Friendship is Volatile

You know what pisses off a distressed smoker? Being told the same asinine bullshit every single day of their lives. Yes world smoking is bad for me and it will kill me thank you have a nice day, but there is a FUCKING LINE that shouldn't be crossed. There was still blood dribbling down his face, the old brain housing group was having a damn hard time processing anything that didn't include smoking and breathing, and he wasn't about to take shit for smoking from a talking horse!

Taking an extra long drag of his smoke Locks blew a putrid cloud at the pony and got up to stretch his legs and arms. Only problem there seemed to be was the little issue of his right shoulder not working. He couldn't move it at all, and it hurt like hell but at the very least he could still bend the arm and move his hand. When he turned away he was suddenly face to face with a blue flying horse who was glaring at him.

"Where do you think your going?! What are you! And why did you start a fire in the middle of our town!"

Funny thing about head injuries... They seemed to disable logical thought processes leaving Locks stuck in troll mode. Bringing up his left hand to his mouth he started doing something that was both vile and disgusting. Turning around from the rainbow colored small horse he was actually spitting into his hand as took a step towards the guards and leaned down to look at them. They still presented their spears but the stupid horse thing kept getting in his face and yelling at him.

"Don't ignore me! Why are you here?! Who are you?!"

Turning back towards miss purple asinine he once more leaned forward to look at her even if she scooted back some. Once again the blue flying asshat got in his face but at that point his left hand was filled with goopy spittle and slime. He didn't notice that four other small horses had gone past the guards, and some of them were even trying to calm the very gayly colored female down but it was far too late for that.

With a handful of spit he took his hand away from his mouth and smiled right before he slapped his hand dead center on her horse face. He was pretty sure some of it got into her eyes by the way she cried out, but it wasn't a sound of horror or pain it was distinctly one of disgust.

"YOU BUCKING BASTARD! YOU DISGUSTING ASSHOLE! I'M GOING TO BUCKING KILL YOU!"

Shitty thing about having hooves, they were terrible at removing or wiping away something as gooey and viscous as spit especially since he hadn't had a drink in a while. He was laughing so hard that it hurt. She had fallen out of the air was was desperately trying to rub dirt into her face in an attempt to clean some of it off screaming at him at the top of her lungs.

The other small horses started closing in on him, the orange one with a cowboy hat yelling first.

"What did ya do ta Rainbow!"

Through the tears of pain and laughter he looked up at her barely able to speak.

"I... I just smeared a handful of spit into her face... maybe... maybe she won't blame me for shit anymore HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

The white horse that was trying to help her friend up dropped her like a sack of potatoes and started kicking her front hooves in the air.

"CELESTIA IT'S ON MY HOOVES! OH EWW SOMEPONY GET ME SOAP AND WATER!"

He was on his knees clutching his sides. The pure pain of laughing was becoming unbearable but by god it was worth every moment of pain. The purple one had finally regained her senses and yelled to everyone.

"STOP IT! ALL OF YOU STOP FOR A SECOND!"

"You! You've got some explaining to do mister! Guards! Please disperse the crowds and keep watch over the doors I'm sending a letter to Celestia right now!"

It was at that point that Locks noticed the small purple and green lizard that was right beside this other horse thing, and while he wasn't entirely sure why it was scribbling away at a scroll before it held the thing up and torched it with green fire.

The door of the library opened by itself and after pointing a rigid hoof inside Locks was finally able to get his laughter under control as he stepped inside. It was a quaint library thing, with a couch and walls lined with books though he didn't move to the comfortable cushions or the couch. Instead he found and empty spot on the hard wood floor and laid down with his forehead resting against the soothingly cool floor.

"HEY! GET UP YOU BASTARD!"

The sound of something flying through the air before landing on his back caused him to grunt in pain. For a flying horse thing she actually had some weight on her.

"Leave me alone talking horse. I'm probably going to die soon anyways so you won't have to worry about getting your revenge."

There were gasps from the others gathering in the house, but it didn't keep the damn woman from poking him in the back of the head.

"Your not allowed to die! Not until I get payback!"

"That will be a problem small horse. I think I have a concussion. Thing about concussions is there's a chance I'm bleeding inside of my skull, and you are a talking horse. You shouldn't be real... so I guess I'll probably expire when I fall asleep. I'm really tired now, so goodbye small talking figment of my imagination. Goodnight tiny horse."

Since she was no longer jabbing him in the back of the head he took a long shuttering breath before relaxing, letting his eyes drift closed for a moment until he felt her hooves curl around his shoulder and start shaking him vigorously.

"Hey! Wait! Don't go to sleep! I'm a pony and you just have a few little scraps and cuts! You can't die on me!"

"I'ma die now and you can't stop me."

"What the buck is wrong with you?! THAT ISN'T FUNNY!"

She went back to shaking him like a rag doll again, which only made him sigh more tiredly until she finally stopped long enough for him to speak.

"Fine! Stop with the shakes! Look, there's something wrong with my right shoulder. You see something back there?"

Agonizing pain shot through his shoulder when he felt her nudge something, and gritting his teeth he waited for her to finish poking at the damn thing.

"There's..... something metal.... Its stuck kinda deep...."

"You've been dancing all over my back and now you noticed I'm impaled with something?"

"I'm not a bucking doctor and your shirt his black! The thing is black too!"

"Huh that sucks... Would the owner of this property happen to have an advanced medical kit with bandages, antiseptics, and possibly sutures?"

Purple slowly walked in front of him before sitting down.

"I run the library, but I don't have anything that advanced... We need to take you to ponyville hospital, they'll have everything you need to fix you up.

"Uh.... I might not make it that far... I'm pretty sure somethings messed up with my skull."

