The Universe is out to Eat me

Entry Log #1778: December 17th, 2783, two weeks after Earth went corrupt.

Something that was supposed to cure cancer backfired and instead slowly proceeded to kill anything in it's path, cancer cells or not. Fortunaly, dedicated scientists managed to find a cure before we all would succumb to losing our cells. But, at that point, most, if not all of the plants had been killed by the 'cancer cure', since it had been spreaded across the world by air, rendering Earth uninhabitable.

Well, while the atmosphere still held some oxigen, the place was too damp, all animals had went into extinction and it would take very long for the few plants that survived to produce fruit for us to eat, so we just stacked foods from reservatories and supermarkets that weren't stolen from the world-wide panic that happened before the disaster, huddled all survivors in a large spaceship and took off.

But, back on topic, a clock we managed to salvage from Earth says we have been flying for two weeks, if not more. It was a relatively boring experience, as none of the engineers had bothered to install a computer or something for teens and children to entertain themselves. Even my Pip-Boy 9000 reassured that.

"Boredom percentage: 100%, suggest doing something to entertain yourself," said Pip-Boy 9000, once again analyzing my body's status.

"I too wish to do that, but somebody forgot to add in a 'fun' section," I told the Pip Boy. Not that it listened, either. The Pip-Boy 9000, just like the previous Pip-Boys, is unable of having a chat with it's wielder, it just warned you of things that were going on with your body, worked as a reminder and had some games in it, however I had completed every single one of the games I liked, and those who have no specific objective got boring.

I sighed, and went to the spaceship's cabin, where dad and his crew was in. Dad is the captain of the spaceship, but I'm not really proud to say this, since his job often gives him no time to actually talk with me, and Mom, well...she died with the 'cancer cure', and I don't like talking about this. Regardless, I hesitantly opened the gate to the spaceship cabin, and was immediatly greeted by the main crew busy in the control room.

They were all busy talking at the same time as another one was talking that it was almost impossible to understand them, though they were seemingly talking about no habitable planets in a 425 parsec radius, and that they should terraform instead, and at the same time that they don't have the resources to terraform, and need to find a pre-habitable planet, or their food supplies would end if they don't.

I sighed, seeing that they wouldn't notice me anytime soon, but as if a miracle happened, they finally acknowledged my existance and turned their heads towards me. One of them was, surprisingly, dad.

"Son? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, I was really bored, so I thought I could find something to do and be useful," I responded flatly. You may not agree with me, but seriously, when you get too bored, even a chore can be entertaining.

"Sorry, son, but this sector here is made to only be operated by adults," he answered with the answer I despise the most - the adult excuse.

"Oh, come on, captain, you almost never spend some time with your son, nor you give him some chance," said the secondary captain. Unlike dad, she was actually not so obsessed with her job, and needless to say we were friends.

"Yeah, capt'n, give him a chance!" suggested the strategist, another crew member that, although not friends, had a positive relationship with. Dad seemed to consider it for a moment, before comming with an answer.

"Fine. If you really want to do something, then I need you to test a new device we have been inventing," he said. "There is a scientist at the lab who has a robot that is in testing stage. As I know how much you like robots, you can offer to test it for a while," he said. I almost literally exploded with happiness and ran across the hall and headed towards the lab.

o.O.o

"Hello, you must be the Captain's son, Ha-" said the scientist, but I interrupted him.

"Please, don't mention my name, I don't like it," I said. Yeah, I don't like my name, and I find it annoying when others keep mentioning it.

"Well, anyway, what brings you here?" he asked.

"Well, dad said the scientist crew had finished making a new robot, and that I could test it," I explained, causing him to chuckle.

"Heh, you and your love of robots. Well, I figured you had became fascinated by a specific robot machine, so we modeled this one after it," explained him as he unfolded the curtains behind him, revealing something familiar.

"You made a F.L.U.D.D.?! How?" I asked as I ran up closer to the water machine.

"Well, turns out one of our scientists is part of Nintendo, and the crew, knowing how Super Mario Sunshine is one of your favourite games, decided to make a working replica of F.L.U.D.D. to accompany you, as you usually feel alone," he explained. F.L.U.D.D.'s head, that was facing downwards, slowly turned up as his handles, that were crossed like folded arms, opened.

"Power-up complete. Thank you for trying out the Beta version of Project F. I am F.L.U.D.D., a Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device," FLUDD explained, keeping me more interested by each second, even though I alterady know what he was. "Preparing to register customer information. Scanning and classifying subject data...subject identified as Ha-" he continued, though I interrupted him.

