately began bucking harshly as threw me to and fro, forcing me into the ground as I hung on for dear life.

"Apparently quite a bit," I cried as I thrown once again onto my back with a harsh turn. "Agh! Can this get any worse!?"

"*ARF*!!!"

With loud snarl, the dog beside the horse bit down on my arm harshly, sinking its teeth deep down as it tore my robe arm off, exposing my top half completely.

"Apparently it can!" I cried as I was thrown again by the horse along with the dog.

"Ergh! At least it can get any worse from this!"

"*GRRR-ARF*!!!"

With a resounding growl, the dog once again snapped its teeth onto my rear. "GAH!!! THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE!!! AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!"

As the horse threw me once more, I landed onto my feet as I gave the horse a resounding smack on his flank. With a whiny, the horse took off and barreled down the streets. Holding on by the reigns, I hopped onto the saddle as I sunk my legs deep into its sides to keep myself stable. The horse continued to buck and jump as it tried its best to get rid of me. Try as it might, I wasn't letting go as I pulled the reigns, sending the horse down another street.

"Come on you stupid stallion, would you just listen to me!" Suddenly the horse stopped running as it turned towards me and gave a harsh cry as it trotted. "What?" I asked, causing her to whinny again as she directed her head towards her nether regions. Leaning over the side, I looked underneath the horses undercarriage. "...Oh, you're a mare," I said as I got up again, to which the mare nodded. "Ah, my apologies. But now that I have your attention, would you mind if I ride you to help save a little girl?" I asked politely to the mare.

"You realize you're trying to have a conversation with a horse?"

"I'm in a dimension of humanoid equines where I fought wolves made from twigs, not the weirdest thing I've done," I responded with a shrug.

"So, I know that I was a little hasty, but would you mind helping me to do a good thing?" Although seemingly a bit hesitant, the mare responded with a nod and snort. "Great. Now as for you," I said as I directed my gaze to the dog biting me, "would you please let go of my bum?" I asked politely, to which it just clamped down harder. "OKAY! Not a social dog, noted!" I cried as I held in a scream. "In any case," I said as I slapped the mare's flank as it reared up on its back legs and gave a harsh cry. "High ho Silver, AWAY!!!"

The mare took off as she galloped through the street towards the herd. Maneuvering the reigns carefully, I leaned forward as I encouraged mare to move faster. Soon enough, the herd was back in sight as it was in the middle of destroying a carrot dog stand.

"Come on girl, just a little more!" I cried as I pulled the sickle from my side. The mare increased speed as the herd was within reach. She made a dash for the side of the pack, but was immediately knocked back by a cow. "Can't break through," I muttered as I looked to the little filly in danger. "Just hang on Apple Bloom!" I cried, causing her to freak out as to her, I wasn't someone she knew trying to save her but a crazed man with a strange mask on a horse with a weapon raised.

"*Aroo?*?"

The dog hanging on my rear end had slackened lightly in his bite, causing me to look to see it with a curious and concerned look. "What's your deal?" I asked as it leg go of my behind completely and dug its paws into the behind of the mare. It then began whimpering as it pointed in Apple Bloom's direction. "What about Apple Bloom?" I asked. The dog soon began flipping it head to and fro, drawing attention to its dog license that hung on its red collar. Pulling it closer, I read it off quickly as I was stunned to find who this dog was. "Well, glad I have your attention now," I said as I broke out in a wide grin. "I'm going to try and reach her, but I need your help. So, you in?" I asked.

"*Ruff*!" the dog cried as its tail wagged madly and panted eagerly.

"I'll take that as a yes. Well then," I said as I lifted the pup up, loosened the buckle of the saddle, and rolled to the mare's underside, "PUT 'EM UP WINONA!"

Winona jumped from my grip as she ran at the herd. Pulling myself up, I retightened the buckle as I dug my sides into the mare. With a cry, the mare sped forward as it made its way to the side of the pack. Once again a cow attempted to kick us away, but this time she cowered away as Winona let out a cacophony of barks and growls. "Good girl, Winona! Now the rest of them!" I cried as I sped forward once more. Winona ran quickly forward as she barked and yipped the herd to the left side of the street. I had my way and I was ready. With another whip of the reigns, the mare galloped forward as she outpaced the cows by a landslide.

As I neared Apple Bloom, I lifted the sickle into the air as I prepared to sink the tool into the yoke. "Apple Bloom, get ready to jump!" I cried. Apple Bloom once again screamed in terror at the sight of me.

"Get away!" she cried as she buried her head in the steer's hyde.

"Gah, buck it!" Urging the mare forward once more, I finally was parallel to the leading steer. I aimed carefully and with a flash and snap, I sunk the sickle into the yoke binding Apple Bloom and sawing my way through the yoke. "Just a little more," I said as I saw the sickle nearly break through the leather binding it. With one final tug, the yoke finally gave way as the sickle broke through. Quickly sticking the sickle into my belt, I pried the sides of the yoke apart as it fell to the ground and under the feet of the rest of the herd. "Come on Apple Bloom, give me your hand!" I cried as I extended a hand towards the little filly, to which she kicked away with her now free foot.

