“Ugh… Damn.” Blue Grass woke with a dull, stinging pain in the back of his head. He squinted his eyes in pain and ran a blue hoof through his spiky green mane as he looked at his surroundings. The same white walls, shiny floors, and beeping monitor as when he’d woken up earlier? When was earlier? Had that whole experience even been real? It feels like I just got hit by Big Mac after her went on a steroid binge… Wait a second. I’m getting a serious case of deja vu here. Was that all a weird hospital dream? Does that mean my penis is still all… weird and heavy?

Blue Grass shifted his weight onto his left side and rubbed his temples in a desperate attempt to rid his head of the dull migraine. As his weight shifted, he could feel his migraine ease a bit, as well as that familiar heavy feeling in his pelvic area again. Something else was there too. A slight burning sensation made its presence known on the tip of his crotch before . Blue Grass groaned in pain and shifted his weight back onto his back and flanks. The burning in his crotch died down as quickly as it had started, but his migraine returned with an angry vengeance

“Oh, great. So now I’ve got to pick and choose which one I want to hurt more? Celestia is just granting me the best luck since the turn of the century, isn’t she? My future children will surely sing songs of praise as a beacon of hope in the name of my glorious fortune as meteors crash into their houses and gypsies curse them to wander forever as ripe tomatoes.” Blue Grass sighed as the pain in the back of his head continued to annoy him. Wait. I’m still in the hospital, right? I’ll just call the doctor and he’ll fix me right up. Or at least tell me why it feels like I got mugged in the alley on my way here.

Blue Grass scanned around his bed sheets for the bed controls. “Oh man, don’t tell me they dropped it in between the bed railings like last time! I hate it when that happens… Damn, my head’s starting to act up again.”

He grabbed his head in his hooves again and closed his eyes tightly, hoping to ward off the throbbing pain in his skull. It started to subside when he heard a magnified knocking at his door that caused it to flare right back up. He yelped as his eyes shot open, revealing a light blue unicorn mare—Trixie. He narrowed his eyes at her.

“You,” he growled, “what did you do to my dick!” He shut his eyes again as the pain returned.

“Glad to see you’re awake,” Trixie said as she entered, “do you need anything?”

Blue Grass blinked. “What are you doing?”

“Being nice to you,” Trixie replied, “that’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

“Friends?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes. friends,” Trixie said with a winning smile.

Blue Grass laughed mirthlessly. “You nearly killed me!” he shouted as he crossed his forelegs, wincing in pain.

“I did nothing of the sort. I merely gave you what you wanted.”

“You turned me penis into a camera!” he roared, “I nearly died from embarrassment when a picture of the nurse’s snatch slipped out of it! How is that cool!?”

“Well,” Trixie said, “you never really specified how you wanted to be cool—”

“—I said maybe I wanted pegasus wings or something! Not a dick-camera!”

“Well, there’s no way I could have done that.”

“Why not!?” he asked, “you clearly can change my body!” He dropped his head onto the bed, reigniting the burning in his crotch. “Whatever. You’re useless unless you can get me the bed controls without turning one of my legs into a chainsaw.” His whining was answered when the bed controls hovered over his stomach surrounded by a pink glow. He looked up at Trixie, eyes widened. “Thank you,” he said as he went about the task of readjusting his bed.

“No problem,” Trixie replied.

The bed whirred as Blue Grass found a comfortable position. He smiled slightly. “Well, now that that’s over with, I can call the doctor to see what the hay is wrong with—”

“NO!” Trixie shouted as she held out a hoof, causing the stallion to stare cock-eyed at her.

Blue Grass’s hoof hovered over the button. “What?”

“Don’t tell the doctor! They’ll remove your enhancement, and my hard work, in a flash!”

Blue Grass snorted. “Hah hah. A camera joke. Why would I even want a camera for a cock, anyway?”

“Um...um…” Trixie said as she tapped her chin nervously. “You could...ah...be a superhero!”

Blue Grass raised an eyebrow at that. “Go on,” he said as he lowered his hoof to his side, “I’m listening.”

“Well, ah,” Trixie quavered out as she started sweating, “you could, uh, fight crime with the power of your camera cock!”

“Interesting...so I would...flash them into submission?”

“Um, yes, that could work.”

“Then I’ll need a superhero name to go along with my superhero power!” Blue Grass said.

“Yes!” Trixie said, “and what will your superhero name be?”

Blue Grass tapped his chin and thought on this long and hard. He wanted something cool, something edgy...something that wouldn’t get him laughed out of a fight. He sat there for a few minutes, Trixie shifting agitatedly. He finally lifted his head. “I’ve got it!”

“Yes?” Trixie asked while nodding her head.

“From now on, I proclaim myself…

“DICK FLASH!”

Trixie blinked a few times. “Dick Flash? Really?”

“Yes,” Blue Grass said as he smiled, “Dick Flash. It’s the coolest name I could come up with.”

“That explains quite a bit,” Trixie muttered. She then looked at Blue Grass. “Well, let’s get you out of here before they decide to change your member back.”

“Really? But I can barely move,” Blue Grass whined. A pink glow surrounded him as he was lifted up in the air and placed onto his hooves, yowling the entire time.

“Well, that takes care of that,” Trixie said with a smirk.