"Sorry, but I don't really like my name, so please don't mention it," I noted.

"Oh. Sorry, master, I did not know of that," FLUDD apologized.

"Hey, it's alright," I replied as I equipped the sentient water pump.

"Well, I hope you two get along. I got some more important business to take care of, so see ya," said the scientist as he entered the gate leading ot the laborotory.

"Well, it's just you and me, FLUDD. What do you say we literally go on a test run?" I suggested.

"Point taken, we'll use my Turbo Nozzle to speed things up," FLUDD replied. With that, we zapped up ahead, leaving a trail of water behind that was dried away through technology meant to prevent floods.

o.O.o

"Wow, those features are very interesting, especially the Turbo Nozzle," I commented as I recovered from the crash after going too overboard with the Turbo Nozzle.

"I agree, master, but we should go slower to avoid more crashes like this one," FLUDD suggested as I checked my Pip-Boy 9000 to see if I had hit my head too hard, and sighing with relief after seeing that the hit didn't damaged anything critical.

"Well, apparently we are in an escape pod. That explains why the glass hadn't been broken when we crashed in it," I commented. I was about to make my way out before something bad would happen, but unfortunaly, said bad thing happened. I hadn't seen what appeared to be a boot with a small plant on it(don't ask me why it was in there), and, well...I tripped on it, and when I tried to hold onto the wall to break my fall, I ended up pressing the 'EJECT' button.

"Crud."

As soon as I said that, the escape pod's jet engines fired up, and since I wasn't sitting with seatbelts on, I hit the roof hard with my head, hearing one last beep from the Pip-Boy before falling out cold.

INTERMISSION

Life in Ponyville was bright. In fact, it even shimmered. Or shone, if you will. December, the month that snowflakes came from the sky and coated Equestria in a thick, but safe layer of snow. And despite being rather early, there were ponies alterady up and about, some playing in the snow while others just carried on their daily duties.

The morning was going peacefully, but of course, up ahead this peace was short-lived, as a blue pegasus carrying a pot with multiple green flowers streaked through the skies at amazing speeds, catching up with a well-known mailmare.

"Hi, Derpy!" Rainbow Dash waved her right hoof at the cross-eyed gray pegasus and slowed down a bit to not overtake her. Derpy was about to greet her, too, but was interrupted as the two heard a noise. Dash looked upwards, and found a small thing heading straight for her, behind it a large blue mist. Naturally, her body made her open her mouth to gasp, but the thing seemed to fit through her mouth, causing her to gasp.

"Are you alright, Rainbow?" Derpy, despite being one of the clumsiest ponies in Equestria, was also kind, and didn't liked when her friends suffered of something. Dash continued to choke for a bit, before finally managing to swallow the thing.

"I'm fine, Derpy, I probably only swallowed a fly, that's all," Dash reassured Derpy, who seemed to still be a little worried, causing the blue pegasus to sigh. "Don't worry, Derpy, I said I'm fine. Besides, don't you have some mail to deliver?" she asked.

"Yes, I got this...odd load of Poison Joke to deliver to somepony outta town," Derpy looked oddly at her bag, containing six blades of Poison Joke. "And you, what are you going to do with that pot of flowers?" she asked.

"Oh, Fluttershy had handed them to me back when I got the hay fever for me cover my bed with when I went to sleep. She said it would heal me over time, and she apparently was right, as I healed in only two days, so now I'm going to return them," Dash remembered the day she got hay fever. She thought she would never be able to fly again, but fortunaly her friends never left her side and were still there for her. "Anyway, I got to go, I'm in a hurry, cya!" she said as she bolted towards the cottage, Derpy waving at her behind.

I awoke only due to the loud noise that happened outside the escape pod. I got up with a slight headache from the previous collision with the escape pod's roof, and I apparently was still half-asleep until a loud noise awoke the other half of me.

"GURGLE"

"What?! Where?! Who?!" I yelped as I bounced upwards, only for me to hit the roof again(though gentler this time) and fall to the floor, regaining my senses. "Ugh, this totally does not helps my headache," I rubbed my head in despair after it took two punishments. This was like thousands of rhinos of doom pounded my poor head that cries. "Great, now I'm thinking like Fawful, too.." I muttered. F.L.U.D.D. was apparently shut down, as I heard the same powering up sound he made back in the spaceship.

"Master, you may want to check where we landed," F.L.U.D.D. advised. I walked up to one of the pod's windows, and got confused by what I saw.