"Ah said get away from me ya nut!" Apple Bloom cried.

"What is wrong with you?! I don't look like a nut!" I cried.

"Seriously?" she said as she gave up her frightened disposition for one of cynical disbelief. "Y'all look at yerself in the mirror lately?"

"*AHH*!!!"

I looked forward to see a young woman with a baby carriage standing in the middle of the lane, her legs frozen in fear as she huddled over her child in defense. "Son of a bleep blop!" I cried as my pupils shrunk to the size of pinpoints. "Winona! Put 'em up!!!" Winona ran forward as she yipped at the heels of the drive, but to no avail. The pack wasn't moving fast enough and the mother was too centered in the street to be avoided.

My mind was going blank as I searched for anything I could do, something I could do to save her. Doing the only thing I could consider, I grabbed the steer's horns with both hands and the mare's reigns with my legs and tugged as hard back as I could. With heavy brays, the steer and mare made high jumps over the mother as she pulled her child out of the carriage and bent as low to the ground as possible. Almost as if like clockwork, the entire herd followed suit as they jumped right over the mother and missed trampling her by just an inch. Within seconds, the herd tumbled down another corner as the mother and child were safely left behind.

"That was close, that was too close," I sighed as I let go of the steer's horns and gipped my chest in fright.

"Oh no, this is terrible," Apple Bloom moaned as she gripped tight onto the steer. "All ah did was try and fix a door! Ah never was expectin' any of this!"

"Apple Bloom, you saw what almost happened there! Just grab my hand and I can end this!" I cried as I extended my had again.

"Why should ah trust you? Mah sister always told me never talk to strangers!"

"Apple Bloom, it's me! Look!" I screamed as I pointed to my bandaged arm. Apple Bloom begrudgingly looked at where I directed, and the instant she did so, she was stunned when she finally recognized my voice.

"MISTER ASK?!" Apple Bloom cried.

"Bingo little filly," I said as I gave a wild grin.

"Oh mah goodness, ah'm sorry Mister Ask," Apple Bloom screamed with a deeply disheartened look.

"Can't fault you for what you did, I look ridiculous," I said as I gestured to my face and what remained of my robe. "Just come on!" I cried.

"No, ah mean about all of this!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"This cattle is from Sweet Apple Acres, from the barn that I left open!"

"WHAT?!"

"Ah didn't mean it! Ah was just tryin' ta fix a door and be like you, somepony that can take care of problems by just remainin' calm. But ah outright blew it, and now all of Ponyville is in jeopardy, AGAIN! And it's all mah fault!" Apple Bloom was weeping at this point, scarred more of what would become of her if the matter was settled than what would happen to her if she fell.

"Apple Bloom, look, things will be fine. Just grab onto my hand."

"But how am ah going ta explain this to everypony?!" she cried as she began to hyperventilate. This was getting nowhere, and more people were going to be put in danger if I let this continue.

"Apple Bloom, I promise, you won't have to worry about this mess."

"R-Really?" Apple Bloom said as she wiped her nose and tears.

"Yes, everything will be alright," I said as I gave her a confident smile.

"How do you know that? Why should I believe you?"

"Because I'm a crazy teen riding on a mare risking my life to save you while wearing nothing but a half a robe and a facial mask! If can do this, saving your blank flank from getting in trouble will be a walk in the park by comparison!" I answered while giving a hearty laugh, to which Apple Bloom offered a little laugh in response. "Everything will be alright. So do you trust me?" I said as I offered my hand a third time.

Apple Bloom reached forward and extended a hand towards me, but recoiled as she felt herself slip off the steer. "Ah can't let go, ah'll fall!" she cried as she held on strong. Looking around, I saw that the gate to Ponyville was just a few streets away. Thinking carefully, or rather recklessly, I called to Apple Bloom.

"Apple Bloom, can you ride a horse?"

"Yeah, why?" she asked. I didn't say anything but let go of the reigns and pulled my feet up onto the mare's saddle. "What are ya doin'?!" Hanging on for dear life, I slowly stood up on the saddle as I turned towards Apple Bloom.

"Okay, it's just like jumping from a car. Only it's from a horse and it's onto another living animal and I have little if any leverage to jump from and if I don't make it, I'll be trampled," I said nervously as I took a deep breath. As the mare overtook the steer, I made my move. I jumped from the mare's back landed heavily onto the back of the steer that Apple Bloom was riding.

"Tell no one that I was here," I whispered harshly in her ear.

