The Amazing Adventures of Dick Flash

Blue Grass walked slowly on the outskirts of Ponyville, basking in the wonder of nature around him. Sometimes he just liked to come out here and think about things, and just reflect on what life was. He wasn’t really a philosophical pony but just going for a walk and thinking helped him to clear his mind of the events of the day. Sighing heavily, he turned his head to the sky.

“Man… I really wish that I was cool or something… Then I would have some friends, and I could actually do something other than come out here everyday…” His head jerked to the right as he heard a twig snap, the sharp noise ringing through the late night. Who could that possibly be? Nopony came this far on to the edge of town at night except for him…

But the Everfree Forest is nearby. It’s probably just some creature that wandered a bit too far out on its own. And that means that I’m probably going to get viciously mauled and killed… Why me? Celestia, why always me? I wonder if anybody will notice I’m gone… I’m sure my dog will at least miss me. Even though he pissed on my head while I was sleeping. Wait… Damn.

“H-hey! W-who’s there?! Don’t come near me!” Blue Grass stood on his hind hooves, waving his arms around randomly. “I’m an earth pony! I can kick things! I KNOW EARTH-FOO!” Blue Grass closed his eyes, flailing around in randomly direction before falling flat on his rump. From his right, he could hear somepony giggling at him.

“Well, well, well. What have we here? Were you trying to give Trixie an interpretive dance demonstration? Trixie must say, you did a terrific job portraying the ‘Terrified Fool’. Tell Trixie, did you have to work on that performance, or did it just come naturally to you?”

Blue Grass shot up immediately, turning to face the one who had been talking to him. If looks could kill, then the glare that he gave the new arrival would have caused a nuclear explosion. The dark blue pony in front of him backed away slightly, frowning deeply.

“Hey! Who told you that you could make fun of me? Who the heck are you anyway?! I am not a ‘terrified fool’…” He huffed grumpily, crossing his forelegs as he sat. Trixie simply shook her head sadly.

“Geeze… Don’t you know a joke when you see one? There’s no need to be so grumpy about it…” Trixie said.

“Well I am grumpy! And what’s with the third-person stuff? Are you supposed to be some sort of wannabe Houdini or something?” Blue Grass stuck his tongue out at her and blew a raspberry.

“Trixi- Er… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, and I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ve really been trying to get better about this sort of thing. I still feel bad over what happened the last time that I was here. My name’s Trixie by the way.” Trixie offered her hoof to Blue Grass, helping him up slowly.

“Well, your name’s pretty obvious from that whole third person thing. What the hay are you doing all the way out here anyway? How come I’ve never seen you around town before?” Blue Grass shook his head a bit, trying to clear the daze from falling flat on his hind-quarters.

“Well, I sort of… Acted very badly the last time I was here. It took Twilight Sparkle beating me at my own game to show me what I was doing wrong. I just came by to check how she was doing. We’re quite close now, good friends indeed.” Trixie smiled at him, though her eyes were clouded with some sort of past regret.

“Wait. Hold up for a second. You got beaten by Twilight? That scrawny as hay, purple librarian beat you?” Blue Grass fell over into the grass, laughing hysterically and rolling back and forth. “Trixie? Hold on. That name sounds familiar… You’re that Trixie?! The Great and Powerful Trixie? Oh man, this is priceless! I wish I could have been there to see you get your flank handed to you!”

Trixie frowned deeply, gazing at the stallion in front of her, rolling on the ground and laughing at her. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down a bit. “Look. I know that what I did was wrong, okay? I get talked down enough for all of that stuff. The only reason I’m not hated by all of Equestria is because Twilight put in a good word for me, so leave me alone. I mean, do you make fun of everypony you meet like this? Seriously. It’s kind of rude.”

Blue Grass stood up, tapping Trixie’s horn. Trixie grimaced, struggling not to grit her teeth at his rudeness. “Listen here, sweet cheeks. I can do whatever I want. That’s why I come out here. Well, that and the fact that I have no friends or life anywhere. So I come out here to be alone. And now, I’m not alone, because a wannabe magician is out here with me. Why don’t you just go away and leave me be, and we can both go our separate ways and forget that we ever met. Sound good?”

“I don’t see your name on the ground anywhere around here. Besides, if you’re so alone, you’d think that you’d be at least glad to meet a new pony. Especially somepony who knows exactly how you feel. And you’d think that you’d be trying your best to be nice and make friends with her, since you have no life and all.” Trixie was now starting to get mildly angry with the stallion, speaking each of her words through a clenched jaw.