"We apparently are in an alien cave with some yellowish-green liquid that faintly glows, with some unindentifiable objects floating by...this is the oddest place I have seen," I analyzed the landscape carefully, but with only the lights inside the escape pod, and the very dim light that the liquids offered. F.L.U.D.D. seemed to think that this place was more than meets the eye, however.

"I don't think we are in an alien cave, master, though that isn't to deny the possibility that the landscape we are on is alien," F.L.U.D.D. inspected further around the place. I looked at my Pip-Boy 9000.

Temperature: 37ºC

Oxygen levels: 87%, OK

Speed: 189 km/h

Height: 15.24m

I got a little worried. Obviously, the pod wasn't floating around at 189 kilometers per hour(in fact, I think it wasn't even at five km/h), and if we were in a cave, the height value would be negative, unless the cave was on top of a mountain, but the speed factor overrode the second height possibility.

And to add more worry, suddently there was a loud earthquake that made me panic as the pod jumped up and then came crashing down, causing apparently an earthquake in my(and F.L.U.D.D.'s) perspective. When I looked at the Pip-Boy again, the speed was at 3.5 kilometers per hour, and the height was about just 34 centimeters.

"Okay, this is too weird," I commented as I decided to check the map, not knowing what surprise was in stock for me.

There was just a human sprite in the middle of a spherical-like object, that was the escape pod. I zoomed out and found out that the 'cave' I was in was actually slightly bigger than I thought, as the human sprite that was me became nothing but a tiny dot on the screen, the only thing hinting my presence being the escape pod. Apparently, I came from a narrow tunnel that was almost directly above me, and it seemingly was just large enough for the pod to pass through. There was also another tunnel that led further into the cave, also as large as the upper tunnel, but this one was sealed.

However, what kind of disturbed me was a line on the lower and left sides of the screen. Most of the area that was out of the cave part was black, and the insides of the cave were pink-colored, but out of this line was blue as the sky. I zoomed out even further to see...and realized that F.L.U.D.D. was right about us not being in an alien cave, but the landscape still being alien; I was actually inside an alien! And a familiar one, too!

"Hey, I kind of remember this sillhouete! It looks like those ponies from a show I decided to watch on Pip-Boy 9000 once I got bored...What was it called? I think it was My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic..." I commented, wondering which pony that could be, and being thankful that F.L.U.D.D., being a robot, will not make fun of me for watching that show.

"Master, I think we should focus on getting out right now," F.L.U.D.D. advised, causing me to regain my senses again. I used F.L.U.D.D.'s Hover Nozzle to hover upwards, and held myself onto the hatch on the roof of the pod, causing it to open under my weight. Looking up, I could see the esophagus, blocked by the infamous valve of flesh, but oddly enough, it was kind of bloated, like some sort of button, or switch, itching for me to press it.

Without thinking twice, I swapped to the Rocket Nozzle and blasted upwards. Once I got to the valve of flesh, as if the universe thought it spent enough time without torturing me, my head got stuck onto the bloat, with F.L.U.D.D.'s nozzle struggling not to be bent off.

Eventually, after much struggle to free my head of the inflated valve, the muscles seemed to retract enough for my head to free itself, causing me to fall back inside the escape pod. Suddently, afterwards, the entire stomach began to shake violently, like there was an earthquake going on, and I could faintly hear someone say "I don't feel good...".

"F.L.U.D.D., what's going on?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs(that were alterady sick of having to content themselves with the air of someone's stomach) for my voice not to be drowned under the large noise from the stomach.

"It seems that we are going to be vomited. Better hold tight and close that hatch!" F.L.U.D.D. suggested, and using his Hover Nozzle again, I hovered upwards enough to hold the open hatch, and with a swing, closed it again. Afterwards, when I saw that the stomach was about to expell everything, I attempted to make it towards the seat, but as I said, the universe hated me, so as the pod was shaking violently, I tripped when it slid, and shortly afterwards, everything was expelled out.

o.O.o

I should probably be thankful I didn't hit my head again(just after it was beginning to feel better from being slammed hard against a metal roof twice and afterwards being mashed by a pony's muscle walls), at the cost of a sore back, but fortunaly the escape pod's structure is just bulky enough for it not to be digested by the stomach acids.

The windows in the pod were obstructed by the acid on the other side, but I was still able to open the main gate, that was apparently sideways. I stretched my head out to see where I would be... but I recoiled slightly as two massive ponies' heads flooding into my sky - one yellow and another blue.