Grabbing the tyke around her midriff, I took aim and, taking a page from Shining Armor's book, launched her at the mare. With a hysterical scream, Apple Bloom soared through the air, her hair and bow being pulled back and eyes tearing up from the air friction. It was absolutely crazy to do so, but Apple Bloom safely landed on the mare a it ran off down another street to safety, Winona running close behind. "Huh, I think her scream was more hysterical than Rukia's," I said with a laugh.

Refocusing, I grabbed onto the horns of the steer as I prepared for the next phase. "This better work!" I cried as a shop can in the distance. Grabbing the horns, I pulled the steer's head to the left, causing it and the rest of the herd to barrel down an open street. "Now left again!" I cried as another corner came into view. As we stormed down another street, I took another deep breath as I planned my final turn. Thinking carefully, I forced the steer's head to the right as the herd crashed into a pie stand. It wasn't pretty, but I now had the herd charging towards the gate out of town.

As we neared the gate closer and closer, I prepped myself for the final stage of my plan. "You did it once, you can do it again." The gate was a few yards away from the gate, and with a guttural cry, I pulled steer's head upward as it and the the herd jumped over the fence and barreled out of town. There was nothing but open air as I led the herd down the dirt road out of town.

As Apple Bloom watched from the mare, she was more than a little surprised to see me not only control the herd, but manage to get them out of town. Pulling hard on the reigns, the mare reared up on it's hind-legs as it came to a halt. "That's some herdin' for a city boy."

"APPLE BLOOM!"

Apple Bloom turned to see her older sister and her friends come running down the street. Before you could say, 'Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows', Apple Bloom was whisked off of the horse as Applejack and the others brought her into a tight hug. "Oh Apple Bloom, thank Celestia you're alright," she said as she let out a deep sigh of relief as she cradled her little sister.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Any broken bones? Cuts?" Twilight said rapidly

"Do you need to go to the hospital?!" Pinkie cried with a concerned look.

"How'd you even get out from the yoke?!" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"Everypony!" Apple Bloom cried as she broke the hug apart. "Ah'm fine, but right now we've got bigger problems!"

"Apple Bloom, the only thing that matters right now is that you're safe and the herd can be dealt with accordingly," Rarity asserted as she looked the filly over.

"But there is! The herd is out of town, but now it's barreling towards Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack's hair stood on end as the news sunk into her.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no! This is terrible!" Fluttershy cried as she sunk into hair.

"I've got to get down there!" Applejack cried as she began running down the street again.

"Applejack!" cried the little filly.

"Apple Bloom, ah don't have time ta listen right now! Ah got ta get down there now!"Applejack asserted stubbornly.

"Ah know, but you'd get there a lot faster with her." Applejack stopped dead as she turned to find her little sister holding the mare's reigns in her hands, with the mare braying happily as if almost inviting her to her back.

"That ah can," Applejack said with a grin as she made a run back to the mare, seized the reigns, and flung herself onto the mare's back. "Hyah!" Applejack cried as she gave the mare a sharp jab in its sides with her spurred boots, causing the mare to run off down the street.

"Apple Bloom, how did you get free anyway?" Spike asked. Apple Bloom was about to answer, but something caught her at the last second.

"Tell no one that I was here."

"Apple Bloom?" Spike asked as the filly found herself in a little trance.

"*Arf*!"

Apple Bloom shook herself out of it to find that Winona was happily barking up to her, overjoyed to be reunited with one of her masters. With a laugh, Apple Bloom picked Winona up as the pooch began licking her like mad. "That's classified," Apple Bloom said with a mad grin as she cuddled her dog and watched her sister ride off with the wind at her side.

Back on Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac was busy driving the now fixed tractor over a new field while hauling a large tillage hoe attached. When the farm managed to collect enough to purchase the new machine, he was a little wary to accept using the piece of new technology, especially given how disheveled and worn down the piece was when the Apples purchased it from their friend Hayseed Turnip Truck. Yet in the few instances that they managed to get it working after cleaning it up and replacing pieces, it had managed to work great and reduce the workload greatly. But, of course, that was on the machine's best days.

Most times, it just lay untouched to collect dust inside a spare barn. He had tried over and over again to fix it up, but eventually every effort to fix up the gizmo proved helpless, even today's. But somehow, the city slicker had managed to do what he had tried over a dozen times to do in a matter of minutes. While he wasn't all that keen about what had possibly happened with him and his little sister, he none the less had to acknowledge that he had saved him a day of driving the plow by hand, especially now that it appeared that his work horse was gone. As he hit the brakes on the machine, he leaned back on the seat as he enjoyed the relative peace that the quick work had rewarded him. Everything was absolutely serene.

...That's what he would have liked to have said, if it weren't for the fact that just as he thought that things were perfect, a drive of cattle suddenly charged through the farm gate as it began to circle around the barn, bringing a mini earthquake along with it. Yet as strange as it was to see this, what was more surprising was the crazed, green mask wearing, shirtless fiend that was riding the lead steer. Speaking of which...