Nurse Redheart was busy filling out paperwork at the front desk, having been relieved from floor duty after the… incident. Her cheeks flushed as she recalled the episode in question where the stallion named Blue Grass took a picture of her nethers. She had no idea how he had done it, but it flustered her all the same.

“Ahem.”

Redheart lifted her head to come face-to-face with… the very stallion who had taken a picture of her, along with Trixie. She put on a fake smile. “Hello, how may I help you?”

“Um, I…” he started. He then turned his head towards Trixie, who whispered something into his ear. He nodded and turned his head back to Redheart. “I want to sign myself out,” he said as he winced.

Nurse Redheart stared at Blue Grass. “Are you sure? You don’t look so good.”

“No, I’m fine. I want to sign myself out.”

“Well, let me just give you a quick examination to see if you’re alright. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” he said without thinking. Trixie facehoofed while Redheart rose from behind the desk and approached Blue Grass, who started sweating as the attractive mare approached him and started touching him everywhere, which excited him very much. His member heavied up under him and let out a whirring sound. Redheart stopped examining him and stared at Blue Grass, frowning.

“Are you up to something?”

“No,” Blue Grass said. Just then, a blinding flash emitted from his dick and blinded Redheart. Redheart regained her sight to see a small photo under Blue Grass. Curious, she bent down and examined it.

It was a picture of her snatch.

Redheart’s cheeks turned a shade of roseate as she saw the picture and glared at Blue Grass. “I should have known you were up to something!” she yelled at him.

Blue Grass backed away slowly. “I swear, it wasn’t me! Okay, maybe it was me, but it was really more you for touching me like that!”

“Oh no,” Redheart said as she shook her head, “I’m taking this picture and reporting you to the police this instant!” The photograph was snatched up in front of her in a pink glow, floating itself towards Trixie.

“Not if I post this in Town Square first,” she said with a wicked grin. “My friend here just wanted to sign himself out, but you had to put your hooves on him, you… you… temptress!”

Redheart stared at Trixie, nonplussed. “What? I was just giving him a quick exam!”

“Oh, really?” Trixie said. She chuckled as she shook her head. “Then why does this picture exist?” she asked, holding up the photo in front of Redheart.

“Because he’s a filthy pervert!”

“I think you’ve got the wrong idea, Nurse,” Trixie said. “The only reason that this picture exists is because you excited him.”

“Nonsense! He took it because he’s a lecherous ne’er-do-well…” Redheart started before she quieted down to reflect on what Trixie had said. She backed away slowly. “You’re not saying…”

“Let him go, or this picture will be posted by ME in Town Square at high noon.”

Nurse Redheart and Trixie were locked in a tense battle of wills while Blue Grass stood on, still embarrassed that his wang had gotten him into more trouble. At least he had a friend to bail him out of it now. He felt weird having a friend. It kind of felt like eating a sticky bun from Sugarcube Corner, only less sticky and with less cinnamon...he quickly decided that it wasn’t anything like a sticky bun. But he still enjoyed it. And he enjoyed sticky buns. So he guessed friendship was like a sticky bun in some sense.

Finally, Nurse Redheart lowered her head. “Fine. You can go.”

“That’s what I thought,” Trixie said with a smirk. She turned away. “Come on, Blue Grass, we’re leaving.” She trotted towards the door, then turned her head. “Blue Grass!”

“What?” Blue Grass said as he was shaken from his reverie. “What happened?”

Trixie pressed her eyes shut, then opened them. “We’re leaving.”

“Oh, okay!” he said. He waved to Redheart. “Thank you!”

“Just get the fuck out of here,” Redheart said.

“Jeez, who pissed in your coffee?”

Redheart pointed towards the door. “Out. Now.”

Blue Grass shrugged and turned towards the door. He took a step, stopped by a shooting pain through his cock. “Ow, shit!”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “What is it now?”

“My dick hurts.”

“Ugh, just walk it off.”

Blue Grass nodded and limped out the door, following Trixie out of the hospital. When they got outside, Blue Grass wrapped Trixie in a tight hug.

“What are you doing?” Trixie asked as she tried fruitlessly to escape the hug.

“You were great in there! You saved my ass from whatever they charge perverts with!”

“I think it’s a sex crime. Now could you please stop hugging me?”

“Why?” Blue Grass asked. “You just saved my ass from a sex crime!”

“Seriously, stop. You’re poking me.”

Blue Grass pulled away. “What? I’m not poking you.” A whirring sound could soon be heard.

“Oh, no,” Trixie said as she backed away, but it was too late as a bright flash went off, blinding both of them, depositing a photograph of a frightened Trixie beneath Blue Grass.

Blue Grass blushed. “Sorry.”

“First order of business is getting that thing under control.” Trixie shook her head. “Ugh, I’m seeing spots now…”

“But my dick hurts!” Blue Grass whined.

“Then we’ll get you some asprin!”

“And I still have a headache!”

“What part of asprin did you not understand?”

“But you have to get the kind with the caffeine in it—”

“—then we’ll get you the kind with the caffeine in it! Alright!?”

Blue Grass lowered his head. “Alright.” He then lifted his head up. “Still, thank you for saving my ass back there.”

Trixie nodded, still dazed from the flash. “It’s not a problem. Anything for a friend, right?”

“Right,” Blue Grass replied as he smiled.

Author's Note

This chapter written in collaboration with my friend Syeekoh.