“Oh? You want to be friends? That’s cool. Because I totally need that. More disappointment and sadness for me! Wheeeeeeeeee~! Tell you what? You’re a unicorn right? Why don’t you do something for me, and then we can be friends. Use your magic to make me cool. Give me something here. I don’t just want to be a dumb, normal earth pony. Turn me into a pegasus or something.” Hah. Like that’s gonna happen. Unicorns can’t transform ponies into-

Trixie sighed deeply, releasing all of her anger. She couldn’t be angry at such a sad, sad stallion. All he wanted was to be special. I remember what it was like to want to be special… That didn’t feel good at all. Well, I have that one spell… I’ve never used it on a pony before, but I can still try it. I’m a master at it, so what’s the worst that could happen? Trixie chuckled nervously, not noticing Blue Grass’ jaw hanging wide open.

“Wait. Seriously? You can do that. Oh no, I am so sorry for being rude to you before. You’re like the coolest unicorn I know. Seriously! So sorry for all that stuff… But can you really make me a pegasus? Can you do it now?”

“Well, I can try. I’ve never-”

“Do it. Just do it.” His eyes were shining brightly with the excitement of a school filly at her first sleepover. “My name’s Blue Grass by the way. Thanks in advance for this.” He closed his eyes, almost bouncing up and down in place in excitement. Trixie took a deep breath, clearing her mind as she charged the spell. She could feel the magic and power building up into her horn, begging to be released and discharged. With a small grunt, Trixie shot a burst of blue magic at his giddy form.

It impacted him, surrounding him in a blue glow and lifting him nearly three feet into the air. The wind began to pick up and swirl in a circular pattern around him, kicking up leaves and twigs and sending them flying everywhere. Then, just like that, it was over, and the stallion dropped like a rock.

“Oh my Celestia, are you okay?!” Trixie rushed over to his side, concern lacing her voice.

“I’m fine, but I don’t really feel any different… I guess nothing happened.” Blue Grass struggled onto his hooves, shaking his head slightly while smiling sadly. “Eh. I knew it was too good to be true. Still, you seem pretty nice. I really am sorry about earlier. Thank for try—” The stallion dropped like a rock, not moving at all. Trixie’s eyes shot open in surprise.

“Hey! Hey! Are you alright?” She stooped down to his level, putting her head over his chest. Oh no… He’s not moving at all! Is he breathing? Come on Trixie, gotta keep calm… He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing! What do I do?! Why did you use that stupid spell?! Trixie ran frantically around in circles, screaming for help before stopping. She noticed that his chest was moving in and out slightly, signifying that he was still alive.

“H-hold on! I-I’ll go into town and get some help! Don’t worry, you’re going to be alright, just… Stay here!” In a blue flash, Trixie disappeared, teleporting to the Ponyville emergency care center.

Groggily, his eyes began to open. Blue Grass’ whole body felt sore. It felt like Big Mac had gone on a steroid binge and used him as a living punching bag. He released an uncomfortable groan as he tried to sit up. Moving his hooves around, he could feel that he was in some sort of bed. His vision began to focus, and he noticed that he was in a white room.

“Great. I’m in the hospital. Well, at least Trixie didn’t just leave me there to get eaten…” He shakily sat up. Something was off. Something about him felt… different. He couldn’t quite place his hoof on it though. It was like something about him had changed. Maybe the spell did work? Maybe that’s why I’m so sore right now? Huh. I’ve got to get up. Go find a mirror. Maybe I can go ask one of the staff…

He pulled himself up to his hooves. He felt his forehead. Okay, definitely no horn. That would just be weird. I wonder what’s changed though… It feels like something’s… heavier? Weird. Oh well, gotta get out of this room and stretch a bit. See what’s going on. Damn I’m sore…

He trotted slowly over to the white wooden door, grasping the handle and swinging it open. Immediately he flushed bright red. Nurse Redheart was standing right in front of the door with her flank directly in his face, talking to another nurse right next to her. Blue Grass felt his pelvic region getting suddenly heavier. A loud buzzing sound could be heard.

Click!

A bright flash shined brightly throughout the hallway, blinding everyone who had been looking in his direction. His dick felt weird. It was almost as if he could feel something sliding out of it. He looked down, noticed that a perfectly developed photo now lay on the ground under him. It was a perfectly developed photo of Nurse Redheart’s snatch. Redheart turned around, opening her mouth to ask what had happened before following his gaze downward and flushing bright red.

Blue Grass turned deep red, almost magenta, and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Uh… I can explain…?”