"Almost there!" I cried as I continued to tilt the steer's head as I scanned the farm for where I needed to go. Sure enough, there it was, an open barn which looked more than big enough for the herd. Turning sharply, I sent the herd into a u-turn as I sent it charging towards the barn. Things were looking pretty good. I quickly got to my feet as I prepared to dismount the steer.

"What's all that racket?!"

No.

I turned my attention towards the opening to find that Granny Smith, OF ALL PEOPLE, was now right in front of the opening to the barn that I was sending a pack of crazed bovines into. "Buck me... BUCK ME STRAIGHT TO THE BUCKING MOON!" I cried.

Without a second to spare, I realigned myself and shot forward towards the old-woman and lifted her in my arms. Looking around, there was no room left for me to run out of the way. The herd was upon us and I couldn't dodge fast enough with Granny Smith in my arms. Realizing the gravity of the situation, I saw that there was only one way to go. Shutting my eyes tight, I ran forward and into the barn as the herd crashed into the barn. It was miracle that it was still standing after what had happened.

Big Mac was horrified at what he saw. Running to the barn, he looked to find that all the cattle were now either incapacitated or peacefully mooing. But among the varying beasts, there was only one sign of his granny. Her signature scarf, torn and covered in a dark-red, sticky substance that made him sick to smell. Big Mac was at a loss for words at the best of times, but this... he hadn't felt this way in a long time. His mouth just lay open as his straw piece fell to the ground, it being the only thing he could get out.

Hearing a large bray outside, Big Mac turned to find Applejack watching him from the outside. Pushing cows away, she made her way over to her big brother as she stood terrified at what was in his hands. She couldn't say anything as she fell to her knees in agony. Big Mac had managed to get to his feet as he weakly brought the scarf to his sister. Taking it in her hands, Applejack just shook her head as tears welled up in them. Big Mac took her in his arms as the two of them wallowed in their self-loathing. They were too late, they couldn't stop the herd in time, and now Granny Smith was-

"Now how long are you two silly fillies gonna keep me waitin'?!"

-hanging from the rafters.

Sure enough, just above them was Granny Smith laying on the rafters, looking completely peachy as she watched her grandchildren mistake her for dead.

"Granny?!" Applejack cried as she wiped away her tears and stared incredulously at her grandmother.

"Well who were ya expectin', Princess Celestia?" she said with a laugh.

"B-But ah saw ya get hauled into the barn!" Big Mac cried as he felt that he had more than a few words to share now.

"Yes, and I ended up in the rafters."

"But what about your scarf?!" Applejack cried as she raised it up to the ceiling. "Isn't this... B-Bl-Bl-*hurk*!" Applejack gaged, too disgusted to finish the statement.

"From a little after brunch treat, cherry jam on wheat!" Granny Smith said as Big Mac scooped a finger of the stuff and tasted, grimacing awfully at what met his tongue.

"Eeyup," he groaned as he spat a bit.

"It was a bit messy."

"But what about that crazy varmint?" Big Mac questioned.

"What varmint?" Applejack asked.

"Ya mean the green-faced fella that was wearin' half his birthday suit and saved me from becoming a pancake?" Granny Smith asked.

"EEYUP," the two of them cried, getting more impatient by the minute.

"That's classified," she said as she stuck a finger to her lips and snickered like a school girl who knows the biggest secret among her friends.

With a groan and a sigh of extreme relief, Big Mac ran outside to get a ladder to get the old-timer down. Applejack on the other hand was drawn to the steer that was closest to the wall opposite the opening. He was easily identifiable as the steer that Apple Bloom was attached to, everything the same from his horns to his hooves, yet what puzzled her most was the fact that there was an exceedingly potent bump on its forehead, yet surprisingly, he was a good foot yard away from the far wall which was still perfectly intact without a scratch on it.

"Sweet Celestia that's a big bruise," she said as she rubbed it delicately. "Wonder what caused it?"

"Mister Ask, what happened?!" Aloe cried.

She and her sister were expecting for me to reappear after the whole stampede escapade had calmed down. However, what they weren't expecting was that I would be returning with a sickle tucked in my belt, my robe half-torn off exposing my chest, and their seemingly indestructible mask cracked and broken with several pieces missing, all while I ate a piece of toast with cherry jam.

"Told you I could get the mask off," I said as I ate the toast happily and removed what remained of my mask. "By the way, I do have a few questions. One: how am I able to talk when the mask hardens?"

"W-What?" Lotus asked as she stood daunted at why I was so calm.

"If the mask hardens to a rock consistency, how am I able to talk with it?" I asked again.

"T-The outer mask material itself hardens, the whole piece still moves fluidly," Lotus answered.

"Interesting. Second: what happened to my clothes and canteens?"

"Miss Rarity asked that they be washed while you were having your session. They actually just got finished drying and are waiting in the Stallion's changing room along with your canteens. We thought they would be safer in our office."