There was a lot of shuffling about and with another pained sigh he closed his eyes and felt dull throbbing pain throughout his body. Maybe he was in shock which would explain why he wasn't withering in pain and hell maybe the whole concussion thing was scrambling his brain enough that he just wasn't registering any of the real damage. His musings came to an end when two bright flashes nearly appeared off to the side. Craning his head once more he saw two of the largest looking ponies he had seen so far, the biggest having a white coat and crazy flowing pastel hair while the other slightly smaller one was dark blue and black with a blob of night sky for hair.

"Awww come on! Did you have to call big mama Twilight? She's going to be all pissy and give me a mile long lecture!"

The blue one actually snorted as the white one looked down at him with a stern expression.

"I am Celestia, and this is my sister and co-ruler of Equestria Luna. What is your name sir?"

"Eh fuck it we'll get to that later. Hey chuckles? I need ya to do me a solid while I'm still breathing."

Looking at him with a quirky expression Luna stepped a bit closer before leaning down.

"And what does a silly creature such as yourself want from a ruler of all ponies?"

"Nothing much. Can you go swing by that pony hospital thing and grab a doctor and a nurse? Tell them that there's a patient with a foreign object imbedded close to a joint. Also tell them that it probably has a mild to moderate concussion but there isn't much they can do about that shit."

She just blinked at him in confusion until her eyes started wandering his body and stopped at the thing sticking out of his shoulder.

"Bingo pony. I think they'll know what to bring along so if you could just run that little errand then maybe I can get this thing out sometime today. Besides yanking the thing out of my back and bandaging me up we'll just have to wait and see if I'm still breathing tomorrow. Chop Chop."

Her eyes narrowed viciously, and he could swear they turned serpentine for just a moment as she spoke.

"If you weren't in danger of passing I would be very cross with that attitude creature."

"Yeah yeah there's a line for that, it starts with Rainbow Dash since I slapped a hand full of spit in the center of her face."

"That is the most disgusting thing I've heard all day...."

"Yeah... I'ma blame it on the concussion. My brain isn't working right today. Whatever."

With another flash that hurt his already throbbing head Locks slowly picked himself up off the floor, and strangely enough it was the orange pony who helped him into a sitting position with him leaning against his legs.

"Ya seem awfully calm for somepony who might be passin away. Are ya sure yer not just bein paranoid?"

"Well country, normally when I get patients like this we have lots of things to check and make sure they won't die. Its not that I don't think you can't figure out whats wrong its that I don't think you guys can do much to help if there is a problem up there..."

"So... ya really think it might come ta that?"

"I don't know, maybe. If it does tell those doctor folks that I'm donating my body to science. At least then they can dissect me and figure out how a human's insides work. If any more of my kind show up hurt then maybe they can save them. I also got this neat little device in my pocket that is a semi advanced piece of technology from my kind. You ponies might benefit from studying it or some shit."

From behind his field of vision he felt something gently cradle his head and a soft sniffling. Looking down he saw the pink hooves of that manic pony who had followed them inside.

"We have super doctors in ponyville hospital! You're not... You're gonna be just fine."

Now he really felt like an asshole. He barely new these girls and he was trampling on what looked like delicate emotions. Even Rainbow Dash looked sad, and he knew damn well if she had been a human she really would have killed him on the spot for what he did. He was a pessimist by default, but he gave another deep sigh as he went against his own nature.

"Yeah, I guess your right. I'll probably be just fine. You smell a lot like sugar by the way."

"That's because I work and board at a bakery silly! When you're all better I'll take you to visit Sugar Cube Corner for a treat! My names Pinkamina Diana Pie or just Pinkie Pie for short! Whats your name?!"

Damn that was fast. At least she wasn't sniffling like a little girl now.

"The names Locks. Its nice to meet you Pinkie."

"Its nice to meet you too Mr. Locks! But is that really your name? Like the Locks on a door? That's a really funny name or is it just short for something else?"

"It is short, but I'm not telling you my real name."

More sniffling. Dammit this female could go from happy bouncy to depressed in fucking record time but it was Celestia that spoke after gently resting a hoof on top of his hand.

"If you wish for us to call you Locks it is not a problem, but if you cannot at least trust us with your real name how will you trust us with anything?"

"I trust you enough for a talking pony Celestia, but it's really embarrassing and I don't wanna do it."

Pinkie began rocking his head back and forth and begging, still sniffling all the while.

"Please please please Mr. Locks! I promise not to make in fun of your name!"

"If Rainbow Dash leaves then I'll tell you."

"WHAT?! YOU OWE ME ANYWAYS YOU BASTARD!"

"Nope. I'm not giving you that fodder even if you beat the crap out of me later."

Before she could start yelling at him country promptly shoved a hoof into her mouth before speaking.

"Now look Sugar. We ain't so petty as ta mess about with something if its that sensitive. What's your real name? I'm Applejack by the by."

Introductions were made around the room even if he had heard some of their names before, but they all stared at him expectantly when he was the only one left. At that moment Luna had returned with six other ponies in tow, most of which were carrying various medical equipment but Celestia held up a hoof for silence.

"Oh come on! I said like TWO PONIES!"

"Mr. Locks...."

"But there's a freakin crowd in here Celestia I don't want this shit spreading around!"

"Mr. Locks!"

"FINE! Lockette Hekmet! There are you fucking happy now?!"

After a glorious snort from Rainbow Dash the mare fell over and started laughing her ass off, along with Luna who was trying not to laugh but failing miserably. In fact most of the assholes were in various stages of coughing and hiding their faces.

"You're all dicks. Fucking dicks..."

Through her fits of giggling Rainbow Dash waved a hoof at him.

"Hey Rarity.. I think Lockette is sad because he doesn't have a pretty dress on.... Think you can make him one?"