"Really? Well that's extremely nice of you, thank you," I said with a bright smile, causing them to both feel giggle a bit. "Third, and most importantly: how do I look?"

"Well you look..."Aloe trailed off as she really examined me. While my hands were still stained and filthy, my face was completely clean and spotless of blemishes. But that really wasn't what caught her eye. What really drew her in, and at this point her sister as well, was everything from the neck down. As Granny Smith had said, I didn't have to much meat on my bones, but what I did have was toned, built, and bulging, all hidden under baggy shirts and loose sweaters for who knows how many years.

"Well?"

"You look... delectable," Lotus purred as she placed a hand to my chest, shuddering as she felt her hand fall on each of my abs.

"Very much so," Aloe added as she practically melted into my left arm.

"Eheh... right," I stuttered as I pulled away from their grasp and covered myself as best as I could. "Well, c-could I bother you two for another-"

"Robe?" they both mewed as they offered new robes that appeared from seemingly nowhere.

"P-Precisely," I said as I quickly snagged one and ran for the stallion's changing room. Quickly swapping my clothes out, I left the room just in time to find the whole Mane 6, Spike, and Apple Bloom all walking into the spa.

"...and she says that she can't tell me who the varmint was," Applejack said as she hit the bell, summoning both spa sisters.

"Hello everypony. Miss Rarity, Miss Fluttershy, a pleasure as always," Aloe greeted as Lotus brought them to the back.

"Well, Granny has her reasons for it, the same ones I do," Apple Bloom responded.

"Really? And that reason is?" Applejack asked with a suspicious look.

"He asked us not to," Apple Bloom said with a faux-innocent smile, causing Applejack to grow more annoyed.

"Well, now that that whole escapade is over, I desperately need a good soak," Rarity said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Oh my yes," Fluttershy said as she darted her eyes around the room, settling when they connected with mine. "Oh, Ask!"

"Hey Flutterh-OOF!" Fluttershy practically leaped into my arms as she hugged me tight around my midriff.

"Oh, I was so worried about you."

"R-Really?" I said as I pried the pegasus off of me and took a step back. "So, what did I miss?"

"'What did you miss?'" Applejack asked with disbelief. "A stampede charges through town and some random stallion wearing a freaky mask appears plum out of nowhere, and you didn't catch a single bit of it?!"

"Well, I was a bit preoccupied trying to avoid Miss Aloe from breaking my mask off with that chisel," I said with a laugh.

"Breaking off your mask?" Aloe asked, causing everyone to look at me with a suspicious look and then turn to Aloe.

"You were breaking his mask, right?" Twilight asked.

"Well I-" Before Aloe could finish, I removed the top half of my robe to reveal my bare chest once again, causing her to grow mute as she started to drool while I nodded my head. "Oh yes, whatever Mister Ask says..." she purred as she moved towards me, hands clawing for my chest.

"Indeed..." Lotus said as she joined her sister. Quickly closing the robe up, the others turned to me and most of their suspicions were quickly assuaged.

"Well... I say he's holding out on something," Rainbow said as she gave me a suspicious look.

"Would a suspicious person give you a canteen of Sweet Apple Acres cider?" I asked, causing her to lose her suspicion in a heartbeat.

"Maybe... but you have a good point," Rainbow said as she ruffled my hair, causing me to growl a bit.

Unfortunately, while that had gotten Dash off my scent, it also sent Pinkie Pie into a craze as she grabbed onto my collar and pulled me up to her eyes. "YOU HAVE CIDER?!" Pinkie screamed in my face. "HOW? WHEN? WHERE IS IT?!?" she demanded with a violent shake on each word.

"In the stallion's room," I said groggily as Pinkie let go and made a dash to the room in question, immediately emerging with all three of my canteens strung over her shoulders and proceeding to drain one of them within a split-second.

"Ah, now that's what I'm talking about!" Pinkie cried as sucked the canteen clean. She was in the process of opening another when Applejack came up wretched the canteens away from her.

"That's enuf Pinkie," AJ said as she brought the canteens to me. "These were a present from Granny Smith ta Ask, and what he chooses to do with them is his business," she said as she strung the canteens on my back.

"Does that mean I can get the one she drained refilled?" I asked as I looked into empty container, to which Applejack just shot a nasty look in my direction, shutting me up on the spot.

"Well that's well and good, but I am absolutely exhausted, and I am in desperate need of a good seaweed wrap," Rarity said as walked over to a changing screen. "Coming Fluttershy?"

"I'm sorry Rarity, but I really should check up on those cattle. Who knows if they got hurt in the stampede?" Fluttershy said walked over to the exit.

"Ah'll go with ya. I've got questions myself. Like why in tarnation did one of them have that bruise on them?" Applejack said as she walked up to Fluttershy. But before she left, she stopped dead as she looked back to me and gave me a deadly stare.

"Y-Y-Yes?" I asked nervously.

She walked up to me and got up in my face and said eight words, each striking fear into my core. "You. The farm. Quarter to midnight. Or else." And with that, she just sauntered off following Fluttershy out the door with a slam.

"Ohhh, you're in trouble," Rainbow said with a laugh and nudge to my side, causing me to groan.

"Strike three Rainbow Dash, you're out, NOW." I said as I pointed to the door, causing her to shrug as she left us behind.

"Wait up Dashie!" Pinkie cried as she ran off after her favorite speedster. Twilight was next to come up to me and confront me.

"Now about this morni-" Before she could finish, I pulled a canteen off of me and placed it in her hands.

"Take this and consider it my apology," I said as I pushed her to the door. "This morning never happened, agreed?" I asked as I pushed her out the door.

"But-"

"Great!" I said as I slammed the door shut in her face. With that I turned my attention to what had been really bugging me this entire time. "Now Apple Bloom," I said as I kneeled down to meet her at eye level, "you said that this whole thing was your fault because you wanted to do some good?"

"Well... yeah. I just thought that if ah could do some good deeds the way you taught me, I could be a hero like you are and-"

"And receive a Cutie Mark in heroism?" I asked, completely disappointed in the answer. "You realize that your little attempt to be a hero almost destroyed all the businesses in town, put yourself in danger, and made me risk my life to save both you and your Granny?" I said as I gave her a dark look, causing her to look despondently down at the ground.

"But you said that if ah remained calm, ah could handle anything," she said.

"I also said not to go looking for trouble in the first place. Apple Bloom, what I did for Fluttershy last night, I did because it was the right thing to do and I owed Fluttershy for making her cry."

"You what?!" Apple Bloom said, shocked to hear this bit.

"And what I did, I did in secret. Not trying to gain some glory. Heck, I just saved this town and two of your family's lives, and I made the two people who do know swear to secrecy. I don't do what I do because I have some responsibility or obligation or some want to be a hero. What I do is because I get something out of it, today being your security. Nothing else matters than that. I don't let people know about me, I don't make waves. I just ride the ones that are already there. Do you understand that?" I asked, to which she nodded silently.

"Ah understand. I'm sorry that ah caused ya such trouble."

With a sigh, I looked up as I directed my gaze towards the dragonoid who was watching Rarity jump into a mud bath, entranced in her beauty. "Spike," I called, causing him to break his trance as he looked my way, "take a letter." Without effort, Spike pulled a quill and a piece of parchment out from his back.

"Go for it," Spike said as he stood ready.

"Dear Celestia, today I learned that if you're going to give advice to anyone, you need to be extremely careful in how you convey what you're saying. When people are vulnerable and willing to take any advice that seems promising, you have an obligation to see that person through in full, otherwise who knows what might happen and how your words can be put to reality, even if it is done with the best of intentions," I said as I gave Apple Bloom a tussle of her hair and a reassuring smile. "You need to look out for each other, just like friends are meant to. Sincerely, Ask, you're acquaintance and apprentice to Twilight Sparkle." With that, Spike rolled up the parchment, but just before he finished I grabbed the parchment and quill and scribbled in a post-script. "P.S: Enjoy this with your sister. A gift from a humble Independent."

And with that, I pulled off my last canteen and wrapped the letter in it's strap. "Alright Spike, let 'er rip," I said causing him to stare at me like I was off my rocker.

"Um, I do letters, not packages."

"Have you ever tried to?" I asked.

"No."

"Well then, let's see if you can," I urged on. Shrugging, Spike took a deep breath as he expelled a flurry of green flames, igniting the canteen and letter. It took a few seconds, but sure enough, the package disappeared in a cloud of sparkling dust as it flew off into the distance. "Excellent. Now Apple Bloom, like I said, I won't say a word about this, but you've got to do two things for me."

"Anything," Apple Bloom said with a bright smile.

"One, make sure that it remains a secret what I did today, and I mean it. I know how bad you are with these things, understood?"

"Understood."

"And two, please try and make sure your sister doesn't kill me tonight," I said with a pleading look.

"A-Ah'll try, but ah can't promise anythin'," Apple Bloom said with a sad look.

"Of course. Well, maybe I'll just come wearing one of those masks again. It save my life and your Granny's all in one day, like the perfect armor," I said with a laugh. However, at these words, Rarity's ears perked up as her eyes grew small.

"Armor... THAT'S IT!!!"

Rarity broke from her seaweed bonds as she dashed behind the curtain and slipped back into her sundress and ran towards the door. "Lady Rarity, what's it?!" I called. She didn't answer but just came up as she picked me straight off the floor and twirled me about in her arms while hugging me.

"THANK YOU!" she cried while wearing one of the most manic expressions I had ever seen before running clean out the door, hair in shambles and all.

"Rarity wait!" Spike called as he ran after his love.

"Well, since everypony's running, I think you should join in and get going, huh?" I said to the little filly by my side, to which she gave me a bright smile as she gave me a tight hug and scurried out after the others. "Well, now that that's settled, maybe I can get some work done today."

However, just as I turned to go to the Stallion's room to swap clothes, I was met by Aloe and Lotus grinning at me like two siamese cats hopped up on catnip. "I was just leaving ladies," I said quietly as I tried sneaking past the two of them, only to be stopped dead in my tracks as the two sisters drew closer to me.

"Oh, we think not Mister Ask," the two of the cooed as the wrapped themselves around my arms.

"You see, we've seen that underneath your gruff exterior beats the heart of a gentleman," Aloe whispered into my left ear.

"And the body of an Adonis," Lotus said into my right.

"And we just feel that such an amazing interior should not have such an unfitting exterior," Aloe said as she pulled me towards the center of the spa.

"So we think it best if we just... take care of you," Lotus finished as she forced me into a chair and proceeded to straddle me.

"Tha- I- NO!"

"Indeed Lotus," Aloe said as she reared her head close to mine. "After all, this is always better with three," she said as she rubbed a grabbed the sides of my face.

"W-What are you going to do to me?" I whispered as the two were all that I could see.

"~Everything~"

"...Mommy..."


At eleven forty-four, Applejack was waiting just outside of the farm's gate while stomping her foot, more than ready to give me an earful.

"That varmint better be here. Ah don't have time ta waste like this..."

She didn't have to worry long, however, as just coming up the street with black khakis, white v-neck, and dark blue messenger bag strung across my and all, was me, covering my face as I made my way to the gate.

"Right on time," she said as I stood before her. "Mind tellin' me why you're covering yer face?"

"I'd rather not," I said as I continued to cover myself, to which Applejack just groaned as she ripped my arms apart. Now exposed, she got a good look at me, and was pleasantly shocked at what she found. My hair was no longer scraggly and bushy, but combed and cut to just at the base of my neck, spiked at varying points to add a few inches to my height. My eyes were no longer bloodshot or tired, but a pure white that brought out my red irises. My face was bare of any facial hair, my teeth were now bleached clean, and my entire body had been scrubbed of any dirt or stains, especially my hands which were now cleanly cut and manicured.

"Well, nice ta know you cleaned up ta see me," she said with a whistle.

"Shut it. It was the spa sisters," I said as I pouted. "They literally did everything to clean me up. Bleached my teeth, scrubbed my feet clean of any dry skin, mani-pedi, you name it, they did it. They even cut my hair," I said as I moped. "I loved my long hair."

"Well y'all were the one dumb enuf ta head ta the spa in the first place. You realize how many stallions they get in there? One a month if they're lucky. Y'all go walkin' inta the oven without a care in the world, and y'all are gonna get burned," Applejack said, to which I just rolled my eyes. "Anyway, follow me." Applejack walked towards the barn as I followed behind closely. Eventually I found myself in front of the same barn that I had sent the cattle drive into.

"We found the door completely torn off, along with a snake up in the rafters. Mustah spooked them and sent them off."

"What happened to the door?"

"Mustah been the stampede's work, took the door clean right off. Not sure where it went," Applejack said with a shrug.

"Gotta fix that tomorrow on," I thought.

"In any case, there's a few friends a mine that ah wantcha ta meet." Applejack pulled me to the side as we neared a stable. Heading inside, Applejack disappeared down a corner as she left me to look around. After a few seconds, she reappeared again with a pair of reigns in her hands as she led a familiar pair of guests towards me.

"Well would you look at that..." I muttered.

A golden mare with a blonde mane trotted along with Applejack as she held a sleeping Border Collie on its saddle. "This here is Winona," she said as she scratched behind her loyal work dog's ears. "And this," she said as she came close and nuzzled her head into the mare who neighed happily, "is Morning Glory."

"Morning Glory, huh? I would have chosen Epona," I said as I placed a hand to the mare's side and gave her an affectionate pet, to which she sunk into my hand with a content bray.

"Raised her since she was a filly. Never go a day without ridin' her. Always brightens up mah day," she said as she watched me nuzzle Morning Glory.

"Aren't you beautiful," I said as Morning snorted. "Strong, too. You don't find horses like this nowaday's."

"Wasn't always this way. She used ta have these flimsy, lanky legs that could barely hold herself up, but after a while, I decided ta help her learn ta walk properly. I would train her to walk set paces each day, increasing it more and more. Eventually she learned to walk straight, then she learned to trot, until eventually nothing in Ponyville was faster, stronger, and greater than her," Applejack said as she leaned back on the barn's wall. "Strange she likes you so much. She normally doesn't take ta strangers."

"I wonder why," I muttered as I got in close to Morning's ear and quickly whispered, "Thank you."

"Y'all know why ah called ya out here Ask?"

"Can't say that I do," I said as I took a seat by her.

"Because ah wanta show ya that ah have put a lot into this farm, inta mah family, and they put a lot inta me. One of those things was honesty." My hair stood a bit on end as I considered her words, a little concerned at what she was implying.

"Really?" I asked as I leaned in closer.

"Ah don't take kindly ta liars, whether they do it for good or not, and ah want ya know this here and now: y'all used up yer once chance ta lie with me today, and with it, y'all humiliated me. Ah don't give second chances easily, but y'all did fix up our tractor and Apple Bloom seems ta fancy ya, so in this case, ah'm makin' an exception."

"Okay," I said.

"Apple Bloom didn't squeal on you and the mystery of the mask remains a mystery, for now.

I pulled myself up off the ground as I made for the stable door, but I was quickly stopped Applejack grabbed my arm.

"But if y'all ruin this one, yer gonna have ta pay fer it. Clear?" she said with a dark look.

"Crystal," I responded. "But why did you have me wait until midnight to tell me all of this?"

With a huff Applejack got to her feet as looked me dead in the eyes with a look of pure annoyance. Then, with a pout, she removed her hat from her head and placed it firmly upon mine, leaving her head bare and her blonde ponytail to fly freely in the breeze. "So that ah would only have ta lose mah hat for a few minutes without anypony finding out about it," Applejack said painfully as she watched me realign her hat on my head to fit snugly.

"Huh, I wear a stetson now," I said happily with a flick of the brow upwards and looked to see Applejack absolutely miserable about it. "Stetson's are cool."

"Next time, just be honest about winnin' the bet. I'm not like Rainbow, I can take losin'."

"Yeah, but you are crazier about this hat than she is about losing, aren't you?" I said with a smug grin, to which she just turned away. "You know, you actually look cuter without it on."

"WHAT?!" Applejack cried as her face burned at my words.

"Relax, I've been sworn not to go after you, ever," I added for her sake.

"By who?" she asked.

"Someone who thinks that your smile is brighter and warmer than any star in the universe, and that he couldn't imagine a mare more perfect in his life," I answered, causing her to stare wide-eyed at the confession.

"W-Well, y'all just tell him that thank ya, but that this mare ain't lookin' fer a stallion right now," she said, only to have a soft-pink blush betray her discretion. I couldn't resist at this point, it was too priceless. I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone. Swiping quickly, I turned on the camera as I took a picture of Applejack in this state. Hearing the snap of the shutter, she flipped her head around to face me.

"What the sam heck is that?" Applejack asked as she came close.

"It's a complicated piece of machinery that stores, captures, and creates data on a level that will never be matched in your lifetime, but you can just call it a thingamajig," I said as I snapped a picture of her again. "Just one more," I said as I pulled Applejack by her hip to my side, flipped to the iphone's inside camera, and whispered quickly into her ear, "Someone out there thinks you're a sexy, sexy mare," causing her to immediately turn tomato red as I snapped a picture of the two of us.

"Okay, I think you've had my hat for too long!" AJ cried as she as she made a dash for her hat, only to have me dodge out of the way.

"Maybe, but I'm starting to grow quite attached to it," I said as I backed towards the stable door.

"Time's up, give it here Ask!" Applejack cried as she lunged at me as I side-stepped out of the way.

"Time may be up, but you can't get you're hat back if I don't let you have it," I said as I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Give me mah hat, Meathooks!" Applejack cried once more as she made a swipe at my head.

"Come and get it, Thunderthighs!" I hollered as I bolted out the door and towards the apple orchard.

"Oh, you just messed with the wrong mare, Asky boy!" Applejack lifted Winona quickly off of Morning as she grabbed a rope from the side wall and mounted the mare. "After 'im Mornin' Glory!" Applejack cried as she gave the mare a sharp prod into the mare's sides with her heels. With might neigh, Morning Glory took off and quickly caught up with me in a matter of seconds.

As Morning's cry and hoofbeats echoed across the farm, Big Mac, Granny Smith, and Apple Bloom all awoke with a start. Looking out their windows, they made it just in time to see me being lassoed around my waist, pulled down to the ground, and hogtied by Applejack while the crazy mare had forgotten all about retrieving her hat and was more interested in tying me up like a christmas present.

"Nope," Big Mac said as he had an uneasy feeling about what was happening before him.

"You're welcome, Mister Ask," Apple Bloom said with a yawn as she watched us with sleepy eyes.

"Well, looks like we'll have ta keep a real close eye on you two," Granny Smith said as she watched nostalgically as Applejack sat on me triumphantly, a wide grin plastered on her face as my face was covered by her hat.

"Well, anything ta say Asky?" Applejack said with gusto.

Flipping her hat off my head, I gave her an extremely sour look as I snarled, "I hate Equestria Girls."

Author's Note

"Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice." -Polonius